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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: One Night Stand Support Thread
stillpissed
♀ Member
Member # 10259
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just checking to see if anyone else has posted here recently........hope everyone is hanging in there.


DDAY #1-NOV 21ST, 2004
(ONS occured but H denied)
DDAY #2-APRIL 28TH, 2005
(ow spilled the beans)

Posts: 272 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Lake
txtrueblue
♀ New Member
Member # 13832
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am still hanging in, but I check this forum alot & not that many post here. I can't get the mental movie of my H f**king that woman (@ his office after hrs) out of my mind. Am I just crazy obssessive or what? I think about how he touched he blah, blah ( so many different porno images in my brain, i feel like a failure b/c he cheated!!!!!!!!!I am a details person so it kills me that he allways says he can't remember what happened besides that they just f**ked(his words)Mind you this happened about 4 yrs ago but he just confessed about 8mths ago to me that it happened. I just think maybe I need help or something. BAD DAY, REALLY BAD DAY......

Posts: 11 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Texas
Charli
♀ Member
Member # 15601
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, August 18th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow, i didn't know this thread existed! I'm glad it does... my partner had a 2-night stand with a co-worker six weeks ago, so I think I belong in here also...

Thankfully he did tell me almost immediately, and is extremely remorseful. However, I have the added fun of him having doubts about our relationship and feeling a bit trapped in it before he cheated - though he didn't tell me until after.

So now, though we have agreed to try and work through this, he can't tell me for sure that he'd not rather be single in the longer run. I'm afraid I'm fighting a losing battle....


me: 31, F, XBSO, getting on with my life!

Posts: 1573 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: The Netherlands
stillpissed
♀ Member
Member # 10259
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 18th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

true & charli
Thanks for posting.
true-
The mind movies are the worst for me. The OW was the one who told me about the ONS (my H claimed he'd just given her a ride home), she had to give me details before I would believe her and so she had to tell me everything beginning to end including the sexual positions and oral. It's made quite a vivid porno in my mind. I know every BS on this forum understands.

Charli-
Hugs. He's lucky you're even speaking to him much less considering "working this out with him". The 180 might make him realize this fact. Check it out.


DDAY #1-NOV 21ST, 2004
(ONS occured but H denied)
DDAY #2-APRIL 28TH, 2005
(ow spilled the beans)

Posts: 272 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Lake
tryin24give
♀ New Member
Member # 15821
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi everyone, my WS had a ONS with a slut that knew he was married, he did not tell me until the OC was born and proven to be his. I have seen the OC 2 times since then and am very conflicted on how I am going to deal with her for the rest of my life. We have a 2 yr old and a 3 month old, the OC is 8 months. Can anyone here relate to this? I know it was only 1 time and I beleive him, he is very remoresful and is doing everything in his power to make me feel whole again, but i'm actually more worried about the OC. The ONS hurt like hell when I found out, I mean, if he loved me, why would he do it? He was hurt and angry at me and drunk at the time, but thats no excuse, so not only do I have deal with the fact that he did this to me. I have to now deal with an OC.


Me: 29
Him: 28
Children: D-3, S-18mnths, D-22mnths
D-Day- March 2007

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
stillpissed
♀ Member
Member # 10259
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ouch (trying24give), thank goodness my H had the big V a couple of years before his ONS because she was not on BC (she informed me) and they did not use any form of protection. Stupidity at it's greatest!!!!!! Are you also postin in the OC forum thing? They will surely have some great advice for someone starting out with an OC. Best Wishes to you.


DDAY #1-NOV 21ST, 2004
(ONS occured but H denied)
DDAY #2-APRIL 28TH, 2005
(ow spilled the beans)

Posts: 272 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Lake
tryin24give
♀ New Member
Member # 15821
Content  Posted: 10:49 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks stillpissed, i have posted on there as well. I just seem to be in a differnt postion and am not sure where I belong
thats another thing.. my WS had a V right before our son was born, and I know we talked about him doing it, but i can't help but think in the back of my mind that he did it so he couldnt get caught again...I know he's sorry and I trust that it won't happen again but it's still in the back of my mind.
Thanks for replying to me


Me: 29
Him: 28
Children: D-3, S-18mnths, D-22mnths
D-Day- March 2007

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
hurtnconfused16
♀ New Member
Member # 14877
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, August 21st (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(trying24give)
WOW! I commend you for strength and courage to deal with such a difficult situation. I find that WS often try to blame their indiscretions on the problems prior to it, but I am realizing, that no matter what problems you had, you did not deserve to be disrepected this way!
My WH, now wants to say, well,our problems are much bigger than the A, and tries to avoid talking about it every chance he gets, but he is a selfish bastard!


