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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double Betrayal
wildfeistykitten
♀ Member
Member # 16966
Angry  Posted: 8:41 AM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH has had numerous A's but in the beginning of our M and the last OW were close (haha) friends of mine. I know that the last one has hurt more than the others because we were supposed to be bff's. I had her move in 4 yrs ago when my god daughter was born and she was having a problem breast feeding. I would stay up all night with them and help them through the breast feeding, colic, teething, ect. She lived with us for a long time and then we got into a big fight because she was trying to screw around with some guy instead of watching not only my kids but my god daughter the night my WH and I renewed our vows. We ended up moving 2000 miles away and I missed her terribly so I called and her family was giving her the shaft and I told her to come out here and live with me. Well she did and again I ended up taking care of my god daughter because she was such a bitch to her. She wanted to get into nursing but didn't have the money so I told her that if she went into the military I'd watch my god daughter for her. I am such a good friend that I even promised come hell or high water that I come to the graduation and bring the little girl. Well my whole family drove there for her and we ended up breaking down a lot along the way. I didn't even get a thank you. When she came home she ended up working at the same hospital as my WH. They began to get closer while she had numerous bfs. After Thanksgiving he approached her and they began having their A. To throw me off their tracks she started seeing a guy who she even got married to for money. My H and her took a small break from seeing each other until her H went off to AIT and then she began pursuing him again. This all lasted until my oldest found the damn texts on her phone that they were sending back and forth. She would even just leave her daughter with me without asking to go meet my WH so they could screw in his suburban. To this day I have never had a sorry from her or anything. I spent three years and almost every holiday making sure that she felt like family. If we went some where she was there. Her family helped her but very little because she had been off and on drugs so much. And they are royally screwed up too. Not a day goes by that I feel like wanting to smash her face in because I loved her like a sister and apparently the one she loved was my damn H.


BS, me 36
WH,bs. 32
M 14 yrs
3 kids.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: mo
wildfeistykitten
♀ Member
Member # 16966
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read some of the things that happened involving the kids. Mine were super ticked off not only for what she'd done to us but also because of all the time and energy we put into helping her and taking care of her daughter.
And it hurts like hell to know that she would always hug my boys and tell them how much she cared about them. My youngest is nine and has a form of autism and he didn't know what was going on and asked when (little girl) would be back so he could see her, and when was the bad person coming back. I told him to call her this because I still won't to this day have anyone in this house say her name. And I couldn't have him call her what I was How can people be so damn selfish?


BS, me 36
WH,bs. 32
M 14 yrs
3 kids.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: mo
struggling_so
New Member
Member # 15289
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted since the first time. We have been trying to R since D-Day in April. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about it atleast twice. I just keep thinking I wasn't told everything and I know I never will hear the whole truth. It was supposedly an EA for 4 months. But I can't help but thinking, "If he would risk losing me and the kids, would he really settle for EA and not PA?" Atleast once a day I wonder why I am R-ing. Atleast once a week I wish I would've gotten rid of him for good because I hate what it has done to me. Now I question everything he does. Not to him, but to myself. And I don't think it's fair that he is the one who did something wrong and I have to worry about his feelings while reconciling. Does that seem right?

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2007
mommierawkqueen
New Member
Member # 17336
Shocked  Posted: 9:40 AM, December 10th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband cheated on me with his best friend's girlfriend. She was supposed to be one of my best friends! We got pregnant within 2 months of each other. we were going to move to Cali one day and raise our kids together. she walked me to my car, kissing my face trying to make me feel better, and then ran right back to my husband and slept with him.


WS-him-23
BS-me-25
trying to R
we have 2 little girls together (18months & 4years)


Posts: 5 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Florida
TeatimeAlice
♀ Member
Member # 17414
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, December 17th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup....I fall in this category.....just thought I'd leave a post here and say I can relate to the double betrayal aspect....I thought my Christian husband and Christian friend would not be the two people in the world who would want to kill me...our families...our marriages...but they were...anyway...just to say I'm here....sad any of us have to be


Divorce will be final around the time we should be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. Pray please I was a faithful loving wife and now my heart is forever crushed because my husband chose his sexual addictions over repairing our marriage. I

Posts: 348 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in Wonderland....wondering how/why this happened!
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, December 17th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alice,

Does the other BS know about their affair?

