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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double Betrayal
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

justsad,

I sent a letter to my SIL/OW in November, never got a reply, but if you would like to see it, you can PM me and I will definately send it to you.

I'm actually just now trying to decide whether to send her another one to "finish things off" between us. See, the last letter was basically in the end an open invitation for her to try to make up for the things she did to me and our friendship. I know, they would never be the same, but I truly believe everyone desserves a second chance...well, I did believe that, until SIL did NOTHING to make it right with us.

So now I'm done with her, but I'm contemplating sending her a letter that basically covers all of the asshat things that she is still doing, despite being given a second chance by her H, her family and me. And just basically saying that I'm done and I won't play games with you and I won't miss you in my life because I see that you obviously don't deserve to be there.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oK, I just sent the letter - it's posted in general right now...

...let the ball drop...


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
tigerlilly
♀ Member
Member # 18913
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, April 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, 1 soccer game done, 3 to go. I made it. My brother and his family came to the game. My STBX slunk around them and avoided them like crazy. He sat w/ OW. I felt so bad for all the kids. They all understand how horrible it is for me and her STBX and all of the kids looked like they just didn't know what to do. My son was crying at the end of thegame b/c the other team won and 'dad was sitting on the other team's side.' Sad and pathetic. I feel that they should not have sat together, so that all the children would feel more comfortable, but they are both so selfish. I am sure they were not thinking about how it was for the kids, only for themselves.
Thanks for all your support guys.

[This message edited by tigerlilly at 5:09 PM, April 26th (Saturday)]


M -18 yrs. S16 S13
DDay 12/18/06, divorced.
OW (former) friend and neighbor
"The problem is not moving mountains, but digging the ground that you're on." Jakob Dylan

Posts: 358 | Registered: Mar 2008
tigerlilly
♀ Member
Member # 18913
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, April 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When do you think i will ever be able to see OW and not feel angry and disgusted? Has anyone of you guys ever gotten over this stage?


M -18 yrs. S16 S13
DDay 12/18/06, divorced.
OW (former) friend and neighbor
"The problem is not moving mountains, but digging the ground that you're on." Jakob Dylan

Posts: 358 | Registered: Mar 2008
aokmom
♀ Member
Member # 18610
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, April 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tigerlilly -
I m so shocked at your WH's behavior at his own son's soccer game. Your son I am sure was devastated by the unbelievably selfish actions of his father (he basically said fuck you to his own son - how awful) but guess what?? He had YOU there to support him. YOU are not selfish and YOU know exactly how to act, even when something like this is thrown in your face. Why? Because YOU love your children and put them first. Never discredit the power of being a mom. Imagine if you weren't there to mitigate WH's behavior with your son??

Your children are SO LUCKY to have you as their mom. You are smart, unselfish, dedicated and love your kids more than life itself. You rock. I firmly believe "the fog" should be changed to "brain damage." The way our WS's act, particularly towards their own children, just floors me. And any skank that will stand back and witness their new "soulmate" reject his own children for his own selfish reasons, should be ashamed (but they have no dignity b/c look what they did to our marriages).

Tiger, it has been a little over two years since my XWH started a relationship with my former BF, and I will tell you, I am still not completely over it. If I were to run into her on the street today it would take every last ounce of my soul to keep from killing her. I am not nearly as mad as I was when it first happened, because I was able to rake my XWH over the coals in our divorce - well, as much as legally possible. So I got a little back. But there are days when I don't know who I am appalled at more - her or him. It's a vicious cycle. ADs have helped immensely.

Take care Tiger. You are a very strong woman.

aok

[This message edited by aokmom at 8:14 PM, April 26th (Saturday)]


Me (BS): 39
WH: 39
Married: 14 years
Two beautiful kids: S-10, D-7
D-Day: 5/9/06
Divorce final: 1/18/08

Posts: 137 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: CA
tigerlilly
♀ Member
Member # 18913
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, April 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AOK, I am laughing at the idea of you "raking him over the coals" divorce wise. We really do have similar stories. After 18 years of marriage, my STBX did not want to pay me alimony and said that he "didn't think it would impact the kids much" if they had to move and switch schools. I needed the alimony to keep the house, so I told him that if he didn't, I would release all of his love emails that he wrote while he was supposed to be TEACHING to his school board. Um, yeah. I'm getting alimony.

Thanks for all the support. It really helps.


