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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, April 28th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelby - Did he ever show or phone? Stay strong. It's going to be difficult at first but if you don't deal with this now it is going to haunt you forever (I know). Hugs.

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, April 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's Sunday night. Tomorrow hell begins again. FWH is sick, so he'll be home wiht me throughout the day. YAY!!
I hope you all are hanging in there.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 1:04 AM, April 30th (Monday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
stillhurting1
♀ Member
Member # 13564
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, April 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi everyone! Baby coming tomorrow, well, actually today...in about 7 hrs! I totally cant sleep and am nesting like crazy. its almost 1am and I just put a load of laundry in and finished steam cleaning the carpet. I cant stop! HAHAH

RE: soft letdown.
I honestly dont know how I feel about it. I think its a cop out for them..but I sorta understand why. For my H, it was b/c he was confused, but then knew he had to end it..didnt want to..but did...and felt guilty about her feelings. Does that make sense? I dont know how I feel one way or another...probably because he cont. the A for another month post d-day and the "let down"..its THAT final end that I really want to know about.

Anyhow. Things are really good at home w/us now. he is really being open and transparent and sharing a lot more than he has before which I really appreciate.

Well, I'd better try to get some rest. We leave for the hospital in about 4 hours! yikes!

Shelby-keep being strong!

Hurtbs- I'm glad you get an extra day w/your H at home even if he is sick.

My H is taking 3 days off work...and even though I havent asked about her, if she knows or has said anything...I am secretly smiling inside hoping she ASKS or finds out WHY he will be gone from the office this week.

Ah to be a fly on the wall....

TTYL! Have a great week all!


Me:36 BS
Him: 35 WS
2 kids: age 4 and 20 months
#3 due March 09

Finally had it. I want a D!!

How could I have lived with a liar and not known...


Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: NW
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, April 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SH1 - Good luck with the baby!

Let us know how everyone is doing. We'll be thinking about you today.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, April 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck stillhurtin! We'll be thinking of you. When you feel up to it, please post baby info - weight, length, sex, etc.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
shelby7851
♀ Member
Member # 13911
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, April 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys He did show up, about an hour late, I was freaking out so badly, it was torture. I was just sitting on my front porch, bawling, wondering how this became my life.

He said he had been at the Mexican restaurant, having some margaritas, and was reading to talk. He came over and we talked, he said that part of the reason he has a hard time with letting her go, is that he only has 2 good friends (he really doesnt have any close friends) and she is one of them. I said, 'oh, would a good friend encourage you to cheat on your wife and leave your kids?' he says, i know, i know..

So he says that he feels like he is part of something, he is one of the top dogs at work, and he feels smart and important, and he says he was never part of the in crowd before, so he is struggling with that. I went out of town this weekend, over night to my sister's and left the kids with him. I mostly bawled all weekend, talking to my closest girlfriends, and I still dont know what to do.

We have counseling wed night and we have to talk about this issue of him being friends with her. The counselor seems to feel that the affair is over( i believe that it is too) but so it is over, i should just let it go and move on. But it is the continued contact that i have a problem with.


me(bs) 32F but i was a WS in 2001
him (ws)32M (they still work together)
DDay 10/14/06
A continued til 12/06
2nd Dday 3/09/07 ..got the full story.
status:4/15/07 He is getting an apartment to have some 'quiet time and think' home now. o

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, April 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillhurtin1 - I'll be thinking about you. I am very excited for you and am very glad that H is being good. I hope OW finds out and feels like sh*t for trying to intrude on someone's family particulary at this very special time.

Shelby -- Very cool that H opened up like that to you. Stay strong though and don't be manipulated. Have you ever talked to OW? The continued contact is what gets me too. I just got my period though (after 4 months -- this A stuff totally messed up all my hormones) so I know that is why I have been particularly intolerant of it all. Sometimes I think a heartfelt apology from OW would help or at least an understanding between her and I that he is my H and that we are working on our situation and that she needs to butt out and if she continues to pursue him and H doesn't stop it then she can have him -- the good and the BAD of him. My H can be extremely charming but I think she would get a real rude awakening about his other side.

Hurtin BS - Great opportunity to pamper H and make him realize what he could have lost!!!! Have a great day!