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6330 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
TeatimeAlice
♀ Member
Member # 17414
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, December 17th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called him and talked to him but he chose not to believe me....I also talked to her father...the preacher who baptized me thinking if he would love her unconditionally and help her...guess what...he too chooses to turn a blind eye...she is a convincing little actress...I know I sure believed her....but now I know her for what she really is....I reached out my hand in love and she bit it off....I offered her forgiveness and she hurt me further.....long story...she is truly walking and living a lie and for the time being getting away with it.....I pray for her everyday...but I know I'll NEVER trust her again....it's hard because we went to school together from the 4th through the 12th grade and have several common friends and aquaintances....I just don't understand the whole sordid thing


Divorce will be final around the time we should be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. Pray please I was a faithful loving wife and now my heart is forever crushed because my husband chose his sexual addictions over repairing our marriage. I

Posts: 348 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in Wonderland....wondering how/why this happened!
wookiegirl
♀ Member
Member # 16284
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, December 28th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I've gotten into some of this on my profile but here's my whole story.

I met my husband online in 2001. Before I met him in person, he explained to me that he had a female friend that he was ‘just friends’ with that at one time they had an affair (she was married) but that they stopped it and agreed it was wrong and that they were back to being just friends again. I believed him. She happened to live in the same town I did in Colorado. My husband at that time lived in MO. He came to see me in 2002 and moved in with me. We developed a friendship with his friend and her husband. We’d go there on Friday nights to play cards. Our children played together.

In April 2004, I had an opportunity to move back home to Chicago. I took it and hubby (BF at the time) came with me. We were married in November 2004. He continued to talk to her. A lot. To the point that we fought over it. So many minutes. But he told me over and over as did she that they were just friends. I didn’t believe them but I had no proof. We went back to Colorado on vacation in both 2005 and 2006 and stayed at ‘our friend’s’ house. The POS OW and I had a heart to heart in 2006. She told me she loved her husband. She told me she regretted the affair she had with my husband in 2000. She told me that now that we were friends she couldn’t do it and it was such a mistake. I finally believed her. I let it go. I stopped worrying about the time they spent on the phone.

In January 2007, my husband lost his job. He took a job working nights. He was home all day. Apparently, this is when their friendship again turned to romance. They started an EA and had mad amounts of phone sex. I had got a promotion and with the lack of income I was really working hard to prove myself and to try and get a good raise. I was oblivious. We didn’t return to CO that summer for lack of money. THANK GOD. I shudder to think what would have happened then. On Labor Day weekend, the POS OW and FWH got into a ‘fight’. FWH changed his phone number. I thought this was suspect. Friends don’t do that. That was just weird. And he kept telling me if she tried to contact me to ignore her and that if she thought she was going to start anything he had enough on her that he’d get her in so much trouble. This all didn’t sit well. I asked him “do you have something you need to tell me”. Of course the answer was no. By the end of the 2nd week in September they were back to being friends again. I still wasn’t ok with it. I was home sick on September 18. I opened my husband’s email to find the love letters from her. Pleading with him to take her back after their fight. I was devastated.

FWH told me then that he ‘loved’ us both. I couldn’t believe this was happening. It was like a nightmare come true. By the end of the day he agreed to go NC and was home with me. I hurt for a long time and I still do.

FWH is completely transparent now and as far as I can tell NC has been maintained. Right now I am still fighting the urge to contact the POS OW just to find out why. Why she would pretend to be my friend and do something so completely heinous.

Has anyone broken NC to do this? Were you glad you did?


"I found out that the things that hurt us the most can become the fuel and the catalyst that propel us toward our destiny. It will either make you bitter or it will make you better."-- T.D. Jakes

Posts: 2118 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: The Magic Mirror
TeatimeAlice
♀ Member
Member # 17414
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, December 29th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've finally come to the realizattion that the OW in our case was NEVER my friend...