M -18 yrs. S16 S13
DDay 12/18/06, divorced.
OW (former) friend and neighbor
"The problem is not moving mountains, but digging the ground that you're on." Jakob Dylan

Posts: 358 | Registered: Mar 2008
aokmom
♀ Member
Member # 18610
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tiger -
Blackmail can be a beautiful thing, yes indeedee. I think that is awesome what you did to him! Why do these assholes think they can marry an intelligent and strong woman and then be able to just sleaze their way out of a long-term marriage without having to pay a price? Fuck that.

I remember you posted before in another thread (or maybe it was this one) and I remember thinking that you and I had very similar stories. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone. And yeah, mine thought the same thing - that selling our home and moving from the neighborhood that my children loved so much - would not affect them in the least. After all, he moved every six months growing up (his single mom was nuts and always running from her problems) and look how wonderful HE turned out!

And yeah, I'm getting child support but no spousal, although I could take him back to court and probably get it now if I really wanted to spend the money. I use it as leverage every now and then when I need him to pay for something. Don't get me wrong - I'm never unreasonable - but the few times he has started to squawk about anything I just play my SS card. I also got a bigger chunk of the community assets, pretty much everything in the house and got him to admit in front of the mediator that really he had no interest in an 80/20 split with the kids. I got him to agree to a 6% timeshare. There were a few other things that I did which incorporated my knowledge of the legal field (I'm a paralegal), my connections within the industry and just plain old knowing how the SOB thinks b/c we were married for so long. I knew his weaknesses and I played on every last one of them. The asshat had all of that plus more coming to him. If he maybe would have stepped up to the plate and showed some interest in being involved with our children and not having to rely on his OW to help him entertain our children for two whole hours - I may have been a little nicer. As long as he insists on involving that sociopathic skank with my children, I am going to continue to ride his ass. I had a few wild provisions thrown into our settlement agreement at the last minute which practically gave his lawyer a coronary but at that point he was broke, couldn't afford to pay his attorney to fight me and just wanted it over. So he signed against his lawyer's advice. Fuck me? No, no, sweetie. Fuck YOU. You wanted this divorce so here let me spoon-feed it to you. Every last bite.

As for her, just before she and XWH started their great love affair, she was becoming more and more irrational almost every day. I was growing increasingly wary of being around her, or even having my children around her when I wasn't there. I look back now and understand the friendship for what it really was, and maybe that is why I don't miss it at all. I'm actually relieved that she is out of my life (directly but not indirectly). I just wish my XWH would see her for what she is, but he's been in the fog for so long I doubt he'll ever get out.

Take care tiger!


Me (BS): 39
WH: 39
Married: 14 years
Two beautiful kids: S-10, D-7
D-Day: 5/9/06
Divorce final: 1/18/08

Posts: 137 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: CA
just_sad
♀ Member
Member # 19237
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oK, I just sent the letter - it's posted in general right now...
...let the ball drop...


Funnystory....I don't know how to find your letter. Can you tell me how to find it, I am new to the site and am still figuring it out....

Everyone else....send me strength. I hate this.... I started one of my own, really it is not a letter it is more of a list of "Things I want to say to you". It is to my former friend, OW. I don't know if I will actually send it or not but right now I think I will. I can't stand this double betrayal crap! She is actually a person I would have gone to in the past if I was sad or needed cheering up. This situation is really fucked! I am cussing like a sailor ( I never cuss but it feels good now!!!) I hate that they work at the same place. According to my husband she has not made any contact in two weeks and reconciliation is going pretty well but I am still so hurt and pissed!!!!

The ow's partner emailed me ( she is a counselor) and asked how I was doing...and asked if I wanted to have coffee some time. She also works at the same school with my h and the ow(her partner) so I know this is harder on her...BUT she did not seem as surprised as I was because she said it has happened before in their relationship. Anyway, any advice out there? Should I have coffee with the OW's partner who has been my good friend for 2 years, or should I stay clear?

I am taking one day at a time. When I am with my h our talks are good, he is being really honest but when I am not around him my brain goes nuts and my imagination goes with it. Crap I hate this. Still can't cry. Did anyone else experience that?
H home, have to run...bye and thanks for the encouragement


Married: 20 years now...
Reconciling and happy about that most of the time. The man I knew is back to being himself!

Follow your heart and you won't get lost. - Brett Dennen


Posts: 265 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Far away from home...
tigerlilly
♀ Member
Member # 18913
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that i would start the letter, but wait a while to send it. You may not get too many shots at it and you want to make sure it really says what you want it to.

Think about what you will get out of having coffee w/ her partner. It will probably make you feel better in the short run, but may leave you w/ more questions or anxiety.

