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User Topic: Infidelity During an Illness or Chronic Illness
♀ Member
Member # 17330
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 12th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks letitbeme! I still have down days but more ups than downs. My best to all.

Me 46 years old
M 13 years, together 17 years
Two girls, ages 13 and 7
WH died July 1, 2009 at age 46 from pancreatic cancer diagnosed July 2005. Affair began Nov. 2006 when cancer metastasized.

Posts: 419 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Illinois
♀ Member
Member # 35262
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, May 18th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, this is hard to share.
WH first A was while I was bedridden with complications from a pregnancy. I was 7 months along when he met up with a gal who he had been flirting with for a long time.
I have fibromyalgia and well everyday is a struggle. Last year the end of August till middle of October I had some mystery illness. Not sure that is over, but I can keep food down now. Mid October my carpal tunnel got so painful I couldn't type or hold things. So, I had surgery the beginning of December. WH's A started mid November. While I was having surgery he was busy texting the OW. When he was in recovery with me he was busy texting her. Use the disguise of letting people know how I was doing as a reason for texting. They had a secret e-mail account, video chatting, texts, phone calls. I have record of all the phone stuff. I was raped 18 years ago and needed him on the anniversary of that day. I had called him and he was "busy". Yes, I can see the phone record and tell that they had almost 300 texts and they were busy sending nude and almost nude pictures back and forth and telling each other how much they loved each other. Crap this pain is too much some days. He is out of town right now and it just all floods in because the last time he was out of town he was with her. I am in physical and emotional pain. I have to go to another specialist because they can't figure out what is wrong with me. Strange symptoms and all the tests have come back negative for the common stuff.

Married 26 years
BW: Me, 47
WH: 47
DDay#2: March 8th, 2012, with one of my good friends.
DDay#1: Oct. 20th 1992, 2 years post PA
Attempting R
Without honesty, loyalty, and commitment; saying you love someone, simply means nothing.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Southwestern Area of USA
♀ Member
Member # 32065
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, May 26th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 4 weeks from giving birth when WH started his affair. I can't quite fathom how he justified it. He says he didn't, that he never thought it was right he was just being selfish. And he didn't think it was really as bad because there was no PA then.

It still gets me that he did it THEN and that he then took out newborn to OWs house. He says she never held her but I don't believe that.

Me - BW
Him - WH
HER - Married OW who will never go away
DDay #1 2/15/11
DDay #2 5/10/11
WH on the fence until 7/1/11
Trying to stay together bearably
I will never be the same (and that's a bad thing)

Posts: 349 | Registered: May 2011
♀ Member
Member # 17888
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry that our spouses have been too selfish and stepped out when we needed them most. I understand your pain. I have a chronic illness too, for a year we did not know what was wrong. Wh thought it was depression and I needed to get over it even though I had elevated liver levels. I have been exhausted to the point of falling asleep at work, anytime I sat down etc. Turns out I have a virus that causes mono and mono like symptoms. I was just diagnosed a month ago.

Today, I tried to talk to wh and expressed concern that this may turn into chronic fatigue. Mono is supposed to last a month or two with fatigue continuing a few months longer. My symptoms will be a year next month. Ahole wh said today, don't think about that, you could cause it to happen because you are focusing on it. For the first time in a very long time I cried.

I have not caused this a**hole. It is a virus, that you can't medicate. However I am sure that the stress of dealing with his lta has not helped in anyway. A wedding to get through and then I believe I am done. He apologised for his choice of words and said he was trying to be "helpful" and encouraging. I said you don't remember that I have been exhausted since our vacation last summer. He said he has a bad memory, right. Yeah, thanks. end of rant..

Me:44 BS Him:43 WH
M May 07 Adult kids
DDay #1 Pics on cell jly 07
Jan08 DDay #2 "Just Friends" admits EA DDay #3 July 2010 - he insisted on platonic contact ..False R - until Dec 2010 admits PA in April 07
Dec 2012 NC succeeded

Posts: 542 | Registered: Jan 2008
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, June 14th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How in the hell did I miss this thread. Jeesh, talk about right up my ally

I have been fighting Osteoarthritis and Degenerative spine disease for over 15 years. I lost a 7 mill a year biz I spent 20 years building and running on my own. I'm currently trying to survive on disability and just had to file for chapter 7. As bad as that is, I've always had the mind set that there are millions worse off than I am.

That is until I discovered WW's LTA last year. I can handle the constant pain, no sleep, even the depression, but finding out that the one person who you most depended on and thought had your back no matter what, was/is a pain almost to great to bear.

I'm currently fighting memories of WW cyber sexing OM while I was being cut open last June for a THR. The thought of her telling him she wanted oral sex and even scoping out a remote area of the hospital during a previous surgery two months prior still makes me want to puke!!

