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Newest Member: Tina73 (44910)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Agnostic/Atheist Support Group
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your frustration... My guess would be that many of us in this thread do as well. The idea that there exists some sort of plan that results in my anguish seems fucked up, personally. 'Shit happens' is less comforting, but vastly more accurate, methinks.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
NoDoormat
♀ Member
Member # 43529
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly! That's what led partly to being an atheist to begin with. No god would let a child suffer as I did. I could even (almost) accept karma as an explanation for my current suffering, but I didn't do anything as a child to deserve it.

It *would* be vastly easier if I could just throw up my hands and say "Jesus take the wheel" but that's a long time to wait for a train don't come.

I still hate this. I haven't even gotten myself fed or showered yet; I'm just reeling from the idea of telling my husband to get out of my life (even if we are sharing a roof).


Me: MH 38, Him: MH 40
For-real separation for 3 months now.

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2014
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, NoDoormat. You didn't deserve to suffer as a child, and you don't deserve it now. "Shit happens" is actually one of the most comforting thoughts I can think of. People make choices, choices have consequences, and sometimes those consequences get visited upon the people around them. It sucks. But it happens. That I can accept.

I know this is all new to you. Please focus on your self care. There are some difficult days ahead for you, and your health is paramount. Eat something, even if you don't feel like it. Drink plenty of water. Betrayal and the emotional fall out are incredibly dehydrating. Sleep can be difficult, but do try to get regular sleep. Talk to your doctor if it remains elusive. And move your body in some way every day. Take a walk, hit the gym, ride your bike, swim, take the stairs... just do something physical each day. It not only helps release some of the stress, it also helps the mind process things.

Glad you found us.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25289 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@h0peless - that was so brave of you to do. My mom would have had the same response, minus the tears.

I'm sure there is a great therapist out there who can help walk you through this. I hope that talking it out with us at the very least reminds you that you are not alone, and that there are people who wish they could somehow take away your pain. Keep us posted.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17292 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If anybody sees this, I could use some encouragement. My marriage of 21 years is falling apart, and if one more person tells me that what is supposed to happen will happen, I will just tear out my hair.

I always wanted someone to actually say that to me, so I could land a real solid fucking slap on their face and say "WELL PRAISE FATE, THAT BITCH SLAP WAS A STRIKE FROM DESTINY"

I did have a group of people approach me in a parking lot at the grocery a few years ago. I was trying to get the boys bundled into the car and load up the groceries and this group of old ladies comes over. They were all wearing the kind of dresses and hats and shit I would expect out of some kind of southern drama. While I'm wrangling everything they start talking to me about their Watchtower thingy and asking me what I think of the world today and if it's in a terrible state.

I mean I felt a bit awkward since you know, white dude without his wife there packing up groceries and kids surrounded by a bunch of very pleasant and oddly picturesque old black ladies with a religious agenda. My mouth just went on automatic though. I said well yes, I think that there are terrible things in this world but I also think this is the greatest time and place to be alive. We are at a point where we can argue about whether or not everyone should have access to things like food and shelter and medicine for no better reason than we're all people and there's a sizeable portion of the populace that accepts this as a legitimate argument, whether or not they even agree with it. We see everyone as people - at least in this country - even lovely little old black ladies, who get to be people with all the rights people have despite the color of their skin AND having vaginas. Wars are bad sure but it's not like the Pax Romana somehow magically put a stop to global conflicts and even though we shouldn't be World Police we do at least pay lip service to the idea that leaders shouldn't be assholes to their own populations and so we go in and say "Stop that" when they start eyeballing their neighbors (that was a great Eddie Izzard skit btw). The world is sure far from perfect but looking back it's a fuck of a lot better than it ever was.

They actually looked kind of thoughtful and just handed me their pamphlet. They were very nice. Much more polite than the mormon boys who did a quick fade when I said they could clean the gutters when they asked if we needed any help.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
NoDoormat
♀ Member
Member # 43529
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was a *well-practiced* thoughtful look, I assure you, as an xJW! I would say more, but I'm sure it'd violate some kind of zero tolerance policy.

Thank you for reminding me of Eddie Izzard. I could use a good laugh right about now!


Me: MH 38, Him: MH 40
For-real separation for 3 months now.

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2014
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saw an interesting article on being an atheist in the south on CNN. Here's the link if you are interested:

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2014/05/24/atheists-in-the-bible-belt-a-survival-guide/?hpt=hp_t3


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3917 | Registered: Dec 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Shutup  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aarrggghhhh! Why did I do that. Why did I try to have a conversation with my hardcore Christian sister about by lack of belief in God? (still gotta capitalize God, though) Didn't start out the conversation with that in mind. Just kind of wander into it by talking about a very sick child.

