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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
betrayedprmami
♀ Member
Member # 17126
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, December 1st (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am currently 6 months pregnant with my 2nd baby. I found out about my H and his EA about 3 weeks ago. It has been going on for Months and still is even though he is once again trying to hide it. I am an emotional messs and my poor babies (My 4 1/2 year old daughter and my unborn son) are feeling my emotional madness. At this point I just want to give birth so that I can figure out what to do with this mess.


ME (BS):28
HIM (WS):30
MARRIED: 11/9/02 TOGETHER SINCE
12/9/94 (HIGHSCHOOL SWEETHEARTS)
KIDS: MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER 5 AND A BEUTIFUL BABY BOY 4 1/2 MONTHS OLD.

D-DAY #1- 11/12/07
D-DAY #2- 12/1/07
STARTED R 3/19/08
D- Day #3 07/23/08
Las


Posts: 59 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New Jersey
30sucks
♀ Member
Member # 14963
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your emotional madness.

I was 7mos. preggers when I learned of EA and H walked out on me and 2yo dd.

Wasn't until 2 weeks after delivery, I learned of full-fledged PA. I didn't want to see before then. Hell, still don't want to see.

Take deep breaths. Just give your baby girl tons of snuggles. They work for your benefit too.

I'm sending you hugs right now. You and you kids are in my prayers, as well.

Try to keep your stress levels in check. I wound up having some difficulties in the end and delivered a few weeks early by induction. But, my own baby boy came out perfect.

(((hugs)))


I had the misfortune of being married to a self absorbed, morally bankrupt human being. ~~12bstrong

This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree


Posts: 478 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Virginia
dlesthae
♂ New Member
Member # 17603
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

--

[This message edited by dlesthae at 2:43 AM, January 16th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1 | Registered: Jan 2008
Nneedofhealn
♀ New Member
Member # 16941
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The emotions are sooo much more complicated when ur pregnant! I will keep you all in my prayers.

I was 7mos pregnant when I found out about my H's A.I found out by discovering. there was OC (4mos old).Our daughter was born 10/01/07 and is gorgeous; but the feelings of betrayal are still there.Now..I am 6wks pregnant and we haven't gotten resolution with the OC issue yet.


"Whatsoever GOD has joined together,let no (wo)man put asunder"...

Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Sacramento,CA
lostsahm
Member
Member # 17136
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH started cheating when we found out I was pg. sigh. I have always thought that men who cheat on their pregnant wives are scum, and yet here I am trying to reconcile.

SOmetimes I think its possible that not all men know how to deal with the hormonal changes of their pregnant wife.

ALso, lets be honest, bringing a baby in the world can be stressful, and some husbands act out in the most horrendous ways.

I am not excusing my WH behaviour, because there is no excuse. BUT, sometimes I think it helps explain some aspects of the reasons behind the affair.


"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 834 | Registered: Nov 2007
crisisac
♀ Member
Member # 18486
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok my story is similar to everyones I read most of them. My husband and I were having problems mostly about his drinking and going out he is an alcoholic. One day we got into an argument over a jealous comment I made and i kicked him out of only to ask him to come back that same night. When he came back he told me that he was not gonna change and that he was not gonna try anymore and that things were not gonna get better. Things got worse than ever the going out the drinking everything so I started getting curious and looked @ our phone bill and found some very long conversations I called the number and it was a girl she hung up when I asked who she was. My heart broke I was @ work working 7pm to 730am. I called him and he denied it and then admitted that they did talk but it was a friend who was going through a lot and that he was also friends with her bf. i called her many times texts voice mails everything until she finally sent me a text message repeating what he had told me and that she was pregnant too and with her bf of 4 years and in a happy relationship. He said he would stop calling her but continued to act strange and so I got nosy and checked phone records again and saw that he had called her house number this time which he didn't know I knew then one day he told me that he lend his friend the phone and when I looked there were blocked calls made to our number 3 times in a row. I went off and called her house and spoke to her mom told her everything turns out they all work together even the mom and when he got home I went off on him. I told him that if it was over to just say it and he did and he even told me that there were other friends that he had that were girls that he was texting and on the phone with I told him that he was still married and he said he wanted a divorce that he would go get it that friday this was a month ago. He continued living here but not talking or acknowledging me. Then I started noticing that he would come home at night and not come in for a while so I went to look one night and he was on the phone the phone that he refused to give to me because he said that the number was none of my business. Since then he has been staying at his moms to sleep there and the before he goes to work he comes up here and gets ready eats, takes a shower etc. and doesn't talk to me. I hate living like this

