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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double Betrayal
Bittertablefor1
♀ New Member
Member # 31767
Angry  Posted: 2:19 PM, April 6th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just registered but have been reading this since my DDAY of 1/26/2011. A brief history is in my profile.
I want to kick this bitches ass. I held back when I originally found out because I was worried about police charges if my husband and I had to go the child custody route. I can't get her out of my head. We moved away from my exbff skank ass and her house, our old community everything 2 weeks ago. Now my husband is back in the household and high as a fucking hog because I know and she isn't in our backyard anymore. WTF?
And, one day I love him and want him with us, (me and our 2 boys, 4 and 6) and other days I want him to suffer so freaking bad. I am sooooo bitter. I want him gone, I want him here, I want him gone. Back and forth. I took time off work when all this happened becuase I went a little ape shit..I feel like I am being fake to him sometimes and that's not me. I am soooo not a fake person. I cringe inside when he talks to me about his newly discovered low self esteem and newly diagnosed ADHD. I think he is weak when previously I thought he was the best man I had ever known. I hate hearing or even looking at him when he is sharing his feelings about himself with me. I am not in a position to be stroking his ego or inflating his dumb ass at this point. He says he had the affair with my BF because it made him feel excitement and that somebody thought he was hot. That. again, makes me see him as weak. IDK I am just rambling but I can't stand him and then I want him more than anything. Then I just want to devastate her entire world. Her and her husband are getting divorced, but that isn't enough for me. I thought about turning her into the State Board of Education for moral turpitude.
He told me he was jealous of the time I spent with OUR children. He never once let on ANY of this. What am I a mind reader? Sheesh
I don't know if we will make it. It all just feels so fake!! I can't stand it.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: East Coast
megadane
♂ Member
Member # 31096
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 9th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My double betrayal is buy my 2 younger brothers, both single at the time. Although my situation is unique, (brain tumors etc.) I actually feel more betrayed by my own family then by my wife. How could they do this to me. Now I have no contact with my family, no contact with my ex. And the oldest of the the 2 boys, 33 and 30 respectively, has not talked to me since the separation. He was 2.5 when we met. But I insisted that I build a relationship with him before we went to deep. if he would not accept me than I would break it off. Sorry to ramble but now I am all alone and all those years have been robbed from me. I just don't know how to start over or even if I can. It has been 4 years already and I can't seem to muster and motivation whatsoever. Yes I tried counselling, but do you know how many counselors have any experience in this. Not that I expect them to. Even the neuros were only familiar with it. Their advice: get over it and move on. Never wanted to punch someone so bad in my life. Told them so told, they just backed up and apologized.
I left with a smile at least. Nuf said thx for listening.


For 2012: Life does not come with a remote, you have to GET UP and CHANGE IT yourself!

Posts: 669 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Alberta, Canada
megadane
♂ Member
Member # 31096
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 9th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops dbl post. see it never ends.

[This message edited by megadane at 12:37 PM, April 9th (Saturday)]


For 2012: Life does not come with a remote, you have to GET UP and CHANGE IT yourself!

Posts: 669 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Alberta, Canada
solost36
Member
Member # 28858
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 4th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

14 months ago, my marriage of 10 years almost ended because of a 13 month LTA with my Best Friend. We were all Best Friends actually. Our daughters were BFF's (only 4 years old and the light of each others lives) - go to the same preschool, everything.
I am still heart broken and feel a great sense of loss - thinking back - I thought she was interested in me for me. And wanted to hang out because I was an important friend. I don't know if I'll ever get over this double betrayal. I don't make friends easily. And we were close for 7 or 8 years. My Husband stood up at their wedding. Question - what drives someone to do that to a friend?


BE the CHANGE you SEEK. Be a better YOU and the JOY will come.

DDay - Feb 2010
13 month EA/PA with BFF


Posts: 52 | Registered: Jun 2010
broken66
♀ Member
Member # 31918
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Three weeks ago today I found my H humping my BF in my sons room in my sons bed on my sons birthday, while I was in the house. Apparently I was supposed to be sleeping.......not!!


