Thank you for that. I have come to that exact same conclusion. I know in a sick way she misses me as much if not more than him. It's almost the best revenge to have cut her out of my life and to be working on my R. I feel different than a lot of people here because my FWH is doing everything I could ever ask for and want to try to make me happy. I almost feel like we are dating again after 20 years. I still have bad moments but I am not going to allow my thoughts of the OW ruin our progress.
I feel like he has told me everything that I have asked even if it hurts and I would imagine that if I talked to her that she would have her own version of things as you say.
I know the facts from my investigative tactics so at this point it is simply what each person was thinking and feeling at the time and I have decided that nothing she could say would make a difference to me.
There has been NC for going on 2 months and I feel like I have to allow for my own healing and prying every thought and feeling they had is not the right way to go about it.
Wishing everyone here well!
We moved to AZ a year ago and became friends with a couple almost immediately.
Fast forward to last May and her H suddenly moves back to Indiana for a job. That in and of itself was very weird. So my WH begins to "give her a man's point of view" at my suggestion! We even offer her to speak to WH's parents for some "counseling".
Well, she and her son begin to spend weekends with us (again at my suggestion because I didn't want her to be "lonely"). I help her get a job at my company, we begin carpooling.
Then......things start to get weird, she is calling the house to speak to WH, sending him text messages. When I question him, he says that she can't talk to me as well because I give her the feeling that she is annoying me. Funny thing is that my WH NEVER is one to empathize with anyone -- especially me!
Again, I am told I am I am "crazy" and I should apologize for being a bitch to her!! All the while she is telling me that I should leave my WH because he treats me like CRAP!!
I make the decision to quit bitching to him about her, I tell her I don't want her calling him or texting him, because we just fight about her and I'm tired of fighting about her. She takes me out to lunch for "interfering" in my marriage -- all this the DAY AFTER SHE WAS WITH HIM!!!!!
I check his text message five days after I give her the ultimatim and she has sent him 200 messages in that time! I confront WH about the messages and he calls her and says right then and there NC.....
I was planning to go away for the weekend to visit my family. ALL of my friends and family cut to the chase and say he is sleeping with her -- my WH -- NEVER!! NEVER SAY NEVER!
I return home and point blank ask him and he confirms that had a PA for the last two months. The whole weekend I was away she was texting me telling me she was sorry but "all she did was send text messages"!
I answer every one of her messages with "and FUCKED my WH!" She then tries to backpeddle and tell me it wasn't one sided! I'm sorry, I don't care if WH walked up to you with his DICK hanging out, you could have said NO!
I KNOW for a fact she pursued him and every time he tried to end it, she told him she was going to commit suicide. BACK to her H moving -- I FULLY BELIEVE she was planning on moving too and then convinced my WH that her H was abusing her all to manipulate him to "save her". When he told her that wasn't going to happen, the first thing she said was, I guess I'm moving to Indiana!
I called her H and told him everything -- he said nothing except he was sorry and wanted to know if the A happened while he was still there, I told him I didn't think so.
Here we are six weeks after D-DAY -- WH is totally commited to me and our family, we are in MC and surprisingly better than ever, BUT I have to see that skanky ass whore EVERY DAY at work -- I hope she's miserable!! I don't know how she could look me in the eye every day -- although I am learning that it's not about me and she is a very sick individual.
Thanks for letting me share and getting some much needed insight!
[This message edited by DevestedInAZ at 6:51 PM, September 18th (Tuesday)]
BS Me 45
WH Him 45
M 21 yrs.
2 children (16, 14)
OW 38 Mutual Friend
D-Day 8/5/07 (2 mos.)
Reconciled -- 1/1/08
"The Best Things In Life Are Not Things"
I was ALSO trying to help OW (i.e., "at my suggestion"). She was not OW when I started to help her. But then she played me...And she played X, but he just refuses to believe. So *I* try to help her and she stabs *me* in the back??!! Bitch!!
