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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dealing With Depression
strike2
♂ Member
Member # 12398
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have been dealing with depression for a few years now.. it started when i was laid off. my wife was pregnant and we had just bought a house.. so it was stressful. i am still suffering with depression, especially since dday2. i am learning that drugs have to be exactly right or they make me angry or way too emotional..

wellbutrin made me angry
cymbalta made me emotional and tired
lexapro is making me angry too..

anyone else have the same problem?


Me: FWS (30)
Her: FBS (30)
Children: 2: boy and girl
Dday#1 Oct 05
Dday#2 Sept 06
Online EA
Working on R together

"life is short.. don't fuck it up"


Posts: 901 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Midwest
gluton4punishmnt
♀ Member
Member # 7181
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Changes in sleep habits such as insomnia, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much.

Changes in eating habits such as loss of appetite or weight gain.

Decreased energy, feeling of fatigue.

Restlessness and irritability.

Difficulty in concentration, remembering, and making decisions.

Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, guilt or worthlessness.

Persistent sad, anxious, or empty feelings.

Loss of interest in pleasurable activities, such as involvement with loved ones or hobbies.

Thoughts of death or suicide.

Ive had all these symptoms and currently have all but the last one, thank god I dont have that tho a fwe months ago i was there.

I come from a long line of depressed people on my moms side. She has battled it her whole life but only gotten treated for it in the last 10 to 15 yrs. Recent events with ex are making things worse and Im about at the end of my rope. I was on cymbalta a few months ago but went off it due to the fact that it makes me feel REALLY weird. But im going to go see a therapist asap and do something aboutthis. I missed a day of work this week simpley becuase I couldnt get my ass out of bed till after 3pm. Im like this most days. Tired, lethargic, sad, stressed, anxious, worried and just plain ole feel like shit. I hvae a very VERY short fuse with my kids, and my 5.5 yr old ADHD son gets the brunt of this im afraid. I just cant cope. I take no pleasure in anything but eating it seems, and as overweight as I am, thats BAD BAD BAD. My sleep has been getting bad too. Hard to fall asleep, and I wake in the middle of the night, something I didnt use to do. I dont look forward to much of anything anymore and try to get out of things that I know would maybe make me feel good or put a smile on my face because I simpley dont want to put forth the effort to do it, whatever it might be. I have an ex who is threatening again to take my kids away from me, reduce or end c/s, take our son off his ADHD medication becuase in his words "hes on cocaine"

. Im just so done with ALL of it, life in general. I hate this. I just hate it. I hate me, hate my life, hate the fact that I hate me and hate my life. I hate the way I look, feel, live.....everything. God help me I HATE EVERYTHING

[This message edited by gluton4punishmnt at 6:12 PM, April 6th (Friday)]



Posts: 3902 | Registered: May 2005 | From: Allergy Hell
strike2
♂ Member
Member # 12398
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((gluton))))


Me: FWS (30)
Her: FBS (30)
Children: 2: boy and girl
Dday#1 Oct 05
Dday#2 Sept 06
Online EA
Working on R together

"life is short.. don't fuck it up"


Posts: 901 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Midwest
strike2
♂ Member
Member # 12398
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

are you ok gluton?


Me: FWS (30)
Her: FBS (30)
Children: 2: boy and girl
Dday#1 Oct 05
Dday#2 Sept 06
Online EA
Working on R together

"life is short.. don't fuck it up"


Posts: 901 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Midwest
Markus ur Alias
♂ Member
Member # 10889
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wellbutrin made me angry. Lexapro was good at first but then it stopped working. Effexor worked well but it was hell to get off.


"I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
disintegrating as it goes testing our communication"
Tool - Schism

Posts: 1539 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Philadelphia, PA
gluton4punishmnt
♀ Member
Member # 7181
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm ok, jsut sick of everything. Today has been better, getting out with my mom and sis helped. Thanks for asking...

Im looking forward to getting my youngest two back tomorrow tho. Ive missed them so much. I just DREAD like HELL seeing their dad tomorrow. He is the cause of so much shit in my life right now, I dont need to see him.



Posts: 3902 | Registered: May 2005 | From: Allergy Hell
Sweeting
♀ Member
Member # 1305
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wellbutrin made me manic. I was on Prozac for years and then off all meds for about 8 years. I took Prozac, but the new psych. wanted to try Lexapro. It works, but I go through terrible withdrawal when I tried to go off of it. I tried Zoloft and it did nothing.

When coming off Lexapro my head was buzzing and my eyes jerking....very strange.

Also, recently tried Trileptal and became suicidal.

I also went off of steroids for lupus and had more problems with depression...

You do have to get the right combination.

Changing my meds makes me emotionally labile...I cry off and on all day. Thank God I work from home.


Posts: 3974 | Registered: Mar 2003
Elektra
♀ Member
Member # 13326
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I began meds in 1998. Prozac worked wonders for me, until it 'pooped out' in 2002. Then Lexapro worked okay, but the sexual side effects did not help, and I had insomnia.