Posts: 828 | Registered: Mar 2008
crisisac
♀ Member
Member # 18486
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah hes 27 and I'm 25 we have a 3 y/o and this pregnancy has been through a lot first @ 5 months I found out about him talking to her and then a few days later @ the 20 week ultrasound I found out it was a boy and that something didn't look right so I ended up having to get an amniocentesis and thank God everything came back fine but I have had to deal with all the phone calls and attitudes and silent treatment when he said he wanted a divorce and that he would move out I told him to think about our kids before he made any decisions and he said that he didn't want to try even for the kids I almost felt like I was begging him to stay. Then he just stopped talking to me. I feel a lot better now that he is downstairs with his mom because at least this way I cant see what he does and what time he leaves or comes in. I want to have some peace the rest of this pregnancy I am due in April it will be a c section and I'm not sure if he will be there or even living here anymore I feel so sad sometimes and the crying is not as bad as it used to be but it still comes and goes.

Posts: 828 | Registered: Mar 2008
crisisac
♀ Member
Member # 18486
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I don't know how close this A has gotten I'm not even sure if its sexual but there is definitely something there that shouldn't be. It has made me feel like I can't enjoy my pregnancy i have not gained much weight and have been depressed. I hope everything gets better.

Posts: 828 | Registered: Mar 2008
rockedmyworld
♀ New Member
Member # 18044
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been posting on this site for a couple of months now and I just came across this thread. I am due with my first child in less than 4 weeks. D-Day was Oct. 12th when WH told me that he had an 8 month affiar with a co-worker who was also pregnant with twins!! And unbelievably, the whore is due any day now or the bastard children could be here right now for all that I know. WH is pretty convinced that the bastard OCs are his, so we are on the road to D.

Anyway, my question for those who were pregnant when they learned of the affair. Whose last name did you give your child when it was born? I am so pissed off right now that I am contemplating giving my baby my maiden name. Any thoughts on this issue?


Posts: 34 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: New York
roses are red
♀ Member
Member # 14925
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are we all doing on this thread?
Just wanted to send out hugs to you all and the little ones.


Me 37 Faithful
FWH 39
Married for 11 years, 3 kids
Confessed 4-4-07 to ONS
Reconciled.

Having a new bambino in June 2009!


Posts: 370 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: USA
numb_inside
♀ Member
Member # 18443
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DDay was Feb 29th. I was ~8M pregnant, and devastated. I am due in 3 weeks or so. We are trying to R, though I still think that he's in a fog, and am not sure if we will. I thought about giving my baby my maiden name, but since I don't want to exclude my H from the baby's life, and there is a chance at R, I will give her his name. I think I can change it later, if R doesn't work and we D.


Me-BS, 33.
WH-32.
DDay 2/29/08 (Leap year, THANK Goodness!)
Trying to R

Posts: 265 | Registered: Mar 2008
Lislam
♀ New Member
Member # 18698
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant. He started the affair a month after we found out. This is our first child and I know he is beyond words and how excited he is. I just don't get how he could do this.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: CA
MyHealingHeart
♀ New Member
Member # 18731
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, March 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine doesn't seem as bad compared to some others, but it's the emotions that are killing me. I am 26 weeks pregnant and one month out from D-day. My husband had a ONS while away on business. We are in R and I want so badly for this to work. My heart breaks when I think of how he was lying to me about his internet activities while we were trying to get pregnant. It makes me feel like this little life inside me wasn't really made in love. I hope everyone else that had been posting on here is hanging in there.


Me (BW): 32
Him (FWH): 34
M:10/9/04
2 sons, 1 mine and 1 ours
1 daughter born 6/08
D-day: 2/21/08
Partial D-Day 2: 11/28/13
Reconciling, every day is a step in the right direction.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Deep in the heart
nomorelove
♀ New Member
Member # 18850
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am currently 3 months pregnant and found out H is having an affair 3 weeks ago. When I confronted him, he said he doesn't love me anymore and has been "losing feelings for me" for about 3 years!! He has NEVER said anything to me about wanting to leave or be separated. In fact, being a child of divorce myself, this was always a concern when we would have arguments. He would always say "I will NEVER leave you!" Well, I guess that changed.
Back in about June, we decided to start trying for a 2nd child (1st one is now 2). We tried for a few months, then stopped so that I wouldn't be due in the fall (I'm a teacher). We started trying again in January. The week I was ovulating, I let him know. Well, the days were passing and nothing was happening. Finally, I said something about it and he was hesitant to do anything. His point was that he didn't want the sex to be just for procreation. (This had been a discussion we had had before and I totally agreed). I finally "talked him into it". But he didn't even stay in bed afterwards, saying he couldn't sleep (another recurring problem lately, due to stress, I thought). Well, now I know that he had started an online relationship with a 20 year old girl (he is 30!). This would have been his chance to say something BEFORE I got pregnant!! He said he decided he needed to leave soon after we found out I was pregnant, but didn't say anything because he knew I was sick. He was going to stick around until a couple of months after the baby was born. Then a couple of weeks later, the relationship got even more serious (I love you's, etc.) and he decided to move up the timeline until the end of my first trimester, when the sickness and hormones were more under control. Well, I found out before that by reading some emails and chats after an argument. I kicked him out the next day bc he refused to end the A.
What kind of person leaves their pregnant wife and thinks its OK?? He is unwilling to go to counseling with me because we both know that any counselor is going to tell him to break off the A. He says he is not willing to do that because then, if things don't work out with us, he has no one. Really thoughtful, huh?!
He is planning a trip with her April 18th (airline tickets, hotel, etc. already purchased before d-day!)
I'm glad I found this forum to vent my feelings and hear that I'm not alone. I just have to hope and pray that he will realized what an idiot he is being before it is too late. Right now, my main hope is that, on this trip, reality will set in and he will change his mind. We'll see!