Just keep reminding yourself-it's not going to be this painful forever. You really will feel better in the not too distant future. My thoughts are w/ you.


M -18 yrs. S16 S13
DDay 12/18/06, divorced.
OW (former) friend and neighbor
"The problem is not moving mountains, but digging the ground that you're on." Jakob Dylan

Posts: 358 | Registered: Mar 2008
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just_sad,

this is what i wrote:

I just want to let you know that I am officially done waiting for you to be an adult and step up and take responsibility for what you did. Obviously, from your lack of effort or desire, our friendship meant and means nothing to you and as such, it now means nothing to me now too. I thought that you might be woman enough try to make things right between you and I. Now I see that I was dreaming.

I've reached out to you. I invited you into my home. I spoke civilaly with you at Christmas. I've sent you e-mails to see if you might have the decency to reply and gotten zilch. I've invited you to both my children's birthday parties and you haven't had the common sense to even reply to let me know that you would not show - you just let me "guess" which side of the fence you were going to fall on that day. You couldn't even sign a damn card or pick up the phone and call your niece or nephew to say Happy Birthday - I guess you must have had way more important stuff to do. You haven't seen your niece since Christmas (that's four months if you weren't counting) and you hadn't seen DS until I was gracious enough to allow him to come to your home - I hope you really enjoyed the weekend with DS because you probably won't see him again for a long time if you're going to keep avoiding all of us like the plague like you have been. You are missing out on those children's lives because you can't be an adult and face the people that you hurt. That's really pathetic. And it shows me where you place your family in your life. Pretty goddam low. My children will survive without seeing you, in fact, they don't even ask about you anymore, but I honestly don't know how you can live with yourself knowing that you are shutting them out of your life completely and by your own will. It's amazing to me - really amazing.


I took you off as my Facebook "friend" because I did not want that to be the way that we communicated. I did not want you "lurking" on my profile, checking out pictures, reading messages and assuming you knew what was going on with me without actually having to step out of your little box and do anything. If you want to know how I'm doing and what's going on in my life, you know how to get ahold of me. And quite frankly, I did not want to see what you were doing either. I don't care to now. I did not need to cause myself any undue stress by reading about what you were doing, where you were going, who you were talking to, or quite simply by seeing your profile picture when it changed.


You can be mad at me if you want for sending this e-mail, but honestly, I don't care anymore. I am done shedding tears for you and worrying about you and what I thought was our friendship. Obviously I believed that you were more of a decent person than you are because I thought for a long time that you might actually reach out and try to make things right for what you did. You might actually DO something instead of running away from your problems. Granted, things will NEVER be what they were before, but for god sakes, as of today, as far as I've noticed anyway, we're both in the same family. The least you could do is try to be a part of it from time to time.


You can hide behind your drugs and your shrinks and your depression all you want. You can be a sad and cowardly person all you want, but I find it very hard to believe (in fact, I can't) that your depression and mental issues got SOOOOOOO much worse AFTER your dirtly little secret was exposed. I can only believe that you are using it as a crutch, an excuse, so that you don't have to face reality. So that you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror and admit that you did something terribly wrong to people who never deserved it. You can make this about you and your illnesses and your self-created problems all you want. But the truth of the matter is, it's NOT only about you. And it's about time somebody told you that. It's about time that somebody gave you a smack upside the head wakeup call and let you know that your behaviour IS NOT ACCEPTABLE to those who are gracious enough to try to include you in their lives. Unlike others, I will not make excuses for you and I will not be a character in the "SIL Show" any longer. I'm done.


I truly hope you are being the BEST wife possible for BIL right now (even though I know it's highly unlikely) because if I were him, I'd leave your sorry ass in a minute for the childish, cowardly, selfish way you have been acting. And I hope that you are caring for your children as well. They do not deserve to have a mother who sleeps till noon while they are unattended, getting into and doing god knows what and who sits around all day and mopes about the life she created for herself. They do not deserve to live in disgusting fiflth. They do not deserve to be denied the priviledge of seeing their family. They deserve a wife and mother who is there for them 120%. For your beautiful children, I hope you are doing that. I hope you are making up to your whole family what you took away from them.


I will still be there for BIL and the boys unconditionally. I love your children with all my heart and BIL is will continue to be and dear friend and brother of mine. I will not allow your selfish behaviour to control when and where I see them and what presence they have in my life. The same goes for my kids. They will continue to see their uncle who loves them more than words and their cousins that they have such a great time with. I REFUSE to deny them of that.


