Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Futurefear (43176)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Women
FragileFlower
♀ New Member
Member # 27545
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, March 14th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It finally happened...I'm pissed!! He was insistant that nothing happened until after Halloween and I asked, point blank, were you with her on Halloween? The TT was no, of course. Well, now I know that he was with her, and that all of the people that he had told me didn't know anything about it were there too.

I just want to eat nails and poop barbwire right now, and I believe I'm totally capable of it.

My question tonight was, "Do you know LB?" His answer, "no". I asked "are you sure? and maybe FB too/"
Him: oh, wait, maybe I remember now, yeah, they're friends of OW.I just happened to see them in a resturant with (lots of guys he works with).
Me: Was she there?
HIm: No. Well, for a little while.
Me: So you were with her on Halloween, even though you said you weren't.
Him: I thought you meant was I on a date with her...and I wasn't.
Me: Semantics
And it deteriated from there...

Why can't they just tell the truth? That's all I asked for a month ago. That's what I was trying to base the R on. But now I realize that all the engagement rings in the world can't prove to me that I can trust him.

I'm so tired....



Me-BSO 50
Him-WSO 53
DDay 12/20/09
R 1/15/10
Proposed 3/6/10
Shopped for rings 3/13/10
TT 3/14/10
Still trying...why?

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2010
givemepeace
♀ New Member
Member # 28547
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, May 24th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I just thought I would introduce myself as I recently joined and after browsing I decided this was a good thread to start on.

We're in our 20s married less than a year and against my better judgment I have decided to stay with my WS for several reasons. They are long and drawn out but what it boils down to is the fact that he likes to be Mr. Popular and part of doing that apparently means taking me for granted, oh and group sex, and sleeping with a stripper. Or should I say whore? We are perfect for each other in every way except his infidelity. And we are expecting our first baby in September. I think I'm over the anger. I'm just sad. Sad because despite marriage counseling, I don't think there is anything he (or I) could do to fix the relationship. He broke my trust, and I fell out of love. I don't know if I believe in falling back in love but I have to try because I want my son to have parents that love and respect each other. I'm pretty lost and feeling guilty because I am afraid that the baby can feel, or be affected by, my anger and hurt.

Today I thought I was close to forgiving him. And then he opened his mouth about how much this was all hurting him and I felt my insides boil over. I know it's unrealistic to think that I'm the only person with a right to have feelings about all this but honestly, how DARE he feel like he has the right to unload his guilt onto me, trying to make me guilty for being hurt and angry.

Like I said I'm still trying, but I'm not very hopeful.


I'll never leave you, but I'll always be holding back. I might forgive you, but I'll never forget.
Him - WH / 30 / ONS with 3 of my friends, ONS with paid escort 3 days before my wedding / suspected but not confirmed A of several months

Posts: 23 | Registered: May 2010 | From: The Northeast USA
notasaint
♀ Member
Member # 28465
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, May 29th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Givemepeace,

I'm right there with you. Married only 5 months as of Monday and living in this hell. Should've never gotten married, there were signs before we even got engaged. My WH was in an "open" relationship prior to us dating and he bascially never stopped even though from day one I told him that's not the kind of relationship I wanted.

Don't stay for your baby, sounds like your WH isn't willing to work on things unless there's a lot more you didn't put in your story. It takes both people working very, very hard to reconcile. Good luck!


Me - BW 36
Him - FWH 38 SLA (newlywednupset)
M < 1 year
D-days 8/2009 and 4/2010 TT to 10/2010
3 OW over the course of 2 years, all older, one married.
* My husband was in an open relationship from day one, he just failed to tell ME this.*

Posts: 1048 | Registered: May 2010 | From: FL
crushed again
♀ Member
Member # 26138
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Howdy gals! I have noticed lately that the ICR forum is usually the Menz in the betrayed men. Come on Ladies they are up to part 7. I thought us girls could start chatting it up more like the menz. So how is everyone? I'll start. Back to my dark moods. may have to up my AD's? WH & I took a great trip together right before the holidays. Everything was great til last day there. "It" called his cell from someone else's desk at work! I have all "it's" #'s blocked on his phone. WH deleted it before I could listen to the vm. She also sent him a NYE text from someone else's phone. I am so tired of this POS ruining all my good moments. Also tired of me letting her! Take care ladies.


"Don't you worry your pretty little mind because people throw rocks at things that shine!"
~I guess living in limbo is my "new normal"- stinks!~

Posts: 713 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Dreaming of a far better place!
fromthisdayfwd
♀ Member
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, January 15th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Crushed Again ~ I don't understand why she is contacting your husband? Has he told her not to contact him?

