It is all a horrible nightmare, how this life of mine has played out with betrayal...but all I will say about the double was it was unlike anything I have ever gone through, and it was the straw that nearly had me take my own life. But I didn't, and here I am, removed from the daily trauma of it...but it still is a dark memory.
Feel free to PM me if you want any info.
[This message edited by flipper at 7:55 AM, April 27th (Monday)]
Both giving our best to R.
[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 1:45 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)]
I'm in this group too.
My H had a three year A with my best friend.
Trouble is, she became my "best friend" after she was already sleeping with my husband so it was three years of being stabbed in the back while thinking that I'd found a friend for life.
Live and learn.
D-day was almost 7 years ago so I've left most of the feelings in the past and healed pretty well.
I will never understand how she could become my "friend" and look me in the face when she was doing what she was doing.
[This message edited by StarGazer at 2:13 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)]
My daughter was on a school field trip to Chicago and the last FB was one of the chaprones.
FB HATESsnakes. The group went to a zoo that had a large snake exhibit.
My daughter insistedthe whole group go through the Snake House knowing full well that FB hates them.
I love my daughter so
One day I just got so upset and said, "You aren't going to see her ever again." She asked me why and I said, "Because she was very mean to mommy and did something that hurt her alot." Again she asked why and I just answered, "I don't know."
kdny - how did you get past the betrayal of your friend? Did you have it out with her, did you ignore her, did she approach you or did you approach her? I really don't want any contact but there is a R problem with the OP when you choose not to make contact for a sense of closure. I'd be very interested to see how you got past this with your X?friend
D-day happened when her husband (also our friend) found out and sent me an e-mail.
I then wrote her a letter and mailed it. She left a message on my machine that said "it wasn't just me".
For the next two months before she moved away (Thank God) we e-mailed a few times.
I never really got a sincere apology.
I went through severe withdrawal from the friendship. I mourned the loss of what I thought I'd had and felt like such a fool for being so blind.
It took me a long time to be able to reach the "indifference" stage. I'd say probably 3 years.
I was left with a complete distrust of any female relationship. That didn't go away until last year and that was with the help of some wonderful people I met here at SI.
Getting past this takes a long time and lots of soul searching but you will get past it.
It's funny. I haven't spoken to her for years now and I have not really missed her (kinda hated her too much) but just a few minutes ago I found myself thinking I wish we were still talking because she'd probably know the answer to a question that's been dogging me.
And then I saw this thread.
[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:04 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday)]
As many know - my W had a 2.5 year EA including the last 1.5 years as a PA with my married cousin, who was also my pastor. I knew him much longer than my wife and we built a church together. So from this mess - along with the horrible things lost in an affair, I lost my cousin, his parents, my church, and many friends from the church who stayed to protect him.
Funny how after so much is lost, it becomes clear what is worth fighting for and what is really important.
How many of you found after double betrayal it was easy to prioritize the things in your life - and that prioritization was different than before the affair?
The cost of an A - VERY HIGH
The value of a FWW moving heaven and earth to make things right - PRICELESS
I am a much different person than I was then.
The things that I thought were important then are no longer important.
My priorities are much different now.
Before the A God, church, church work, kids, wife, work. I never really thought about the marriage - because I loved my W and I was doing God's work I assummed every thing else would fall into place. What a fool I was. My W pretty much agrees with this - except she thinks my work was after church work and before kids. I was very buy in a very stressful job, but never felt this way. However, others perceptions are their reality.
Thinking I was doing God's work I killed myself by - opening Sunday service, leading song service, preaching sometimes, teaching the teens every other Wednesday, church treasurer, and a trustee. Then every Saturday I worked to remodel the church, my fathers home, or work on other church members homes. I never started one of those projects without talking to my wife, talking to my pastor, and without praying about it. This went on for 7 years. My wife saw how happy it made me to work for God so she never said no. I thought her response and the pastor's response was God answering my prayer, so I never said no to these projects. In hind site, the pastor was telling me to do these projects to keep me away from my W, so he could manipulate her.
Now my priorities are God, Wife/Marriage, Kids, family, work. Still not making myself a priority