D/D 15/04/2011
BS 45 (Oh and so very youthfull)
WS 52
2 kids Son-15, Daughter-12
Married 24 years, Together nearly 30
Husband + Best Friend = PAIN

Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Australia
kdny
♀ Member
Member # 760
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, May 5th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't usually post on this thread because it has been so long since my d-day (11 years) but I want to tell the two of you that just posted (and the others) that you will get past this.

It hurts like hell and its confusing as hell when two people you trust betray you but it will get better.

One day, the friend will be insignificant to you and whether you reconcile or divorce you will heal.


Whether we remain ash or become phoenix is up to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes the fine line between a nervous breakdown and knowing things will be okay is a pair of furry pants~unfound

Posts: 81335 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: Slightly left of center, standing on my head
Jeggletronic123
♀ New Member
Member # 32090
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, May 6th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

broken66 WoW! Are stories are really similar. Except it was my birthday. Yep, but with my BF in my house while I was suppose to be sleeping. I know how you feel. It was so shocking. The funny thing is she had just given me a really thoughtful gift for my birthday(a photobook ornament of my daughter) I can't believe how bad she fooled me.


Me: 25
SO: 32
Together 6 yrs.
Two kids, 2yrs, 5mo.
D-day#1: 12/20/09
D-day#2: 01/11/10
SO had EA and PA with my best friend. Still trying to work through it. Don't talk to that HW anymore though.

Posts: 46 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Washington
wordsfail
♀ Member
Member # 30289
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, May 10th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still comforted and sickened at the same time to see that I'm not the only person to have experienced this. To whomever asked "how could they?" I think (at least in my situation) my fiance was stupid and weak. I think she was/is diabolical and envious of me - my life, myself as a person and what I had.

I never, ever thought it would happen but there's no more pain now. I still can't stand either one of them nor have I forgiven them but it doesn't keep me awake at night.


SHE/ME: 40's
WSO: 40's
OW: x-BF, 30's
Met 11/06. Moved in 1/08. Engaged 8/09. EA 11/09. PA began ??. My Mom died 12/09. DD 2/8/10. WSO is with x-BF now. My Dad died 12/10.

Posts: 192 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: wish I knew
Taurusinpain
♀ Member
Member # 30284
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, May 23rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say to everyone in this thread I cannot imagine what you're going through and I'm so sorry. I've been watching Shania Twain's shown and she openly talks about her husband and good friend betraying her and it breaks my heart.

Sending hugs


BW - 38
FWH - 41, SA since around 2005
Dday 4/9/10
Months and months of TT torture.
DD born 3/1/13
In R? Feels like going witht the flow.
Trying to get used to the new "normal"

Posts: 396 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: The worst place I can be - inside my own brain
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, June 9th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question - what drives someone to do that to a friend?

I have asked myself this over and over. Someone said it best when it is about them wanting something that you have. Jealousy really is an evil entity.

My best friend and I had been together as friends since we were both 2. Our families exteremely close, and she was at everything of mine. She was IN my wedding. She was at the birth of every child (even the child that was born during the affair), she hugged me, kissed my cheek, told me how much she loved me.. yet she was f*cking my husband for 2 1/2 years in my house while I was at work. There is no good answer for why a friend would do this. AND I have even been blamed for not having more friends than just her. That I made the mistake of only have one good friend. It is amazing to me how the BS gets blamed for so many things.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
Tresemme
♀ Member
Member # 31185
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, June 9th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

arent the waywards repulsed when the watch the backstabbing AP give us thoughtful gifts or accept thoughtful gifts from us?..wtf do the waywards think of that??? i asked wh many times but he just shakes his head and goes "Idk shes a fcking whore"


