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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Women
forgivingone
♀ Member
Member # 13420
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in! Having an okay day today. H and I made plans to go to NY City together end of May for a show and quick trip for me. He is there on business. He wants me to be there so much, it makes me feel wanted and needed. Yay!


Married 21 yrs.
DDay 6-5-06


In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. T.S. Eliot

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. Abraham Lincoln


Posts: 850 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: florida
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just still struggle with how we (son & I) were so easily "replaced". Does anyone else feel/felt this way?

Yes! I told H that it feels like he threw us in the trash like we are garbage and not worth anything. He doesn't get it. Surprise, suprise.


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

onceproud - Personally, I have never been a big fan of the whole "fake it til you make it" idea. Similar to what you mentioned in your post, I found that if I repressed my thoughts and emotions too much, it led to everything coming out in a big explosion.

Do you think your H is still in the fog?


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW, *hugs* and hello to everyone!


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mad -

I don't know if my H is still in the "fog". I assume so. We never talk about the A - ok, hardly ever - so I have no idea what he thinks. My assumptions are not pretty.

Did I mention I wrote him a note this morning with a list of my feelings? It's my latest attempt to communicate them to him. He instant messaged me that he read the note and would try to read it again later when he wasn't so stressed. I guess work is bad today; he doesn't tell me much about anything.

I think my relationship is a giant mess and neither of us have the ability to fix it. Eek, hope this isn't a vent. I am just having a rough time.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
madseason
Member
Member # 13224
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How come you don't talk about it? Is that his choice or yours or mutual?

I don't think there's a chance in hell of fixing anything if you don't talk about it.

Going back to what's in your profile, is the one e-mail all the real proof that you have?


Lose my breath in waves
Knowing that every crash is bleeding the hourglass
And taking the stride
From all our lives

*Somewhere, far away from here, I saw stars. Stars that I could reach.*


Posts: 10283 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Southeast of Disorder
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mad -

Hm, I am no longer sure why we don't talk about it. I am not good with feelings talk, but, actually, have gotten tons better with my friends and IC. I think H and I don't talk because he can't do it. I tried a few times - early on he says things like "clearly you are too upset, we should separate" and then this week it's "how does this justify your drinking?". I think I can't talk to him because of his reactions to it - I get scared and drop it.

No, the email isn't everything. I had gut feelings in the summer based on little things I noticed, my heart agreed, just couldn't get my head on board until I read the stream of emails between them - that's why the email has meaning to me. In MC my H stopped denying EA/PA. In conversations since then, no more denial from H. Told me he wanted both of us, etc. etc. etc. They had a 5 month EA/PA and I strongly suspect he wanted to leave me but couldn't get the b*lls to do it (would hurt me) - he once said it hadn't gone that far (not it wasn't going to happen) and he couldn't deny it when I said there was no way OW was going to hang around without promises like that.

Since I am also a little spy now, I also got agreement from OW's almost ex-Husband ,as well as confirmation from H's best friend (H told him), and I have naked pictures.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
HurtinCutie
Member
Member # 7798
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BW here too! It does suck. Getting through it though.
I'm just having a bad non-a related (ok, well, I guess in a round-about way, it's A-related)day today.


That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.
Can you get to your future if your past is present?
~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City

Posts: 3889 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Canada
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurtin - Dang it, you're a tease. I started getting excited that someone here could have any kind of day not related to the A, then you ruined it.

I'm just having a bad non-a related (ok, well, I guess in a round-about way, it's A-related)day today.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am also a betrayed woman and I can relate to many of the points made so far:

Yes - I too was easily replaced.
Yes - lied to and it hurts.
Yes - left in a right old financial mess.
Yes - I struggle with the loss of the idea of marriage.

This week is difficult as it is the school hols and it seems to remind me of what families are usually doing about now. I feel I have come a long way since Christmas but there is still a long way to go until I get through the day without giving him a thought - even if it is one of hate.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Minigirl
♀ Member
Member # 6586
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow- I love this new forum!!!!