"Why she would pretend to be my friend and do something so completely heinous."

I don't think we will ever understand something so completely cruel!!!

I don't think you will even gain an ounce of understanding if you were to meet with her...we are kind compassionate people...she's proven she is NOT...and you would only be opening yourself up to further hurt...she's proven she is NOT to be trusted...sad, but true...you are talking to someone who has wrestled in a mighty way through this whole struggle with the OW issue...I've LOVED the OW in our situtation since I was 9 years old...we have shared MUCH life history...HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME AND OUR MARRIAGE???

It is beyond our comprehension...sending you a hug (((wookiegirl))).


Divorce will be final around the time we should be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. Pray please I was a faithful loving wife and now my heart is forever crushed because my husband chose his sexual addictions over repairing our marriage. I

Posts: 348 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in Wonderland....wondering how/why this happened!
wookiegirl
♀ Member
Member # 16284
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, December 29th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((teatime))) Thank you for your post. I don't know if it's a combination of a good nights rest and my feeling better but the urge to talk to her has gone away. I don't feel that nag like I did. I think I will always wonder why. But I know you are right that this is something that a person with a heart and a conscious can't understand. I think I just have to really grasp that I will never understand it. If I ever did understand it, I would probably question my own morals.


"I found out that the things that hurt us the most can become the fuel and the catalyst that propel us toward our destiny. It will either make you bitter or it will make you better."-- T.D. Jakes

Posts: 2118 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: The Magic Mirror
TeatimeAlice
♀ Member
Member # 17414
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, December 29th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to share a dream I had a few nights ago...I have lots of dreams/nightmares about my OW...this has truly been something that has ripped my heart out!!!

I dreamed I was at a church building we used to visit when I was a child...the church my dad grew up in...anyway I looked up a couple of rows and there sat OW...I said to myself that I always knew we would be running into each other at weddings and funerals...

In my dream I called three friends who just appeared around me to support me as I sat there knowing we were in the same place...then after whatever this event was I met OW in the back hall of the church...

Get this...

I talked in my sleep...I said "I LOVE YOU BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH MY HUSBAND, IT HURTS TOO MUCH!"

How do I know, I talked in my sleep...my hubby told me about it the next morning...been afraid to go to sleep since for fear of what I'll tell the fellow in my sleep

He said he "comforted" me in my sleep...I never woke up but I did remember the dream the next morning when he asked me about it.

I am extremely sad this betrayal happens...and hugs to all of you who have experienced it...I keep all of you in my prayers...keep me in yours as well!!!


Divorce will be final around the time we should be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. Pray please I was a faithful loving wife and now my heart is forever crushed because my husband chose his sexual addictions over repairing our marriage. I

Posts: 348 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in Wonderland....wondering how/why this happened!
lmwk123
♀ Member
Member # 15229
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's your opinion? My H had A w/ our neighbor/friend that ended over a 1 1/2 ago, lasted for 6 mo. Anyway about 6 mo ago she saw him and said how he ruined her life, she hates him and that she thought she loved him. About 3 weeks prior to this she had renewed her wedding vowes and conceived a baby with her H. I just think the conversation seemed strange after a year. I'm not convinced she's not over my H. There A apparently ended when she told him she loved him and he said he didn't love her. That he loved me. What do you make of this?


A- 11/06-5/07
I believe more A's throughout
3 kids
together 16 yrs

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
Life is a test.


Posts: 249 | Registered: Jul 2007
mylife
♀ Member
Member # 1217
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, January 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I belong here too. Caught WH humping my sister on her front porch when we stopped by to bring her gas money so that she could be at the hospital with me through my cancer surgery. They banked everything on the fact that I was in too much pain from my sizable tumor to get off of the couch to actually catch them.

Deduced from my own common sense that they were sexually involved since before I ever met him. She set us up on a blind date only after her husband caught him at their house and they made up a bullcrap excuse that he was there because he was interested in me. Funny considering that he had never met me or even heard of me at that point.

