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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 6th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MyHeart- I think it's natural as a mom to feel guilt about things we do or don't do for our kids. My first child was very sick and whisked away to the NICU right after birth and stayed there for a week. I did NOT bond with her for a very long time. Months, really. I felt a lot of guilt about that, but now that she's almost 8 years old, I know that she certainly doesn't remember NOT being bonded to me. Sometimes we just need to cut ourselves some slack. You did the very best you could in that situation. You HAD to take care of yourself first so that you could then take care of her. (And she's not going to remember any of it!)

And damn, I can't even imagine my BFF doing that to me. That's just unfathomable to me. I thought my WH's OW was bad enough that she was a coworker (whom I also worked with occasionally), who held my baby (ewww!!!) and played with my kids; she even offered to babysit for us. (Wow, people are really sick.)

And you're so right - You did win! She was second rate, second best, and obviously not worthy of your friendship in the end. And the fact that they were able to continue the affair while your health was in serious jeopardy shows just how sick and insane infidelity is. Wow. Just wow.

Sorry for rambling, but the gist is: enjoy your daughter and the bonding you're doing now. THAT'S what she's going to remember (and so will you).

(And um, can you remind me of all of this when my new baby arrives in October!!!)


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, July 7th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I will try :)

You have no idea how horrible it was with the bond my children had with her. She really was as close as a devoted sister (in my naive eyes), and I treated her that way, and my children treated her that way.

It's weird, my 3rd daughter just turned 5. Its been over a year now since we have talked about her in front of the kids or said anything about her. But the last few days my now 5 year old has referenced her 3 times. I just ignore it.

I said something to WH, he sais "its just a name to her, she wouldn't even recognize her if she seen her"

I don't know. My now 5 year old called her (dee dee) because she has had a bit of a delay with her speech. They had SUCH a close bond, as did my other girls who are now 9 and 8 and clearly remember her but were told to never speak of her by WH.

Then, there is the baby. She only knew the baby until the baby was 5 weeks old and I found out. But up until then she would come over and hold her and help me with laundry because my c-section was a bust (literally) and I had gotten an infection following the surgery (I will tell you that even being only 29, baby #4 turned me into a 90 year old for a little while).

Baby #4 didn't latch well with breast feeding, so OW sat on the couch next to me while I pumped and she held the baby, and we talked.
..........and she probably fantisized about taking my life, or all the "extra curricular" activities her and WH had done on that very couch, or she was resenting me for the fact that he told her he wasn't leaving....

She told a co-worker that once she got out of CNA school, my husband was going to leave me and her and my husband were going to raise baby #4 together.. Oh, she also told them I faked my heart condition so I wouldn't have to work and I could trap WH. She eventually admitted to making this stuff up (first was denial).

It makes me so sick to even think about.

Sorry again for rambling. I will be sure to help remind you to BOND with that new baby coming. I see it will be your 4th as well. I love having the big family. Although sometimes I wonder if WH and I jumped into everything too fast. We got married when I was 20, preg at 21, preg at 22, went to nursing school had 3rd baby at 26, and last one at 29 (he graduated nursing school right before baby #4's conception which I "tricked" him into). The A was already going for over a year when I got pregnant. Boy, was SHE angry.

OK, I am shutting up now.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 8th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't even imagine the heartache of dealing with the breaking of such a strong bond with your former-BFF. And knowing that your kids felt it (even for a short time). Ugh!

This fourth baby was a HUGE surprise for us. We found out just a few days after I found out that it was a PA and then prostitutes. It's been very surreal. A huge blessing, but very difficult to accept as real, if that makes sense.


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, July 8th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh man, that is horrible. It's funny how we can never imagine being in one another's shoes (I can;t even think of having this coming down on me WHILE being pregnant)

Yet we are ALL in each others shoes.

I totally get the surreal versus real.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
phoenix34
♀ New Member
Member # 32007
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, July 10th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so sad reading all this. I feel very bitter at my husband for "spoiling" (that seems like an understatement) what should have been a magical time for us. When it comes to BF's being involved, I can't believe how manipulative and selfish some people are capable of being. I could only console myself in the face of that kind of behaviour that these people must have had some truly bad stuff happen to them to be so incapable of genuine love. That woman will clearly never be able to really love a friend or partner because she is capable of such vile behaviour to those close to her. So she loses big time.

