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User Topic: When Your Wayward Spouse/Partner Works With The Affair Person
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For Spouses/Partners that are personally dealing with the the inevitable 'run-ins' and work-related communication their Wayward spouse/partner may encounter at the work place.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our new home - come on in, gang!

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woo hoo! Let's have a party. I hope that everyone had a great weekend. Monday again. ugghh..


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
mariusa
♀ Member
Member # 13541
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, April 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK.
I'm curious how often it works out if the WS runs off with an OW from work?

In my case we own the business and OW was given a very high position by my STBXH.
People were always surprised I could work with my husband and sucessfully did for over 12 years, until now of course!

So can he sucessfully work closely with OW now that he is "with" her??

It's kind of funny he pulls the rug out from under his financial person (me) and now is screwing his head of operations.
Doesn't seem like a smart, savy, businessman to me!!


BS(me)45 now 48, WH (POS)45 now 48
M 24trs, DD14, DS15
POS OW - then 24, now doesn't matter
D-day 1/2/07, Divorced 11/13/08
ôLive without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending."

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: NY
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

considering that they're the cliched middle-age crisis man with the office bimbo - I wouldn't bet on them. Ugghh At some point, they're going to get the 'unprofessional' talk. When he has to choose his career or his cheap mistress, who do you think he'll pick?

Mine is a FWH who works with FSOW. They do not work closely, however. They cross paths a few times a week (she has stopped sending him psuedo-work related emails), they occasionally have a meeting, that's it. Still, everyone knows. They're both teachers, so the rumor mill has been churning extra hard. And word has made it through that FSOW didn't get her contract renewed so won't be back next year (I get to leave this group in a few short months!). So, more churning. The other teachers, administrators (they even had a meeting about it), and students (FSOW was 'confiding' in students 'tell Jekyll that I think he's cute' and "jekyll and I saw a movie this weekend." WTF did she think would happen?) That is so painful. People are either far too nice to me or cold and distant. Ugghh.

No matter how it goes down, workplace affairs suck big time. My daddy always taught me that you 'don't shit where you eat.' Oh well, I guess FWH and FSOW's A was just so special, it would end with rainbows & butterflies, no one would get hurt, and everyone would be happy about their magical connection.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
shelby7851
♀ Member
Member # 13911
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! A new thread! Hi everyone!

Things have been going pretty well, although he said last night he would be home at 5:30, and it was 6:30 before he got here. argh! I was piissssssssssed. I just calmly told him that when he is late like that, it makes it hard for me, he told me what it was he was doing, and I left it at that.

We are going away this weekend, and I am hoping that we have a good time.

I had an affair once, a long time ago. I am not proud of it, but I did it...and because I have had that experience, I think I am more patient. I actually worked with the guy (dont hit me! ) but my point is this....Once I was done with this guy, I was done. I looked at him and thought, 'how could i have ever thought i would be with him?' and i would never ever be tempted again. My point is, maybe H can be ok, if in his mind it is truly over, he may feel the way that I did. I did, however, stop working there a few months later i think, and so i dont know about future temptations, but i really really doubt that i would have been tempted. The only difference is that this guy was a total loser, did drugs(not around me), couldnt keep a job, so i wouldnt have liked being with him, and the OW doesnt really have any of those glaringly negative qualities...but ...

oh well, just trying to make sense of it all..


me(bs) 32F but i was a WS in 2001
him (ws)32M (they still work together)
DDay 10/14/06
A continued til 12/06
2nd Dday 3/09/07 ..got the full story.
status:4/15/07 He is getting an apartment to have some 'quiet time and think' home now. o

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I
stillhurting1
♀ Member
Member # 13564
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just checking out our new home!

Hope you are all doing well.


Me:36 BS
Him: 35 WS
2 kids: age 4 and 20 months
#3 due March 09

Finally had it. I want a D!!

How could I have lived with a liar and not known...


Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: NW
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's got a meeting with her tomorrow. Damn it.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
bluegrotto
♀ Member
Member # 12305
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all - I never went on the thread for this before on its old street, so hope if it's okay if I come in, say hi, and check out the new place? I'm a little lucky, the OW doesn't work in same building as WH, but manages to pop in enough to keep me on my guard.

Her latest trick to bypass NC - she has coworkers call him on speaker phone while she's nearby so she can "chime in" and chat. No one knows about the A (wow, hurtbs, can't imagine), so it's all faux friendly there. Not sure how to stop that yet.