I thought I could get it back despite his continuing lies. The hub seems to be over the fact that I need to know everyone he cheated on me with and what all they did together. Considering that he goes back and forth between denying everything with anyone and a few things with only one (the only one I have evidence of), my trust in him is rocky and my respect for him is failing.

I don't have the strength, energy, or desire to keep this going. I am close to deciding that all men are just like him from what I have seen in my workplace and community. Tempted to become a lesbian or celibate after we get our kids grown. My only pain comes from the faint hope that we might possibly work this out before I divorce him when our youngest graduates high school. Mission impossible, but I still hope. The hope hurts the worst of all.

[This message edited by mylife at 5:28 AM, January 1st (Tuesday)]


Grass grows where you water it and dies where you piss on it.

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Mar 2003
twopercenter
♂ Member
Member # 17024
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife had an affair with a friend - an older guy who I really admired and looked up to. When I say older, I mean 21 years my senior, which makes him about 24 years her senior. Hell, he IS a senior.


I think the fact that he's

a. much older than me

b. a trusted friend (well former trusted friend)


really adds to the hurt.

Worst part for me is he's still out there somewhere and although she claims NC, I know she still holds a candle for him.

Yeah, it was a double whammy.


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2007
mdsjmom98
♀ Member
Member # 4931
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's funny, I too, have said that my niece must not have really cared for me/loved me, if she could do what she did. (I still really believe that) But the rest of my family tries to convince me that she truly cared for me. I just can't buy it. She used and abused me horribly, there is no way she could have loved me all the while carrying on with him. (she claims she did) What kind of cold hearted bitch do you have to be to be able to do that?


Him - WH - 45
Me - BS - 44
OW - my niece - 38
Married 24 years
2 kids (boys) 13, 21
Reconciling 7 years

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Illinois
TeatimeAlice
♀ Member
Member # 17414
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is all so unbelievable when TWO people who are supposed to love you do this deed...hurts so much...all I can say is I pray daily for my enemy...the one who used and persecuted me...I definitely consider my "friend's" actions to be using and persecution of me and my family...so sad...why didn't they think past their lust!!! Sometimes I really feel like my "friend" knew exactly what she was inflicting on me...she had done it before and apparantly it is her "pattern" and "way of life"...I just didn't know she was a fake...

Big hugs to (((all of us))) in this forum!!!


Divorce will be final around the time we should be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. Pray please I was a faithful loving wife and now my heart is forever crushed because my husband chose his sexual addictions over repairing our marriage. I

Posts: 348 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in Wonderland....wondering how/why this happened!
wookiegirl
♀ Member
Member # 16284
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think that the OP can truly care about us as the BS. If they did, what they did wouldn't be possible.


"I found out that the things that hurt us the most can become the fuel and the catalyst that propel us toward our destiny. It will either make you bitter or it will make you better."-- T.D. Jakes

Posts: 2118 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: The Magic Mirror
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with wookie! My daughters tried to warn me about the OW - I defended her (oh, she's a single mom, she needs help...jeez, I almost enabled the A without even knowing it!)OMG, I was so dumb. But it's all good - it was a very hard lesson, but I'm much more intuitive to my gut now...


Me - 48; FWH - 50
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
4yo GS & 14 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4819 | Registered: May 2007
Munky
♂ New Member
Member # 17850
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there everyone, new here, just posted my story in 'just found out' under the thread 'bit of an odd case' before I realized fully what double betrayal was.


Damn! I love that woman!
Betrayed and still in love.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Minnesota
Munky
♂ New Member
Member # 17850
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS says it has always been her nature to be private and won't entirely open up to me. this is a week after d-day. she says she wants to reconcile, but has changed all passwords to phone, email and such, and says she has 'things' of her own she must work out. What does this mean? she slept w/my best friend.

BS=38
WS=36
2 kids


Damn! I love that woman!
Betrayed and still in love.

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Minnesota
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