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User Topic: Infidelity During an Illness or Chronic Illness
wasfooled2
♀ Member
Member # 13783
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Clint,

I'm a "Crohnie" too...just got out of the hospital for the 6th time in a year. I'm on a ton of drugs that aren't working too well. It's been a year from hell...add the affair to it, and I am just swell. :(

Hugs to everyone.....when I suggested this thread, I had no idea how many of us there are and how much we're all going through. Stay strong!!

PS...Big hugs to answersplease.....you are in my thoughts!!


(Me) BS-39
(Him) WS-41 (serial cheater)
D-Day #7 2/24/07 (lost count)
Married 15 years; together for 23
Reconciled, or so I thought. Separated & divorcing.

Better off I sparkle on my own ~ Anna Nalick


Posts: 5583 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Chicago Suburbs
dontdream
♂ Member
Member # 14303
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, April 24th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DigDug - that is what I am thinking as well.

Read my profile - you'll see the whole story.

I worry that when things get hard, or boring, or whatever again - that she will stray.

Hell I worry that I will stray.

what a life.


--
BH: almost 36 (me)
ExW: 35
DD: 15y
D-Day 2/10/2007
LTA: 15 months with former boss

Divorced on 9/2/08
Happy with myself - accepting of being single.
working on finding a new beginning.


Posts: 406 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Seattle
answersplease
♂ Member
Member # 12106
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, April 25th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wasfooled2, Thank you. I think the prayers worked. I will be going in for liver transplant on June 6th. WS isnt really happy about it because now she has 2 people to worry about. Still great news.

I will probably be offline shortly thereafter for a few weeks. Now if I can just get a kidney!

edited for clarity

[This message edited by answersplease at 7:31 PM, April 30th (Monday)]


me BS/50
her WW/50
liver cancer survivor, transplant successful - 2007
kidney transplant successful - 2009
d-day 9/17/2006
1-son, 19

Posts: 527 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Upper Midwest
wasfooled2
♀ Member
Member # 13783
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, April 26th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Answers))))

That is the best news I've heard all day. June is a good month. 2 of my kids were born then. A great time of "rebirth" for you!!


(Me) BS-39
(Him) WS-41 (serial cheater)
D-Day #7 2/24/07 (lost count)
Married 15 years; together for 23
Reconciled, or so I thought. Separated & divorcing.

Better off I sparkle on my own ~ Anna Nalick


Posts: 5583 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Chicago Suburbs
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, April 26th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{answers}}}}


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
wasfooled2
♀ Member
Member # 13783
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like such a loser these days.

When I was in the hospital a few months ago, I got fired from my job. (yes, IN the hospital.)

Since then, I have been collecting unemployment. I was just in the hospital again in late April. Got home a week ago.

This stupid disease is really taking a toll on me. I don't think I could physically hold down a full-time job right now if I tried. It makes me feel so weak.

I am only 34. I have 2 small and very energetic kiddos, and I feel like I am wasting away, growing a year older for every minute.

Not having a job makes me feel like such a loser. Lazy, insignificant, boring, unimportant...you name it.

So I sit here, puttering around the house, waiting to heal so I can get my life back, and every time I think I have finally gotten stronger, I have another flare. 6 hospitalizations in a year. 82 days in the hospital, away from my family.

No wonder my husband had an affair.

I'm really in the pit of despair today.


(Me) BS-39
(Him) WS-41 (serial cheater)
D-Day #7 2/24/07 (lost count)
Married 15 years; together for 23
Reconciled, or so I thought. Separated & divorcing.

Better off I sparkle on my own ~ Anna Nalick


Posts: 5583 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Chicago Suburbs
wasfooled2
♀ Member
Member # 13783
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did your partner's A start before or after you got sick?


(Me) BS-39
(Him) WS-41 (serial cheater)
D-Day #7 2/24/07 (lost count)
Married 15 years; together for 23
Reconciled, or so I thought. Separated & divorcing.

Better off I sparkle on my own ~ Anna Nalick


Posts: 5583 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Chicago Suburbs
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wasfooled, when I was sick with cancer a few years ago I was very very ill. I was having severe allergic reactions to the chemo. I was horrifically bloated and could barely walk from the neuropathy. I was in pain night and day... but it was either that or dying from the cancer. So I toughed it out.