(Me)Bw late 30s
5/1/10 The day I learned Lucifer roams the earth among us wearing many disguises.( Double Betrayal wh and the live in nanny) Status-LimboLand

Posts: 431 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, June 9th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

arent the waywards repulsed
when the watch the backstabbing AP give us thoughtful gifts or accept thoughtful gifts from us?..wtf do the waywards think of that??? i asked wh many times but he just shakes his head and goes "Idk shes a fcking whore"

OMG! I so feel you on this! This OW gave me a homemade Yankee's fleece blanket for Christmas. I had been asking for a Yankee's blanket for years from WH, but because he hates them he refused. I had given up on asking, and there is was on Christmas day, as we all sat together with our kids, my Yankee's blanket.

I hugged her and smiled and thanked her and was soooo happy because someone actually LISTENED to what I WANTED. I was in a prime moment about her at that time.

I know I have asked him about that too. And pretty much he has no answer other than she has psychiatric issues or something. He wont call her nasty names, which has always been a sore subject for me. What the are you protecting? Dont you think she is a sick? I would think that he would think some pretty sick things about her since she was having sexual encounters with 4 other men while she was doing the same with him. COME ON! Give me something!!

Our MC told him to start talking bad about her, but he shouldn't have to be told. He says he doesn't want to think of her another day and has nothing to say about her. I just don't know.

I had to edit this message due to name calling and venting. I am still learning my ropes around here

[This message edited by Myheartstillhurt at 3:38 PM, June 12th (Sunday)]


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
beachbrenda
♀ Member
Member # 32410
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, June 14th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xBF has agreed to meet with me this week. I want so badly to get her side of the story and to make her look me in the eye as she tells me how she betrayed me. But now that it's coming up, I am nervous! And I'm scared she's going to tell me something that will put me over the edge--but if it happened, I don't want to go thru the rest of my life living with more lies! Any advice, warnings or words of wisdom?


me--40 BS
him--46 WH
5 kids--13, 10, 8 & 6 (and stillborn would be 14)
"Have the utmost concern for what's right rather than who's right."

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Oregon coast
sadinlex
♀ Member
Member # 32047
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 15th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It hurts like hell and its confusing as hell when two people you trust betray you but it will get better.

One day, the friend will be insignificant to you and whether you reconcile or divorce you will heal.

I am waiting for this day. Right now I am sick to my stomach.


Question - what drives someone to do that to a friend?

this Q burns, it happens so often (on both ends), I am so disturbed at how 'friends'/family can allow themselves to cross this line.

arent the waywards repulsed when the watch the backstabbing AP give us thoughtful gifts or accept thoughtful gifts from us?..wtf do the waywards think of that??? i asked wh many times but he just shakes his head and goes "Idk shes a fcking whore"

I don't get this either, like when they (both WS and MOW) are chummy with the BSs, WTH, that's NOT FRIENDSHIP! How can they act like that, like bests buds with their AP's spouses, as if nothing is wrong with this picture.

[This message edited by sadinlex at 3:12 PM, June 15th (Wednesday)]


me - BW him - WH
Together 23 years, Married 21
2 children 14, 11
Dday - 4/11/2011 double betrayal
"After the A, being honest and being a bitch are pretty hard to tell apart." - Ladyogilvy

Posts: 144 | Registered: May 2011
Tresemme
♀ Member
Member # 31185
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

like if I was the ws I would have to actually say.."look Im a run of the mill everyday kinda liar,Im cheating on my w..But its reallllly creepy the way you are being a fake friend..Im cakeeating..its obvious,I wanna bang the both of you..its obvious what Im getting,plus its kinda hard to find a new place to live..but you..?..what are you getting outta continuing business as usual w her??"..
i wonder if she grappled internally w who shed rather lose me or him..no, i never made her cum..so go figure right!yuck!..part of me thinks she was envious of me for many reasons...fell in love w him or thought she did..and just continued to be my friend/nanny so theyd have easy access to each other