I used to worry constantly that all the stress and trauma during my pregnancy would impact on my little one. So often I would cry and cry and cry and I was concerned that whatever I felt, she felt. She was two weeks late being born and I was convinced it was because she didn't want to come out and meet her awful, miserable parents. When I first found out I was pregnant I was in such a state I didn't even know if I wanted her. It makes me feel sick to admit it, and later in the pregnancy I was sure she had sensed that and didn't want to know me. However, I've heard that tears contain lots of stress hormones, so actually by crying you relieve the pressure, which is why you sometimes feel better after a good cry. So really, when you have a good sob you may well be getting rid of all those sad hormones and saving them from getting to baby.
I can only tell you that from birth my baby was the most contented, cheerful, lovely little creature and the sadness I was so worried about seems to have had no effect on her whatsoever. So really, don't worry about that but just look after yourself as best you can.

Myheart - it must be awful for you looking back on the early days with your baby but all you can do is focus on your relationship with her now. It's amazing that you have turned that around and are now bonding with her. I believe bonding with your children is a process that should last a lifetime, not something that happens once at birth and is set for life. I am sure you will be able for forge a wonderful relationship with her as time goes by.


Starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now!

Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: UK
nocturneinblue
♀ New Member
Member # 32704
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, July 13th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 6 months pregnant when the A came to light. I used it as a distraction to keep from dealing. I was having his baby after all, not her.
I love my little guy with all my heart. That is one thing I wouldn't change. But he is no longer a distraction to the situation. Just a beautiful reminder of the good things in life.


Me: BS 38
Him: WH 30 (fortomorrow)
DDay# 1 Fall 2007
DDay# 2 August 18, 2010
OW #1: age unknown to me, cyber/phone
OW# 2: age unknown, PA, co worker & future former girlfriend
1child together, son 9 months
1 step daughter, 19 years old.


Posts: 33 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: colorado
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, July 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love my little guy with all my heart. That is one thing I wouldn't change. But he is no longer a distraction to the situation. Just a beautiful reminder of the good things in life.

Well said, nocturneinblue!

---

I'm having some worries/doubts recently. It's almost like when things start seeming really good, I doubt myself (probably b/c I felt crazy during the A when I thought something was up but FWH denied).

And because my husband is also an SA, I'm worried about the postpartum period a lot. He says that he just has to work his program, that it's not something I can control, that it's something he has to work on and worry about for himself. And while he's right, I still worry.

His PA started six weeks after our last baby was born. :( Just makes me sad and worried about this little one coming in October. BUT . . . I also realize how strong I am and that this baby is a blessing.

I still hate the uncertain feelings though. Thanks for letting me vent.


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
phoenix34
♀ New Member
Member # 32007
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 29th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if this is relevant, but I always start to get a bit panicky when things seem to be going well. I think it is a defense mechanism, as though your mind won't quite let you just relax and enjoy the good times in case you get hurt again. Do you think that is similar to how you feel? It sounds as though you are coping really well with it though.


Starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now!

Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: UK
red_bird
♀ New Member
Member # 32983
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm glad i found this thread.. i could use others in similar shoes are mine to share stories and get advice from.

my story is on my profile. what it boils down to is that H was polyamorous the first few years of our marriage. it nearly ended our marriage a number of times. last winter he had his first full blown "affair", Dday was in january. we have been trying to work on things ever since. its been mostly good until recently.

we have been trying to get pregnant on and off for years now. last year i had two miscarriages. the second one was especially hard emotionally, i ended up in the hospital the night i miscarried, H was out with OW, i just knew something like that was going on. i had to call his parents to bring me to the hospital.

anyhow... we have been working on things, its been mostly better. we finally got pregnant again, i am now 3 months along. the last few weeks have been very rough though, i worry that he is hiding things from me again. i have been anxiety attacks, crying until i don't know what to do with myself. have had very dark thoughts, even suicide. and then the next day things are looking up, and we are close, and its like nothing is going on. the ups and downs are very hard on me right now.

i started weekly IC last week; we are starting regular MC soon too. going through this right now, while finally pregnant, thinking we have finally overcome all these things, left the past behind, finally moving on with our lives... i feel terrified sometimes.

i can't help but wonder, "what will i do if i find out he is lying to me / cheating on me"... and the answer is, i would leave him. my heart breaks and i cannot even stand the thought...


Posts: 33 | Registered: Aug 2011
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix34:
Not sure if this is relevant, but I always start to get a bit panicky when things seem to be going well. I think it is a defense mechanism, as though your mind won't quite let you just relax and enjoy the good times in case you get hurt again. Do you think that is similar to how you feel? It sounds as though you are coping really well with it though.

Thanks! Yes, that makes perfect sense. So true. I don't want to get hurt and then be mad at myself for letting down my guard. I talked with FWH about it and he was great. It's amazing how good some honesty can make you feel!!