BS(me): 27
WS(him): 30
M: 3 years(together 8 years)- 4th anniversary coming up this month(ugh!)
Kid: one darling son (3)
Dday : 4/5/07

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Nashville, TN
tryin24give
♀ New Member
Member # 15821
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurt~ you are right, I and no one else on here deserved to be treated that way. However, I can see the problems we had before the ONS and I didn't see them until I found out. It was an eye opening experience for both of us, we are working really hard to make our marriage work, we communicate more, he is home more and we spend time as a family more. I see a long road ahead of us of course, but I feel that in the end it will work out for the best.


Me: 29
Him: 28
Children: D-3, S-18mnths, D-22mnths
D-Day- March 2007

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PA
healingtree
♀ Member
Member # 15467
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello there!

Didn't know this thread existed! Glad to find you, sad too!

I caught my WH with a ONS 7-11-07, was told by a friend two weeks later that he slept with another slut around March (the OW was BRAGGING she was doing a married man!!!), and yesterday he told me about another one and swears that now I know everything.

I feel like, because I didn't go apeshit, but tried to deal with it with dignity, that he has minimalized what has happened.

Just like all of yours, he was drunk everytime. He knows he has a drinking problem and hasn't touched a drop since I found out.

He says he has been cheating on me since January.

I think the lies, the deception, the fact that other people know, the fact that I think he's still lying (he said it was only one time with each of them, but the one he admitted to yesterday, hell no I don't believe that!! She is a total whore who has the balls to hit on him right in front of me - but what should I expect, he has no respect for me, why should she?)

The fact that when we went out together she was talking to him, all the behavior after the supposed ONS that was lies...

My WS must think I am an idiot. He expects me to believe that it only happened once in January. The dam (his commitment to me) cracked, and once the water starts pouring out, nothings gonna stop it.

He was binge drinking heavily for the past year...he can't tell me that he actually turned her down after he had already f**ked her, but thought it was okay to go and have sex with two other women????

Duh Duh Duuuuhhhh...

[This message edited by healingtree at 9:14 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday)]


FBS 1st D-day 7-11-07, 2nd DDay Post-Breakup in 8-12
HIM - Doesn't Matter Anymore
The only thing we can change about the past is how we look at it.

Posts: 8328 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Here and Now
hurtnconfused16
♀ New Member
Member # 14877
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 22nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((trying)) Well, I happy for that you have someone committed to R and working with you. I hope nothing but the best for you.

(((hugs)))


BS(me): 27
WS(him): 30
M: 3 years(together 8 years)- 4th anniversary coming up this month(ugh!)
Kid: one darling son (3)
Dday : 4/5/07

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Nashville, TN
karmasnmf
♀ Member
Member # 12370
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 23rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to give hugs to those in need.

(((((ONS Support Thread)))))


Posts: 2603 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: New York
txtrueblue
♀ New Member
Member # 13832
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, August 25th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just wondering if any body out there, who is in the same boat i'm in has really tried hard to seek out the ons? My boat H had ons (or a F**k @ office & ended it right after but kept secret for allmost 4 years, then tells me. Did get a hold of her thru a classmates.com but thru her maiden name only, supposedly she married now. Saw pic of her , e-mailed her she said she was sorry & knows now that you don't do things like that ,blah, blah- but nice & not ugly to me at all. Why do I feel like I need to know her married name & where she lives etc. Not sure if I want to see her in person or what. It been so long since it happened (for them two) But for me it's like they F**ked yesterday. It's just driving me nuts not knowing. Is it a power thing ? Or am I just over drama-queen about this all? it's just a crappy PMS week---PS this site is a great comfort at times when I feel I really need it.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Texas
ohpuhlease
♀ Member
Member # 13679
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, August 26th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not being a drama queeen. Your need to know is normal. There is nothing worse than being blindsided and in order to protect ourselves, I think we need every last detail we can our hands on. It's a way of keeping us safe and prepared for anything...although nothing really prepares us for that level or degree of hurt and betrayal.

For me, I'm not very interested in the OW and have come to terms that some day, some how, I will unfortunately get to see her. I don't know how I'll react, how I'll feel or what I'll do.

I do know that I am not giving her anymore headspace. She gets no more of my thoughts or my life.