[This message edited by nomorelove at 12:08 PM, March 27th (Thursday)]


Posts: 1 | Registered: Mar 2008
MyAngle458
New Member
Member # 18344
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, March 29th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nomorelove, I can totally relate. I am currently about 3 months pregnant and I also have another child who will be 2 in two months...and I'm a teacher. We've got a lot in common. I found out last summer that my husband was having an affair. Around Christmas, he told me he knew what he had to do and where he wanted to be and he came home. Things were great, we talked about having another child but were going to wait a few more months. I went off birth control and told him when to be careful but he wasn't on purpose. I make the announcement on my MYSPACE page (that the OW apparently still checks everyday) and I get a call saying that he's still telling her he's not living here and that we're still talking about getting divorced. Apparently he just couldn't get over her as fast as he thought. I told him to end contact, he refused and he ended up leaving to go stay with his sister about a month ago. They talk constantly, I've seen the cell phone bill. He still claims he's not seeing anyone but she's been over to his sisters house. They work together..he's her supervisor and they work third shift..how convenient for them. So here I am, with a 2 year old and pregnant again and he's out living the life of no responsibility. He says he still loves me and that we just need to give it time and maybe we can find a way to work through all this. I don't see how that can happen when he is spending all his free time with her. Apparently she tells him he'll have to wait and see how she feels until after the baby is born because it wouldn't look good to her parents...HA! Like it's going to look any better when the baby is here. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again. He is just one big LIE. He wouldn't agree to no contact with her but he'll go days without talking to me. We grew up together and have been together forever. This is what he has done to the person he has shared practically his whole life with. It's really hard to get over. If you need to chat any time, please PM me....I need the support too!

Posts: 22 | Registered: Feb 2008
lmwk123
♀ Member
Member # 15229
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 29th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I became pregnant in the middle of the A. Found out about A 3 mo into pregnant but H denied until baby was 7 months old. I had to hear several times during my pregnancy about how much my H didn't want this baby.. Luckily for us our son and him are extremely close. Very much a daddy's boy and my H loves him very very much. I think he feels bad about what he was saying to me during my pregnancy. Since OW and I were friends I think she knew of my pregnancy right before I told my H. According to what my H says it seems like she really started to try and get even closer (emotionally) to him after she found out of my prengnacy. They were aleady sexually involved but he said she became real touchy, feely.. trying to get closer to him after she found out. She even had the nerve to have a conversation with my about herpes. said about her friend that was prenant and had herpes. Wanted to know how that would affect the baby. I believe now she got herpes off my H which she doesn't know got it from me many, many years ago and he probably didn't even show signs of it and passed it off to her. I know it's ignorant of me but at least she got something from me from the A.


A- 11/06-5/07
I believe more A's throughout
3 kids
together 16 yrs

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
Life is a test.


Posts: 249 | Registered: Jul 2007
badlyhurting
♀ Member
Member # 18915
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so sad to know that many people are going through this, just like I did/am. Knowing I'm not alone doesn't help with this situation, because I wouldn't wish this pain on even my worst enemy. Obviously, my spouse did not feel the same way.

My husband abandoned myself and our four children late in 2006. It was a horrible few months, where I filed for divorce and we were approaching our first court date. He called and asked to see me in person...something he hadn't done in well over a month...to see if there was any hope of reconciliation.

Wow! I was so elated. I was so happy. My four children and I would still have the man I loved in our lives. I did so much work on myself that few months and he was amazed at the difference...and I kept it up!

I had heard he had taken a woman to a party...so I asked point blank about her and said we could lump that transgression in with the abandonment if an affair did occur. Well, he denied it. I trusted him.

The month after he returned, we found out we were expecting #5!!! It wasn't expected...but I was so happy. I believed God was giving us a second chance...a new beginning...and I threw myself into staying positive about the pregnancy and taking care of myself and my husband and our other children like never before.

