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User Topic: When A WS Leaves For Their OP
Beautiful
♀ Member
Member # 4723
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome all.

I have a lot of demons still chasing me after the divorce I didn't want.

My ex never ever admitted the A. We never had a real 'D' day. We've never had a fight, I've never confronted ow. I kept thinking he'd *get it* and come home if he felt he had a loving un-hostile environment to come home to. It didn't work.

As a result, there's been no closure for me. My friend doesn't understand that and well, says, after 4 years, I should be 'over it'. I'm not. I have more good days than bad, but no, I'm not over *it* - the trauma of the A, the D the pain (oh, the pain) and humiliation of getting divorced. Finally, seeing them together is so hurtful.

When I see them together, I cringe. I won't speak to her. I will not let either of them EVER feel that I have accepted their actions and behaviors as acceptable and by speaking to them, I feel I am doing that. Besides, what would I say?

Tell me, please that I have the right to feel this way. I don't have anyone else to discuss this with.

[This message edited by Beautiful at 3:45 PM, May 31st (Thursday)]





Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: from the land of steady habits
tnvolpa
♀ Member
Member # 14185
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was going to post some questions for everyone, to see how similar we all are.

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.
approx. 1 month.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?
None.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?
2 months, the wound is still fresh..

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?
From what I can tell she is leaving her husband.

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?
Of course I would because I'm a complete and utter DUMB A**. Once I get past realizing that then Heck no, I deserve better!!! Currently moving on, taking care of me!
Many blessings to all of you who are survivors!!


edited b/c I'm a DA and forgot to answer my own questions.

[This message edited by tnvolpa at 11:20 PM, June 1st (Friday)]


"I almost fell into that hole in your life." Goo goo dolls

Posts: 137 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: TN
Beautiful
♀ Member
Member # 4723
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

A started, I think, in Dec 99. 'D' day (the day I found out) was 38 months later.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?
He filed in 3/03. In July, he came back and asked me to R, but it was half-hearted and by August, he was back with ow. THEN, about a week after the D was final, he was calling me, asking me out to lunch, etc... That went on for 3 months. Then he asked to come home (his lease was up). I said that would be a disaster as we've never resolved why he left. SO, he moves in with ow. AND, he starts calling me again, coming by, sending me cute e-mails. In May, he buys me a 'To my Wife' mother's day card. Talk about CONFUSED (me)!! He asked again if we could get back together and finally, after some 'hysterical bonding', I said yes.

I still don't know what happened after that day. His entire demeanor changed in one day. He was back in 'the fog'.

That's when I said 'enough' and stopped talking to him. He hurt me so bad over and over.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, havet they been w/ OP?

ow and ex have been together for 3 1/4 years after D day.

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

ow was newly D when she hooked up with my H. No kids. She was a new hire in his company. I am assuming they didn't know each other prior to 9/99, but who knows?

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

See #2 above. He never really begged or pleaded, but tried to gloss over the entire event. His attempts were not sincere and I knew that. Would I take him back? No. I would start talking to him if he dumps the ow or if they break up - not likely as I saw the giant diamond on her hand not too long ago.
It's okay, they deserve each other.

Sorry for the long-winded reply....

[This message edited by Beautiful at 9:46 PM, May 31st (Thursday)]





Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: from the land of steady habits
tamarack
♀ Member
Member # 14554
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, May 31st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

Maybe a week at the most. They literally just met


Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying

Nope, none. On dday, STBX started openly shacking up with OW. He tried to pull the "I'm so confused, I can't make up my mind" BS in front of me a couple of times, giving me hope that maybe there could be a chance at R, but of course he never broke it off with OW.


How many months has it been since D-day, havet they been w/ OP?

They've been joined at the hip since dday. They're going on a whole month now.


Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

OW is married, apparently refusing to get D. She and her H have been living in separate states for years, so I'm assuming they have an "open marriage". OW has two adult children, who are almost as old as I am.


Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

I don't know. However, it'll never happen. STBX just keeps burning his bridges, and gets meaner and more vindictive the more time goes by.



Me: 42 WH: 58, sociopath
OW: 54-year-old nutcase
married 10 years, 2 kids (12 & 13)
DDay: 5/2/07
divorced

"I had no back up plan. Just freefalling till I landed" - TrainerCarrie


Posts: 3554 | Registered: May 2007 | From: suburbs of Denver, CO
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, June 1st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beutiful,
you are not alone in how you feel. The OW in my life is lower than a worm. I will not aknowledge her by name. I have not seen her in a very long time, but the last few times I saw her I either completely ignored her, or if forced to aknowedge her, I berated her and intimidated her. I distinctly recal one time she was in MY house. She was on the deck with X (wh at the time) making puppy dog eyes at him. I stood in the kitchen in direct line of her and just starred at her. X came in "Stop looking at her!!" ha ha ha -- MY house asshole!! God, that was sooo long ago!! FINALLY, she decided it was best to leave. As she left I simply said "bitch, slut, whore". That is all she will ever be to me. She has no name. She is Awhore.

(((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, June 1st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.
- 3-4 months

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?
A few pathetic attempts at R where he claimed to go NC, but did not. He was a definite cake eater, wanting us both.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, havet they been w/ OP?
Almost exactly 2 years (d-day is June 5). He is still with her. In fact, I believe he is visiting her this week even though he insisted that DD visit him—he left her behind….

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?
OW was M to X’s cousin. He committed suicide 6 months prior to the A. X said that he NEEDED to help her with her grief. That I should be thankful that he is still alive. I would choose his death over this hell any day of the week

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?
As I mentioned before, he tried a couple of times, but never was committed, never went NC. When I committed to D, I KNEW it was the right thing. I will NEVER take him back as a partner in life. However, I will “mark” him with sex if the opportunity presents itself. And yes, I know I am evil


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
roadlesstraveled
♀ Member
Member # 13501
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, June 1st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

I didn't find out about the A until 4 months after he left me for no reason. From what I can piece together from their emails, he started really getting involved with her in Spring 2006. There was first an EA while she was pregnant/married that turned into a PA. So, I would say that the affair had been going on at least 5 months by the time he left me, if not longer. They are still together.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?

Absolutely none. I didn't even know there WAS an OW when he left me. I was clueless. He called me 4 months after leaving me to tell me that he had just started "dating" someone, nothing serious. Ha ha ha-


3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

We didn't really have a "d-day", although in Feb. I did tell him that I knew he had an affair, I just didn't have many details (now I have all the details). Don't know how long the affair was going on while they worked together, but I know for sure they have been together since June 2006. He currently lives with his mom 3 hours away from OW, but I think they are planning a wedding/honeymoon already.


4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

OW was married while she was having the A with my H. She has 1 child, 16 months old.
She D her husband in March 2007.

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

After everything I know today? NO. But I have no illusions that he will come back, ever. He seems quite happy with his new love and life. He has never looked back and I doubt he will. We'll see if he feels any guilt or remorse at all when he sees me for the first time in August. It will have been 9 months since we have seen each other. My guess is that it just won't affect him that much.
Too much damage has been done for us to ever be together again. I'm learning to accept that and move on, but it's hard.


"Life is what happens when your plans go astray."

Posts: 617 | Registered: Jan 2007
budapest
Member
Member # 14315
Default  Posted: 4:04 AM, June 1st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) 4 1/2 months. See my profile.

2) No real attempts at R, just some cakeeating, fence sitting BS about how "confused" he is and how his feelings change day to day.

3)So far two months but D day was April 1st and he had moved out February 15 but I didn't know there was an A just believed him when he said he was depressed.

4)Married no kids but her H lives in another country so I really don't know what kind of marriage they have.

5) No he has not tried to come back and no I would not take him back. I am still in revenge fantasy mode though so I might for a month and send OW photos!


Me BW (42)
DD 8
Divorced
Now married to a wonderful man!