And I WILL be standing up for other SIL at her wedding, regardless of if you think I will "still be around by then". I know that I can do that with pride, knowing that I did not and have not now thrown away my wedding vows or continue to make a mockery out of and lie about the state of my marriage. I won't bow down from that day just because you will be standing there too. As far as I'm concerned, the H's family is MY family and I will be there for them unconditionally. I will NEVER abandon them for my own petty needs. You can do what you want. But I will be standing there with my head held high and to be a support for my sister-in-law and future brother-in-law who have both been a great source of support for me over these past few months. It's so nice to know that I still have family who I can trust and count on to have my back, and not put a knife in it.


And that's it. I'm going to live my life. Freely and without regret about not having you in it. You've proved to me that you don't belong here.


You've really missed out on a good thing here. Someone who even after all of this was willing to give you a second chance. Too bad you blew it. Too bad you are too selfish and cowardly to own your own shit. Good luck to you. I still hope one day you will open your eyes long enough to see what you need to change in yourself so that the great people who have chosen to still be around you don't need to suffer the pain you continue to cause.


You can reply if you want, but honestly, I don't expect you too. That would be asking too much obviously. Hide from your problems. Maybe, just maybe, one day they will disappear without you having to do anything.


Hey, here's to hoping, right?

I gotta tell ya, for me, it felt like a huge weight was lifted. I feel so good today, it's glorious.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
lorjo
♀ Member
Member # 12321
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure I am going to ruffle some feathers with this reply to Funny Story, but here goes anyway.

By reaming your sister in-law a new one over her lack of communication with you, aren't you encouraging her to break the no contact rule?

The other woman in my situation is the wife of my husband's brother. She does have contact with my children as do I with hers, but it is understood that she is not welcome in our home nor is she welcome in my life or my husband's.

This woman is not an asset to you or to your marriage. Let her go. You can do this and continue to foster a positive albeit distant relationship with her for the sake of the kids.

I wish the SIL/OW in my life would respect our no contact request and maintain the distance your's seems to doing.


Posts: 92 | Registered: Oct 2006
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, April 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our situation began with trying to "work things out" together as couples. So BIL and H hang out and SIL and I were supposed to come to some sort of arrangement to communicate with each other.

The letter basically tells her that I'm done and don't want any contact from her now and that she missed out on a very rare opportunity of forgiveness or at least acceptance by the BS. This letter was a long time coming and all I really wanted to do was tell her exactly what I think of her behaviour. I think I did that.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, Funny story, Great letter. There are SO many things that you wrote to her that I can relate to.

I have not wrote here in a long time. If you go back to the begining of this forum, You will see my W had tried to anwser alot of questions coming from the WW side of things to help others out. (wewillbeok) So now I am asking for your help and opinions on a situation involving my mom to help her and me out.

First, This A was with my brother that she had. She has had NC with him as the same goes for me for the past two and half years. His son and my son are the same age and play baseball in the same league. My asshole of a brother and his wife will not even come to the games when the boys play each other, I am guessing that niether one of them want to see either one of us. As if we would start something at a 12-13 year olds baseball game, But whatever. I wrote him a letter about year and half ago and got no reply. Funny story, You know the letter. I think your first letter to your SIL started out somewhat just like mine.

Now we move onto my mom. My mom lives in Florida and we live in Ohio. She knows about the A thanks to my brother thinking that it was his "job" to tell her about it. Since this, She has been absolutely zero support to me. If any phone calls are made, it is me calling her. When she comes into town, we have to go to my sisters house to see her. She does not come to our house nor does she go to any of my kids functions. Baseball games or anything else. Well my DD is pregnant and I found out that she will be in town for about a month to look for a house because she is selling hers in florida and moving back up here. Well just so happens, she will be in town at the same time as my DD baby shower and she thinks that she and my sister can just go and act like nothing is wrong. She has not spoke to my WW wife at all, nor has she even called my DD to talk to her about her great grandson. Now you need to understand that my sister has been no support to me either.

My question here is, I am going back and forth between writing her a letter to tell her how I feel or one more time, get on the phone and call her because god only knows that she is not going to call me. I have not talked to her in about six months now. I of course called her then. I am affrid that if I call her, I wont be able to say just what it is that I need to say but is a letter to Impersonal?

What do you suggest? Letter or another phone call?

Thank you all ahead time for any suggestions. If a letter is the way to go, I dont have alot of time to put it together because she is coming into town on May 17th. So for me to think about it and send it, I will have to hurry, and no she has no E-Mail. Little old school I guess.