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it the present."

"The deepest circle in hell is set aside for betrayers and mutineers." Captain Jack Sparrow


Posts: 3941 | Registered: Mar 2005
HurtinCutie
Member
Member # 7798
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL OPW - sorry. See my post in Gen for the scoop. It's distantly A-related. Kind of in the same light as "if I'd taken road A instead of road B, I wouldn't have been pulled over for speeding".


That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.
Can you get to your future if your past is present?
~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City

Posts: 3889 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Canada
wifetoj77
♀ Member
Member # 10781
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'n here as well.


Me- BS- 32
Him- WH- 35
M- 15 years
Dday Easter Morning April 16, 2006
6 kids
Back to square one

Posts: 1203 | Registered: May 2006 | From: NE USA
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurtin - I was just telling one of my support friends that everything seems to run back to the A. If it's bad, it gets worse. If it's good, it gets messed up. Touches everything all the time.

I am sorry for your bad day. If there was a magic pill that would fix it all....I would fight you for it! lol Hang in there.


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
oar1
♀ Member
Member # 11818
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im part of this group unfortunately. so count me in!!!!

[This message edited by oar1 at 9:53 AM, April 4th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 364 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Jersey
once proud wife
♀ Member
Member # 12706
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome, oar.

Hm - why are the guys over in Betrayed Men killing us with posts?


Me: BW (33)
Him: WH (34)
Together 17 years, married 5
Discovery started in late Aug '06 with major revelation mid Oct '06.
New DDay, new OW, mostly EA - 3/2/2008 (later figured out there were more women before we M)
Currently - still M

Posts: 737 | Registered: Nov 2006
Renee
♀ Member
Member # 8502
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here as well.
I don't think we'll make it, cause I don't believe that you can love someone, then go be with someone else. He said that things "could" be better. I don't see it, and actually feel more bitter today then before, cause I've been asked to stay. I just don't have those feelings like I use to. He was the one, and now there's nothing left.
I want to move on, I agreed to the end of the year, but I don't know why.
Hugs everyone...

Renee


"If you want Loyalty, get a Dog"
___________________________________
Me-49
WH-49
One very special Daughter-5.
Together 9 years.
D-Day 10/23/05

"Treat Me Like An Angel, And I'll Take You To Heaven"


Posts: 1491 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Mtns. of So Cal
mkr543
♀ Member
Member # 12867
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hm - why are the guys over in Betrayed Men killing us with posts?

I think it's because they have beer and stuff in there! Beer, music, whiskey...they even have poetry. I was thinking of getting a stick-on moustache, guy clothes and a baseball cap and sneaking in!

Ok, time to be serious...I think the hardest part for me was getting the ILYBNILWY speech and getting kicked to the curb for some broad he knew for a MONTH!!!

I thought it was an exit affiar at the time. Maybe it was, since she dumped him. And now, well, I'm not as bad as being alone, I guess!!

But now I'd rather be alone than with him. And according to him, that's my destiny...ALONE. I had told him that there was no way I could or would stay with him if he insists on having the OW as his *friend*, and he was quite annoyed and said, "Well, then, you're going to be alone!" I told him that didn't sound that bad to me!

Anyone else on the verge of leaving?


Me:BS - 38
Him: FWH - 44
d-day: November 12, 2006

Too long a sacrifice can make stone of the heart. -William Butler Yeats


Posts: 1838 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: New England
mkr543
♀ Member
Member # 12867
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really think the reason the men have so many more posts is because there are so many more women than men on here, they're all jazzed to have a thread of their own, without us girl-type people going in there and making them use coasters and stuff.

But really, good for them...I'm glad they can have that place.


Me:BS - 38
Him: FWH - 44
d-day: November 12, 2006

Too long a sacrifice can make stone of the heart. -William Butler Yeats


Posts: 1838 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: New England
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, April 4th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here. Just wanted to say Hi and ((hugs)) to everyone. Maybe we should write poetry too...


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1675 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
Topic Posts: 319
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