Nurture your spirit folks, because no-one else will. Private message me if anyone wants to talk further.
Love Ellejay xxx
My WH had a 2 year A with a neighbor who was (I thought) a close friend. Two of our kids were best friends and we were in each others houses every day. Her husband was one of my WH's closest friends. We socialized together all the time. He followed this with an A with the wife of another couple of our so called friends, also in our neighborhood. This went on for 7+ years. They both travelled for business and met up for weekends away together when he was on courses etc. Both these OW were unhappy in their marriages and are now divorced ( this happened before D day). I guess I had something they wanted and they didn't feel any guilt trying to steal my husband. Personally I can't imagine doing this to anyone let alone a friend. These were women who I invited over for Christmas dinner, looked after their kids for, who I shared things with. I don't tend to open up to people easily and don't have many close friends. Well I guess now I'll have none as I'll never trust any woman friend again.
On top of this my WH had several encounters with other women who I know plus some ONS and was heavily into online porn sites. He is seeing an IC who specializes in sex addiction. The double betrayal is what I'm having the hardest time dealing with. I don't know how my WH or my so called friends could have done that to me.
Sorry. Just want to say that I have met and trust many admirable women since my double betrayal. Don't let a couple bad apples spoil everything. You will get through this.
We will all get through this. Thinking of everyone in this situation.
I know I'm generalizing too much about women and there are plenty of ones out there who would never do this kind of thing. After all, I would never do that to someone myself, but right now I feel like I'm living in the middle of a trashy soap opera.
The As with friends were not the latest indiscretions. They came out with all the other sordid details of what my WH had been up to. Right now we are trying to R.
I know exactly what you mean Ellejay about wondering about all your other friends and if they had slept with your H. Also people in the grocery store, coffee shop etc.
Right now we are trying to R. The As with friends were not the most recent indiscretions. They came out with all the other
[This message edited by Notmetoo2011 at 5:52 AM, August 31st (Wednesday)]
Now that she and her BH are getting a D, she has subtle reached out to my WH by unblocking him on FB. But, she really truely wants to be my friend.
[This message edited by cognitivediss at 3:45 PM, September 8th (Thursday)]
Makes me sick what some people do without any regard for others...
Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August
The close association appears to make it easier for these people. Less reason for the BS's to query why the WS's would have coffee together, pop round for a visit etc etc. Once again, I reiterate that the closer you all are the more of a "thrill" they get.
I'm sorry you find yourself here, hope you are holding up OK as well as the BH of the other stupid woman.
PM me if you need to talk further, sometimes this thread goes a bit dead for a while (which is probably a good thing!).
Part of me seriously wants to email her, and cc her husband (who already knows) and just ask her what the hell she was thinking? And let her know how much I loved the voicemail to my WH about how "OMG, they know, what are we going to do? I hope you'll be there to take care of me" right before she found out it was WH who told everything to all invested parties.
But, alas, I keep my mouth shut and my finger quiet because I don't know if it's worth it.
So far I have not contacted any of the OW. I also don't know if it is worth it but I think at some point I may have to do it to get closure. I would want to do it in person so I could see the look on their face when I ask them what sort of lowlife they must be to sleep with a friend's husband. I don't feel strong enough
to do that yet but I'm sure that time will come.
Meanwhile I try to stop the movies playing in my head of them with my WH. Just yesterday I finally got up the nerve to confide in a real friend about what has been going on and just having her support and someone else to talk to has helped already.
That is a shocking story. Thank you for having the courage to share it. My heart goes out to you. I agree that the betrayal by your NM would feel worse than that of your H. A mother is supposed to protect you and love you unconditionally and out of all the relationship you will ever have in your life, this will have been the one that has shaped you. You are dong brilliantly by having counselling to sort through this mess.
All you can do now is to break the chain of abuse and it seems like you are doing everything you can to ensure that happens. I applaud you for that.
Personally, I am not going to scream at you or judge you for staying with your H although I'm not sure I could have but then I am not in your shoes. He has enabled your NM's behaviour as she has enabled his. They are both as culpable as the other. Despite being bipolar, he would have been high functioning at some points during all of this. Seems like he is getting it together now.
Removing your mother from your life would be like a death to you as I am sure the betrayal has felt as well. Sometimes though, the people that give birth to us are not necessarily the women who will "mother" us through life. This is a sad fact unfortunately. There will be other strong, solid women out there who will give you that. Also in the absence of a mother fiture I think it sometimes necessary to look at the child within ourselves and mother that child in the same way we would mother our own children. I know this because as I was growing up my mother was not always "present" to give me that because of her own demons, although now she able.
I wish you strength to get through this and please post here whenever you can for support.
Glad you're taking the steps you need to make yourself healthy!
Disgusting part is OW tried to be more closer to me after the A started. Why the hell would she do that?!
Me too!! And it's because they're sick and disgusting people! At least in my story I'm pretty sure she wanted my life...sucks for her!! It's mine!!
I don't know what the answer is yet. I have to force myself to look around me to see that there is honesty amongst us and not everybody is as sick as this.
I've tried to comfort myself over the past few months by saying to myself "Well, they are the ones who will have to live with this". But are they? Why would they give a damn now just because they've been found out, when they didn't give a flying toss before? Why would they suddenly develop a conscience now? THEY DON'T CARE! They have absolutely no empathy for anyone except themselves. It is that simple. Sad but true.
Hugs to everyone. We will get through this.