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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double Betrayal
amiese
♀ New Member
Member # 27372
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, January 30th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I forgot to mention the really creepy part. My sis was gaga over my kids. she can't have kids so she kinda took mine on as her own. I thought it was sweet now it kinda creeps me out. It's like she wanted everything I had. H, kids and all.


Him: 34
Me: 31

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jan 2010
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, February 1st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((amiese)))

I am so sorry. The OW in my case was X's cousin who, you guessed it, I invited into my home after her H died. The EA started within weeks. I caught them in bed together 4 months to the day she moved in.

Now I know why my mother and sisters and so many of my friends said that I should NOT have her in my home. I thought I was helping her. And she decided to help herself to my H.

Welcome to SI. But I am sorry you have found yourself here


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17286 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
strongandwomanly
♀ Member
Member # 26046
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup...best friend since childhood. Husband dies. I send my husband over to help....and BOY DID HE!

I was keeping all our kids while they "worked on the house" and got "paperwork in order" etc. If you call her vagina "the house" and his penis "paperwork" then I guess they weren't lying.

Anyway...it's tough. My husband confessed ten years later. She's been my friend all these years. I even helped clean up her house and office and warehouse....several places they decided to screw. Nice to have the wife with four babies 7, 5, 2 and newborn pick up so you can have a comfortable place to have an affair with her best friend. Nice.

Sorry you are all here.


BS - me - 39 WS - 44. (Not So Happy)
OW - my former bf my whole life - 54
A was n '99 - dday was n sept '09
4 kids - DS 17 DDs 15 12 & 10
3 dogs/1 cat/2 ferrets and a heartache. Married 18 years..together 25. I want to believe n R.

Posts: 693 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Texas
strongandwomanly
♀ Member
Member # 26046
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW...for those of you curious. I did go sit down and talk to her...several times. I still talk to her. I'm using her for infor to make sure I'm getting whole truth from spouse and her. Playing both ends toward middle. They are both such idiots they tell me everything. I evne have her phone records and Am/Ex charges. What a tool.

It was nice to remind her that she doesn't have a deep dark secret other than sleeping with my husband that i don't know about...including cheating the IRS. Does she really want to piss me off? Ah...the fear on her face. Fed my soul.


BS - me - 39 WS - 44. (Not So Happy)
OW - my former bf my whole life - 54
A was n '99 - dday was n sept '09
4 kids - DS 17 DDs 15 12 & 10
3 dogs/1 cat/2 ferrets and a heartache. Married 18 years..together 25. I want to believe n R.

Posts: 693 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Texas
lostkale
♀ Member
Member # 25482
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hate that I am part of this website.


BW 31
WH 28 (Sorry Sack)
Married 8 years, together 13
D-Day - 8/30/09
Trickle truth....
Real D-Day (I think its all out now?) 9/19/09
MOW - "A dear friend" of mine...in my house...while I was sleeping...once in the same room
Kids - 2

Posts: 75 | Registered: Sep 2009
Cygnus
♀ Member
Member # 25525
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((amiese))))

I just had D-Day #2 and I so hear you on the wanting your kids thing.

WH and OW's first affair occurred late in my pregnancy with my 3rd and throughout his infancy.

Which was when she got extremely close with me, held him as much as possible, emphasized her role as "Auntie" and referred to him as her baby from my vagina. (Literally!)

These people are so sick.


D-Day 05/09/09
D-Day #2, 31/01/10 Same OW earlier affair.
Now STBXWH- LTA with my mate-poaching "BF" during my son's cancer journey.
"Nothing is a greater impediment to being on good terms with others than being ill at ease with yo

Posts: 241 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Canada
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, February 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its interesting how these "friends" start wanting to get close to us all of a sudden...spend more time at our homes....etc.
I should have known...it was right under my nose! I really hate how stupid and oblivious I was.
Double betrayal=Double Pissed off!


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2360 | Registered: Jan 2010
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, February 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's a very common theme in double betrayals that the AP wants to "take over" your life.

In my case, I believe that SIL/OW saw how "together" I was, and decided that she wanted that over the chaos that was her daily life.

Now, if it hadn't been at my expense, I would've been happy for her, but I think that with most AP's (I can't speak for any/all of them personally), they want what they don't have, and part of the A is claiming a part of YOUR life.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
dignity
♀ Member
Member # 27471
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, February 6th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 40. Married 20 yrs, two kids, both boys, 10 and 13. Mostly sexless marriage, but seemingly good relationship and life other than that. Two weeks ago, H confessed that he had slept with his brother's wife. Said it was just the once. Later said well, actually no, there was another time, several years ago, when they all had a threesome together, when the kids and I were asleep in their home.