Tore_up


[This message edited by tore_up at 9:21 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)]


Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, But if you look back at page three, you will see and learn maybe just what it was like from her angle. Just wanted to throw that in because she really wanted to help others here in this forum understand how something like this just might happen to someone. As you will be able to tell, she is wewillbeok.

Once again, thank you. She and I could use a little help on this one.


Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2005
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((tore_up and wewillbeok)))

I was only thinking of you both yesterday and hoping things were going well for you. You were both a huge factor in saving my marriage and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that.

I did send my SIL a letter about 8 months ago which she did not respond to.

I sent another one about 3 months ago and although she hasn't responded to this one either, her actions show that she has taken it to heart and is following my suggestions for us to get past this.

I really believe that you do get your point across better in writing as you don't get sidetracked.

I hope this works out for you both.

Wishing you both well.

flipper


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tore_up & wewillbeok))

Yes, I remember the two of you answering questions and trying to help others understand what is happening in their crazy lives.

Before I give advice, let me see if I have this correct.

Your mother knows that your bro and FWW had an A. She fully supports bro and shuns you and FWW.

Your sis also knows about this and also supports bro and shuns you and FWW

You innocent DD is currently pregnant. However, your mother and sis have also shunned your children. So DD has not been in contact with your mother in quite a while.

Is this correct so far?

So now your mother and sister want to come to your DD's baby shower. But they have not been invited, specifically?

How does your DD feel about this? Does she want to reestablish a relationship with your mom and sis? Or is she jaded and really does not want to bother with them? Or (most likely) she does not know exactly how she feels?

If I have understood this correctly so far, then I suggest that you talk with DD and see what SHE wants. I have to believe that FWW will be hospitable to your mom and sis if that is what your DD wants.

If your DD lis at all hesitant, then I do suggest that you contact your mom and let her know how much she has hurt your CHILDREN by her actions. She can be as judgmental as she wants to be to the adults, but she needs to realize that her actions (or inactions) hurt the children and she needs to be the ADULT here.

Good luck!!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17291 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
tigerlilly
♀ Member
Member # 18913
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great advice Dreamboat. I think all of that sounds good. And I would vote for the letter. i don't think you really have to worry about being impersonal. Sounds like you have already tried hard to stay connected w/ your mom. How sad that she feels the need to take sides.


M -18 yrs. S16 S13
DDay 12/18/06, divorced.
OW (former) friend and neighbor
"The problem is not moving mountains, but digging the ground that you're on." Jakob Dylan

Posts: 358 | Registered: Mar 2008
tigerlilly
♀ Member
Member # 18913
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the record. I want you to know that I so respect all of you who have or are reconciling. I think both paths are hard work and rewarding. I would have done just about anything to save my marriage. I did not have that option. Both my STBX and the OW seem completely remorseless as their relationship was 'meant to be.' Even though i do not know you guys. i feel so much pride and compassion for those of you reconciling, especially w/ the complication of having the OP being close.


M -18 yrs. S16 S13
DDay 12/18/06, divorced.
OW (former) friend and neighbor
"The problem is not moving mountains, but digging the ground that you're on." Jakob Dylan

Posts: 358 | Registered: Mar 2008
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tigerlilly,

Thanks for your kind words, sometimes I do question if anybody in their right mind would "R" in these circumstances.

I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to try and work through it.

I think both roads are just as hard as each other and it's great that we have this forum to help us on our journeys.

flipper


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
tore_up
♂ Member
Member # 9171
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Flipper and Dreamboat, Thank you for your words and I am thankful that my W and I could help in a rough time.

Dreamboat, You were on the money when you asked if you had it right. I found out that my W and DD had invited both, my sister and my mom to the shower. She thought there was a good chance that my sister would be there but with my mom living over 1000 miles away she thought, whats the odds that she will come. I really have not talked to DD yet but I will to see what her thoughts are about my mom/her grandma coming.

My WW and I were talking last night and I think I might write a letter and then call her to read the letter over the phone so that way she can hear the hurt in my voice as I read the letter to her. One of those times where you tell her, dont say a word until I am done. Just listen to me and what it is I have to say. Then we will just play it by ear from there.

As for my brother, after reading funny story's letter. I think I am going to do the same. Sit down, write a letter and tell him that he is no long any part of my life in any way, shape or form. After I write it, I will post it with you guys to get your thoughts on it before I send it. I do value your thoughts.

All of you take care and will keep you posted on how this all goes.

Tore_up


Me46bs
her46ww
4 kids
married 26 years!!!
working on 27
24/20 girls
15/14 boys
Grandson!
d-day#1 5/2/04
d-day#2 5/16/05


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