[This message edited by ohpuhlease at 10:47 AM, August 26th (Sunday)]


Those who know others are intelligent. Those who know themselves are truly wise. - Lao-tzu, Tao Te Ching


Posts: 5714 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: *Proudly Canadian...Eh!*
stillpissed
♀ Member
Member # 10259
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 30th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I'm just going to throw this out there. These are just my feelings and I think compared to the majority here at SI, they might be somewhat unique.
My H could have done just about anything to me except have had sex with another woman! I feel like our relationship had went wrong in so many areas but the sex was still so great! Sad but true that our relationship was more physical than emotional. It was the "happy time" that we had together that I felt really loved even if I was mad at him and him at me. That was just about the only time in our day to day lives that he made me feel beautiful and adored instead of a "disappointment" to him. It sounds sick for me to even put it into words but I know for me personally, it would have been better if he'd fallen in love and left me for the OW. Instead, he went and F*cked some stranger he met in a bar. He told her she was beautiful. Then he came home to me and bragged how he met a "real attractive gal" who just wouldn't leave him alone. Bragged about how he could have "f&cked her" if he'd wanted to. I just cannot help it you guys. I know if he'd fooled around a bit, I'd be so jealous I'd give him shit for years but to find out he climaxed in another woman just absolutely kills me. It's like she has stolen my sexual power (as if I ever really had any). How could he make love to me twice that morning and then go out for more that night.


DDAY #1-NOV 21ST, 2004
(ONS occured but H denied)
DDAY #2-APRIL 28TH, 2005
(ow spilled the beans)

Posts: 272 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Lake
thebovineone
♀ Member
Member # 15789
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, August 30th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad I found this "thread" ( not to sure about these terms. My husband had a ons 3 weeks ago, we have decieded to r. But I too feel like I am playing the movies in my head. She was unknown to him, did the deed in the back of some car behind a bar, he was totally drunk. Also I have this fear of loosing him to someone else, I feel like I am irrational, and clingy. And then angry, we have seen a mc once, we both have a ic next week. Can anyone shed some light on getting to the good parts of life???

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Washington
Charli
♀ Member
Member # 15601
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, August 31st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((bovine))))))))))

I'm only a little further out than you are at six weeks...

The first, and most important thing, is that your husband do anything in his power to make you feel secure and loved again – is he doing that? Be clear about your needs, so that he can try to meet them.

What else seems to be working for me, is taking days off from all the issues: My partner, though he confessed of his own free will and is completely willing to talk about things whenever I want to, does not initiate conversations about what happened and where we're going as a couple. This means that I basically controll whether or not we talk about things. For the first few weeks I wanted to talk about it constantly, I was so desperate to feel we were 'doing something about it'. After a while I was completely worn down though, and then I realised that just recapturing the good times and enjoying each others' company was also a way of doing something about it.

I started deliberately not mentioning the issues for a couple of days on end in between... we just did normal things, had dinner & watched movies together. It helped me rediscover that underneath all the pain and anger and guilt, there were still the same two people who love each other and enjoy spending time together. Rather than making me feel like I had to keep things inside, it turned out to be a welcome break in between the serious talks.

If your husband does talk about things of his own accord, maybe you could schedule “days off” together?


me: 31, F, XBSO, getting on with my life!

Posts: 1573 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: The Netherlands
thebovineone
♀ Member
Member # 15789
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, August 31st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well my husband confessed on his own accord, we talk all the time, sometimes I know he gets irritated with me but always tells me he understands why I do what I do. I tell him right now I am irrational and clingy. He does everything in his power to make me feel more compfortable . I just want us back to us again, sometimes I feel like we have a wedge between us and I cant seem to get it out of the way. I am looking forward to the good times again, there have been a few laughs but not as many as I would like. But he is working hard to let me know I am the only one, now and forever.

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Washington
Charli
♀ Member
Member # 15601
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 31st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bovine, though it's a horrible situation, it's good to hear he's trying so hard. I think that's one of the most important factors in getting through this, and eventually getting back to the good place... it's very early days yet, but from what I've seen on these boards, it IS possible - it just takes a long, long time.

Stillpissed... I think I can understand. He took the one thing that was really good between you, and destroyed it by sharing it with someone else. How are things now? Are you still with him?


me: 31, F, XBSO, getting on with my life!

Posts: 1573 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: The Netherlands
bluelady
♀ Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, September 1st (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bovine,

my situation sounds soooo similar to yours, except my H didn't confess, I found out from a mutual friend. My dday was 14 months ago.

I completely understand exactly what you're going through. The first few weeks were horrible. It seemed like every waking moment was filled with those movies in my head. It was hard to get through, but suddenly, without even really realizing it, I was only seeing them once an hour, and then a couple of times a day, and then once a day and so on. I can't remember now the last time those thoughts showed up (well, except for now, but that's cause I'm thinking about it... )

I totally understand the clingy and irrational. I think it's because you don't know who the "enemy" is, or at least I didn't. To me, it could have been any woman, at any time. Sometimes I still feel that way, but my H is good at making sure to support me when I feel that way. And, it sounds like your H is doing all the right things in order to help you heal. That's important (and a good sign).

Have faith that, whatever the outcome, time does help and you will make it through this.


Me (BS): 33

Divorced


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