I can't wrap my head around how anyone could be so uncaring & cruel while their supposed life partner could be bleeding out on the operating table. Sorry, but there just aren't any excuses for that and I don't know if I'll ever get past it.

Today is the anniversary of my THR and it's really a bad day/week for me. Of course WW can't seem to get why this is such a trigger for me.

Who are these people and where are their hearts when they do these despicable things to us!?

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 3:57 PM, June 14th (Thursday)]

Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 14th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mitz66, were you dx'd with Chronic Epstein Barr Virus? If so, I understand as I was dx'd with that last year also. I spent months in bed unable to get up, so exhausted that I could barely get up to pee let alone work. I also have migraines and had been hospitalized for severe debilitating migraines. My stbx told me that since he didn't know any one who had migraines like mine it was all in my head. He deserted me when I was severely ill. I kept telling my doctors that it was more than migraines.

I made a list of all my symptoms for the past 3 years and took it to my PCP. She read it and said "you're right, somehting is wrong." she did 24 blood tests and I was dx'd with CEBV, Fibro and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. These all go hand in had so please have your doctor check you for these. I am still trying to prove that I have either Lupus or RA as my joints swell and I get hives in the heat.

Spouses to leave and have affairs when their mates are ill are the lowest of the low to me. My stbx was disabled when I married him but when I became disabled he dumped me and took up with a ho and an ugly one at that! I have no respect for anyone who leaves a spouse who is ill.

DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
♀ Member
Member # 10340
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 5th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, sometimes there's good news on this front. . . . Beginning from the time that I discovered WH (now gay divorce's) infidelity, I started losing control over my Type I diabetes that I had dealt with (alone) for over 30 years. No matter how I tried (or thought I was trying), my A1c (a laboratory test for determining blood sugar levels over a period of several weeks) just kept getting worse. Finally, after years of hitting my head against a wall, we divorced last year.

At my first appointment after the D, I updated my status on my forms from married to single. Doc came in to the exam room and said that my A1c had dropped 2.5 points since my previous visit 4 months before. She noted my status change and said, "while I don't always see such a dramatic improvement after a divorce, I see it more than you might think . . ."

[This message edited by Saddernow at 1:24 PM, July 5th (Thursday)]

Me - BS- 49 when I started here, 52 now. Wandering ex - 53
Married 25 years together 251/
2 boys (adopted) 23 and 20
D-day 7/31/05
If I'm still here in 5 years I'll still be here. But now this girl is gone, Divorced August 30, 2011.

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 33151
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 19th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He died
Since July of last year when I found a FB chat between him and a local ho, lots of things happened. I found all kinds of female phone numbers on his phone etc. One of them was someone that was in AA with him and she had a craigslist ad over in the “whore” section. Early in November, I confronted him about FB bitch and his AA ho. He just sat there, didn’t say a word. After 30 minutes of silence, I asked him if he had ANYTHING to say about it and he said “it wouldn’t matter, you won’t believe me or trust me”. No apology, no nothing. Early Nov. last year I was trying to figure out a way to leave his ass. Then later in November, his MRI comes back with multiple cancer lesions. He gets two rounds of radiation and we wait to see if he will be able to get a transplant. Long story short, didn't get transplant and he died at home on June 25th. Being the dutiful wife, I stood by him through all this. The last couple of months he was with me, he was critical of much that I did or said. I attribute it to him being so sick and his lab work being screwy but there is a nagging voice in my head telling me that it was the way he really felt. I have found that he had subscribed to various married-but-looking websites. One was paid by the month but he cancelled in 2007. I found his craigslist account and he trolled on there for women in the last 6 months. This always correlated to when I was out of town visiting my kids or he was out of town visiting his kids There is a yahoo account that I can’t get the password for, but I know that it was the one that he used for his “discreet encounters”
He seemed to focus in the past a lot, particularly in the mid 80s when he and his first wife Diana had a good patch in their marriage and his kids were little. It was depressing to me that it seemed that our relationship didn't have much of the fun and happiness that I saw in the pictures.
There are very few pics of us together. I wonder sometimes if he married me just so there would be someone to take care of him as he got sicker from his liver disease. All I know is that I can't share any of this with anyone here. Everyone thought he was "Mr. Niceguy" maybe a few of them knew of his side activities, but I doubt it. He was very good at keeping things “close to the vest”. I threw out a lot of the research and things that I had found when he was finally diagnosed because I knew that his prognosis was zero in a short period of time without a transplant. I wish II hadn’t, it could help when I start going back to therapy to help with my grief issues. When he died, it was like someone cut out a piece of my heart and stomped on it. My emotions are all over the place as well as my memories both good and bad. I do/did love him. I’m glad it’s over though. Now I have to figure out who I am and what I want to do. It will be a hell of a long time (if ever) before I get into another relationship with a man.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Ohio
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