I stayed with it as long as I could. Added Wellbutrin to ease the sexual side effects.

Went off the Lex, and remained on the Wellbutrin alone until recently. Had to go off the Wellbutrin due to constipation! I had kept 'regular' using fiber supplements, but all of a sudden nothing worked. I was using laxatives.

Knowing it was not healthy to keep using laxatives, I went off the Wellbutrin. But still weeks later, I am not back to normal. And my diet is high in fiber.

Oh, yes---the withdrawal from Lexapro was brutal! Just miserable, and took me about three months to taper off.

So at the moment, I'm not on AD meds at all. Getting my system back to normal. Taking a drug holiday.

I'm exercising a lot. Walk 3.5 miles a day with H. Yoga everyday. I'm eating as healthy as I can manage.

The doc wants me to try Effexor, but with a half-life of approx 5-6 hours.....

I do not want anymore meds until/unless I really need them.

Right now--I'm feeling pretty good. Yes, there are marital challenges...BIG ones. But I'm not sure I need meds.

The big test for me will be when the days get shorter again.

Oh, yes, I am in IC---helps a lot. MC was a bust...


Divorced in 2010


Posts: 148 | Registered: Jan 2007
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, April 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been on depression meds for years - started them when my kids were young and I went through a severe depression where I didn't want to leave my room (kind of hard to raise children from your bedroom). I've tried lots of things and weaned myself off them because I wanted to live med free. But I have such a persistant depression that I've come to the conclusion that I just need them to function. I'm currently on Effexor XR 225mg a day. I still go through down times when situations bring it on, but I can manage.

I hope the Effexor doesn't stop working - I hate the time between tapering off and starting a new one.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7557 | Registered: Aug 2005
Dead Inside
♂ Member
Member # 12763
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, April 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fucking hate this fucking depression. I just want to be a normal happy person again! Fuck me I hate myself!


Me(BS):43
Her(WS):37
Married 17
DDay:9/29/06 DDay 2: 12/13/06

"Won't you roll me away tonight
I too am lost, I feel double-crossed. And Im sick of whats wrong and whats right."


Posts: 2380 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: USA
strike2
♂ Member
Member # 12398
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, April 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i need to make an appointment to see a shrink.. i need to talk to someone who specializes in this type of stuff.. not just my family dr..

the lexapro was making me angry!


Me: FWS (30)
Her: FBS (30)
Children: 2: boy and girl
Dday#1 Oct 05
Dday#2 Sept 06
Online EA
Working on R together

"life is short.. don't fuck it up"


Posts: 901 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Midwest
DrDeath
♂ Member
Member # 8540
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, April 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had recurrent major depressions since I was 15. I haven't attempted suicide but I have thought of it often. I have been stable on Celexa and Wellbutrin for several years now, along with intensive psychotherapy for PTSD and for management of my illness.
A really hard part of this is accepting that you have this illness, and that you are not simply inadequate or weak or being a self-centered jerk. Or believing what your illness is telling you - that you deserve to feel like shit, that you alone are responsible for your misery, that this is how you SHOULD feel.
One of the most helpful things I learned was that depressive disorder is part of who I am, and it needs to be managed, not avoided.


BH 57
WExW 43
DDay Dec 2003
Happily divorced July 1 2005
I don t want to get married again because I couldn t handle another ceremony. No, not the wedding, the Aztec ceremony. You know, where they rip your beating heart out of your chest...

Posts: 348 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: BC Canada
brainless twit
♀ Member
Member # 12085
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, April 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the "depressed as long as I can remember" list. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 13 after my best friend committed suicide, and the diagnosis was later amended to dysthymia. I started PTSD symptoms again in 2005 when my grandmother died very unexpectedly, and now a third time because of the A.

I think I have taken every antidepressant on the market. They all work in the beginning, but after awhile even the highest doses don't help. After this many years, I don't necessarily need ADs to function because I'm so familiar with the way depression cycles for me. The next step, if I choose to try meds again, is a low dosage of an antipsychotic - not because I'm psychotic (I'm not), but because the ADs aren't strong enough. So I'm trying to avoid that at all costs.

Before D-Day, I hadn't truly felt suicidal since my friend's death. Since D-Day, I struggle every day to come up with reasons to live. It's not even necessarily about the A any more; I'm just tired and I feel like life is a huge waste of time. I don't consider myself suicidal to the point that I need intervention, but I worry about what will happen when/if H hurts me again. I try to keep a constant watch over my symptoms and make sure I'm not spiraling. Luckily, since I've dealt with this for so many years, I don't hesitate to talk to my friends and family when things get bad.

Writing all this is exhausting. It sucks to think that so many of us are dealing with the same issues.

H says he thinks I'm not capable of being happy, and sometimes I think he's probably right. The undercurrent of sadness we discussed in another thread has always been part of me to a degree. It's just worse now that the A is part of my life.


"Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump

D-Day 8/7/06
Divorced 12/14/09
R Began 5/21/11
D-Day #2 7/9/13 (OW #2 is OW #1's first cousin)
Limbo? I don't even know if that's what this is.


Posts: 1537 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Kentucky
Wales
♀ Member
Member # 14222
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, April 12th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gosh,

I had brief depression after a traumatic event many years ago, then I was fine after 6 months. Twenty years later, I've got depression & PTSD from the marriage to STBXH/WS, and it feels like it's strangling the life out of me. REally bad, to where I can't work.

I'm trying a new AD with my doc today and am praying it won't stop working like the last one did.

Has anyone here had experience with Cognative Behavioral Therapy?


"Never, never, never quit."
(on yourself)

"When you're going through hell, keep going"
(until you're through it)

Winston Churchill, in quotation marks. Words in brackets added, by Wales.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Apr 2007
ErinHa
♀ Member
Member # 10138
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 12th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After my first DDAY almost 3 years ago I suffered from depression (from WH's A) and anxiety (mostly from my 3 kids).

I got on meds after I sat down in my kitchen and literally banged my head against the kitchen counter until I threw up. The emotional pain hurt so bad that the only thing "strong" enough to dull it was physical pain. That was one of the saddest days of my life.

I was on AD's for a year and am off now. They really helped me get through that time and took the edge off to the point where I wasn't feeling every emotion to a crippling point.

I will never allow myself, my WH or anyone to take me there again.


ME--BS 44 years old
HIM--WS 45 years old
3 Kids--DS9, DS11, DD13
Married 13 years, together 15 years
1st Dday 6/7/04
2nd Dday 3/13/06
From 2006 on too many to count (gave up)

Divorcing


Posts: 793 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Thriving
Bubbles
♀ Member
Member # 9173
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 12th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in an episode right now of severe depression. I saw a new psych last week and he doubled my Lexapro dose. For the first time in a few years I am feeling better again.

There is a book that my therapist recommended to me (he actually bought it for me) called "The Self-Esteem Workbook" that is really supposed to combat depression.

Sorry to all of you who battle this.


Bubbles
BS - 40
WH - 50
Married 10 years, together 12
D-Day - May 2, 2005
Living each day at a time - Not in R - WH blames me for all of it.
4-year-old darling boy who adores his Daddy

November 2008 - Divorcing


Posts: 438 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Denver, Colorado
Wales
♀ Member
Member # 14222
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, April 12th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone here have experience with ADs that have stopped working after awhile?

I had a very bad experience with my (now former) doctor today. It's posted in JFO. He seemed to think that it was unique for Zoloft to stop working. I called the crisis line after he hung up on me, and the counselor said it's not unusual for medications from that group (SSRIs) to stop working in some people, and that change can be helpful. Does anyone have any insight, experience or advice on this? Thanks in advance.


"Never, never, never quit."
(on yourself)

"When you're going through hell, keep going"
(until you're through it)

Winston Churchill, in quotation marks. Words in brackets added, by Wales.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Apr 2007
strike2
♂ Member
Member # 12398
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, April 13th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i need to see a dr again.. the meds that i was taking didn't work.. and i think i am going to lose it while trying to find a dr


Me: FWS (30)
Her: FBS (30)
Children: 2: boy and girl
Dday#1 Oct 05
Dday#2 Sept 06
Online EA
Working on R together

"life is short.. don't fuck it up"


Posts: 901 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Midwest
Pivot
♀ Member
Member # 13634
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, April 14th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm taking 20 mgs of Lexapro, but I don't think it's working anymore. My Dr. says that's the maximum for me. I also take 300 mgs of Wellbutrin that does help with dopamine, neuroprenphrine and energy.

I still feel depressed. Shit!

P


"Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?" --Katherine Wolf
"Where the past, present and future collide..." --Pivot
"When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy" -- George Burns

Posts: 355 | Registered: Feb 2007
pseudonym
♀ Member
Member # 11852
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, April 15th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wales, i've had lots of ADs that worked great for a while (sometimes years) and then didn't, for whatever reason. i think of it as changing your shampoo every now and again makes your hair better. i've had periods where i take the same med at the same dose happily for two or three years, and other times where i'm changing doses or adding different pills every couple of months. stress in different times of my life has to do with that too.

i'm another one of the always depressed people. first sought treatment at around 16, attempted suicide at 20 and spent 2 weeks in acute inpatient, another month in a residential program, and six after that in a halfway house. i've been generally stable since that point, under waxing and waning therapy and every antidepressant you can name. d-day last year was by very bad coincidence as i was withdrawing from effexor and i had a very bad couple of weeks. currently on lexapro, which is one of my all-time favorite drugs that i highly recommend to anyone.


Me: BS, 29
Him: FWS, 27
Married 1 1/2 years
D-Day 7-17-06
Reconciling - I am wearing my ring again

Posts: 256 | Registered: Aug 2006
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