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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
NewMama08
♀ Member
Member # 19532
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, October 22nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If someone truely loves you how could they cheat on you when you are pregnant and then lie about it? Is he just staying with me for the baby? Can a marriage ever overcome this?

I ask myself this all the time. WH and I were trying to conceive when he started his PA/EA. It lasted from before we conceived until our baby was 3 weeks old, when I found some emails. How can someone bring a child into a marriage when he doesn't know if he wants to be married? How can someone put the health of their pregnant wife and unborn baby at risk? So selfish. So thoughtless. So hurtful.
I have no answers for you, but I completely understand how you feel. I don't know if a marriage can survive it. I'm sure there have been some, but I don't know if mine will be one of them.


FBW (Me)-30
FWH- 29 (WorstChoicesEver)
2 1/2-year old daughter
D-day- April 27, 2008
Working on R

Posts: 229 | Registered: May 2008 | From: NY
kiko
♀ New Member
Member # 20461
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, October 23rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those who don't know my story. I'm from a french country and SI is the only place that gave me confort when i found out that my fiance was cheating on me 2 months before our wedding day.
I was devastated and of course i canceled everything. At the beginning we was still in contact and we had sex because of all the emotions flow and i was in major fog.

Now 4 months after D-Day i was considering reconciliated only if his IC will show us the deeper reasons of his infidelity and his need of the other women. I was truly giving us a years to see if there's any chance for us.

But now, i found out that i am pregnant. And i just don't know what to do. I know that he is the same man that cheated on me, even if he's showing remorse. He seems very sincere right now.... BUT he's a serial cheater who need help. And with a baby on the way i don't think that he will have a serious opportunity and time to work on him self.

I'm so scared. I'm trapped because i don't know if i can get a abortion And i don't know if i will get support from my family and church ( they all advised me to run the other way and i didn't listen ).

I don't want to leave this life, it's so messy. I can't believe that i put myself in this crazy situation. how can i rase a child if i can't take care of my self ?

What can i do ?



Posts: 30 | Registered: Jul 2008
MollyJo
♀ Member
Member # 18820
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, October 27th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have that baby. Even if you dump your ex-fiance, you won't regret having had his child.


Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 219 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
wmrs526
♀ Member
Member # 21348
Cool  Posted: 1:17 PM, October 27th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kiko, I'm going to tell you exactly what I told my WBF when I found out at 5 months: There's not much to do in the next 4 months but buys stuff for the baby, so there's plenty of time to find a MC and go once a week! He hasn't... But I've made up my mind that if he's not putting actual effort, not just talk, by the time I'm done healing from my inevitable C-section, I'm packing my kids and things and leaving. I've even been working out the exit strategy with one of my friends who is willing to help if it comes to that.

Frankly, I just think that we multitask a lot as women, why can't they focus on growing up while they prepare for baby?!!!


D-Day 09/20008-10/2008 @ 5 months pregnant
me-27/him-49
4yrs unmarried
2 DD's ages 3 and 2

~I was too busy admiring his halo when my angel fell from grace~


Posts: 696 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Brooklyn, NY
Momuv4
♀ Member
Member # 17798
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does a man cheat continuously during his wife's pregnancy and think its ok? I just don't get it.

5 weeks before I had baby I found out they were together. I was so upset I ended up in the hospital in early labor. H promised no more contact and it was over. I think he didn't want me to shut him out of her birth so he just told me that. Shortly after she was born I kept findingmore and more contact. Finally kicked him out.

How does a man do this? He now has a beautiful 7 month old daughter that he sees less than 2 hours per week total!


Me: 44,H: 35,Married 1 year
Divorced 07, pregnant right after.
Thought we were in R, wrong!
H still involved with OW 2/08
H said he was committed
3/08 Little Girl Born!
7/08 DUI and found contact with OW
Kicked him out!
Trying to rebuild

Posts: 972 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: California
doublebetrayal
♀ New Member
Member # 21499
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, November 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

8 mos pregnant w/ baby #3.

just found out on saturday night that my husband had one night "fling" (supposedly no sex) with one of my best friends.

he had the fling on saturday night. i called his cell and it answered w/o him knowing and i heard their "after the fact" conversation about whether he would tell me, blah, blah, blah.

i understand everyone now feeling their pregnancy/the baby is tainted.

this is still very early for me and i am on a roller coaster of emotions. we will try to reconcile, but my trust is definitely blown.

i am still in shock, as i literally never would have believed my husband or my friend would have done this to me. it still feels surreal.

my husband has already called a counselor and we are looking to set up an appointment asap.

i posted the long version of my story in the "just found out" thread if anyone is interested in giving advice.

my image of the purity of our marriage is shattered.