Anyway, she winds up telling me she feels sad that I feel that way. I tried to tell her not to, that I am happy. That I have finally accepted that this is how I feel. That I have fought these feelings of doubt since about the 8th grade. That I am more at peace with myself and my feelings, that I am not trying to force myself to believe something that I just couldn't. It is a relief to accept that I don't believe and that doesn't make me evil, bad, abnormal, sinful, less than.

I make a mistake of saying my rational mind just can't accept what I am expected to believe. She then said, "You don't think I have a rational mind?" I said, "No, I said MY rational mind can't accept that."

There was more. Her telling me what the Bible says. I ask what do you do if you don't believe what the bible says, in general? (I think the bible does have some good stuff in it. Ten Commandments is a very good idea.) Why don't I believe the bible, she asks? Because it has had many translations and has been rewritten by countless people who had their own agendas. Sister: "I don't believe that. That has never been proven." *sigh*

It makes me kind of mad, though. I am not to be pitied or to be felt sorry for because I can't believe in someone else's idea of who or what God is! I am not going to feel like some abnormal reject that can't buy into someone else's religion/belief system, even though the vast majority of the world seems to go along with the idea of some form of religion/God.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9641 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good article, Tred. I should have read it before I spoke to my sister today. This would have been especially good to keep in mind whilst speaking to my sister.
It’s no fun debating fundamentalists
Yes, my sister is a fundamentalist.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9641 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, May 26th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good article, Tred. I should have read it before I spoke to my sister today.

I tried to help . I understand your frustration


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3917 | Registered: Dec 2011
MrSorry
♂ New Member
Member # 43462
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

Can anyone recommend non-religious books on recovery?

I've come across a couple, but the vast majority seem to take a heavy religious slant.

I appreciate the help.


Posts: 4 | Registered: May 2014 | From: United States
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have your read "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass? I don't recall any religious overtones in that book.

Welcome to SI and our little section of SI, MrSorry.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9641 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^ NJF is good, though I remember it being difficult early on. Really the only one I would recommend offhand, too.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, NJF was the only one I remember not having to constantly roll my eyes while reading as well. There is a lot of good advice in the religious books too if you can overlook the religious parts. I just replaced all of the references to god with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

May He touch you with his Noodly Appendage.

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:37 PM, May 29th (Thursday)]


Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
NoDoormat
♀ Member
Member # 43529
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could tell I was going to like you, SisterMilkshake, just by your name and your Homer Simpson quotes.

I've read a good bit of NJF, but I don't think my H has read much. I do know that he found it nevertheless kinda preachy or judgmental or something, which resonates with me about the beginning. Then too, he hasn't broken off contact with his EAP either, so that could have something to do with it.


Me: MH 38, Him: MH 40
For-real separation for 3 months now.

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2014
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

May He touch you with his Noodly Appendage.
Ramen.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25289 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ramen.

And NIK just won the internet. Congratulations!!


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17292 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 7025 | Registered: Dec 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then too, he hasn't broken off contact with his EAP either, so that could have something to do with it.

I think that probably has more to do with it than anything, ND.

Been thinking about you today. Hope you are hanging in there, despite all you are going through right now.


Posts: 7025 | Registered: Dec 2010
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sister Milkshake - I felt like you do for a long time. I'm kind of drifting away from it on some levels, but I can't ever go back to religion as I knew it (unhealthy and abusive).

I think capitalizing God is no different than capitalizing Buddha. I do it out of respect for people's' beliefs and would hope they will be respectful of whatever mine are as well. I think the world has a lot to learn in that area.

Mr Sorry - I haven't read this book yet, but it was recommended by my IC, it's called Rebuilding: when your relationship ends by Bruce Fisher.

I bought it used from amazon. None of the text on the outside of the book leads me to believe its religious based.

I enjoyed everyone's take on forgiveness. We are D, and that huge remorse oiece is missing that would allow me to want him in my life in any way, shape, or form beyond whatever co-parenting needs to happen.

It's people like WH that really stick in my craw when it comes to religion. Just the hippocracy of it all - him complaining about how I choose to believe in a higher power and telling me I'm wrong al the while he's having a fucking affair!

It just pisses me off.

(((Hopeless))) I'm sorry that happened with your mother. I don't know your story, so I don't understand the penis in the face reference....but regardless it sounds like a horrid experience.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
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