(Me)Bw late 30s
5/1/10 The day I learned Lucifer roams the earth among us wearing many disguises.( Double Betrayal wh and the live in nanny) Status-LimboLand

Posts: 431 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
Myheartstillhurt
♀ Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i wonder if she grappled internally w who shed rather lose me or him..no, i never made her cum..so go figure right!yuck!..part of me thinks she was envious of me for many reasons...fell in love w him or thought she did..and just continued to be my friend/nanny so theyd have easy access to each other

I feel the same way. I actually asked her about a week after dday who she missed more, me and the kids or him. She said "you really want the honest answer" no idiot, lie to me some more... She then told me it was me and the kids.
I figure that was only because she knew at that point he had had much opportunity to contact her, and didn't. She probably hoped to salvage something out of the deal, or try to work herself back in somehow. Whatever. Once she started loving my husband "more than she had ever loved anyone" she made up her mind.
He told me when he was ending it with her that she begged him to "just keep us both" SO pathetic. Why would someone want that for the rest of their life??


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2009 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
TopsyTurvey
♀ New Member
Member # 27048
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, June 20th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I thought I was having a bad time with the double betrayal thing. After reading some of these posts, well, not so much anymore. Who knew that I could be grateful that my husband had an affair with a ling time friend and not my mother, sister, twin sister, daughter in law. The main thing about this double betrayal is that the AP has a face, an history, memories. They were having an A while you were blissfully unaware or supressing your suspicions because the Pollyanna in you would never believe these two people could ever do something like this to you? I so wish I didn't know the AP. The widow who had affair with my husband two months after her husband died. Plus, she's a psychologist, you'd think she'd know this wasn't a good idea. He definitely should have known better.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2010
belladolcegirl
♀ Member
Member # 32489
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it looks like I belong in this group - I am glad to see I am not the only one who became friends with OW after she was already sleeping with my husband. I have not confronted yet - still mulling it over.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Jun 2011
belladolcegirl
♀ Member
Member # 32489
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it looks like I belong in this group - I am glad to see I am not the only one who became friends with OW after she was already sleeping with my husband. I have not confronted yet - still mulling it over.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Jun 2011
beachbrenda
♀ Member
Member # 32410
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, July 13th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lots of triggers this past weekend...

My real BFF (who lives in Utah and has never fucked my WH!) came up for a visit this past weekend. It was so wonderful to have her and her 4 kids here with me. I had fun, enjoyed a truly reciprocal friendship and got to show her/the kids around town.

BUT this visit brought up so many painful memories for me. The OW/xBF skanky whore who fucked my WH for 10 months used to stay at our house at least 2-3 times per month. So, to have my real friend here was hard... There was a woman sleeping on my couch again. There was a house full of people to whom I was playing hostess. AND we visited all the great hot spots around town--all places my family had gone to with OW/xBF.

Also the contrast in the friendship was a stinging reminder that OW/xBF was really never a friend to me. Sure, we've known each other for 30 years. Sure, we did everything together. Sure, I called her my best friend. But she really wasn't a friend to me. She was a taker. She was selfish and graceless. She sucked the life out of me with her own problems and never gave me anything in return. She ignored my boundaries and forced herself into my life, my home over and over again. She became a dreaded project I had to tackle instead of a giving, loving supportive friend. Oh, yeah... And she fucked my husband, got him to 'fall in love with her', & helped him plan his new life with her, BUT she never meant for me to get hurt!!?!??!

This past weekend was also the year-mark for when they started fucking each other. The good news is that I didn't think specifically about the anniversary on the day--I was busy with my real friend, enjoying my real life. But I thought about it the next day, and every day since. AND the year-mark for their first intercourse (on my bedroom floor!) is coming up this weekend... So, I've got some stomach aches to look forward to!


me--40 BS
him--46 WH
5 kids--13, 10, 8 & 6 (and stillborn would be 14)
"Have the utmost concern for what's right rather than who's right."

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Oregon coast
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