D-day - November 2, 2008
Me(BS) - 31
Him(WS) - 29
OW - former best friend
2 beautiful kids together w/ a 3rd on the way...

Posts: 8 | Registered: Nov 2008
wmrs526
♀ Member
Member # 21348
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, November 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ADVICE NEEDED!

I posted yesterday (in this link: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=261515&HL=21348) about my BF not telling his mom about the baby we're having and later I confronted him and asked why, if he figured it'd be a problem, would he chose to have a mixed baby? He claims that's not it; he really just doesn't want to shock his mother with the news of the baby!!!

Who wouldn't be glad that their 47 yr old son is having a baby???


he hasn't given me a good excuse so far... should I demand he tell her?


D-Day 09/20008-10/2008 @ 5 months pregnant
me-27/him-49
4yrs unmarried
2 DD's ages 3 and 2

~I was too busy admiring his halo when my angel fell from grace~


Posts: 696 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Brooklyn, NY
kezabian
♀ Member
Member # 21138
Default  Posted: 4:13 AM, December 20th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was given a date for my C-section this week. I'll be having our second child on the 2nd January. My husband started his a while I was 4 months pregnant. I will never understand how he could do that to me.

He is currently decorating our bedroom and rushing to get everything ready in tim for the baby. We still have not bought everything we are going to need and I blame the A totally for this. He didnt even acknowledge the fact that I was pregnant until after D-Day. Not only did I not exist but the child I was carrying didnt exist either

I have had THE worst time of my life recently, trying to deal with being heavily pregnant and the fact that my H had the A, as well as the fact that he was treating very badly this time last week - I truly thought I was in the middle of some kind of breakdown.

The memory of this pregnancy is forever going to be something that causes so much pain. It has been tainted by my Hs A and nothing will ever change that. I just hope that when I have had my baby I can finally start to move forward.


Me - BS 33.
Him - FWH 30.
Married 4 years together for 7.
D-Day 28/09/08.
One child age 5 - Chloe.
Baby due Jan 09.

Posts: 204 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Wolverhampton UK
Zinnia
♀ Member
Member # 21679
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, December 20th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kiko, keep your baby. My WH cheated on me while I was pregnant with our now 7-month-old and I don't regret having her for one moment. I'd take her over him any day! She's an absolute joy and I thank God/existence/the universe for her every day. I understand feeling trapped but you're truly not. You have a gift growing inside you that he will never understand. Just take care of yourself and focus on the amazing life you're creating - bringing a child into the world is the greatest honor I've ever experienced. I had two abortions back in college and would take them back in a heartbeat if I could. They are the deepest, most painful regrets of my life. Honestly, you will love that baby more than you ever loved another person in your life. I never knew the depths of my love until I had my first child.


FBW (me) - 41
Two lovely daughters - 5 and 8
Happily remarried and have a baby boy with new hubby

Posts: 205 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Colorado
Zinnia
♀ Member
Member # 21679
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, December 20th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kezabian, I just found out that my WH was having an affair and sleeping with prostitutes throughout my pregnancy with our youngest DD and while I know I will never be able to forget his actions, I don't regret one moment of my pregnancy or the early months of her life.

It's definitely painful, but my DD makes it easier. I've feared that my pregnancy and the early months of her life will always be tainted for me but now I'm not so sure. Obviously, I'll always know what really happened but my DD is so worth any pain I may feel that I don't feel as if I've lost anything. She is beautiful, adorable, affectionate, snuggly, sweet and wonderful. I just feel blessed to have her. If there is anyone who is missing out, it's WH.