Fast forward to D-day...Oct. 07. Day after my birthday. That morning I got a phone call from a woman. It was OW's mother, who had found out about the affair and was calling to inform me. A part of me died that day and remains dead.

I didn't kick him out...the baby was due in less than a month and I was basically numb. He tried to deny it at first, saying the mother was crazy and didn't know what she was talking about. Then she sent me some emails...where he expressed his "love" for her and he finally confessed. The affair had started while we were separated and continued until Sept. 07...with emails and phone calls continuing until Oct. 07 when I found out.

Today, he is saying he was a mess when he came back. I was a new woman and he loved me so much...but he didn't want me to know about the affair. He continued it to keep the OW happy (so he says) so she wouldn't tell me before she moved away (as she had plans of getting a new job). I always thought my husband was a smart man...guess not. Why in the world would you do something more in hopes of hiding it?

I love my baby...she is 4 months old. But it isn't the same. What I thought was the happiest pregnancy of our marriage was all a sham. I can't help look at her and think: "Gee...she represents the best time and the most horrible time of my life."

It is now 5 months past d-day, but I am sinking fast. This news on top of the PPD I always have when I give birth are making for a miserable existance. I'm trying to make it through for my kids, but have a hard time when pain and depression fill my heart and soul.

So, that is my story.


Me - 37 BW
Him - 50 WX/Sperm Donor
5 beautiful children
Dday 10/29/07 - day after my birthday, 23 days before birth of #5
Too Many False Rs; D final Feb. 09.

Posts: 2472 | Registered: Mar 2008
roses are red
♀ Member
Member # 14925
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread is very sad.
I just wanted us all to remember to hug our kids or our bellies.....
Those hormones in pregnancy/post partum can be tough.
badly hurting - how are you doing?


Me 37 Faithful
FWH 39
Married for 11 years, 3 kids
Confessed 4-4-07 to ONS
Reconciled.

Having a new bambino in June 2009!


Posts: 370 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: USA
McKlain
♀ New Member
Member # 19320
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 31 weeks pregnant with my first child. I thought that *we* were so happy; this baby had been long wanted and wasn't easy to conceive. I was 24 weeks when I had the first D-Day, discovering he'd had a rendevous in our house, in our bed while I was away the week before. It was arranged via the internet and was obvious it could have been anyone. DDay 2 came 3 days later after I discovered secret email acc.s and many, many profiles on web sites designed to 'hook u up'.
I was shocked and devastated and felt so compromised by the fact that I was pregnant. I didnt want this baby anymore - it felt tainted, and like a trap; or something that was going to tie me to him for ever and limit my ability to move on. I resented the baby and even tried to harm it in some very dark moments.

With time, and support from my wonderful mother, I've come to accept this baby as a good thing in my life and am happy to be having it. That doesnt stop the disappointment of the surrounding emotions the baby will be born into.
We are trying to R. He says he will never go there again. He says he'll never hurt me - but he said that before, and all the while this was going on.
I am fearful of how I will cope with the R, and my trust issues once the baby arrives and all the complications of new born babies hit - hormone cocktails, fatigue, breast feeding issues, sleeping issues ..... etc etc.
(((Hugs))) to everyone in a similar situation.


Me ~ 32 ~ BS ~
Him ~ 31 ~ WS ~ SA
Married ~ 3 years, together 5 years.
Children ~ 1 boy, 6 months
Discovered the infidelity ~ 15th March 2008. 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant.
Reconciling; one day at a time

Posts: 35 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Australia
gaspingforair
♀ New Member
Member # 19402
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to this website....but I found this thread, and wished I had found it earlier. My ex husband had numerous affairs, most of which I didn't find out about until after the divorce was final. But one I did know about was while we were expecting our 2nd child... as so many of the others have posted... this child was planned...and it finally felt that we were growing up and growing together as a family. The time I was pregnant (and the months leading up the the conception) were the best months of our marriage. We had completed MC - and were released from the program- and looking back on it, it was all a lie. He had at least 2 affairs while I was pregnant, but only admitted to one. I think there were more than 2 affairs, but it doesn't really matter now. He chose to divorce me when our baby was only 6 weeks old- and moved in with his girlfriend. Now 4 years later, I thank God that I was able to move on. I recognized that I didn't want a man like that in my children's life, and leading them by example. My oldest son refers to the youngest as "our baby" meaning his and mine...and in essence he is. son #1 was there for all the milestones, and was excited over every little development.

I am remarried to a wonderful man who raises this boys as his own. More than that, he loves them as if they were his own. I wanted to offer encouragement to you that there is peace on the other side. Even with newborn babies in tow. Stay Strong.


Posts: 5 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Maryland
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