Thankfully he did tell me almost immediately, and is extremely remorseful. However, I have the added fun of him having doubts about our relationship and feeling a bit trapped in it before he cheated - though he didn't tell me until after.
So now, though we have agreed to try and work through this, he can't tell me for sure that he'd not rather be single in the longer run. I'm afraid I'm fighting a losing battle....
Hugs. He's lucky you're even speaking to him much less considering "working this out with him". The 180 might make him realize this fact. Check it out.
Didn't know this thread existed! Glad to find you, sad too!
I caught my WH with a ONS 7-11-07, was told by a friend two weeks later that he slept with another slut around March (the OW was BRAGGING she was doing a married man!!!), and yesterday he told me about another one and swears that now I know everything.
I feel like, because I didn't go apeshit, but tried to deal with it with dignity, that he has minimalized what has happened.
Just like all of yours, he was drunk everytime. He knows he has a drinking problem and hasn't touched a drop since I found out.
He says he has been cheating on me since January.
I think the lies, the deception, the fact that other people know, the fact that I think he's still lying (he said it was only one time with each of them, but the one he admitted to yesterday, hell no I don't believe that!! She is a total whore who has the balls to hit on him right in front of me - but what should I expect, he has no respect for me, why should she?)
The fact that when we went out together she was talking to him, all the behavior after the supposed ONS that was lies...
My WS must think I am an idiot. He expects me to believe that it only happened once in January. The dam (his commitment to me) cracked, and once the water starts pouring out, nothings gonna stop it.
He was binge drinking heavily for the past year...he can't tell me that he actually turned her down after he had already f**ked her, but thought it was okay to go and have sex with two other women????
Duh Duh Duuuuhhhh...
[This message edited by healingtree at 9:14 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday)]
(((((ONS Support Thread)))))
For me, I'm not very interested in the OW and have come to terms that some day, some how, I will unfortunately get to see her. I don't know how I'll react, how I'll feel or what I'll do.
I do know that I am not giving her anymore headspace. She gets no more of my thoughts or my life.
[This message edited by ohpuhlease at 10:47 AM, August 26th (Sunday)]
I'm only a little further out than you are at six weeks...
The first, and most important thing, is that your husband do anything in his power to make you feel secure and loved again – is he doing that? Be clear about your needs, so that he can try to meet them.
What else seems to be working for me, is taking days off from all the issues: My partner, though he confessed of his own free will and is completely willing to talk about things whenever I want to, does not initiate conversations about what happened and where we're going as a couple. This means that I basically controll whether or not we talk about things. For the first few weeks I wanted to talk about it constantly, I was so desperate to feel we were 'doing something about it'. After a while I was completely worn down though, and then I realised that just recapturing the good times and enjoying each others' company was also a way of doing something about it.
I started deliberately not mentioning the issues for a couple of days on end in between... we just did normal things, had dinner & watched movies together. It helped me rediscover that underneath all the pain and anger and guilt, there were still the same two people who love each other and enjoy spending time together. Rather than making me feel like I had to keep things inside, it turned out to be a welcome break in between the serious talks.
If your husband does talk about things of his own accord, maybe you could schedule “days off” together?
Stillpissed... I think I can understand. He took the one thing that was really good between you, and destroyed it by sharing it with someone else. How are things now? Are you still with him?
my situation sounds soooo similar to yours, except my H didn't confess, I found out from a mutual friend. My dday was 14 months ago.
I completely understand exactly what you're going through. The first few weeks were horrible. It seemed like every waking moment was filled with those movies in my head. It was hard to get through, but suddenly, without even really realizing it, I was only seeing them once an hour, and then a couple of times a day, and then once a day and so on. I can't remember now the last time those thoughts showed up (well, except for now, but that's cause I'm thinking about it... )
I totally understand the clingy and irrational. I think it's because you don't know who the "enemy" is, or at least I didn't. To me, it could have been any woman, at any time. Sometimes I still feel that way, but my H is good at making sure to support me when I feel that way. And, it sounds like your H is doing all the right things in order to help you heal. That's important (and a good sign).
Have faith that, whatever the outcome, time does help and you will make it through this.