[This message edited by Zinnia at 11:47 PM, December 20th (Saturday)]


FBW (me) - 41
Two lovely daughters - 5 and 8
Happily remarried and have a baby boy with new hubby

Posts: 205 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Colorado
sohurt&tired
♀ Member
Member # 22239
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, January 1st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad I found this thread. I found out about WH's A July 2008 and got pregnant with our 3rd child in October. I am now 13 weeks. I wish I could be happy about this, but I am not. He is. As far as I know (and I do check often), the A has been over since the day I found out. I just feel stupid for letting this happen right now. We're trying to R, but I feel that I'll never be able to forgive him. Now this baby will make it even harder if I do decide I need him to leave.

I'm also worried that all the stress I've been under will damage the baby somehow. I have a very hard time dealing with the A, especially since I have to see the OW several times a week right now (her daughter is on my 12 year old DD's basketball team and my WH is the coach- long story). I hate her so much and I'm afraid that all the hate and rage I feel him harm the baby. I just can't make it stop.


BS-Me:33
WS-Him:39
M 13 years, together 16
Kids: 3 girls- 12 & 3 and 3 months
D-Day: July 8, 2008
LTA: 11/07-07/08
OW: Trailer Trash Skank with 3 kids
Trying to R

Posts: 63 | Registered: Dec 2008
preggo n betrayd
♀ New Member
Member # 22682
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found out about my H's A 3 nights ago. I'm almost five months pregnant, and the OW claims she's now pregnant with my H's baby! Since D-Day, I can't eat, drink, sleep... I went to the ER Wed. night after finding out due to contractions and the stress. I was told just now that I should be going again since I still can't eat or drink. I don't know what I'm going to do. He says he's sorry, but how can anyone forgive a six month long relationship; it was both emotional and sexual! I don't know how to survive this...


Will I survive???

BS (me)- 26
WH- 28
M- 4 yrs
Together- 7 yrs
Kids- 2 D- 1 & 3
Pregnant- DD 7/07/09
OW- also pregnant!
D-Day- 1/28/09

Status... ??CONFUSED??


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2009
emptty
New Member
Member # 22720
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly Im joining this club. I have 7 weeks to go before my second baby comes. I found out two days ago of my husbands affair that lasted 9 months. He got her pregnant at the same time I got pregnant and made her get an abortion. I am scared of the future whatever way it turns out. I dont know if I love him anymore. He says he loves me and wants us to work it out. He has shut me out of his life for years not and I just dont see a total personality change coming any time soon. So confused and alone. I can barely breathe. Let alone take care of myself and two year old.


Me: BS, 27
Him: WS, 27
D-Day: 2/1/09
Married: 4 years, together 7
Kids: 2 years old and 8 months pregnant
Status: barely breathing

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2009
crushedlpn09
♀ New Member
Member # 22551
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, February 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To everyone in this forum, I am sorry that we are here.
None of us deserve what our WH/SO have done to us.
I found out about my WH's 3 ONS and EA just a month ago and it's been a terrible roller coaster of emotions.
This week has been incredibaly hard because I'm starting to feel like I will never be able to forgive him.
That means that I will most likely need to raise my 2 year old daughter and this new baby (I'm 5 months pregnant) on my own.
I will most likely have a C-section in June. I plan to stay with him until I've healed from the C-section.

In the mist of my sadness, I have found comfort in my daugher and my baby, who is now kicking every day-ALL day. They keep me strong and remind me how blessed I am to have them.
I've decided this pregnancy is not tainted. My WH is not valuable enough to taint all the glory and miracle of this baby moving inside of me. I will not allow my WH's actions ruin the memory of one of the most precious moments of my life.


BW (me) 33
WH 41
2yr daughter, 4months pregnant
DDay 1-02-09

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: New England
badlyhurting
♀ Member
Member # 18915
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, February 15th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just calling out to all the ladies in this support thread.

How are you? How are your pregnancies/new babies?

My little girl is now 14 months old. Hard to believe I found out about SD's affair so long ago. Still hurts almost as much today...but that is probably because the D was final last Monday.

Whatever you have chosen, I hear we will all be better off in the end. Just take care of you and those little ones...as your child/ren need at least one good parents...and it is obviously you!


Me - 37 BW
Him - 50 WX/Sperm Donor
5 beautiful children
Dday 10/29/07 - day after my birthday, 23 days before birth of #5
Too Many False Rs; D final Feb. 09.

