I guess these are not the norm though. My WW is very flirty and always has been - she aint going to change (even this weekend she was out at a party and sitting on men's laps - I wasnt there but saw pics).
What happens the first time she pulls that shit with OM around. I knew her before we M and knew she was flirty - its part of who she is, and I also trusted her so the flirting was never that big a deal. OM on the other hand knows she is capable of lying and cheating. How long till they're checking each other's phones?
Anyway - as I said, this is NOT MY CONCERN. Indifference is the goal we must all work towards. Live well and forget about them.
There is a member on here whose sig I have adopted - "When a man tries to steal your wife, the best revenge is to let him have her"
Amen to that.
I was talking to a woman recently whose husband left her and their young daughter for her best friend. The WS and best friend got married and continued to be together for the next 30 years.
Guess what- the WS and the "best friend" are now getting a divorce. She cheated on him.
Usually we don't know until it blows up that it was blowing up. My ex still talks to me and admitted that they got into a fight about two weeks after the wedding and haven't had sex since, which is about a year and a half.
I shouldn't laugh, I know, but I do. It's predictable.
So even though I used to feel bad because I was in that less than 5% everyone said actually left, I feel better knowing that at least that cursed relationship is crap and likely to get worse and a complete failure that will end eventually.
I kicked mine out, but gave him an option to come back 2 weeks later. We tried MC, but he was continuing the affair. He is now shut down emotionally altogether, and is seemingly happy with her. He lies constantly, chronically, to everyone from me, to his daughter, to his best male friend and his parents. I really think its because he can't face what he has done and thinks going to the other bitch is easier than dealing with our 28 year long marriage. I have now accepted he won't be back. But it SUCKS. Sorry to all of you in the same boat, but I am glad that I am not alone in losing him to the OW.
ETA: He replied with, "but it would have to be a condition of the relationship that I would still be able to spend time with you doing all the fun things we like to do together".
Yeah, like that is going to fly. or last. what an idiot.
[This message edited by purplefinch at 11:29 AM, July 13th (Wednesday)]
How bad could things really have been if you're 'still friends'?
Wanting to hang out and such means - will you be available when Ow's not?
A condition of your marriage was that he didn't date - he didn't honor that, so f*ck his request for a condition of being besties.
Friends don't treat each other like shit.
S over 3 years ago, moved out 2 months later, OM moved in a month after that.
They got married a little less than 2 weeks ago and are on their honeymoon as I type this.
I actually hope things are good for them... because I can at least have some solace knowing that someone I loved so deeply is happy.
Yes, I despise what they did to me, and I do not want her in my life more than she has to be for DDs sake, but I did love her (still do in a way I suppose - I never would have taken a vow to love her forever if I didn't figure I could), and ultimately her happiness is important.
If only our WSs had loved us enough not to have hurt us in such a profound way.
One of the reasons at the top of the list was that I knew it would make OW crazy. And it does. He did make it a condition of his relationship with her that he would be friends with me and spend whatever time he wanted.
I didn't want him anymore and knew R was not a possibility, despite the fact that I loved him - still do love him, just know we can't be M.
Revenge sometimes is just being the thing they fight about. I know it may be a warped viewpoint, but it's worked for me and freed me up more than anything else to move on with my life.
I want nothing more than for them to crash and burn soon.
I have to admit, I would probably smile and/or laugh if I at some future time one cheats on the other.
It sucks to be in so much pain, to be treated as a disposable object. To have all those years invalidated...to feel like you might not be worth keeping around. That the person you invested so much of your life and your self in could just walk away so easily.
Moved my stats to my Profile; click there for my story.
I am a Phoenix; I may be in the ashes stage at the moment, but I am now actively working on my Rebirth. =)
PS: I edit posts for typos & clarity
It's hard, but part of me does believe that they don't walk away so easily. They will feel the impact of this at some point - we might never know it - but they will. They are living in their own hell right now - knowing that they are liars and cheaters who destroyed their families. Walk? They didn't walk. They ran. Unfortunately, they don't know that, instead of running from us, which is what they initially think, they are running from themselves. There's a reason that people say, "wherever you go, there you are." Can't run from yourself - they'll figure that out one day and that, in my opinion, will be a sweet, sweet day.
I do believe my stbxwh is having some internal strife but he is just not dealing with it except by drinking with the other hag/bitch and having a grand old time. As we go through mediation, his finances are deteriorating and I think he is starting to realize what a mess he's made. I sense a little bit of, not remorse or regret, but something that he is feeling badly. I hope that she is too but I doubt it. She won the cheating husband. Something to be really proud of. yeah.
And I don't know how I can be friends with him. He has his head so far up his ass he's seeing through his nostrils.
I wonder how they can walk away so easily, without a look back. I had someone in my divorce support group (who's wife had cheated) say that my WS has to face myself in the mirror. I said it doesn't matter cause he thinks what he is doing is right. He said no, there is no way around it, there will come a time when he looks in the mirror and he WILL see himself. Like you say we probably won't know it.
I think the friends thing is just to help them feel well if she still my friend then I must not be a bad person. CanISurvive I agree with you, I can't be friends in the sense he wants as long as he is with OW. More cake eating, he wants her and my friendship.
[This message edited by daisylvr at 4:22 PM, July 19th (Tuesday)]