When my cancer returned a few years later, he didn't have the balls to tough it out with me. He turned to another woman who is as weak and devoid of a human soul as he is.

I did not fail my marriage. I did not succumb to my illness. He did. He didn't have the balls to tough it out like I did. He bailed out. I did not.

So who was the deficient one here? I see now with crystal clarity that it wasn't me.

I did recover. I have lost the bloat, I am becoming fit and healthy again, which I thought would never happen. And I believe much of it because I no longer had to endure that failing marriage with that toxic person in my life.

You should see me now. I am active and vital. I have a full head of beautiful blonde hair again. I have a great job and working full time, which I believed I would never be able to do again. I feel sexy and like a woman again, which I didn't feel for a long long time. Whose fault was that? Not mine..

And now shithead is not around to reap the rewards. Instead I have a wonderful SO who is many MANY times more handsome and wonderful that my XWS ever was. He treats me like a goddess (that I am!) and I do not doubt for a minute that he would be beside me every step of the way should my cancer ever return.

You have worth! You are still the same woman. You will beat this. You must believe that. You are not responsible for what he thinks, you are not responsible for his failing to be by your side pulling you through this. He's the one who has failed as a spouse and a man. Piss on him. There.

[This message edited by Nouveau at 8:47 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday)]


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
answersplease
♂ Member
Member # 12106
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wasfooled2,
My WW blamed my illness for the A. I tried a chemo regimin called Pegasys to cure my Hepatitis C. She said she thought I was going to die. She even told me she thought she was going to need a new husband and she wanted to find out if "he" could be "the one". It was over a year into the A before I got the terminal cancer diagnosis, 4 months before dday.


me BS/50
her WW/50
liver cancer survivor, transplant successful - 2007
kidney transplant successful - 2009
d-day 9/17/2006
1-son, 19

Posts: 527 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Upper Midwest
DigDug
♂ Member
Member # 10117
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Here is a positive story regarding illness and Reconciling.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/05/04/kidney.couple.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories


~DigDug~

A BS who is divorced after four years of giving it my best.

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. ~ Cathy Carlyle


Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2006
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, infidelity during illness does not always end in a reconciliation of the marriage.

Many marriages end during serious illnesses, and sadly during the worse possible time... while the BS is gravely ill.

However, the end of the marriage can also have a positive ending. I am positive that I never want to see him again and I'm positive I can live and thrive much better without him.


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
wasfooled2
♀ Member
Member # 13783
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Answers,

Just checking on you. Are you still scheduled for the transplant on June 6th? How are you doing these days??

Hugs to you, my friend.


(Me) BS-39
(Him) WS-41 (serial cheater)
D-Day #7 2/24/07 (lost count)
Married 15 years; together for 23
Reconciled, or so I thought. Separated & divorcing.

Better off I sparkle on my own ~ Anna Nalick


Posts: 5583 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Chicago Suburbs
answersplease
♂ Member
Member # 12106
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep still here. Just got cleared on final for the transplant. June 6th is the confirmed date. Right now they are screening potential donors like crazy for my kidney transplant. They want to do both at the same time. They indicate that the liver transplant should be the final and ultimate insult to my kidneys due to an anti-rejection drug called Prograf. If all goes well, I get a double transplant and a new lease on life.

To those of you who would talk of giving up hope, I say this. Always keep a positive attitude and never think you are worthless. Never give up. I live over a year of my life with no light and no tunnel. Now I know what it's like to have a plan again. A tunnel, and some light. It might still be the train coming to get me but at least I have a plan. Point is, I never gave up hope and never will. Neither should anyone else. Hang in there everyone!

AP


me BS/50
her WW/50
liver cancer survivor, transplant successful - 2007
kidney transplant successful - 2009
d-day 9/17/2006
1-son, 19

Posts: 527 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Upper Midwest
ToddC
♂ Member
Member # 9314
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, October 11th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Answers,

Long time...

How about an update?


