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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Women
CluelessBlonde
♀ Member
Member # 13933
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MKR, I hear you! What is it with the whole uncommunicative thing? All I got was, "I'm sorry, I can't believe I hurt you so much, I love you madly." but when I wanted to discuss specifics, he wanted no part of that. It was only when I couldn't take it any more and blew up that he'd finally talk. But even then, nothing was ever resolved. I felt like I was starring in Groundhog Day, caught in a never-ending loop of drama. Aaaahhhhhhh!!!!! Just shoot me now!

Or even better, just shoot HIM now!


If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day.


Posts: 24947 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: NYC area
foreverchanged
♀ Member
Member # 11895
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. I think we should have margaritas over here. Maybe with a tequila shooter once in awhile.

Hope I can hang out with all of you. We are working on R, and after a year, he's starting to finally "get it". We've actually gone a whole week without fighting - of course, he's been out of town for four days

It's so weird tho, yesterday I just started crying for no reason and couldn't stop. Does the pain ever end???


Me-BS 54yrs
WH-53yrs
Married 14yrs
Working on R
Dday - Sept 16, 2005
My H used an ugly skank whore with fake boobs and no morals to help him thru his mid-life crisis.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: CA
mkr543
♀ Member
Member # 12867
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a year? He's "starting"? Oh good Lord, I can't hang on that long on a "what if". Five months and I've reached the end of my rope with his bullshit.


Me:BS - 38
Him: FWH - 44
d-day: November 12, 2006

Too long a sacrifice can make stone of the heart. -William Butler Yeats


Posts: 1838 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: New England
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm back. I've been taking out my aggressions on my kitchen cabinets.

They have this crappy "facing" stuff on them that is starting to peel off in some spots so I've been in there just tearing it off.


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
foreverchanged
♀ Member
Member # 11895
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mkr
I probably didn't explain it right. His A has been over for 1.5 yrs, and although he was trying in his way, it wasn't nearly good enough and it has taken a long time for him to truly "get" what it will take to help me heal.

We have been in MC the whole time, but he is very analytical and shows little emotion. He has finally realized that if he doesn't do the work, I'm outta here.

So that's what I meant by "get it". I think if we expect a "quick fix", we are only fooling ourselves.


Me-BS 54yrs
WH-53yrs
Married 14yrs
Working on R
Dday - Sept 16, 2005
My H used an ugly skank whore with fake boobs and no morals to help him thru his mid-life crisis.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: CA
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you on the "drama", mkr. I'm over it.

My H will talk about specifics and answer whatever questions I ask but, with all the lies that i have caught him in, I found I was never believing the answers. So, I quit asking.

forever - I will think of you tomorrow when I go out for Mexican with my friend. We will be having many margaritas. We were supposed to be going to see "Premonition" but now we have to go to a viewing instead. H better hope I drink enough to pass out before I can inflict bodily harm on him.

How do you not go nuts with your H being out of town?? All travel has been banned for my H since the A. It's not worth the stress for me. If I can't physically see him, I don't trust him.


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
mkr543
♀ Member
Member # 12867
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H will talk about specifics and answer whatever questions I ask but, with all the lies that i have caught him in, I found I was never believing the answers. So, I quit asking.

H told me last night that he was going to a political fundraiser tonight and I made the mistake of asking who it was for. I mean, I don't really give a shit because no matter what I ask, what I say or do, or where and when I check up on him, if he wants to call or see the OW or any other woman behind my back, he will. The trust is GONE and it's not coming back with the attitiude he has, so whay should I bother asking OR caring??

And his answer? Ralph Kramden!

He then mumbled something about who it was really for, but I couldn't help but feel he was making it all up and then gave me a fake answer to stall for time.

The sad part is that a year ago, if he'd said that, I'd have laughed and told him to tell Norton I said hi.


Me:BS - 38
Him: FWH - 44
d-day: November 12, 2006

Too long a sacrifice can make stone of the heart. -William Butler Yeats


Posts: 1838 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: New England
foreverchanged
♀ Member
Member # 11895
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you not go nuts with your H being out of town?? All travel has been banned for my H since the A. It's not worth the stress for me. If I can't physically see him, I don't trust him

We don't have any choice about the travel - it is part of his job.

He calls me ALL the time while he is gone and the bottom line is that if he decides to cheat again, then he knows the consequences.

His life, as he knows it, will be over and he likes things the way they are now.


Me-BS 54yrs
WH-53yrs
Married 14yrs
Working on R
Dday - Sept 16, 2005
My H used an ugly skank whore with fake boobs and no morals to help him thru his mid-life crisis.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: CA
Elektra
♀ Member
Member # 13326
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in! I'm hanging on for dear life on this roller coaster.

I'm learning to accept the ambiguities of life....... Are we in R yet?!? Or will it be D?

I'm gathering courage to push H off that fence.


Divorced in 2010


Posts: 148 | Registered: Jan 2007
mkr543
♀ Member
Member # 12867
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Elektra-
Why is your H on the fence? Just curious. Is it because of the OW?


Me:BS - 38
Him: FWH - 44
d-day: November 12, 2006

Too long a sacrifice can make stone of the heart. -William Butler Yeats


Posts: 1838 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: New England
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ralph Kramden??!!??

forever - H was supposed to go on a business trip (with the OW) the week after our 1st d-day. I told him that either he could get out of the trip or I would be more than happy to explain to his boss why he couldn't go.

