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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
Sukey
♀ Member
Member # 11570
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, September 11th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't believe I'm in this position. He hasn't had sex with her for four years. He had contact though, for almost a year after that, and "came out of the fog". I spent the last three years trying to forgive, get some self esteem, and move forward.

Then this morning, he tells me he saw her at work when I wasn't there (we all work at the same company), and he called her to respond to an IM that she "was happy to have seen him".

Now he wishes he hadn't, but only because I've finally grown a pair and told him what a lying piece of shit he is.

And my 17 year old son is in the middle of it all.


D-Day 11/16/05
M: 28 years

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2006
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, September 12th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and he called her to respond to an IM

((Sukey))

How wrong can he be!
I feel for your boy, I am doing what I can to keep them out of it.

tc


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
Epiphany
♀ Member
Member # 25498
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, September 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could get my WS to tell me when he sees or talks/emails the OW. I don't get any information, and so I'm completely in the dark.

Posts: 87 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Texas
Epiphany
♀ Member
Member # 25498
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, September 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been trying to put pieces together from past actions.

During the work week WH used to be really distant and short and snappy (unless he wanted sex) and on the weekends he was all lovey dovey. Was that because he was with the OW and trying to justify his relationship by being mean and in turn causing me to be mean or shut down?


Posts: 87 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Texas
mommy0508
♀ Member
Member # 24720
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, September 18th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Epiphany -

Is there anyway you can have access to his work email?


Wipe your mouth there is still a little bit of bullshit around your lips!
D-Day #1: 5/29/09
D-Day # 2: 7/1/08
D-Day #3: 6/17/10 possible oc on way and
my own little miracle on the way-miscarried!

Posts: 733 | Registered: Jul 2009
mommy0508
♀ Member
Member # 24720
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, September 18th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Epiphany -

Is there anyway you can have access to his work email?


Wipe your mouth there is still a little bit of bullshit around your lips!
D-Day #1: 5/29/09
D-Day # 2: 7/1/08
D-Day #3: 6/17/10 possible oc on way and
my own little miracle on the way-miscarried!

Posts: 733 | Registered: Jul 2009
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, September 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Epiphany: Do you keep a journal of his actions, etc? I do, and it's been helpful. I've come to realize when he's being overly friendly/nice to me, it's because he's just been on contact with OW. I have access to his phone records, voicemail, bank account, payroll records, etc. I link everything on an Excel sheet. Weird, but it works for me.


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
lovedance
♀ Member
Member # 25294
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, September 22nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did any BS out WS to their boss?


Me-29
WH-31
OW-21
D-day #1 3/2/09
Separated off and on until 12/31/09 when A ended, WH moved home and NC started
Trying to R...I can tell he is starting to "get it."
I left 2/10 and he filed for D 6/10. Only a few more days until it is

Posts: 158 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: CA
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 22nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I didnt see a need to out the A at H's business. He is the manager so I am sure he would have been let go. Financially that would have been a disaster. Are you thinking of doing this, if so what do you hope to gain?


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, September 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did any BS out WS to their boss?

Not yet, still weighing the pros and cons. If I thought it would solve the problem, I would have done it months ago.


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
mommy0508
♀ Member
Member # 24720
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, September 23rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did any BS out WS to boss?

- WS outed himself!


Wipe your mouth there is still a little bit of bullshit around your lips!
D-Day #1: 5/29/09
D-Day # 2: 7/1/08
D-Day #3: 6/17/10 possible oc on way and
my own little miracle on the way-miscarried!

Posts: 733 | Registered: Jul 2009
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, October 5th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy to know everything is OK with everyone. I have been so wound up lately, I couldn't post anywhere. It seems that everything is getting back to normal for us. We are still together and still in love.

I can live with that.


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
ireallydontknow
♀ Member
Member # 25504
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, October 5th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to join this club but here I am...

If you are a praying person please pray for me and my husband. He is putting in for a transfer at work and will find out if he gets it in a couple weeks. He has no idea if he will and it is totally done by seniority so has no real day in it. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hoping this one thing goes my way!


Posts: 96 | Registered: Sep 2009
flygirl96
♀ Member
Member # 22954
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, October 6th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll pray for you. I hope it will all work out for you.

Posts: 340 | Registered: Feb 2009
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, October 6th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are in my prayers tonight. I hope we are not to late.


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, October 6th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dirk, glad you are back. hope everything is going OK now.

ireally, hope you can graduate from this ICR topic, all of us would be happy for you!

As for me, things are going OK all things considered. FOW is having pregnancy difficulties which means she likes to cause drama in the office. Then there is always that little nagging in the back of my head that says it still could be my H's baby...ugh. Doesn't help the drama.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, October 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Fleury, things are as good as can be expected here.

That is a nasty thought to try to get out of your mind. I can still remember the time I thought my W could have been pregnant. Nearly drove me crazy.I couldn't even believe the ept's negative result.

Take Care


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
mommy0508
♀ Member
Member # 24720
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, October 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dark Pitt -

Very happy for love to hear good stories!

Epiphany -

((((mad hugs))))


Wipe your mouth there is still a little bit of bullshit around your lips!
D-Day #1: 5/29/09
D-Day # 2: 7/1/08
D-Day #3: 6/17/10 possible oc on way and
my own little miracle on the way-miscarried!

Posts: 733 | Registered: Jul 2009
Jessy1501
♀ Member
Member # 24483
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my WH and OW work for the same company...but not directly together. They are in separate cities but have constant phone communication. WH goesn't "get it". He doesn't understand why it upsets me that he still has to talk to her. I know there's nothing I can do about it...but I try to express to WH that I hate it. I don't fight or argue about it...I just try to tell him how I'm feeling. But he just doesn't get it! He says...well, I talked to XY&Z also...and I say...yeah well, you didn't cheat on me with XY&Z, you cheated with OW. He's completely clueless.

He's given me what I've asked for as far as transparency, remorse, MC, all that stuff...but he just dooesn't see my point of view. Is this normal? Is it possible to R when he's truly so clueless?


Attempting to give a fuck: ███████████████████] 99% Complete...ERROR!: Unable to give a fuck.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: My own fantasy land
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Jessy, is he talking to her about business, or is it a social call? If it is not business related, then he is not helping you. Is the OW married? If so then does the spouse know of the A.

Wish i could be more help.


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
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