{{{{red_bird}}}}

Big hugs to you! I'm so sorry for your losses. I too had a miscarriage and that alone is such an incredible trauma to get through . . . then getting through infidelity AND pregnancy . . .well, I hope you know how strong you already are!!

i started weekly IC last week; we are starting regular MC soon too. going through this right now, while finally pregnant, thinking we have finally overcome all these things, left the past behind, finally moving on with our lives... i feel terrified sometimes.

i can't help but wonder, "what will i do if i find out he is lying to me / cheating on me"... and the answer is, i would leave him. my heart breaks and i cannot even stand the thought...

I'm so glad to hear that you are in IC and will soon be in MC. I think that will be so helpful to your healing process and pregnancy. I know our MC has helped a lot.

As for the wondering what you would do . . .it's hard not to think like that. We've been hurt so much and now we also have a little one to protect and love.

For me, I found that saying absolutes like that (that I would definitely do this or that if something else was discovered) just made me crazy and feel so anxious. So then I changed my thinking to just setting the boundary and then leaving the consequences until when/if those boundaries were crossed. So basically, my FWH knows that I WILL take action if certain lines are crossed within our relationship, within our marriage; but I reserve the right to determine WHAT that action will be if that ever happens.

Again, for me, that just helped me feel less anxious about worrying about what I'd do if/when something happens. I gained some control back is the way I look at it. It's helped me, so maybe it'll help you too.

---

I'm feeling closer and closer to my FWH lately . . .and closer to this baby too. The thought finally occurred to me that baby girl has been with me since the moment (nearly literally!!) that I discovered my FWH's PA. She's been my companion through this, and I'm blessed to have her.

Ah, or is it the hormones that are making me all sappy?!


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 18th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in on folks!

Worth More: I think you had your little one last week. I hope everything went smoothly, baby is healthy, and YOU are doing great! Just thinking of you!


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
exhaustedmum
♀ New Member
Member # 33152
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, August 23rd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hiya,

I am pregnant with number 4. We have 3 other kids - 6,5 and 3 years old, so very young. I just found out my WS was having an EA and PA and my whole world has just crashed. We have been together for 10 years, married 6 yrs. I cannot eat, sleep or think straight. It's not fair on the baby and I know i feel bad for it. I am 32 weeks pregnant.
Any advice on how to get through the next few weeks would be great. I have nobody to talk to and just feel like my life has ended.

Thank you.


me - 31
ws - 37
Married 6 years, together 10 yrs
3 kids - 6, 5 and 3. #4 due in october 2011
DD EA june 2011, Lots of detective work he admitted PA july 2011
Current status-can i live with this?

Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: UK
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 23rd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{exhaustedmum}}}}

Big hugs to you! We're about the same stage in our pregnancies -- I'm 33 weeks, due Oct. 7, with our fourth too!

I know it's hard, but you need to force yourself to eat and drink so that the baby and YOU are OK. I know you don't feel like you can and your mind is elsewhere, but make sure you get plenty of fluids and food. You need your strength for the baby and so you can be strong through this ordeal.

Have you talked to your OB or midwife? You can ask them to keep your information private, but they might have some meds they can offer you to help with the anxiety and sleeplessness. I found out about my FWH's PA several days before we found out we were prego. My midwife was wonderful and so helpful and caring.

I would highly recommend finding a counselor/therapist as well. Our MC was so helpful through this. You need support right now!!

Is your WH wanting to reconcile and make amends to you? Do you want to reconcile with him? It's a lot to think about right now, on top of dealing with pregnancy and three other kids, so don't pressure yourself into making big decisions if you aren't ready yet. (And a good MC or IC could be a big help here!)

You're not alone. Post on SI to get the extra support you need. Huge hugs for you!

My FWH was willing to work VERY HARD to reconcile and make amends to me. He's also an SA (sex addict), which we learned through the MC process. We've made a lot of progress since January, and I see the man I married again.

I guess I just want to reassure you that reconciliation is possible, but if that's not what you want . . . you should know how incredibly strong you are already. You'll be able to make your way through this. You really will. Just take care of yourself and your baby as best as you can. And ask for help as you need it. Be good to yourself.


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
janett123
♀ New Member
Member # 33307
Frustrated  Posted: 12:29 PM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

My husband has started coming home later and having crappy excuses all the time. We have been married for 5 years and together for 10. Things have never been weird until now. A couple days ago I went threw his cell phone and seen a number that wasnt right. Ever since he has been guarding his phone like a hawk so I want to go a step further. I recently came across the website [url=http://www.spymember.com/amember/go.php?r=49&i=l0/] spymember.com[/url] and am thinking about spying on his cell phone. I know I can catch him in the act but not sure if this would be crossing the line? My only problem is we have a child and one on the way.My children are my first concern. Im worried its my hormones getting the best of me. Im 6 mnths along. and stress is the last thing i need. I dont know if its best to take a blind eye or to investigate further?