If she is harassing your husband, have you informed her husband (if she is married) of the affair?

Have you thought about getting a restraining order? I know that is a difficult step, but it seems like she is trying her darndest to destroy whatever healing and restoring the two of you build.

I do hope you find a cure for this interference!


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 391 | Registered: Jan 2011
crushed again
♀ Member
Member # 26138
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, January 16th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fromthisdayfwd - yes NC has been established more than once. No ow has no SO to out her to. That's problem #1. Another problem is I think WH is afraid to admit that ow#2 is just as psycho as ow#1! We did get a RO against her after a whole year of misery. Everyone says don't let "her" win but right now I am ready to send him over to the psycHO!! Then I'll win some peace of mind! ETA; thanx for joining the BW thread!


"Don't you worry your pretty little mind because people throw rocks at things that shine!"
~I guess living in limbo is my "new normal"- stinks!~

Posts: 713 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Dreaming of a far better place!
fromthisdayfwd
♀ Member
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, January 16th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sure sounds like you have a C-R-A-Z-Y on your hands...and that isn't helping anything!

Have you considered moving? I know that is a HUGE step and I wouldn't want to have to consider it myself; however, in your circumstances it seems like it may be a reasonable thing to consider.

Change phone numbers?...email addresses, etc.?

I am so glad that our OW and her husband have stopped harassing us. It had continued for months. Her husband even went to my husband's "highest up" boss and insisted my husband be fired! Thank God the big bosses shut him down! They told him that if that were the case that his wife needed fired as well, AND that if he did not stop the harassment that they would make sure my husband had legal representation against his personal harassment!

Again, Thank God!


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 391 | Registered: Jan 2011
Ex-BFF
♀ New Member
Member # 30142
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, January 16th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree about the full moon...yesterday all I did was cry HYSTERICALLY even though we were celebrating my DS birthday with my family and my WH family...managed to pull it together for DS sake...didn't really cry today, but it's still early (LOL)


BS Me (49)
WH (51)
Married 24 years
2 DD (19, 14)
1 DS (22)
Dday 11/10/10 EA with my "Best friend across street"
Second Dday 12/26/10 Merry Christmas!

Posts: 45 | Registered: Nov 2010
crushed again
♀ Member
Member # 26138
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, January 16th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fromthisdayfwd-
Wish we could move but not possible. Yes crazy sucks. I did call her supervisor yet again to let her know that this idiot is now making calls from someone else's desk while they are at lunch! Found out she is also using the general "wall phone". "I" do not have my car insurance w\the co. she works for. Problem is she has all our info from past files. I am glad to hear your H's boss handled the sitch well. Finally someone with work ethic morals! I think more places need to follow up on their employees immoral behaviour!


"Don't you worry your pretty little mind because people throw rocks at things that shine!"
~I guess living in limbo is my "new normal"- stinks!~

Posts: 713 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Dreaming of a far better place!
fromthisdayfwd
♀ Member
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, January 28th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting about the full moon...I checked and the first time my husband had sex with her (I am sure you guessed by now!) it was the night of the full moon. I also checked on my dDay. It was the day before the fullest moon.

I don't claim to understand it but I do believe there is something to be said for the moon affecting us.

Has anyone else checked the phase of the moon against their timeline?


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 391 | Registered: Jan 2011
so-crushed
♀ Member
Member # 29137
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, February 6th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D-day Memorial Day weekend, 2010.

2 PA/EA's, ending back in the 2004 timeframe; 1st EA/PA started in '98. Unsure of where that one ended and 2nd EA/PA started.

Working on R, with MC and WH is in IC as well.

Over the past 7 months, I find that I will literally startle myself awake if I've dozed off and he has his arm around me. I get a quick image of him with "them".

If I doze off and he's not touching me, I'm fine.

He's very remorseful and lets me talk and ask questions. Yes, the mind movies are not happening near as frequently, but these "jumping out of my skin" events ... what the hell?

I asked him this morning if they got all "dolled up" during their little trysts. He says nope...not that it matters, guess that I am still trying to piece the pieces together. Still think it's wierd that they'd have their "K-Mart" undies on while getting together and making that supposed "great first impression". Told WH that sure as shit I'd get all dolled up for a "date" and not in any granny-panties...

MC says that she's concerned about me, that I'm trying to "undo" progress that WH and I have made as a means of protecting myself.