Then I told him to get his ass busy finding a new job that didn't require travel. Of course, finding a new job was necessary anyway because OW was a coworker and I wasn't having it.


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
stillhurting1
♀ Member
Member # 13564
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone have a margarita for me please? I'm 3 weeks from delivering my baby boy.
Or to hell with it, should I just get out the blender and go to town??? Sounds good right about now.

Count me into the group w/the noncommunicative H.
And how much do I hate to hear "you are the one doing this to yourself. Get over it".
He hasnt said that lately, but last time we had an in depth convo about the A, thats what he said and then had the gall to say if I dont get over it, HE will leave.

OMG. Sometimes I dream of hurting him the same way he hurt me..but I would never. I've got too much class for that. Plus the fact, that I still love him!


Me:36 BS
Him: 35 WS
2 kids: age 4 and 20 months
#3 due March 09

Finally had it. I want a D!!

How could I have lived with a liar and not known...


Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: NW
foreverchanged
♀ Member
Member # 11895
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, April 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillhurting

We will have Margaritas to toast your upcoming beautiful baby boy!!


Me-BS 54yrs
WH-53yrs
Married 14yrs
Working on R
Dday - Sept 16, 2005
My H used an ugly skank whore with fake boobs and no morals to help him thru his mid-life crisis.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: CA
Ole Restart
♀ Member
Member # 3434
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, Friends! I do hope that, as a Formerly betrayed wife, I can lend some hope and assistance????

Life isn't perfect, nobody but Him is perfect; and therefore, marriage "ain't gonna be perfect" (never was, we just didn't know it)!!! Our lives are good, now. I have more happy days than sad ones. Let me explain that I am a 'care-giver' as well as a wife and step-mom to 4, grandma to one 25 yr. old. I'm loved and respected by my step-kids which is all that I can ask of anybody!

The mere fact that I'm even on these forums is because I want so much to bring solace, peace, assistance, hope, and encouragement to the thousands of souls who've found themselves on this website through no fault of their own; or for those who were at fault, but want more than anything to repair their marriages!!!

It's sadder than sad to realize how 'across the board' infidelity is, these days!!!!! If I can help any of you, or many of you, feel free to PM me; I'll do my best to instill hope and guide you into the type of thinking that leads to reconciliation. Not all marriages can survive infidelity, I know that! However, there is a large percentage that do!!!!

My best advice: don't make any life-altering decisions for about a year. Seek counseling, even if it's just for YOU, and you, only!! I wish that I had, earlier than I did. Get a good IC or MC; they're worth their 'weight in gold', if they have experience with infidelity, esp.!!!

God bless all of you, betrayed wives! You're NOT alone, we're here with you, 24/7!!!!! It does get better, honest, IN TIME!!!


Me: FBW, 63; He: FWH, 86.
Married: June 1, 1994.
Dday: 18 March, 2003.
Reconciled.

Posts: 12896 | Registered: Feb 2004 | From: Texas
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ole Restart - Thanks for staying around. And for the hope.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ole Restart - Thanks for staying around. And for the hope.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
stillhurting1
♀ Member
Member # 13564
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Forever! I hope the margaritas were tasty!

[This message edited by stillhurting1 at 3:52 PM, April 6th (Friday)]


Me:36 BS
Him: 35 WS
2 kids: age 4 and 20 months
#3 due March 09

Finally had it. I want a D!!

How could I have lived with a liar and not known...


Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: NW
unknown_girl
♀ Member
Member # 11800
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i am a BW and would like to pop in from time to time. i am just coming up to my one year out. having kinda a rough time but making it through. i haven't been able to decide to R or not. any help would be great


dday may 2006
me: BS(28)
him: FWH andski(28)
DD:8

"Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us they can be beaten"


Posts: 555 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: indiana
Kittenfeet
♀ Member
Member # 13807
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, April 6th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a BW and some days are better than others.. I filed for D on Jan 22, 2007 as a wake up call to my WH. I found out about the affair in Dec 2005 and WH moved out for about 2.5. Came back and from that time till the time I filed for D, I felt that he was still seeing the OW. Well the last time he left was on Jan 20 and moved in with OW. Over the last couple weeks he has been calling telling me he loves me, wants to make our marriage work, that he is moving into his own place and that he used her to have a way back and forth to work and court.
I'm so confused atm, wondering if I did make a hastey decision on filing for the D...I've been in IC for a little over a month and it helps alot. On AD and anxiety meds as well. One day I want him back so much then the next I think why to I want the man back that lied and cheated on me.
Sorry just rambling on and on. Do that around this time of night b/c meds have kicked in. Any advice, comments or 2X4's are welcomed


BS 47
WH 44
Married 17 years,
DDay 12/05
Filed for divorce 2/07put it off till the light went on in my head. Signed papers 11/26/08

Posts: 170 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Kentucky
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, April 7th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a BW. My first H cheated with prostitutes and anything else he could find until I'd had enough and divorced him.

My 2nd H cheated on me for two different time periods throughout 2006. (Same recurring whore as you can see by my tagline)

Now, we are in R and things are going well. I have this strange fear that I will trust him again, it seems like we have our lives back, we are looking forward to things, having fun again. I'm so scared it will come crashing down around me all over again! That is where I am right now.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 3:16 PM, April 7th (Saturday)]


Posts: 5580 | Registered: Apr 2006
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