Posts: 1 | Registered: Sep 2011
Mamato3
♀ Member
Member # 29624
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, September 10th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Janett123))) Sending you big hugs!

Basically, my thought would be trust your gut. If you think something is up, it probably is. Sure, maybe not to the extent that you can imagine, but having been through an EA and then the discovery of a PA, I've learned to trust my gut. I know, that's not much help, but just my opinion.

My FWH and I are in reconciliation and doing well, so there is hope even if you discover your husband is having an EA or PA.

Take care of yourself and the baby first and foremost, as well as your other child. Again, big hugs.

------

Our antiversary of the discovery of the EA is this coming Tuesday, Sept. 13. It'll be one year. Honestly, I'm not too worried about it (more worried about when we reach January and have to face the PA antiversary) . . .but I think I might be in early labor, so I'm stressing myself out thinking that baby girl could come this week! Yikes!


Me - BW - 38
Him - FWH (and SA) - 39
2DDs (8&1), 2DSs (6&3)
1st D-day: 09.13.10 (admitted to EA)
2nd D-day: 01.31.11 (admitted to PA; almost two years with CW)
3rd D-day: 02.01.11 (admitted to more)
Working our SA/SAnon program

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2010
phoenix34
♀ New Member
Member # 32007
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, September 17th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all,
Sorry I've not been on for so long. I'm back at work full time as of last month so finding any time to do anything is almost impossible. Baby is due to wake from her nap any minute so just trying to quickly catch up.

To those of your pregnant and going through the stress of discovering D-Day - it is horrible, I know! Just do the best you can to eat and rest. Remember your baby will get the nutrients they need from you, so if you don't eat you will just end up even more tired. I know it is easy to say and hard to do but just eat little and often if you can, and drink plenty of fluids. I found making smoothies helped and just sipping them throughout the morning as I knew I was getting some goodness then without feeling too sick. You need your strength when the baby is born, and remember how food can have massive impact on your mood so if you are under-nourished you are only going to feel more sad. I recommend a good multi-vitamin and omega three oil capsule to get you through as well. You are not alone - post on here for support and get help. Tell your midwives what is happening so they can help you, get counselling if you can, and read. talk to friends and family if you trust them and are happy for them to know. Tell them you're going to need lots of support once baby arrives. Ask them not to forget about you or assume that once you;ve got your baby you will be okay.

If you're anything like me you'll worry the sadness you feel is affecting your baby. I was so concerned about this, but she was fine. She is a very happy girl, was contented from birth, so it doesn't necessarily follow that your baby will be sad because you are. But the more love and support you have, the more you will be able to cope with your baby's need for your love and affection. Let yourself cry as much as you like - I've heard it helps release the hormones that are related to low mood, so means less of those hormones are in your system.

And just so you know, things can get better. My baby will be one in a couple of weeks, and really I think we're nearly there in terms of putting all this crap behind us. You can and will be able to deal with having a little baby whilst repairing your relationship, or yourself if you decide to split. If your partner is communicative keep talking about how you are feeling and keep listening too. You'll have steps forward and steps back but overall you'll find things get a little bit easier as time passes.


Starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now!

Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: UK
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, September 17th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone!

Been awhile since I posted in here. I am so sorry to those of you that are new to this thread.

Mam: The days are getting closer girl! I remember I'm supposed to remind you of something

Janett: watch his cellphone. There is nothing wrong with verifying what he is doing. Especially when it feels wrong. I became pregnant with number baby #4 after fWH had already been in his LTA with my xBFF for over a year. They continued the affair throughout the entire pregnancy (which was BULL since I was diagnosed with a hole in the heart, H1N1, and had to be put off work... still thos selfish a-holes didn't care). dday was when the baby was 5 weeks old. Talk about pain. I didn't hold her or look at her for 2 days. Please try to verify. Those crazy emotions are no better after the baby has been born, imo.

Exhausted: You and I have such a similar family scenario from me reading your post. My two big kids had just turned 8 and 7 a month before the baby was born and my third daughter was 3. We also were getting ready to celebrate 10 years together. His affair was long term as I mentioned above and with my best friend of toddlerhood (we were like sisters through out all of life).

I know that pain so well. It's beyond devestating. If any of you ever want to PM me, feel free.