I am so glad that your WH is taking responsibility for his actions and is trying to do right by you.
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
My ex-bf told me I should leave my husband cause he treated me horribly also.
I know she pursued him as well, and premeditated thier first encounter. As well as telling him she would fall apart if he ended it because 'her feelings just couldn't go away'.
I also helped her too, getting money from surveys and such so she could be a stay at home mom. Makes you never want to help someone again, doesn't it?
I'm glad to hear things are going well, things here are as well. Funny that after D-Day things are better in our marriage then ever were. Sad too.
WH & OW worked together. We all became friends. OW got married, I was a bridesmaid, WH stood up for her husband, my 3 yr. old son was ring bearer.
OW gave me her wedding dress for my wedding. I can't even look at my wedding pictures now without that reminder. I remember telling her that I wish I had known her earlier b/c then I would have had her as a bridesmaid in my wedding. THANK GOD I did not know her earlier.
I think the worst thing is I used to pick up FOW kids from summer camp for her - I thought it was so she didn't have to leave work early.
Come to find out I was picking them up so she could meet my H after work to screw him in the local mall's parking lot
She had sex with him for the first time on my birthday. When I asked her how could she, she said that *technically* it was after midnight, so it wasn't officially my b-day anymore. (it was my son's b-day)
One day she borrowed my truck so she could "run some errands." Turned out she picked him up from work, drove him to a park and they had sex.
I confided in her I wasn't too much into oral. Her second sex act with him was a bj in MY shower while my 4 year old sat outside the door and waited for his daddy to let him in to go potty.
We were sitting on the couch watching a chick flick movie. She had her arm around me telling me she didn't know what she would do without me.She excused herself to go "change" and went upstairs and had sex with him in the bathroom. She came back downstairs, sat next to me on the couch, and continued telling me how my marriage was going to make it, how she just couldn't go on if we didn't stay married.
She begged and pleaded with me to come and "help" me after my hysterectomy. She brought her monsters, and I ended up doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, laundry, etc. The only thing she did was have sex with him.
She dropped my son off at school, and proceeded to cause a huge accident that cost us out the nose. She didn't offer to pay for any of it, claiming that she "offered" but H refused. Well, duh, he's screwing you, do you think he's going to tell you to pay up?????? Our insurance went up $40/mo. she got nothing.
She worked hard to gaslight me into thinking it was my sister he was messing around with. She trash talked him the entire time they were "together."
How do you get over this stuff????
One set of messages were while she was sitting next to me in the car!! I asked her who she was texting so furiously and she said "just a friend"!
My FWH fooled around with someone who befriended me after she had her eye on H just to get closer to him. He fell for it, hook, line and sinker...... MORON.
Sucks when you find out your best friend has been making "girl talk" with you in order to get pointers about what your H likes and doesn't like.
Me too... OW was my best friend (so I thought...) with a 2 yr old son who I adored, I don't have kids, so he was my buddy. I spoiled him rotten, watched him any chance I got, went out with them all the time. FWH told me after dday that she would try to play footsie with him while all of us were out together!!!!
THE NERVE! Here me and OW's H are, sitting right there, and she's trying to play footsie with him!!
[This message edited by DevestedInAZ at 8:39 AM, September 20th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by mdsjmom98 at 8:51 PM, September 19th (Wednesday)]
This was before their first motel stay but AFTER the EA had started. And I DEFENDED her honor!!??
And 3 months later my ILs welcomed the whore with open arms. And then blamed me for the A because WS/X was "unhappy"
I am so glad that I have 2 years between me and that drama. I'm ok and I no longer have X, OW, or ILs in my life!!
I paid for her (with B and kids) to move to where we live, let them live with us, bought her clothes, gave her a job. I gave her time off from work - as it turns out this is when they were meeting.
So, I paid her way and paved the way for them to do this.
I didn't know I was giving her my husband too.
Both giving our best to R.
[This message edited by mdsjmom98 at 7:35 AM, September 20th (Thursday)]