SIL was our friend before she was our SIL. My kids are very fond of BIL and SIL.

This is a mess. I am trying to just focus on "doing" and "learning" right now.

Any help/advice regarding NC and how/what to tell it will affect the kids?

[This message edited by dignity at 12:33 AM, March 7th (Sunday)]


Me: BS, 40
Him: WH, 48
Married 20 yrs
D-Day 2nd Feb '10
D-Day 2 (TT): 19 Feb (happy birthday to me!)
recurring ONSs with same OP (our SIL), over 3 yrs. Cuddling, kissing and EA in between.
2 DS: 16 and 12
Ongoing NC, MC, IC. Getting to R.

Posts: 621 | Registered: Feb 2010
LiveLuvLaph
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, February 6th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi Dignity and I wish I wasn't welcoming you to SI,much less writing to you on the double betrayal board

I'm a firm believer in NC also

I'm kinda unsure about what you said....your husband admitted that he, his brother,and his brother's wife had a threesome several years ago?

Is this his brother by blood? And I'm not trying to minimize here.Even if it's a step- brother,it's still an incestuous thing to do.

The reason I'm saying this is due to something my IC stated tome. In my situation it was my H and my sis. According to my counselor,if a person will do that with an adult family member, he will do that with anyone...meaning,"are your children safe? Have they possibly been harmed?"

I'd recommend speaking with a professional about your situation. There are too many layers to this if your H will boink his own bro. I'm hoping I'm mistaken and it was your H, SIL and some other chick years ago.

You've got to protect your children from these people. In my case, I've had to determine if my own children were safe with their dad.

You'll have to do the same with your family.

Do his parents know about the A?


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
dignity
♀ Member
Member # 27471
Default  Posted: 2:06 AM, February 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not mistaken.


Me: BS, 40
Him: WH, 48
Married 20 yrs
D-Day 2nd Feb '10
D-Day 2 (TT): 19 Feb (happy birthday to me!)
recurring ONSs with same OP (our SIL), over 3 yrs. Cuddling, kissing and EA in between.
2 DS: 16 and 12
Ongoing NC, MC, IC. Getting to R.

Posts: 621 | Registered: Feb 2010
footies
♀ Member
Member # 27199
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, February 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cant believe so many people are in the same situation, its rather shocking. My OW or rather my husbands used to come in our pub and socialise with all of us, she got made redundant and we offered her a job, she worked the bar and cleaned for us. She then got pregnant so we tried to help her out as much as we could. I found out about the EA in oct 09 just before my bday and found out it was physical only beginning of this year. She wasnt really a good friend but someone who i thought was ok and she even used to say why do you put up with him speaking to you like he does, now i know why. Needless to say she was sacked and is barred!!!! Her friends still come in i assume to spy and see how much of a shit wife i am being!!!


me-bw age 42
him wh age 42
been together 9 years
married 5
dday1 2/10/09
dday2 9/01/2010
trying to stay together -
she lives 5 mins walk from us and i gave her a job when she needed one- nice eh?
Now separated after they admitted re seeing

Posts: 353 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: uk
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Frustrated  Posted: 11:32 PM, February 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok have not posted here in awhile ... which is good I guess ...

But tonight after the super bowl was over and I was watching Drew Brees with his son ... and he was crying and then he teared up again when he mentioned him in his speech ...

triggered me onto the roller coaster again ... just WHAM out of the blue and there I was falling into sadness ...

that is all I ever wanted in my life was what was shining in Brees's eyes holding his son ... guess I hopes for wanted to much in my life ....

now I feel like I have to settle for school ... which I am excited for and a little nervous now ... I start in a week ...

but I all ever wanted was to be a mommy and have a man who loved me and my children ... just the simple things ... and seeing him with his son hearing him talk about him with pride and love in his voice ...

just brought it all crashing down that that shall never be for me ...

and it hurts so badly ...

So last week on Thursday I believe stbx called me to talk about taxes and this was during the storm when we had no power for a week ... anyway he caught me off gaurd calling me and I wound up sobbing on the phone when we hung up ...

not what I wanted to do was to have him hear me like that anymore ... UGH !!!!

anyway he called me yesterday morning also to get my new address so he could ssend me my 1/2 and I did not cry that time ...

both conversations were very short and to the point no chit chat ... both calls were less than 10 minutes ... kept strictly to $$$ and dogs ... so that was good ...

anyway just an update on where I am at ...

hope you all are doing well and may you all find the peace and balance your lives deserve ....

have a great Monday !!!!

and YAY SAINTS !!!!!

just thought I would put all the faces at the end this time ... I don't know why ... to be different ...


