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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Double Betrayal
Sidney
♀ Member
Member # 16170
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, September 18th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDBF,

Thank you for that. I have come to that exact same conclusion. I know in a sick way she misses me as much if not more than him. It's almost the best revenge to have cut her out of my life and to be working on my R. I feel different than a lot of people here because my FWH is doing everything I could ever ask for and want to try to make me happy. I almost feel like we are dating again after 20 years. I still have bad moments but I am not going to allow my thoughts of the OW ruin our progress.

I feel like he has told me everything that I have asked even if it hurts and I would imagine that if I talked to her that she would have her own version of things as you say.

I know the facts from my investigative tactics so at this point it is simply what each person was thinking and feeling at the time and I have decided that nothing she could say would make a difference to me.

There has been NC for going on 2 months and I feel like I have to allow for my own healing and prying every thought and feeling they had is not the right way to go about it.

Wishing everyone here well!


Me-39
WH-42
Two beautiful teenagers
R since D-day 7/22/07
Married 20 years

Posts: 60 | Registered: Sep 2007
DevestedInAZ
♀ New Member
Member # 15685
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, September 18th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My story is a familiar one of double betrayal -- although I didn't realize until I came here.

We moved to AZ a year ago and became friends with a couple almost immediately.

Fast forward to last May and her H suddenly moves back to Indiana for a job. That in and of itself was very weird. So my WH begins to "give her a man's point of view" at my suggestion! We even offer her to speak to WH's parents for some "counseling".

Well, she and her son begin to spend weekends with us (again at my suggestion because I didn't want her to be "lonely"). I help her get a job at my company, we begin carpooling.

Then......things start to get weird, she is calling the house to speak to WH, sending him text messages. When I question him, he says that she can't talk to me as well because I give her the feeling that she is annoying me. Funny thing is that my WH NEVER is one to empathize with anyone -- especially me!

Again, I am told I am I am "crazy" and I should apologize for being a bitch to her!! All the while she is telling me that I should leave my WH because he treats me like CRAP!!

I make the decision to quit bitching to him about her, I tell her I don't want her calling him or texting him, because we just fight about her and I'm tired of fighting about her. She takes me out to lunch for "interfering" in my marriage -- all this the DAY AFTER SHE WAS WITH HIM!!!!!

I check his text message five days after I give her the ultimatim and she has sent him 200 messages in that time! I confront WH about the messages and he calls her and says right then and there NC.....

I was planning to go away for the weekend to visit my family. ALL of my friends and family cut to the chase and say he is sleeping with her -- my WH -- NEVER!! NEVER SAY NEVER!

I return home and point blank ask him and he confirms that had a PA for the last two months. The whole weekend I was away she was texting me telling me she was sorry but "all she did was send text messages"!

I answer every one of her messages with "and FUCKED my WH!" She then tries to backpeddle and tell me it wasn't one sided! I'm sorry, I don't care if WH walked up to you with his DICK hanging out, you could have said NO!

I KNOW for a fact she pursued him and every time he tried to end it, she told him she was going to commit suicide. BACK to her H moving -- I FULLY BELIEVE she was planning on moving too and then convinced my WH that her H was abusing her all to manipulate him to "save her". When he told her that wasn't going to happen, the first thing she said was, I guess I'm moving to Indiana!

I called her H and told him everything -- he said nothing except he was sorry and wanted to know if the A happened while he was still there, I told him I didn't think so.

Here we are six weeks after D-DAY -- WH is totally commited to me and our family, we are in MC and surprisingly better than ever, BUT I have to see that skanky ass whore EVERY DAY at work -- I hope she's miserable!! I don't know how she could look me in the eye every day -- although I am learning that it's not about me and she is a very sick individual.

Thanks for letting me share and getting some much needed insight!

[This message edited by DevestedInAZ at 6:51 PM, September 18th (Tuesday)]


s/b Devastated In AZ

BS Me 45
WH Him 45
M 21 yrs.
2 children (16, 14)
OW 38 Mutual Friend
D-Day 8/5/07 (2 mos.)
Reconciled -- 1/1/08

"The Best Things In Life Are Not Things"


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2007
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, September 18th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((devastated))

I was ALSO trying to help OW (i.e., "at my suggestion"). She was not OW when I started to help her. But then she played me...And she played X, but he just refuses to believe. So *I* try to help her and she stabs *me* in the back??!! Bitch!!