Posts: 18524 | Registered: Jan 2006
shatteredW
♀ Member
Member # 15966
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, October 11th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't even realize that kind of a forum existed I didn't get past the first four forums and realized there were more. So what can I say...my story...I found out and was diagnosed with a chronic illness back in April of 2007. It was devastating to say the least and being in a city by myself with just my WF didn't help the situation much. I gave my WF the chance to get out and told him I did not want him to go through the burden of this. WF insisted he was in it for the long haul and even proposed in June 2007. During those couple of months though he wasn't really there for me and I found myself wanting to go back home alot. Now after D-Day I realize why he never wanted to discuss it with me or be supportive. It was a very difficult time in my life, and I realized after D-Day that WF was not there for me b/c he was involved in this EA and or PA. I think that is one of the most unforgivable part about all of it. All those nights I cried alone, all the appointments I went to alone, and all those medications that made me sick, and not once did he really hug me and tell me I could talk to him. So in away that is the hardest part to reconcile. I have let him know that I may be able to forgive him for everything else, but not for that. Aggghhh just writing about this stirs up all my anger for him again...it's hard though trying to R through so many obstacles and just knowing everything now...


Me-BSO-Betrayed Fiancee
Him-WSO-Wayward Fiance for 9 months
R? lots of false Rs hoping 4 peace

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Canada
wasfooled2
♀ Member
Member # 13783
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, October 22nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, answers....been thinking about you a lot! How are you feeling?

((((ShatteredW))))) I know how much it hurts to be going through all this and being sick at the same time.


(Me) BS-39
(Him) WS-41 (serial cheater)
D-Day #7 2/24/07 (lost count)
Married 15 years; together for 23
Reconciled, or so I thought. Separated & divorcing.

Better off I sparkle on my own ~ Anna Nalick


Posts: 5583 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Chicago Suburbs
BadBack
♂ Member
Member # 11600
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, October 22nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you that been through the "Illness" A, and are R'g and are dealing with another illness or surgery.... How do deal with the "trust" issues of being "sick" again??? My FWW had her A when I was dealing with my 1st back surgery, and I am going to need another next year.... I am scared to death to go through this again even though she swears this will never happen again.....????

The surgery I can handle...the fear of her straying again...I cant....

[This message edited by BadBack at 2:29 PM, October 22nd (Monday)]


M - 14 Years
Me FBS - A VERY VERY OLD Feeling 42y
Her FWW - 40y (lovedagain)
Her A ended 4/06 (2 Mo EA 7 mo PA with Former Employee of Hers)
D-day 7/29/06 D-Day2 9-24-07 (FOM REAL identity finally revealed
R is going Xtremely Well!!!

Posts: 510 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: SouthEastern US
ToddC
♂ Member
Member # 9314
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, October 26th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BB, I am divorcing her sorry ass so I don't have that fear any longer. When she finally confessed to her LTA, she said she had the affair because she thought I was dying. She remains unremorseful so I have no doubt she would do it again because she has learned nothing about herself.

Posts: 18524 | Registered: Jan 2006
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, October 26th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't been over here for a while, but the fact of his cheating on me "Because" I was sick IS an unforgiveable action in my book.

I will be facing another surgery in the winter. I was worried about it, but I figure he if does it again, he's gone. It's not like I have to give him a third chance. He knows it, he's in IC now and I will expect him to continue throughout the surgery and recovery. If he stops that, I will kick him out too. I'd rather heal alone than with someone who doesn't have an empathetic bone in his body.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
BadBack
♂ Member
Member # 11600
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, October 30th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWW has gone to the other extreme, for awhile after DDay#2, I forbid her from attending Doctor appt's, kept her from knowing what my medical issues were... I guess I was protecting myself, if I had to go it alone again, may as well start now.... As R went better, I let her in, now she gets extremely upset (crying) if she misses a Dr appt with me... She is vowing that she wont leave me alone again....

But that doesnt fix the fact that she did before, and I need more suregery and I am dead afraid that she could change her mind once she is dealing with an "ill" / "recovering" husband again.... it really sucks...

[This message edited by BadBack at 7:32 AM, October 31st (Wednesday)]


M - 14 Years
Me FBS - A VERY VERY OLD Feeling 42y
Her FWW - 40y (lovedagain)
Her A ended 4/06 (2 Mo EA 7 mo PA with Former Employee of Hers)
D-day 7/29/06 D-Day2 9-24-07 (FOM REAL identity finally revealed
R is going Xtremely Well!!!

Posts: 510 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: SouthEastern US
Topic Posts: 128
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