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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Women
We_Not_3
♀ Member
Member # 20672
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((lovinlife))))))))) ((((((((badlyhurting)))))))
((((((((Heartless Bytchh))))))))) (((((((((sophieknows))))))))))

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2008
hurt789
♀ Member
Member # 20937
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am needing advice on LTA's, It was suggested to me that I check out this forum..Just found out husband of 20 years (togather 22) has had a 15 year affair with his best friends wife. They were married for about 2 years when this started. Our familys did EVERYTHING togather over these years. I and the OW had children at the same time. Every holiday, vacation, and several days a week togather. D-day was about 2 months ago. I think I am still in shock. I got the "were just friends" excuse for the last 9 years after I started questioning why they talked so much..My husband says he never stopped loving me and she was just a whore and she meant nothing to him. How could this be true if it lasted so long? He wants to forget about her and her family, but how can we when all of our memories included them? I believe he has had NC with her. I would hope her husband would call to tell me if he suspected any contact. My husband has talked openly about this with me when ever I feel like talking. I do believe he is trying. He has been very supported through my rollercoaster of emotions. I have access to all phone records and his work schedules. I am just having a hard time believing he did not love this whore. He says it lasted so long because it could. He states he was having his cake and eating in too. He actually said he was glad it was over. The hardest part, more than him having sex with someone else was that he bought her a ring. I cant seem to get over that! How to you buy a ring for someone and not love them? He wants to buy me a ring now to show how committed he is in starting our new life and marriage over. I am not sure about that yet, as the last ring obviously meant nothing. I guess I am writing to find out if any other BS's have been in this situation where the affair had lasted for so long and when the OW was suppose to be your friend in which you confided in.


BS 40
WS 43
MARRIED 20
TOGATHER 22
1 PERFECT DAUGHTER
DDAY7/13/08
LTA - ALWAYS


Posts: 240 | Registered: Sep 2008
We_Not_3
♀ Member
Member # 20672
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((hurt789))))))))))

I wish I had advice for you. So many posters here have expert advice and I know will be able to help you.

Check out the Library for a start. I'm very sorry for your pain. You are not alone. Has the husband stayed with the OW?


Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2008
We_Not_3
♀ Member
Member # 20672
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first gut feeling would be, I DO NOT want a ring. I would want him in counseling. ((((((hurt379)))))))

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2008
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lovinlife, no worries,gf.

It wasn't you, it was me.
You should be able to say anything you want to me.
Including FOADB.

789, I'd be triggering so hard about him wanting to buy you a ring.

HTF did she explain it to her BH?
And does he know about the 15 yrA now?
I'd be tempted to have it inserted in his nose.

My husband says he never stopped loving me and she was just a whore and she meant nothing to him.

That's a lie.I think he's minimizing it now.AKA as "damage control".
Keep your head up for a FR.
I think they just went underground.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
pebbles
♀ Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((hurt789)))))))

You are still in shock over this and you need to give yourself time to decide what you want to do.

You will change your mind several times during the course of your healing.

Get into IC so you have someone who can help you sort thru this mess.

As for the ring, if you accept it, I can guarantee that during the course of your healing you will want to shove it up his ass a few times. That ring will always remind you of this horrible time.

Maybe after a few years of healing you will want to accept gifts from him, now is not the time.

You may not want to reconcile with him at a later date. You will be on a rollercoaster from hell for awhile going up and down and back and forth about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Just hang on for the ride and work on yourself to get better.


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
laid2waste
♀ Member
Member # 20474
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the welcome ll and WH3... and I'm sorry I'm here too. Lov'in - glad I could bring a little bubble of funny to someone's world today - dangley bits made me giggle when I wrote it too!

798 - I really wish I knew what to tell you. You're story is so painful and I feel for you from the depths of me.

As others have told you, he is simply minimizing what he's done - regardless of WHY he's doing that, you might want to let him know that you know that and explain to him HOW you know that! 15 years? A ring? and she's just a "whore"? Puleeeeze!

