This way if there is any contact, she tells me, and if there isn't, even better. Then I don't even have to mention the wing-nut.
I am at the point now, where I am more curious than need to know. H has done a good job at keeping things exactly how I want them, so that is the best.
I also know that I have zero control over him when he is at the work site and he is going to do what he is going to do. It helps knowing that I am not responsible in any way for his behaviour. He makes the choices, he decides what to do and not do. Once I let go of the control thing, he seemed to relax a little bit and started telling me everything. Of course, I don't like that they still interact and at times I get a bit pissy (all right, down right bitchy) but most the time I have a laugh at something stupid FOW says or does.
I say this as he packs to head down to the job site.
I agreed that there would be times she would need his advice because he has an engineering background like me and she has an accounting background
I'm an accountant and hardly ever speak to our engineers. Hmmm......not sure I buy it?
I feel like the freedom I had to simply go into my husband's office and pick him up to go to lunch is gone.
Just another one of the losses as a result of the A.
Mommy - obviously dont accept that freind request. She's just trying to pry. How important is your facebook page? I'd disable it, but thats just me. Facebook involves too many independent behavior aspects, so we just stay away from it.
Trist, Its been almost 3 years and I dont even care anymore. If I go to FWH's work and the schwinn see's me, I dont get anxious anymore, because I know she is more afraid of me now...
My FWH is essentially the FOW's superior, and I've told him I think there are ways he could eventually make her want to quit. He got some advice in the beginning that he'd better not fire her before consulting a lawyer or be ready to face sexual harrassment charges. The threat of that scared him and the other boss enough that they kept her. Instead, he restructured the work setting to never have to deal with her directly. But he never tried to use the power of suggestion or even create an environment so unfriendly that she'd want to leave the place. I fault him for the little he's done to get her out of there.
It's not easy though, my chest was so tight the first time I was in the building, I couldn't believe it.
And I knew the om wasn't even there.
I haven't been able to do it, and it's not looking good for tomorrow considering my current state of mind. I can't bring myself to motor through it. I jus can't show up there with the possibility of seeing the OW. Makes me feel sick to my stomach and mad as hell.
I've gotten great encouragement and advice here, but I'm just stuck. Yesterday I hit on what I think it is--I just want to die when I think that the OW might see me and be laughing at me or pitying me. I feel like the two of them (my FWH and the OW) made a fool of me a year ago, and I'm too embarrassed to have her see me and think of me as the woman she took advantage of.
After days of trying to give myself a pep talk and do it, I feel ready just to add this to the Losses column--the ability to go have lunch with my husband anymore.
I don't know who knows and who doesn't. I am afraid that someone might say something that will just set me off. I am with you on this...I don't know if I could do it either. I know this isn't very encouraging, but I just want you to know that you aren't alone in how you feel. I am with you 100%
Give yourself some time and maybe that feeling will change. Don't beat yourself up on this one though.
Now, to my rant!!!
I have said before that for the most part FMOW has stayed within the guidelines of what I call the modified NC. Well, the past few weeks she has been sticking a toe over that line and it f'ing pisses me off. Today was the last straw when she put a LOL at the end of her IM with H. She knows it is unacceptable and did it anyway. I know this seems petty and little, but I don't want her thinking that ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING is normal between her and MY H. She doesn't get to say nice things or cute little emoticons...not once not ever again. So, I proceeded to yell at H for awhile and told him that she needs a consequence for breaking the NC. Something HAS got to happen. period, end of story.
Well, he actually agreed with me. Didn't defend, didn't get upset, just told me that I was right and he would come up with something. I wish the something was him telling her to fuck off and kicking her in the shins, but that might be frowned on by HR and we need this paycheck.
It is just so unfair that this skanky whore gets to be friendly with my H and there isn't any way at all to punish her. I get so damned mad. I just wish she would fall off the face of the earth.
I know I helped make the choice to keep H in this job. I also know that in makes R so much harder, but financial ruin would be hard in so many more difficult ways. This hurt effects me and H, financial ruin would effect my kids in so many horrible ways. I can take this pain so that my kids can enjoy the life they live.
Ugh. This sucks on so many levels.
Thanks for listening. This thread has been pretty quiet for awhile, hope everyone is doing all right dealing with their situations.
I know this seems petty and little, but I don't want her thinking that ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING is normal between her and MY H. She doesn't get to say nice things or cute little emoticons...not once not ever again.
I know exactly what you are talking. I am trying to get my W to understand that whatever her emotions are, anger, hurt, happy, they belong to me! The om doesn't belong there.
I hope and I think I am having some success with this
The IM conversation was all work, it just was a bit of a work rant, which just isn't necessary and then followed on by the wonderful LOL and Thanks!
I said some very choice words to H today and it finally sank in. H needs to do whatever it takes so that I do not feel uncomfortable, he needs not give a royal flying F if the skank feels wronged. Each and every time she crosses the line he is obligated to ME to tell the HO she is out of line. I don't care if he tells her that every 5 minutes if he has to. I am hurt and wronged and going through so much pain, she DOES NOT get to say good morning or Thanks! and go along her merry way just because our family needs that paycheck. Ugh, can you tell I am still worked up on this one?
I think I made it clear to H that he needs to be a robot. If Yes is a sufficient answer, leave it at that. No extra words, no nothing. And to his credit, he didn't get too defensive, was able to repeat back to me why i was upset and said he would come up with a workable plan so it didn't happen again. In my new world, I call that a success!!!
Most of all I lost alot of respect for WW after this; if it was someone normal, I might have understood. But the "Hound"? Confirms how troubled I knew she was and is. Inevitable to fail; one day or years from now.
Good news is that I got away from that craziness. I realize that option not open to all and I send warm regards to all involved in one or another with this very, very sad situation. Unless the WS leaves their job (harder to do in this bad economy) the BS will always be left to wonder what is going on at work? Shouldn't work be the one place that you don't have to worry about your spouse? Oh, well.
Divorced: March 18, 2008.
I recommend all BS get a "Livestrong" bracelet and wear it; its helped me tremendously!
Shouldn't work be the one place that you don't have to worry about your spouse?
Fleury, the op doesn't deserve even the most common courtesy, but that is difficult for some people to carry through on.