It *would* be vastly easier if I could just throw up my hands and say "Jesus take the wheel" but that's a long time to wait for a train don't come.
I still hate this. I haven't even gotten myself fed or showered yet; I'm just reeling from the idea of telling my husband to get out of my life (even if we are sharing a roof).
I know this is all new to you. Please focus on your self care. There are some difficult days ahead for you, and your health is paramount. Eat something, even if you don't feel like it. Drink plenty of water. Betrayal and the emotional fall out are incredibly dehydrating. Sleep can be difficult, but do try to get regular sleep. Talk to your doctor if it remains elusive. And move your body in some way every day. Take a walk, hit the gym, ride your bike, swim, take the stairs... just do something physical each day. It not only helps release some of the stress, it also helps the mind process things.
Glad you found us.
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
I'm sure there is a great therapist out there who can help walk you through this. I hope that talking it out with us at the very least reminds you that you are not alone, and that there are people who wish they could somehow take away your pain. Keep us posted.
If anybody sees this, I could use some encouragement. My marriage of 21 years is falling apart, and if one more person tells me that what is supposed to happen will happen, I will just tear out my hair.
I always wanted someone to actually say that to me, so I could land a real solid fucking slap on their face and say "WELL PRAISE FATE, THAT BITCH SLAP WAS A STRIKE FROM DESTINY"
I did have a group of people approach me in a parking lot at the grocery a few years ago. I was trying to get the boys bundled into the car and load up the groceries and this group of old ladies comes over. They were all wearing the kind of dresses and hats and shit I would expect out of some kind of southern drama. While I'm wrangling everything they start talking to me about their Watchtower thingy and asking me what I think of the world today and if it's in a terrible state.
I mean I felt a bit awkward since you know, white dude without his wife there packing up groceries and kids surrounded by a bunch of very pleasant and oddly picturesque old black ladies with a religious agenda. My mouth just went on automatic though. I said well yes, I think that there are terrible things in this world but I also think this is the greatest time and place to be alive. We are at a point where we can argue about whether or not everyone should have access to things like food and shelter and medicine for no better reason than we're all people and there's a sizeable portion of the populace that accepts this as a legitimate argument, whether or not they even agree with it. We see everyone as people - at least in this country - even lovely little old black ladies, who get to be people with all the rights people have despite the color of their skin AND having vaginas. Wars are bad sure but it's not like the Pax Romana somehow magically put a stop to global conflicts and even though we shouldn't be World Police we do at least pay lip service to the idea that leaders shouldn't be assholes to their own populations and so we go in and say "Stop that" when they start eyeballing their neighbors (that was a great Eddie Izzard skit btw). The world is sure far from perfect but looking back it's a fuck of a lot better than it ever was.
They actually looked kind of thoughtful and just handed me their pamphlet. They were very nice. Much more polite than the mormon boys who did a quick fade when I said they could clean the gutters when they asked if we needed any help.
Thank you for reminding me of Eddie Izzard. I could use a good laugh right about now!
Anyway, she winds up telling me she feels sad that I feel that way. I tried to tell her not to, that I am happy. That I have finally accepted that this is how I feel. That I have fought these feelings of doubt since about the 8th grade. That I am more at peace with myself and my feelings, that I am not trying to force myself to believe something that I just couldn't. It is a relief to accept that I don't believe and that doesn't make me evil, bad, abnormal, sinful, less than.
I make a mistake of saying my rational mind just can't accept what I am expected to believe. She then said, "You don't think I have a rational mind?" I said, "No, I said MY rational mind can't accept that."
There was more. Her telling me what the Bible says. I ask what do you do if you don't believe what the bible says, in general? (I think the bible does have some good stuff in it. Ten Commandments is a very good idea.) Why don't I believe the bible, she asks? Because it has had many translations and has been rewritten by countless people who had their own agendas. Sister: "I don't believe that. That has never been proven." *sigh*
It makes me kind of mad, though. I am not to be pitied or to be felt sorry for because I can't believe in someone else's idea of who or what God is! I am not going to feel like some abnormal reject that can't buy into someone else's religion/belief system, even though the vast majority of the world seems to go along with the idea of some form of religion/God.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
It’s no fun debating fundamentalists
Good article, Tred. I should have read it before I spoke to my sister today.
Can anyone recommend non-religious books on recovery?
I've come across a couple, but the vast majority seem to take a heavy religious slant.
I appreciate the help.
Welcome to SI and our little section of SI, MrSorry.
May He touch you with his Noodly Appendage.
[This message edited by h0peless at 10:37 PM, May 29th (Thursday)]
I've read a good bit of NJF, but I don't think my H has read much. I do know that he found it nevertheless kinda preachy or judgmental or something, which resonates with me about the beginning. Then too, he hasn't broken off contact with his EAP either, so that could have something to do with it.
And NIK just won the internet. Congratulations!!
Then too, he hasn't broken off contact with his EAP either, so that could have something to do with it.
I think that probably has more to do with it than anything, ND.
Been thinking about you today. Hope you are hanging in there, despite all you are going through right now.
I think capitalizing God is no different than capitalizing Buddha. I do it out of respect for people's' beliefs and would hope they will be respectful of whatever mine are as well. I think the world has a lot to learn in that area.
Mr Sorry - I haven't read this book yet, but it was recommended by my IC, it's called Rebuilding: when your relationship ends by Bruce Fisher.
I bought it used from amazon. None of the text on the outside of the book leads me to believe its religious based.
I enjoyed everyone's take on forgiveness. We are D, and that huge remorse oiece is missing that would allow me to want him in my life in any way, shape, or form beyond whatever co-parenting needs to happen.
It's people like WH that really stick in my craw when it comes to religion. Just the hippocracy of it all - him complaining about how I choose to believe in a higher power and telling me I'm wrong al the while he's having a fucking affair!
It just pisses me off.
(((Hopeless))) I'm sorry that happened with your mother. I don't know your story, so I don't understand the penis in the face reference....but regardless it sounds like a horrid experience.
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.