I'm no fighter but I'm fighting
- Patty Griffin

Posts: 290 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: GA
melody
♀ Member
Member # 12344
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all,
Like the new home. Hope you are all doing well. This happens to be a pretty quiet week here--only one afternoon working w/ the FOW and I was pretty proud of myself--no sad face when he left, no questions when he got home. Have a great week.


M 20 yrs
4 kids

H-EA, d-day 1-06
W-PA, d-day 9-05
so both of us are WS & BS
working hard on R
"Sorry is looking backwards, worry is looking around, and faith is looking ahead"


Posts: 385 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: New England
Emerald Eyes
♀ Member
Member # 7977
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job, Melody! I know it was hard for you.

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
shelby7851
♀ Member
Member # 13911
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just realized something. H said that once he is feeling better about us, he thinks he will be able to quit his job, and not care about it so much. I just realized, it WONT get better UNTIL he does. He is going to be constantly searching for that feeling of peace, and I dont think he will get it while he is working side by side by her all day, everyone there knows about it. It is this environment that breeds infidelity, there are 3 people our age currently that are separated(not us) that work with him, and closely. My counselor said it is a toxic workplace, and that it probably brings him down. But he likes it there. Too scared to try something else, or somewhere else. argh. Some days i just fucking hate my life.


me(bs) 32F but i was a WS in 2001
him (ws)32M (they still work together)
DDay 10/14/06
A continued til 12/06
2nd Dday 3/09/07 ..got the full story.
status:4/15/07 He is getting an apartment to have some 'quiet time and think' home now. o

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I
melody
♀ Member
Member # 12344
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, EE, I appreciate the pat on the back!

Shelby, I'm so sorry--what a tough situation. Can he identify why he doesn't want to leave until he feels 'better' about you as a couple? Is it because he is afraid he will resent you if he feels 'forced' to leave? Is he keeping her around as a safety net if things don't work out w/ you? Is he trying to prove to himself he is trustworthy? He needs to figure out the why before he gets peace.
((Shelby))

I just posted a longwinded comment in Wayward. If any of you all have time to look at it, I'd really appreciate any comments you may have.

Have a good day, all.


M 20 yrs
4 kids

H-EA, d-day 1-06
W-PA, d-day 9-05
so both of us are WS & BS
working hard on R
"Sorry is looking backwards, worry is looking around, and faith is looking ahead"


Posts: 385 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: New England
shelby7851
♀ Member
Member # 13911
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes to both. I think that he hates to quit his job if this doesnt work out..because that is the only reason he would be leaving. So why give up a good job if this isnt going to work out? and I can understand that..and i think that he wont tell her to F-off because that is sort of a back up plan..well, i think it is more of losing a friend, i honestly think he is over the feelings of wanting to be with her, i think it was more about sex, and the attention and having someone that made him feel smart and attractive..


me(bs) 32F but i was a WS in 2001
him (ws)32M (they still work together)
DDay 10/14/06
A continued til 12/06
2nd Dday 3/09/07 ..got the full story.
status:4/15/07 He is getting an apartment to have some 'quiet time and think' home now. o

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I
stillhurting1
♀ Member
Member # 13564
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{Shelby}}
Sounds like the place he works is rather small, so contact may be easier and she's the bosslady right?

What a tough situation.
I wish for your sake he would just make the decision that his M is the best choice.


Me:36 BS
Him: 35 WS
2 kids: age 4 and 20 months
#3 due March 09

Finally had it. I want a D!!

How could I have lived with a liar and not known...


Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: NW
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi gang!

I checked with DS first before posting here, since Mr Lucky no longer works with her.

But he did for 18 months post d-day, so I am just here to offer any support I can.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Lucky! -- So what is the secret to get rid of her?

-- And yes, that does make you Lucky!

[This message edited by sharim at 2:50 PM, April 4th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
melody
♀ Member
Member # 12344
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, lucky! glad to have you here!


M 20 yrs
4 kids

H-EA, d-day 1-06
W-PA, d-day 9-05
so both of us are WS & BS
working hard on R
"Sorry is looking backwards, worry is looking around, and faith is looking ahead"


Posts: 385 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: New England
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Lucky! -- So what is the secret to get rid of her?


..... certainly nothing **I** did.....


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Present and accounted for


TR


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 20494 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
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