I am so glad that your WH is taking responsibility for his actions and is trying to do right by you.

Take care


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17285 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
mdsjmom98
♀ Member
Member # 4931
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You all mirror my thoughts exactly. To this day I struggle with how could she look me in the eye 5 minutes after having sex with him. I do not trust any females, and struggle to befriend anyone since all this. I mean, heck, if your own FAMILY does this to you, what would happen in the outside world?
She has moved on so wonderfully with her life, from what I'm told. She has it all, but most of all she doesn't seem to have any remorse. If anything, she is annoyed that it is brought up. About 6 months back I tried to get her help for my son who was hurting because of her part in the betrayal. I begged her to help me, and she sent me nasty e-mails saying his problem was not because of her, it was because I was a "controlling, overbearing" mother, and she then sent an e-mail to my sister asking her to call children services on me. She said there wasn't one thing in this world she could do for me, because I would just want more.
She practically stole money from me, bringing her rotten kids out here sponging of us, knowing she was screwing him. I bought her kids clothes because she claimed her H wouldn't. I gave her a check for a retainer for a lawyer, and she hugged me and said she *KNEW* we were going to be ok. She continued teasing and enticing him via e-mail and cell phone for another year, and would e-mail me and tell me how much she loved me.
HOW?? HOW can someone do that? Then for her to be so hateful and mean, I just don't get it. She contacted H, even though I told her all contact should be done through me, she went directly to him, totally disregarded everything I said.
AGain, I ask, HOW?
I am not even safe in my dreams from her. I have totally changed as a result of what she has done, I will never be the "life of the party" like I used to be. Now I just pray to be invisible, and hope no one wants to befriend me.
Sucky life I have.....


Him - WH - 45
Me - BS - 44
OW - my niece - 38
Married 24 years
2 kids (boys) 13, 21
Reconciling 7 years

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Illinois
sandygirl01
♀ Member
Member # 15952
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow DevestedInAZ. I can empathize with a lot of your post.

My ex-bf told me I should leave my husband cause he treated me horribly also.
I know she pursued him as well, and premeditated thier first encounter. As well as telling him she would fall apart if he ended it because 'her feelings just couldn't go away'.

I also helped her too, getting money from surveys and such so she could be a stay at home mom. Makes you never want to help someone again, doesn't it?

I'm glad to hear things are going well, things here are as well. Funny that after D-Day things are better in our marriage then ever were. Sad too.


Me - 26
Him - 24
Kids - 1 boy, 5 mo. old
OW#1 - 18 yr. old supposed family friend
OW#2 - 21 yr. old ex-co-worker
OW#3 - 21 yr. old, my best friend
D-Day - August 16, 2007

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Oregon
nokidding
♀ Member
Member # 16242
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a good one:

WH & OW worked together. We all became friends. OW got married, I was a bridesmaid, WH stood up for her husband, my 3 yr. old son was ring bearer.

Absolutely sickening.


Fuck Barbie....and her shoes.

Posts: 2528 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: SE PA
sandygirl01
♀ Member
Member # 15952
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AWww, nokidding. Just ugh.

OW gave me her wedding dress for my wedding. I can't even look at my wedding pictures now without that reminder. I remember telling her that I wish I had known her earlier b/c then I would have had her as a bridesmaid in my wedding. THANK GOD I did not know her earlier.


Me - 26
Him - 24
Kids - 1 boy, 5 mo. old
OW#1 - 18 yr. old supposed family friend
OW#2 - 21 yr. old ex-co-worker
OW#3 - 21 yr. old, my best friend
D-Day - August 16, 2007

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Oregon
whatwasevrything
♀ Member
Member # 7471
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

some of this stuff is awful - I have tons too.

I think the worst thing is I used to pick up FOW kids from summer camp for her - I thought it was so she didn't have to leave work early.

Come to find out I was picking them up so she could meet my H after work to screw him in the local mall's parking lot


And now my bitter hands PARADE broken glass of what was
everything. All the pictures sent all been washed in black
...tattooed everything
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Posts: 1787 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: somewhere where I never want to be again
mdsjmom98
♀ Member
Member # 4931
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got lots more to add....

She had sex with him for the first time on my birthday. When I asked her how could she, she said that *technically* it was after midnight, so it wasn't officially my b-day anymore. (it was my son's b-day)
One day she borrowed my truck so she could "run some errands." Turned out she picked him up from work, drove him to a park and they had sex.

