You'll find kindred spirits in this thread but if you need immediate support post your story in the Just Found Out forum. That forum moves a little faster than this thread.
He completely compartmentalized. He was loving, supportive and doting during the pregnancy and the last two months of our daughter's life.
I can't help but feel that all of that doting was guilt-driven. He is a provider and continues to be, but I am spiteful because I want a partner.
I think he had NC, and he's not committed to MC yet. I feel so completely betrayed that I can't imagine raising our child together. He left us BOTH to be with another woman, and I just want to protect our baby. While he isn't a perfect father, he is trying really hard. I can't let myself leave her alone with him, however. Maybe its because his priorities are screwed up and I can't trust him, but maybe it's my way of punishing him for walking away from us.
How do I allow him to be a father when we aren't sure if we are going to R or D?
fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009
I am 4.5 months out from d-day and I just found out that I am 7 weeks pregnant.
Hubby and I are doing very well with r'ing but I have to say that I am really really scared of him leaving...he has been good about reasuring me that he won't but the fear is so real I can't shake it sometimes.
Read my profile for my tidbits
Any advice is welcomed
I don't know if I qualify as a 'new parent' as my twins are 17 months old, but I thought I'd post. He moved out when they were 14 months old. But he recently told me that his EA last summer, when the babies were 8-9 months old, probably would've went PA had he had the opportunity.
Oh yea, we tried for them for four years - and I've felt like a single parent since they were born.
Being a single parent sucks.
Our little one is three months old now and he chose to move out when I told him that he would have to stop bar-going (this is where he met the OW). He this is totally unreasonable, and I don't know how to explain that he NEEDS to be here in order to make this family work. He thinks if the baby and I have fallen asleep then he should be able to go out drinking and I think that is BS. Can't get through to him, though, since he thinks I'm just spitefully punishing him.
He's a new dad, so he hasn't had a chance to really bond with our baby and see why a family is the greatest gift ever.
I'm 90% sure that I want a divorce. I think it's best for my little girl to see a happy health mommy who would rather live alone than compromise herself for a selfish and immature man. I feel guilty for being the one to make that call, though. How will I tell her someday that it was for the best?
holland - my DD is just over 14 months. the OC is about 9 mos. the 180 is hard, i feel so mean when he comes over, but the more i wait to see if he's really ever going to get it, the more removed and reserved i get. it's like instead of fighting for me as he thinks he's losing me, he looks like he's deciding "there's only so much i can do, poor me."
he's a good dad, and i hope he stays that way. he has the potential to flake pretty hard if he gives up. now he's probably got another DD who may never be so darling to him if he can help it. he doesn't even like OW.
these last couple of weeks and mother's day have been hard. i couldn't help but think he was going to sweep me away with some "mother of my child" gesture or speech... he used to be so good at that stuff...and when he didn't, i kept thinking cynically, "well i guess that's not really so special for you is it?"
his A during my 8th month of pregnancy and the resulting OC has been too much for me. i can't believe how much of motherhood is tainted (right now) by the trail of broken dreams he's laid. i know the rewards will far outweigh what he's taken from me, but right now, there's just so much loss and sadness, for me, for her. if i didn't have DD1, i can tell you my reaction to all of this would be VERY different. i've got some self-destructive tendancies - some fun, some not, all put away for the sake of my perfect toddler.
it's still all so shocking everyday. i already miss my in-laws, going to their house up north in the summer, and his friends. so many damn things. we were the "perfect couple." yep.
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
I found out because OW #2 decided to email me details of the affair
She proceeded to write me and got angry when I called her out for being an angry bitter women whose life is not going well(she broke up with her boyfriend the day before). I ended up in the hospital that day due to overwhelming stress. My OB is still really concerned because of the stress. But by the grace of God baby is healthy. Ultrasound showed he are having another boy last friday
I am in IC to help with the stress and am pretty lucky that my WS is doing everything to help keep my stress down. I am not worried that he is seeing her she lives over an hour away and was fired from their place of employment a couple of weeks after the ended the A due to drug use. He is always here even though I am completely hormonal and dealing with this.
Still ticks me off that she thought she loved him. He had sex with her on his 30 min lunch break and they had to drive to a park so no one knew. It only happened a few times he says 2 she says a few so I am saying 3. He always came home to me I needed the car to get to work and he was always home on time.
Emotions are less now because I know I need to be relaxed for baby.
He is a blessing even though I fought it all the way. I am naming him after my uncle and closest cous.in that have passed in the last 2 years
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
take care like you are. you sound good. try not to worry about a thing, you have plenty of time for that. be totally selfish, as tender as you can to yourself and let him help you as much as he will... unless he doesn't, in which case, you can tell him where to go. you can make decisions whenever you want, down the road when/if you are ready. if he can handle your emotions, stick by you for the next, let's say, year while your hormones freak out and settle down... i'd think that would grow back some faith that would be useful if you try to truly R and deal with this later. of course, you'd also be justified in taking advantage of his support and then booting him as far as you'd like.
do you have some other family support or anything? as always, my advice is meant more as encouragement and hugs than anything. i mean, i'm here asking questions too. but there are so many people here for you. let us know how you are doing from time to time if you can :)
I have alot of support from my church family though so many have offered to help already. I feel lucky to have them supporting me either way I choose. They say it is all up to me. They have even told my husband you do what ever it takes to make sure baby and i are ok. This is your mess and you have to deal with it.
So I have plenty of support, I also have a couple of really close friends from church that have been through this both on the R side and D side of this.
twicedestroyed - certainly no one would blame you for "using him up" and then taking back your life. God knows he's tried to use up your grace and forgiveness quite a few times. you and me - we can just hug our little ones for now, eh?
Baby Ray has a touch of colic at night between 9 pm -1 am. He is crying right now, I have learned to deal with it by myself because my H works nights.
I started antidepressant right after birth because of the stress. IC is going good and MC is alright still on the fence as to what to do. H has done everything right and is trying to figure out in IC as to why he would has the issues that led to the A.
Here.I.am take it one day at a time. Try not to think that far into the future it will consume you. When I started to think about what I was going to do long term I would be miserable for days. I learned to live moment to moment, it is what got me through my pregnancy. I hope you have a worry free pregnancy and a healy baby at the end of it.