Posts: 2472 | Registered: Mar 2008
mrsrod49
♀ New Member
Member # 22556
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Everyone,
Sorry to say I'm joining this club. I'm 7 mos. pregnant and H had an affair that lasted almost 2 years. The OW had a child that we found out was his-a son she named after him-nice, right? Meanwhile I'm pregnant with a son as well and he is totally a part of his other son's life. Though I don't begrudge him this right, I hate that he shares this with her and that now I have to deal with this at what should be such a happy time for us. We have a 13 yr old daughter who doesn't yet know about the other child as my husband is right now not comfortable bringing him around our home-an excuse if I ever heard one. I'm so stressed out and angry and hurt, I don't know what to do. Hubby says all the right things-he loves me, doesn't want OW but yet won't share this child with me and leaves me wondering if he is just playing me for a fool. He is involved with my pregnancy in every way-appts., shopping, excitement but I fear the future.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jan 2009
humboldtmom
♀ Member
Member # 21569
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if I qualify in this category, as D-Day was after our DD (Child #3) was born. She was 7 months old when I found out for sure. But the A started right before I got pregnant, continued throughout it and at least one time after she was born. WH was horrible to me during my pregnancy. Not always mean, but a majority of the time he was so hurtful. He actually said to me the night before my induction, "I will be there for my baby, but not for you." Talk about fog talk. He was supportive during the birth, at least I thought so. Pissed me off later though to discover nonstop texts to this girl (not OW, but one of his "boundary issue" coworkers) most of which happened while he was supposedly supporting me in the hospital.

He is a wonderful father overall though. Very devoted, and DD only had eyes for him, even at first born. She is an absolute blessing, very happy and friendly, exactly the opposite of what she experienced in the womb as my life was mostly turmoil at that time. But....he totally ruined what should be beautiful memories of the birth. He was supposed to be there completely for me, and he spent his energy elsewhere and lied about it. Hurts so much.


Me BS - 32
FWH - 34 - 1.5yr PA (with my sister, RIP)
Together 13y Married 10y
3 children: 10 & 9 & 1 1/2
D-Day 9/08

Posts: 223 | Registered: Nov 2008
Brennen
♀ Member
Member # 20386
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 7 months pregnant on d-day, and it was an unplanned pregnancy. The A occurred while H and I were trying to conceive our first baby, three years prior to d-day. Pissed me off to find out that while I was going to the doctor and giving myself shots for a baby I thought we both wanted, he was fucking his co-worker in parking lots all over town.

The really sick thing is that she and her H were trying to conceive too, and she got pregnant 5 months before I did. Why would she go off the pill to try to get pregnant when she was fucking someone other than her husband? Why would my H keep having sex with her knowing this, AND also after he knew that she was pregnant??? He says it never occurred to him that the baby might turn out to be his!!! Idiot.

So, anyway, his A ended up tainting the memories of my first pregnancy and completely ruined my second one.


BS-(me) 36
WS- 33
2 kids (5&3)

D-day 5-15-08

Current status: Planning S, he is moving out after the holidays, probably will lead to D. He refuses counseling so I have let go of any hope of saving the M.


Posts: 152 | Registered: Jul 2008
chrissy26
♀ Member
Member # 23068
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D-Day was after our 3rd child was born but the A started when I was 8 months pregnant (to be specific it was the 2nd A and it was an EA with more than one woman) I was devastated to find out that while I was pregnant with his son he was talking to these other women...while I was giving birth he was talking with these women...while I was breastfeeding our child he was on the phone with these whores...

[This message edited by chrissy26 at 11:24 AM, March 3rd (Tuesday)]


BS(me)- 27
WH(him)- 28
Married - 9 yrs Together- 11 yrs
Kids - D-10,D-8,S-3
Status - pending
D Day #1 - 04-02 (some girl he met while in boot camp)
D Day #2 - 12-24-07 (online EA with at least 2 sluts, maybe more)

Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: TN
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ladies pLEASE after the baby is born be careful.. I have read in many books about infidelity that it is common for the man to cheat after the birth of a baby because the aby now gets all of your attention,,especially if it's a male as mine was. The men subconsciouly think you are cheating. Mine even mentioned that a few times that he thought there was another man. I said "There was; your son!"
The book I read was ironically "Surviving Infidelity" yOu might want to do some ONline research about first baby infidelity.
Sorry of rthe babd news but this is how my H went W.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
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