Posts: 383 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Portland
tnvolpa
♀ Member
Member # 14185
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, June 1st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"mark him" LOL!!! That is the funniest thing I've read today dreamboat!

[This message edited by tnvolpa at 11:16 PM, June 1st (Friday)]


"I almost fell into that hole in your life." Goo goo dolls

Posts: 137 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: TN
runaway
♀ Member
Member # 8720
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.
approx.

at least 1 year - our youngest was approx. 9 months old when it began

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?

one bizarre day when he lied and said he'd left her and wanted to work on us. then went back to her house to get some things, needless to say, he did not return

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

d-day was one week from returning from romantic break with me and while H is house hunting for a bigger place for us all - H phones from office and says he has been having an affair (true), with a divorce lawyer(true), oh and she's married (true) but leaving her husband (was news to him) who is abusive (other way round it turned out - she hits him) He left that night. He's never looked back and they are still together 2 years on.

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

She's a divorce lawyer - she thoroughly enjoyed making the most unpleasant divorce possible and actively participated in prolonging our divorce, encouraging H to try to force us out of MY house by trying to bankrupt us and applying for custody of children purely to reduce child support and then never take the dates applied for....etc

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

If it had just been the affair - yes. But his behaviour has been positively cruel and vindictive. I loathe him.


No one can hurt me unless I let them. I forgot that for a while. But I'm back now.

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: UK
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

2 1/2 months.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?

This is our 4th try.
#1 6 weeks
#2 2 weeks
#3 3 weeks
this time we are at 2 months.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

23 months since dday

21 months off and on

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

Single, probably kids he doesn't support or know of.

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

I am, and yes


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
devastated07
♀ Member
Member # 14288
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, June 5th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day?
20 Days. (they knew each other in HS.) He contacted her on March 2nd and March 22nd was D-Day.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?
He does not want to Reconcile.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP? Its been a little over 2 months since D-day as of this writting and he has been with OP since he contacted her.


4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?
The OP is single and has two childrend from 2 different fathers.


5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried? I would allow him to come pleading back to me and have him beg for a few days before I send him packing. But as of yet, he has not tried and don't expect him to.



You will survive this. It is not a matter of if, but when.

Posts: 5752 | Registered: Apr 2007
jamiep
Member
Member # 14643
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, June 7th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day?
They met in March. EA approx. 1 month, PA 1 week


2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?
Nope

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?
3 weeks today. He's been staying with her


4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?
single- she's only 20


5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?
Honestly I would, but it wont ever happen


Me: BS
Him: WH
Together 8 years, even surviving 19 months of separation while he was in Iraq
D-day: 5/16/07 (12 hours after I gave birth to our second child)
5/17/07- I kicked him out

D filed on 7/5/07. FINALLY final on 10/13/09


Posts: 310 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Tennessee
didwhat
♀ Member
Member # 14163
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, June 9th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A was 8 months before Dday

At first we both wanted to R. However, he never had true NC. After 4 months and 2 more DDays I threw him out/he left.

He's been gone about 2 months. I've seen him a few times to talk about divorce.

OP is single/two kids. Her SO had just left her. She was so sad she had to have my H. (her email to me)

He doesn't want to come back, I can't deal with the idea of getting her STDs. I'm outta here.


first do no harm
me BS/54
him WH/53
Married 26yrs
Together 30 yrs
1 grown son

Posts: 610 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: calif
bailey36
♀ Member
Member # 7287
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, June 14th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

D-day was 5/04. From what i was told when he was caught it was only 6 months. From what i later found out it started in 11/99. So i didn't even find out till 5 years later when i busted him.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? On my part yes, on his no. He originally made the no-contact call to OW while i listened and two days later when he went back to work they talked again (this i also found out after the fact). He agreed to counseling (never went). Agreed to try to work on marriage and make changes (he only went underground more).

I considered us reconciling from May of 04 until Feb. of 05, when i found emails and IM's on the computer. That was when i got the full picture of how long, how many years, how many feelings, etc.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, havet they been w/ OP?