((hugs)) to all!


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
luvedmypbear
♀ Member
Member # 25690
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, September 18th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to poke in and say hello.


My xfwh and I had our son in 2007 followed by our daughter in 2008. While I was 8 months pregnant with DD, PA began and x passed along BV which caused the premmature birth of our daughter and her subsequent early struggles.

I found out about the PA with my former friend, MOW and we separated for 10 months. We moved in together and tried R (he is and was an alcoholic and had stopped drinking but was inconsistent with AA and has begun drinking again).

He became physically violent in April 2010, we divorced Aug 2010. I had moved 2000 miles for his job and opted to get my own place within a mile of his so we could co parent our kids.

He seemed to be doing better and so was I.

We started hanging out casually and enjoying one another's company this past spring and I confirmed my third pregnancy in August (about 13 weeks along right now).

He is drinking again, no chance at R at this point and I am still trying to heal from his PA.

SO, I am a farily new parent (4 and 3 yr olds) and pregnant and hoping to support others as I also struggle along through this mess.

Sending everyone a gigantic hug.


D-Day July 14, 2009
3 kids (B7, G6, B2)
BW, 37
D and healing, one day at a time

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Sep 2009
wantmyfamilyback
♀ Member
Member # 33676
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, October 19th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me, 27, and my WH, 29, are expecting our 2nd child in February. About 5 weeks ago, he went out drinking with some friends and didn't come home until 8:30 am! I was infuriated and kicked him out. He came back the next day and told me he had slept with someone else. I, of course, was devastated. He left to stay with his parents and I was a complete wreck, begging and pleading with him every day. He was completely emotionless. Once he couldn't stand living with his parents anymore, he started couch surfing, then staying with his ONS OW. About 2 weeks later, he said he missed his family. I was reading the Divorce Remedy and praying for the best. I let him back in. Biggest mistake. He might have been on the brink of remorse, but wasn't quite there yet. He came back and pretending like nothing had ever happened. I started getting really bad anxiety and finally found his secret facebook account that he had been using to keep in contact with OW. I was heart broken again. I gave him the ultimatum, me or her. He said he wanted to be with me and that he knew things had to change. Well, I was sick of hearing the same old BS, so I said either you choose to not want anything to do with her or you should leave. He said he couldn't trust himself, so I told him he needed to leave. After repeating myself about 3 times. He grabbed a few things and left. I knew he had gone straight to the OW place. I called him in the morning to see if he could bothering himself by going to my ultrasound appointment. But knowing that he was with her and hearing the completely disregard for me and his family in his voice and said you are no longer welcome at the doc visits or in the hospital. I told him to come pick up divorce papers. He came and picked up his clothes and hung up his key and is now LIVING with the OW. Some stupid whore he has only known for a month. Wonder how long that is going to last? They both seem desperate enough, so who knows. I cannot believe that this is my husband of 7 years! I can't believe he could just walk out on my and our DD who is just 2 years old. I kept such hope alive for reconciliation, even after what he has put me through, but he has become an emotionless robot who must only care about his own temporary pleasure. What is wrong with his head right now?


Me= BS 28
WH= 30
2 OWs
D-Day 1= 7/?/10
D-Day 2= 9/23/11
D-Day 3= 10/16/11
M= almost 9 years
K= DD 2 & DS 6 months
Status= changes almost daily.

Posts: 256 | Registered: Oct 2011
Wowthanks
♀ New Member
Member # 33604
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, November 15th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all.

I belong here too, I guess. We have an 8 month old and I'm 4 months pregnant. Found out about the affair at about 10 weeks.

It was an online/EA/phone sex/texting type. It lasted for a span of about 2.5 years, though in a condensed form, only a total of about 6 months. Still horrible that the deception went on so long :(

He ended it about a year ago, and has been working on himself since. I've only known for about 2 months. We have been in MC for over a year (I thought to make sure we were on the same page before baby #1 came, but boy, was there more than that!) an are reconciling, but it's just so hard.

This current pregnancy was unplanned, I am very type A, so this bothers me immensely. I'm having a hard time with motherhood as it is for baby #1, working a stressful professional job full time. Now, with the affair coming into light, I think I'm suffering from postpartum depression, or maybe just depression? Going to talk to my OB about it this week, just wanted to reach out for help from others who've been here before.


BS-Me, 29
WH- him, 29
EA/phone sex crap on and off for 2.5 years!
OW- some skank from an online game
DD-10/1/11
DS- 8 months old, expecting baby #2 in May

Working on this every day, in the process of reconciling.


Posts: 6 | Registered: Oct 2011
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