I confided in her I wasn't too much into oral. Her second sex act with him was a bj in MY shower while my 4 year old sat outside the door and waited for his daddy to let him in to go potty.

We were sitting on the couch watching a chick flick movie. She had her arm around me telling me she didn't know what she would do without me.She excused herself to go "change" and went upstairs and had sex with him in the bathroom. She came back downstairs, sat next to me on the couch, and continued telling me how my marriage was going to make it, how she just couldn't go on if we didn't stay married.

She begged and pleaded with me to come and "help" me after my hysterectomy. She brought her monsters, and I ended up doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, laundry, etc. The only thing she did was have sex with him.

She dropped my son off at school, and proceeded to cause a huge accident that cost us out the nose. She didn't offer to pay for any of it, claiming that she "offered" but H refused. Well, duh, he's screwing you, do you think he's going to tell you to pay up?????? Our insurance went up $40/mo. she got nothing.

She worked hard to gaslight me into thinking it was my sister he was messing around with. She trash talked him the entire time they were "together."

How do you get over this stuff????


Him - WH - 45
Me - BS - 44
OW - my niece - 38
Married 24 years
2 kids (boys) 13, 21
Reconciling 7 years

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Illinois
worthit
♀ Member
Member # 16200
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H had an affair w/ my best friend. She said that we were soul-mates!! I can't believe I invited this person into our lives and I will have a very hard time ever making new friends. I gave her his number, I told her when he was working, I made it easy for them.


married 11years
BS-30 years old
WH- 31 years old
2 boys, 10 & 11
1st DDay- 01/05/03 marriage counseling in-between
2nd DDay- 08/17/07 w/ my best-friend in 2004

Posts: 145 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Northern Virginia
DevestedInAZ
♀ New Member
Member # 15685
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told her when he was traveling, so she knew what time his flight landed!! And when he was at the airport waiting to leave!! All of the her text messages were while she was driving to my house to carpool knowing he was at the airport!

One set of messages were while she was sitting next to me in the car!! I asked her who she was texting so furiously and she said "just a friend"!


s/b Devastated In AZ

BS Me 45
WH Him 45
M 21 yrs.
2 children (16, 14)
OW 38 Mutual Friend
D-Day 8/5/07 (2 mos.)
Reconciled -- 1/1/08

"The Best Things In Life Are Not Things"


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2007
sandygirl01
♀ Member
Member # 15952
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart just sank after reading that. I remember being beside ex-BF while she was texting away and she said it was her husband. OMG. This is the first time I have realized this. H said that all of thier communication was on messenger and texts.


Me - 26
Him - 24
Kids - 1 boy, 5 mo. old
OW#1 - 18 yr. old supposed family friend
OW#2 - 21 yr. old ex-co-worker
OW#3 - 21 yr. old, my best friend
D-Day - August 16, 2007

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Oregon
bumponalog
♀ Member
Member # 15702
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll jump on this thread too...

My FWH fooled around with someone who befriended me after she had her eye on H just to get closer to him. He fell for it, hook, line and sinker...... MORON.

Sucks when you find out your best friend has been making "girl talk" with you in order to get pointers about what your H likes and doesn't like.


Me: BS (26), Him: WS (37), No kids
D-day Oct '06 (8 month A with my best friend)
Several other boundary breachings with other female friends entire marriage
Attempted R, but realized infidelity was a real dealbreaker
Separated & HAPPY!

Posts: 589 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Southern US
feelsodeceived
♀ Member
Member # 12351
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also babysit OW kids while she went and screwed my husband in her van and then had lunch. Then every evening she would come over and look me in the eye like nothing was going on. How the hell do people do that? I asked both OW and FWS and they both replied "It wasn't easy." It still sickens me. It is the hardest part of reconciling, is knowing that FWS is capable of such deception.


It takes a long time, but life does go on

Posts: 1360 | Registered: Oct 2006
bumponalog
♀ Member
Member # 15702
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feelsodeceived -

Me too... OW was my best friend (so I thought...) with a 2 yr old son who I adored, I don't have kids, so he was my buddy. I spoiled him rotten, watched him any chance I got, went out with them all the time. FWH told me after dday that she would try to play footsie with him while all of us were out together!!!!

THE NERVE! Here me and OW's H are, sitting right there, and she's trying to play footsie with him!!