I believe they are still together and never stopped. So you can figure from 1999 until now, with 2 ddays in between.

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

The OW was married when they first got together with older children. She has been divorced since 2003 now.

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

He tried to gloss things over the first Dday. He didn't bother the second. He out and out told me the only reason he would stay was for the kids. No, i take that back..the only reason he would even 'try' was for the kids. He has physcially been on the couch since the 2nd dday. He is a good dad and does everything possible to keep the kids happy. But things have gotten so bad between us it is no longer worth it.

He is looking for an apartment now and i have hired a lawyer and we are going to try and do as much as possible by agreement. But its over. I gave it more than my best shot and i'm not sticking around for confirmation of a third dday. I know in my heart she is still around. And if anyone can stay with someone that long through all of turmoil we've been through and still love her, and i can see in his eyes how miserable he really is... then they can have each other.

Would i take him back? Never..


Married 11 yrs.
3 kids
Two D-days less than 8 months apart. Same OW. Waiting on the 3rd now.

Posts: 174 | Registered: Jun 2005
seeking wisdom
♀ Member
Member # 14156
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 15th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This the thread where I belong, and the issue my mind strays to most often – how could the man I had spent almost twenty years with, the man with whom I had a fiercely beloved child, abandon me and our marriage and our family so abruptly and finally and with so little communication for a person of so little substance?

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

Affair began as EA, lasted 24 months, then I believe morphed to PA in the two months before 2nd/ final dday. But there was at least one escort visit in there about 8 months before final dday.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?

I tried desperately to save our marriage for four months after first being told that my spouse was unhappy in our marriage via the ILYBNILWY speech, through 2 ddays. At first, no acknowledgment of any other party. Then, about 1-1/2 month in, he admitted visiting a sex-worker. But he vehemently, repeatedly denied any feelings for OP (though I had been uncomfortable with the intensity of their friendship for two years; though her husband had informed me the previous fall that she was in love with my H; and though they were joined at the hip at church, like two little magnets that kept finding themselves stuck together so that friends from church suspected the A – but didn’t tell me). Altogether went through four months of gaslighting and blameshifting – throughout, spouse insisted that the end of marriage was all about me, my inadequacies; spouse said in front of two separate MC s that there was no other person involved.. Finally admitted relationship with OP; admitted that he was leaving the marriage to be with her. I stopped wanting reconciliation – the realization of the magnitude of the lies ended my trust.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

One year now since 2nd (final) dday. Never left OP.

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

OP was leaving her husband during the relationship with my spouse; she is now divorced. She has two children; one was best friends with my child. Met this family through church (where they still, very publically, conduct their relationship). After a year of staying on there to support my daughter, new church for me!

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

After all that lying, it would take *years* of strenuous, earnest therapy on my STBX’s part for me to be willing to let him in my life again. Don’t see that happening. Having watched my H ignore my child to pay attention to the OP, I frankly don’t think I want him back in my life. There is something of vital importance missing in his core self, a flaw lodged at a deep, characterological level. But spouse has never tried any form of reconciliation. He dallied about filing, so I did, and now am simply waiting for the divorce to be final.


BS in WXH's exit affair.
Hold the fort. It gets better.

Posts: 1171 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: nyc
jaykaydee
♀ Member
Member # 14855
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, June 20th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

10 He dated her for a year before he moved in with her. Since he worked with her, he would set up "team building" after work exercises. I protested, "These are dates". They were rollerblading, amusement parks etc.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?

Not on his part. His heart wasn't in it and you can't make it happen alone. I am very resentful that he made me go on "dates" with him to try to help our marriage when he knew all along about the OW, but I didn't. No wonder he was a wet blanket and didn't have any fun.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

I got the ILYBINILWY speech 12/26/06. Found out about the physical affair on 2/9/07. False R in Feb, kicked him out after he made contact in March and he moved in with her.