With the EA/PA so far in the past, I'm having a very hard time piecing the puzzle together and figuring out how I could have missed the "signs".

Truly broken.


Me - BS, 49
Him - WH, 49
Married 19yrs
D-Day, 5/29/10
1st A - EA/PA, 1998-2003(??) Long Distance
2nd A - PA, 2003-2004(??) Local

"You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul"


Posts: 187 | Registered: Jul 2010
shattered123
♀ Member
Member # 27843
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, February 9th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good afternoon ladies. I also have been having a terrible time in the past few days, antiversary month this month. Flashbacks, panic attacks. FWH acting like an ass. Nice to see there is a forum for only us here. And I certainly need people to talk to. No one IRL who I can share with...

Posts: 2590 | Registered: Mar 2010
wanttobeloved
♀ Member
Member # 30986
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, February 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had some very difficult days and my eyes hurt from all the crying. I keep believing that it gets better and that I will be happy again soon.


BS (me):44
WH:46
4 kids, 26, 21,21,19(3 live with me)
3 grands, 9,7(live with me)and 9 months
DDAY October 26, 2010
doubtful

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2011
DTaC
♀ Member
Member # 30711
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, February 11th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi girls.
I, too, am sad today. Mostly mope around the house and sigh over what my life turned out to be sad. I'm sad that I missed/ignored the signs I saw before we were married. I'm sad that I was gaslighted and thought that I was the problem.

(((hugs))) to everyone out there.


Tired and Confused

DDay august 2006
TT DDay 1-12-11


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: NJ
cannot forget
♀ Member
Member # 30759
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, February 12th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also having bad day. H says he will stop drinking, but I'm still not sure it will ever happen. I started AlAnon and getting a lot out of it. I look forward to my meetings. Hope this is one time he's actually being honest. Only time will tell, but in the meantime I am getting myself stronger and although I love him and want my marriage I cannot stay in this kind of marriage. I looked for rehabs and told him about them, but know I finally realize he has to do this for himself. Thanks to all of you for listening and good luck to all of us!


WH46
BW45
3DD
MOW49 2.5yr LTA
married 24yrs
DD12/27/2009

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Ct
wanttobeloved
♀ Member
Member # 30986
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, February 15th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been readin a lot about infidelity and that a flirtatious person or a charmer are more capable of cheating because of thier personality, and that cheaters are good liars because of trying to keep what they are doing a secret.

If that is the case than how and why should I beleive anything H says about anything, he lies about the ONS for two years by not saying anything.


BS (me):44
WH:46
4 kids, 26, 21,21,19(3 live with me)
3 grands, 9,7(live with me)and 9 months
DDAY October 26, 2010
doubtful

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2011
misled1001
♀ Member
Member # 30736
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, February 18th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am here...



Posts: 592 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Michigan
sanity
♀ Member
Member # 31281
Frustrated  Posted: 1:01 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all!
The thing that gets me is that for affairs to be so rampant in our society, why do we feel that we have to hide in chat rooms. you know - we're alomost at a point where there are support groups for support groups. That is except for BS's. Where I live (50,000 people) there is not 1 support group. I'm sure there must be some sort of underground thing going on. I find myself looking at people and wondering "are you the 1 in 2?" If anyone knows of a secret handshake then please let me know!


Me 50, WH 50 - 1 teen son - Brief EA '89, #2 EA/PA - Ran over 4yrs. DD Nov '10. He fell in love. Huge need for admiration more than anything else. It's not the trek to the top of the mountain that stops you. It's the pebble in your shoe.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Feb 2011
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New to this thread. 8 months out and having a tough week. R going well.
I have a question for you all,
I finally told the mow's bs about the A 4mo's ago. We traded a few emails. I told him i would send him records, but haven't done it. It's been quiet.
I find myself wanting to contact him, check on him, maybe i'm fishing to see where they are at? Anyone in same boat or been there or offer advice?
I'd like to be done obsessing, but alas...


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 847 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, March 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would let sleeping dogs lie. They might be R'ing, D'ing...who knows. If he hasn't reached out, I wouldn't either.

I haven't talked to OW's BH in almost 3 yrs and still once in a VERY blue moon think it'd be interesting to get his take on what he thinks of things that his x-WW and my XWH do with all the kids now (XH and OW are still together and we're all divorced b/c of their affair). I would never call him in a million yrs, but I get being curious.


BW, divorced: 03/09


Posts: 14252 | Registered: Jun 2008
Topic Posts: 319
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.