Me: BS (26), Him: WS (37), No kids
D-day Oct '06 (8 month A with my best friend)
Several other boundary breachings with other female friends entire marriage
Attempted R, but realized infidelity was a real dealbreaker
Separated & HAPPY!

Posts: 589 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Southern US
DevestedInAZ
♀ New Member
Member # 15685
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After D-Day and I had more than one person tell me that when we were in a group setting and I LEFT THE ROOM, she would "snuggle" with WH!! WTF, just because I'm not there, it's your turn to move in??!!?? Right out in the open!!

[This message edited by DevestedInAZ at 8:39 AM, September 20th (Thursday)]


s/b Devastated In AZ

BS Me 45
WH Him 45
M 21 yrs.
2 children (16, 14)
OW 38 Mutual Friend
D-Day 8/5/07 (2 mos.)
Reconciled -- 1/1/08

"The Best Things In Life Are Not Things"


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2007
mdsjmom98
♀ Member
Member # 4931
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I'm in that club, too. The "right under your nose" club. I guess one night we were all playing cards, and my SIL saw her reach over and pat him on the thigh, a little close to the boys for her comfort. She said she looked away, shook her head, thinking she was seeing things.
She really did a mental head slap after that. Said if she had half a brain, she'd have called her on it right away.
Oh, how I wish......
I had a few people tell me they were uncomfortable with the way they interacted with each other. One friend actually pointed her finger in my face and said I better wake up. Wish I would've listened.

[This message edited by mdsjmom98 at 8:51 PM, September 19th (Wednesday)]


Him - WH - 45
Me - BS - 44
OW - my niece - 38
Married 24 years
2 kids (boys) 13, 21
Reconciling 7 years

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Illinois
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recall a vacation (that we paid for!) where my in laws called her out on her behavior. and *I* defended her!! And him!!! He would NEVER do that to me. And they were cousins for god's sake!!

This was before their first motel stay but AFTER the EA had started. And I DEFENDED her honor!!??

And 3 months later my ILs welcomed the whore with open arms. And then blamed me for the A because WS/X was "unhappy"

I am so glad that I have 2 years between me and that drama. I'm ok and I no longer have X, OW, or ILs in my life!!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17285 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
flipper
♀ Member
Member # 12425
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, September 20th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This topic really hits home.

I paid for her (with B and kids) to move to where we live, let them live with us, bought her clothes, gave her a job. I gave her time off from work - as it turns out this is when they were meeting.

So, I paid her way and paved the way for them to do this.

I didn't know I was giving her my husband too.


Me: 40
FWH: 40
married 17 years - no kids
DD: 14th Oct 2006
DD2: 18th Feb 2007 - Full details disclosed

Both giving our best to R.


Posts: 311 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Australia
mdsjmom98
♀ Member
Member # 4931
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, September 20th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as the text messages, that hit a nerve with me. I remember her taking me out for a day of shopping, she wanted to "spoil" me. (more like guilt shop) H took her kids and ours canoeing. She was sitting there texting madly, (she had ANOTHER boyfriend, too) and I asked if she was texting him. She laughed and said no, it was her friend in NJ. Turns out it was H.
Don't even get me started on the money issue. She asked for us to co-sign for a credit card for her when she was 17 (for college) she maxed it out and tried to ditch out on it. I paid it for a while, never told H, and finally when our finances couldn't take it anymore I came clean with him. He demanded that I force her to take responsibility for it. She threw a huge fit, said she was under 18 when she signed for it so she wasn't legally responsible. The credit card company saw differently, and she said to me, "If you like your money more than me, then don't ever speak to me again." I respected her request, but she called me about 2 years later because she had had a kid, and wanted me to come see him. I should've never picked up that phone.....
She called another time claiming she needed to "get away" from her H, as he was harassing her about her "other" A. Her car was in bad shape, and couldn't make the trip. I offered to pay for an airline ticket. H was all over that, said yes right away. Should've been another red flag.
We, too, paid for a vacation for them, which is where the whole A between them started.
Flipper: Do you feel like you paid for whore services? In my case that was one expensive whore, and according to H, NOT worth it!!

[This message edited by mdsjmom98 at 7:35 AM, September 20th (Thursday)]


Him - WH - 45
Me - BS - 44
OW - my niece - 38
Married 24 years
2 kids (boys) 13, 21
Reconciling 7 years

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Illinois
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