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

single, but had a boyfriend with a vasectomy. When I saw her newly purchase house, I said to my H, this isn't a house for someone who isn't going to have kids. This is a house of someone who wants a family. I didn't know it was mine she wanted. Two months later my H moved in with her.

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?
No and No.


ME- BS 41
HIM - WS 39
OW - employee of WS
DDay 2/9/07



Posts: 628 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Manchester, CT
tabby
♀ New Member
Member # 13153
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, June 22nd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, there are a lot of us in this boat. I don't know how to feel about that. Is this somehow normal? Is this really just the way things happen in love, like my H has tried to tell me? What a terrible thought.

To answer the questions:

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

According to him it was just an EA until a week after he moved out. I got the ILYBINILWY speech, then the announcement that he had "feelings" for OW but nothing had happened yet "because he was married" (um, he was still married to me a week later when something DID happen). I'd suspected he'd had a crush on her for awhile. She's remarkably attractive, unfortunately.

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? No. At first he played it as if he just needed some time and space to sort things out, but it quickly became clear that he was just plain going for it with the OW.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

Just over 6 months now.

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

OW was engaged (her second engagement at the age of 22). She ditched her fiance the day after H left me.

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?
No. And no. But I sure wish he would try. I have this overpowering need for him to realize what a fool he's been. I don't think it will ever happen though.


Well we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun.

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Canada
luv2swim
♀ Member
Member # 13154
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, June 22nd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

Four and a half months. However, I got the ILYBIMNILWY speech with-in a month of his meeting her. Got the "we are separated speech" a few weeks later (worth noting nothing changed from my or our children's perspective: clothing still in closets, his watch on the night stand, he gone for a week or more due to work requirements, and still sleeping with me.

A week after that he came home without his wedding ring. Told me he just knew he was going to have sex with someone with-in the year. Just knew it! But no (liar liar pants on fire), he did not have anyone in mind.


2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?

None.
Lots of gaslighting, vaporizing, shimmering and blame shifting. It is all my fault btw. Incase anyone should ask.


3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

Full time, 100% with her... a full year now. Moved her into the home I grew up in (what a guy, eh...and she, so compassionate too!)... finally moved out and got a place of their own for the past 6 months.

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

never married, no kids, 16 years my younger. Aaaaaaand, my H is her 3rd married man in a row. And all have had kids.
Must be a coincidence... NOT!

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

Not sure.
With a lot of conditions, possibly. NC being foremost, IC for him (doing mine), MC for us. An apology at some point and offer from him to make ammends.

Do I think this likely...
nope.

[This message edited by luv2swim at 9:03 PM, June 22nd (Friday)]


Me: BS
Him: NPD WS
Married 24 years
incredible kids
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
Divorced: 2009
WS + OW: Married 2011

Posts: 358 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: US
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, June 30th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

serJR checking in...
WW left the house June 19th.

1. How long was the A pre d-day? Try to reply in months.

I'm going to guess maybe starting 6 months before. Hard to say as it's the 'not just friends' story with a coworker/(her 'soulmate').

2. Any attempt at reconciliation? If so, how many months of trying?

Nothing yet. She did attend once session of MC but deliberately mislead the counselor and did it only to justify her leaving.

3. How many months has it been since D-day, have they been w/ OP?

They started officially dating the next night. D-day was May 3. They feel justified that they have done nothing wrong since it wasn't official and they hadn't had sex before D-Day (where she quickly shouted 'separation!")

4. Is the OP married, leaving their spouse, single, have kids?

POS is not legally married but has a wife and 2 kids. He still lives with them (but they are 'separated'). My WW and I are sharing custody of a 2.5 year-old son.

5. Would you take them back today if they came back begging and pleading? Have they tried?

She hasn't tried. Apparently the marriage was killing her and I'm quite a scumbag. Would I take her back? If she would put a whole-hearted effort into it and truly reflect on what she has done... I would try R. Is she going to come back? Don't know, but I have no false illusions of it happening.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

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