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
shelby7851
♀ Member
Member # 13911
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, May 1st (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ooooh, I wonder how our baby is doing???


me(bs) 32F but i was a WS in 2001
him (ws)32M (they still work together)
DDay 10/14/06
A continued til 12/06
2nd Dday 3/09/07 ..got the full story.
status:4/15/07 He is getting an apartment to have some 'quiet time and think' home now. o

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, May 1st (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bet he's cute as a bug.

And he's got lots of Auntie's here just waiting to hear all about him.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope everyone's doing okay.

FWH has a meeting today and FSOW will be in attendence. Ugghh.

Yesterday, FWH told me that he was making copies, he turned around and she was standing behind him less than 4 feet away. I asked him if he spoke to her or she to him, he said no - she was staring at the floor. Uggghh I'll be so happy when they no longer work together. I'm so tired of these run-ins.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((hurtbs))

Times like this really suck. But y'all are working on it together and it won't be long before she's gone.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's kinda nice signing into SI for baby news instead of because I'm going beserko about OW. Can't wait until Stillhurting posts to give us a baby update!

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, May 2nd (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know! I know! But I figure it will be another couple of days before we hear anything from her.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm hoping that sh1 doesn't "need" to post because hubby is being wonderful and they are having good bonding time with their son. She did say he was going to take a few days off.

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
stillhurting1
♀ Member
Member # 13564
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone!

I'm here for a minute before baby wakes up.

'Our' baby is SO gorgeous..I'm in love w/another man (besides my H) now! LOL!! (just kidding)

We are doing well. H has been home all week and not to work. We have talked about OW a lot..have spent tons of time together just us..and its so nice to just be able to be free and talk..no hurt, no pain. We are both really happy and so content w/our little family.

But, I secretly smile inside knowing that SHE must know WHY H is NOT in the office today...AND I am going to send him back there w/ a TON of family photos! LOL!

Whoops..baby crying..gotta go..

but here is his info.
born Monday 4/30 826AM PST
8lbs 7.5 oz
19.5 inches long
light brown hair, blue eyes.
CUTE as a bug and SO SWEET!

I am in love all over again...

A what?? LOL! :D

Hope you are all doing well. I'm hoping to leave this site behind me for a while..things are very good..and I'm so happy again.
But I am thinking of all of you a lot!!

-SH1


Me:36 BS
Him: 35 WS
2 kids: age 4 and 20 months
#3 due March 09

Finally had it. I want a D!!

How could I have lived with a liar and not known...


Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: NW
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knock! Knock! Can I join you all? Doesn't look like OW or WH are going to be able to leave their jobs anytime soon. I thought this was going to be a "deal breaker" for me; Now I guess I have to renegotiate. He won't fire her, and we can't afford for him to quit.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1675 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CONGRATULATIONS SH1!!!!!!!!!

I am so truly happy and excited for you. ENJOY!!!!!

Hugs to you and your family!


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello whiteflower! Tell us a little bit about your situation. Sorry that you are in a position to have to join us but since you are - you came to the right place!

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, May 3rd (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, ya'll!
Okay, here's a bit of background:
We've been together for 13+ years, married for 1 1/2, have four kids (I know, we did it all backwards).
We had a stable relationship until OW came into our lives.
Both she and WH are managers at a restaurant. It's corporate not something we own ourselves. He's a work-a-holic, I'm overloaded w kids, work, housework, yardwork, my life etc.
OW is 6 or 9 years older than me (and I'm 5 years older than WH), married, has 3 kids and a grandchild.
He has admitted at least an EA that's been going on for about 3 months. I think it's been at least 4 but does it really matter?
I haven't spoken to her since Mon when he FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY admitted the EA. He has told her no outside work contact, but I'm waiting to see if he can stick to his guns.
The problem I have is that he cares more (or seems to) about that d--- restaurant than his family. And when she closes (like tonight) and he still has to stay late.... It's more than I can take and act rationally.
(Hope that wasn't too ventish, mods )
Anyhow, we are going to MC; our first appt is next week.
I hope some people here can help me rationalize what I'm feeling and keep me from doing anything I'll regret later. (like informing the regional manager that the bar manager is involved in an affair with the AGM who just happens to be my husband)
Hugs to all and congrats to the new mom.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1675 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, May 4th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations!!


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
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