I know my H is doing a great job w/ walls, but he still works pretty closely w/ her in a high stress job. She will periodically let him know that she misses his friendship, and make various overtures. He avoids reacting, hoping she'll just take the hint, and he won't have to hurt her feelings. To his credit, he has told me of these overtures. He's leaving the job at the end of the year, thankfully, but she even asked me to arrange a surprise party for him w/ her! He said it's just because she planned a party for another coworker when he turned 50, and that's just the way she is, it wasn't because of their relationship. I still think it's pretty disrespectful to me, but he doesn't see it. What do you think, am I being overly sensitive? Hit me with the 2 x 4's!
[This message edited by melody at 2:07 AM, September 23rd (Sunday)]
H-EA, d-day 1-06
W-PA, d-day 9-05
so both of us are WS & BS
working hard on R
"Sorry is looking backwards, worry is looking around, and faith is looking ahead"
In the beginning after the A was revealed, I did feel unprotected by my FWH. It seemed that he felt sorry for the OW (she's young and clueless, but I also think she's devious and desperate). But as time went on in our case, her "naivety" (spelling?) wore on him, and he began to see her for what she really is. He gradually cut off all communication with her other than absolutely necessary at work. Even went so far as to tell her to get out of his office. The last time she tried to engage him in conversation about her pregancy was a month ago. At that time, he told her in no uncertain terms that he knew he was not the father, SHE knew he was not the father, he wasn't playing her games anymore, and if she wanted to drag it out until after the baby was born, she'll have to get a court order for his DNA sample. Since then, nothing. Sure, he hears about things she'll say at work to other coworkers, but she has not approached him personally. I'm still waiting, though. She's not due until February.
XWH died Dec. 2010
After more than a year of requesting disclosure whenever they have a non work related contact, I finally asked him last week to just not tell me anything about her anymore--if I don't know, it can't hurt me, and I trust that he's not going to allow it to go back to the way it was before. I just am on pins and needles every day he works w/ her.
I've been away from this board for a while--it seems like this thread isn't as active. Maybe that's a good sign?
Melody - Interesting that you said you were thinking of asking your H to not say anything about OW. My H hadn't mentioned OW in ages (although I think sometimes he would change her name to their boss' name when he would talk about work with me) and yesterday he mentioned her in a work context. It kinda made me realize that "yes, she still is there" - I guess I was kinda getting in my bubble that maybe this was all just one horrible nightmare. I kinda feel like asking my H to never use her name around me unless it is to tell me she no longer works there, has had some horrible tragedy befall her (that ol' Karma bus) or is dead. But then I hate to have him know that I even spend one second thinking about her (which I spend more like a bazillion and I know I shouldn't but I have gotten to that point yet) or that he has to censor his conversations with me (and oh yeah they had could communicate ) so I'm not sure what to do.
nms, I'd go inside, too, I think. Will he go out of his way to be welcoming to you? When I go to my husband's workplace, he is usually very welcoming. Sometimes, I think he feels a little awkward, but a couple of times, he has been openly affectionate with me, regardless of whether she is there or not. It helps enormously to feel like he's not worried about her feelings, and will kiss me or hold my hand in front of her. Lately, though, he hasn't been inviting me when she's working w/ him. I don't know if it's just coincidence, or if he was just uncomfortable w/ my tension.
Sharim, I think at this point, I'd rather be in my bubble, forgetting she exists. I still know what days they are working together, and of course, I wonder, but he is going out of his way to be loving and caring w/ me when he is at home, so I am holding on to that.
Since he is leaving this place at the end of the year, I told him that once he leaves, if he thinks he can never talk to her again, and basically not look back, I'll be great. If he feels like he misses her, or continues to try to protect her feelings if she tries to get in touch w/ him, I don't think I'll be able to take it.
My WH is in a similiar situation. Basically if he is even polite to OW at work she thinks they are "friends" again and she starts getting more aggressive about talking to him. Unless he is just about rude she gets out of control. I can see where even if he doesn't care for her this would bother him. Also it might be making him see who see really is (A wee bit desperate maybe?) and that makes him feel bad. He almost threw away his marriage for this desperate tramp?
Anyway listen to your gut but he could just be voicing concerns about how he is going to handle her advances should she choose to do that.
Especially those that would be counted as the WP's friends?
[This message edited by BlownOut at 10:00 AM, November 13th (Tuesday)]
Praising God everyday for setting me free.