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
LiveLuvLaph
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Booger bear)))))


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
LiveLuvLaph
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, February 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dignity....

this is out of your hands when it comes your immediate future

you need to contact a counselor and a lawyer

protect your children first

also,start sleuthing

does your H have a computer he frequently uses? geta keylogger on it asap

your H is messed up...you need to know how messed up he is because you might have to ask the courts for supervised visitation and use any evidence you find to sway the court

also, you're going to have to ask your kids if their dad has ever done anything to them...that's why I recommend you see a counselor first

if you think he might have harmed the children, then call law enforcement


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
PAINFUL DAD
♂ New Member
Member # 26241
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, February 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first time in the DT thread. I think my situation would fit in here even though it is slightly a different type of double betrayal.

As you can see from my profile my WW had an A with my DD xboyfriend. The A started within a month of them splitting. He had pretty much lived at our house for about 1 year.

I'm still not sure how things is going to play out. I have talked to a laywer about a separation but am waiting until I have the $.

When we do seperate I am not sure how the talk will go with the kids. What to say?

I do think if/when my DD finds out she will be crushed. How can a mom do this?

Any advice on how to handle talking about this to DD if the subject comes up?


DDay-11/21/09
BS(me)44
WW-42
OBoy-21 daughters XBF
Better 2 B Wanted

Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Virginia
Howsosoon
♂ New Member
Member # 26516
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, February 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW had an affair with my boss/friend and then moved our family right across the street from him when I was overseas.


BS-Me 27
WS-Her 27
D-Day 16 Nov 2009
Married 10 mnths
together 16 mnths
Expecting
1 Step hers
no pets

Posts: 29 | Registered: Dec 2009
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, February 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Paninful Dad and Howsosoon. (((hugs))) to both of you.

PainfulDad, I think you need to remember that your DD will also feel completely betrayed by her mother and BF. She is also a BS in a sense. Even if it did not officially "start" until DD and BF broke up, she will question the time line. Not to mention the fact that her mother is with her BF -- ICK!! It is close to incest. So just remember that all of the terrible things you have felt. your DD will also feel.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17286 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
then_and_now
♀ Member
Member # 27622
Default  Posted: 3:39 AM, February 18th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

guess i belong here too...hello everyone, im sorry for the reason we're all here

well my double betrayal is/was my ex step daughter, my xso biological daughter

INCEST...a game the whole family can play how sickening and fucked up is that.

at age 19 she thought it a great idea to seduce her drunkard of a father (not that hard him being an alcoholic with no boundaries), they then continued their fuck fest for 3 months, till he woke up one day and realised what he was doing and broke it off. well sf (slut features) didnt take too kindly to that so rang me on 14/07/08 and outted him. gee thanks a bunch sf..NOT

24th august 08 she again rings me, tells me she's pregnant and keeping it....wholy fuckin hell, that was a slap outta left field. it wasnt true, just her fucked up way of making sure i never went physically near xso again i guess.

over the last 19 months ive pretty much avoided her, but xmas just gone i had it out with her face to face as i really needed to say my bit...she called the cops, scared lil asswipe thought i was gonna kill her, but all i wanted was to say my piece and leave and i did. end of story as far as im concerned. tho the thought of her dropping dead anytime soon does appeal to me no end

anyway ive rambled long enough, i will be back later after ive updated my profile.


save the world, its the ONLY planet with CHOCOLATE!!
----------------------------------
say what you mean
mean what you say
just dont say it mean
just sayin!!

Posts: 51 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Australia
JW123
♀ Member
Member # 21265
Default  Posted: 4:53 AM, February 18th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting the comment about them wanting our life. OW was a friend of mine who used to ask me all kinds of questions about my H - now I know why. She panders to his every whim. She is weak and pathetic. He LOVES to be a KISA and so "saved" her from her horrible H.

It just hurts that she gets all I should have had, but that is now. In the future when I am smiling again and have a better life then we will see.


Him (WS)41
Me (BS) 41
3 beautiful children
D -Day 13 October 2008
He moved out - 1st June 2009.
Divorced - 29/11/2011
He lives with OP now
Married 15 years. Known him 21 years
(Although I suspected, denial is quite a thing)

Posts: 483 | Registered: Oct 2008
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