You can post and read in the investigative forum after you have reached 50 approved posts.
These 50 posts have to be of substance, no one word replies to just up your posting numbers.
Your husband should be giving your his user name and passwords for all of his accounts in order to help build your trust in him.
There are keyloggers out there you can download or buy and install. Those programs are useful for your peace of mind if nothing else.
Of course, I haven't heard that particular line since I found out about her making out with OW in REAL time. I pointed that out to her one of the times she insisted that her cybersex A with OM would have "never" become physical. Uh-huh, like sucking face with OW wasn't physical? The thing that kept her and OM from fucking in real time was the 2000 miles between them.
God, don't even listen to that horseshit about it "not being real" or "just chatting." The amount of time and energy taken away from their spouse and family are REAL.
As I recall, the wedding vows include the words "forsaking all others." That means ALL others, whether they are at work, next door, or on a computer.
2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
I caught my WH on fitness-singles.com on 7/27/07. WH claimed he created it but never went on it really and never messaged anyone etc. I joined SI and asked advice from members on how they handled it. The consensus was that most WS's are on more than one site and more and more of you said AFF was one of them. So I looked and guess what I found...
On 9/7/07 I discovered his profile on AFF. I was in complete denial it was him for a day & a half. Finally that Sunday I admitted to myself it was him. I created a paid account (had to to see the information) and decided to try to bait him by sending him an email from the account I created. He hadn't logged on within a month and still hadn't logged on after my discovery. He wanted to have sex & I couldn't take putting up a ruse anymore.
I confronted him on 9/12/07. He was in absolute complete denial. I am so glad I read the healing library ahead of time. He was gaslighting like it was nobody else's business. Some of his claims are:
Someone is out to 'get' us.
I created the profile to sabotage our marriage.
His alcoholic upstairs neighbor created it to get back at him.
He called AFF(in front of his sister) to complain someone is using his photo on a profile. AFF took down the profile. I called to confirm and they did (at 1st I thought it was hime) because abuse was insinuated. They won't release any information because my WH is not claiming the profile is his.
9/13/07 he is still in denial and I told him I don't believe him.
UHG. This hurts so much. I want us to work, but I know he has to be 100% honest for us to move forward. I hope it gets better.
[This message edited by aincali at 3:56 PM, September 13th (Thursday)]
I'm so sorry you are here, but I'm glad you found us, if that makes sense.
I've been trying to investigate and see if WH has been on any sites like that, but just filling out the registration forms is enough to make me want to Even though I'm just on there to try and look for him, it still feels so wrong, ya know? (Maybe that's b/c a spouse is not supposed to have to check up on their other half by seeing if they have an ad on adult sites!) I haven't found anything yet, but I just feel in the pit of my stomach that there must be more than he's telling me. That whole "only admit what she has evidence of" thing. Ugh.
The thing is, he's accused me of cheating online before, b/c I happen to belong to several different message boards and I don't frequent them when he's home. (Therefore, he thinks I have something to hide I guess.) But he knows all my passwords to those boards and he knows darn well that the vast majority of the ppl on my boards are women. Sometimes I wonder if he's projecting.
Ugh Ugh Ugh
Sad to say, that's how I did it.
"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."
I really don't know why I made an account here... I just really need someone to talk to who knows what I'm going through and can help me make sense of it all. He's not ever been the type of man who cheats, but he developed this EA with another woman 3 weeks after I nearly died to give him a beautiful little girl... And I just can't figure it out. Now he says he's trying to decide what he wants to do, but that he still loves me. I'm so confused.
Me: 22 years old
Him: 21 years old
Married for 2.5 years
2 children: 1 boy (18 months), 1 girl (2 months)
"Where there is great love, there are always miracles." Willa Cather
Welcome. I'm so sorry you have a need to be here but I'm so glad you found us. You will find so much support here.
My heart went out to you when I read your story. Of course you are feeling confused. You have been through so much and now you've discovered you've been betrayed by someone you love and trusted.
If you haven't already take some time to read the articles in The Healing Library (yellow box at left). It is a wonderful starting place.
If I might make a suggestion, too...please consider posting in JFO or General as well and give others a chance to welcome you and offer their support. You are not alone, Sweetie. We are here for you.
Summa~ that bisexual interest...hmmmm...
However, when that question is in the context of other inappropriate talk, you know why it's being asked, usually.
My xGF's concerns with me all originated from online stuff. If there's interest in the WBF perspective, I'm happy to share.
Welcome to our little corner of the net.
Be prepared to have your husband deny deny deny! The usual protest is "I was just curious! It doesn't mean anything! It's not like I was really going to DO anything..."
Keep posting ... we are here to help!