I have been in the slow process of getting my ducks in a row for divorcing him/separating..
What makes me sick is the fact that in D (no fault) he is going to get a free ride in getting an equitable division of the retirement that I have worked so hard for in the last 26 yrs( married to WH 33 years).He has no savings or retirement of his own and our house is paid for....
WH and I have been in an in house separation for a while and I had entertained the thought of continuing this and carrying on with my own life , waiting for Karma to kick him in the butt, instead of going thru D and being on the losing end..
There is one small glitch to my plan to take things slow.... WH continues his online porn activities and this has escalated into him doing Lord knows what, that has resulted in a complaint to the police from a neighbor..I am sure WH is lying to me about what triggered this complaint...The end result of this neighbor's complaint is that as of this Dec, WH has had to register to be on the Sex offender registry for our area and the DPS.
Now I feel the pressure to file for D and separate in a much faster time frame( a matter of the next few months) than I might have done otherwise..
Is anybody else going thru something similar and have any suggestions for me?
No advice, but wanted to let you know that I feel for you. Maybe someone in the more watched forum threads would have some good advice. It sure seems like another kick while you are on the ground to have to give him half of things but your assets may be at risk if he does something and he gets sued.
By the end of the week, they had started developing an emotional attachment, with him saying "I think I could love you more than my wife." They realized things were starting to get out of control and tried to scale things back, but had a hard time doing it. About 9 days into this, I accidently opened his email instead of mine and found a fairly innocent message from her, which led to me finding all the sex and lovey chats. I couldn't handle this and attempted suicide after an initial confrontation. (This is all a blur.)
It was very short, he says he doesn't know what he was thinking, that he loves me more than anything, that he did the wrong thing by not coming to me with his problems. He has given me all his passwords and full access to everything. In short, he's done everything he should do, but I still don't know how to trust him again. Is it time? When do I stop getting triggered every time I see him text someone or pick up the computer? We are seeing a MC and actively reconciling. Answers, help, anyone?
my h was on all those sites as well.
I am also on the Spouses of SA thread. WH is defensive and not particularly remorseful. Everyday, I wonder if he is still acting out. His freakin' Iphone makes it more difficult for me to track him. I feel so hopeless most days...
Webcams. More laptops have them as a standard feature anymore.
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
[This message edited by TwitterVictim at 12:45 PM, January 25th (Wednesday)]
My WS had an off and on EA with two OW mostly through text message and email for I'm not sure how long before I found out the true extent of the these conversations. He said he liked the attention. He runs his own business at home, and that provided the perfect opportunity.
His phone is in my name now; I check his texts. I know his email, FB passwords, etc. We are in counseling and R. He finally admitted that it is legitimate cheating.
My struggle: building up trust again, and trying not to check his electronics so often.
"Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face." ~ Unknown
My ex, he wanted me to sit down with him while he was searching other couples and wanted me to participate in conversation with other people. He always used to say "they asked about you"! !I told them you were cool, attractive and very sexual" Thank you my dear sweet husband. Glad I'm not worth a shit any other way!
Than he'd start pressuring me to find some time to meet them and go do the dirty.
This world just isn't right. I used to break in his chat and pretend to be him talking to some! That one really got him!!!
Too many Ddays to count. Enough said!
[This message edited by Notadoormat at 9:30 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]
I confronted him awhile back about still having a profile on a dating website, he blew it off & gave a bs excuse, insisted he only loves me, etc. things were fine again, profile was gone.. I noticed on the computer history he had looked at ads, not contacting anyone, but just reading the crazy ads after he’d been searching for other stuff on cl like cars, etc. I know his email/fb passwords but had never looked before (he keeps the same password for everything, so I’m not sure if he “really” knows that I could get into it if I wanted to, or if he’s even thought about it..) So one day I went to type in a website and saw some shady stuff come up in the history so, of course, I decided to go ahead and check his email, where I found a couple of emails to women on cl to which he had even sent his pic..I found nothing on his fb except a message to some girl saying “hey, just wanted to say hi & see how you were doing, I know you won’t answer me but that’s ok” whatever that means..She still hasn’t answered, so who knows what that was about..One girl from cl answered him w something to the effect of “hi, yes I’m interested, tell me all about yourself, etc.” & he put that email in the trash folder when he read it & today the trash folder is empty (maybe to cover his tracks, or maybe they are already talking through text or something instead?). Anyway, I’m heartbroken, we’ve been together a year, live together, are in all aspects of each others lives, friends, family , etc. I play stepmom to his kid every 3
rd weekend of the month…I’m not sure why he would let all that happen when he’s obviously not serious about me and isn't happy with me & our relationship…I only found these emails/fb msg yesterday afternoon, and have not said anything to him bc I don’t know what I’d say and I have no idea what to do..I feel like he'd just somehow turn it around on me for "snooping" and find some way to justify it since it's not like I printed anything out..I did a good job yesterday acting “normal” – doing house projects together & going about the day as usual. I think he sensed something was up but I told him I was just really tired…I want him to make his own decisions, he obviously has the desire to talk to other people, spent time tradint pictures w ppl, etc. so that means I’m not enough for him, I'm not satisfying him in one way or another..I want him to WANT to stop doing this – and not just because I found out & he got caught if that makes any sense. I want him to NOT NEED to do this and look at it as a waste of time..If he were happy w me he wouldn’t have any desire to do this. Maybe it’s just inevitable that this will only keep progressing one step further & one step further until it’s a full out sex/relationship with someone else, then he'll leave me... I'm not sure if he only does this every once in awhile or every day. Maybe I don't even know the full extent of it. I am not ready to talk to anyone in “real life” about this yet – they would have a VERY hard time believing me anyway..So, what should I do? How do I handle this? I’m still kind of in shock…Before this I never thought twice about him, no matter what was going on in life I always knew (or thought) this part of my life was always solid..We had always been so open, he never hides his phone or anything else. He had never lied to me – I didn’t think he was a good liar..Guess I’m wrong..It was easier than I thought yesterday to push this to the back of my mind and act like this stuff isn’t happening, to go on with life and believe the person he’s acting like to my face, which is what scares me..Any thoughts would be much appreciated..I'm wondering if I should do some kind of "soft" version of the 180, just so I can focus on myself and start to see clearly while I gather my thoughts and figure out what I should do..Or maybe I feel like I just need more time to keep checking and see what HE will do (though there's always the possibility of him deleting texts/emails/pics/computer history immediately)....I don't know..
WW's OW he met online playing a role playing game, escalated to texts, phone calls, exchange of pictures, some explicit, brought her to Wisconsin several times, one of those times to our son's compitition meet where his friends asked if that was his mother? He was horrified! He was 13 years old! took our son to Vegas at Christmas to meet her and then proceeded to have sex with the skank whild my son was in the next room and heard everything!
He has others that he is constantly on the fb, and other sites as well...
just filed yesterday and I am on my way to divorce!
"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"
What is with these people? His "no strings attached" AFF affair started 5 years ago. Of course, Slutina "fell in love" with him. Now that it's out in the open, we're working through it but I find myself wishing computers never existed.