Tell him to forget the ring and use the money he would have spent on it for IC and MC if he wants to show you he's serious about "starting a new life" with you and your marriage!!

I hope you can find peace within yourself after all this. You deserve that much and so much more. (((hurt789)))

[This message edited by laid2waste at 6:54 PM, September 7th (Sunday)]


D-day: 6/20/08, 7/15/08
ME: BS/43
HIM: WS/41
OW#1: 44 YO - EA/PA lasted over a year!
OW#2: 55+ YO - PA/EA approx 8 months
STATUS: False R 6/25/08, False R #2 8/7/08, His LAST chance 9/29/08

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Western Wisconsin
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB... thanks!

Welcome We_Not_3,

hurt789'

Welcome and sorry you find yourself here. My FWH had a 2 1/2 yr. LTA. The OW was not a friend of mine. It must be doubly hard to deal with. I would do IC and MC and see how things go. You are just getting over the shock and your H is moving way to fast. One day at a time, one step at a time.

There is also another forum in the I can relate specifically for LTA's. But we are always here for you.
((((hurt789)))

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Lov'in


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
surviving72f
♂ New Member
Member # 20187
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ladies, my wife had an affair almost two years ago. I have struggled everyday to get better and we are moving in that direction, but it is slow and there are days where it's hard not to get down. One thing I struggle with is telling the Other mans wife, which I doubt he has. As women would you want to hear from me if your husband had been having an affair with my wife?


Me=40
WS=40
2 kids, girl 10 months, boy 3
D-Day 2/12/06 - Happy Valentines day!

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Massachusetts
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, September 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

surviving,

I know it would be hard to tell the OM spouse, but I would want to know.

Good luck to you and let us know what you have decided.


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, September 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says it lasted so long because it could.

Hurt789. Yes, there is an LTA forum here. I think I'm a founding member. Several posters over there have been dealing with LTAs of 5, 7 + years. Even their entire marriage.

I think you have hit on the key there. My H said his 7 year LTA and the multitudes also were because he could.

That's kind of a vital point. he needs to understand however, WHY he could.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
anniegirl1
♀ Member
Member # 19988
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, September 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

surviving72f Hi there, Sorry that you are here with the rest of us, but you are in good company ! I too am struggling with telling. My case is telling the OWH. I found out about WH "Just Friends", in May. WH denied, then said he only talked to her a few times, then I found the cell bill. They had been talking 2-3 times a month 2-15min(that's just her cell don't know about work) for at least 6months. Then found old cell phone with her # hidden in it(SHE told him to! I can't even tell him to check the mail)it had been at least a yr. She is someone that dated a friend of his 7yrs ago(she was married then too) & magically decided to contact HIM after all this time. That just shows that they could have been talking for yrs??? After gaslighting me & I my not buy it,He finally said that he F'd up & he wouldn't talk to her again. Ohh yeah... she was in the neighborhood & conveniently stopped by his work 2 or 3x's for 5mins., last being fall of last yr. He says that there has been NC since May, but I'm not sure(after telling me he only talked to her a few times & finding more). Still swears it was only EA. He is trying really hard now & really seems sorry,without actually saying it (Very Prideful).Anyway, there is not a day that goes by that I wonder if I should contact OWH. I have good days & bad. Somedays I ? everything he does or says as if there is an arterial motive. Some days I Just take it for face value & "DECIDE" to take it as HE IS REALLY TRYING HARD TO KEEP HIS MARRAIGE. Then I see OW's my space & see how she "pretends" to be soooo kind, thoughtful & family oriented . I want to tell her H so that he doesn't feel as foolish as I did/do & can work on his M too, but am afraid that it would stir the pot again & the NC would be VOID. IS IT TOO LATE ???? I am still on the fence with this. I will say, IF the opportunity presents itself, I WILL - as kindly as I can- LET HIM KNOW! If he believes it or not is up to him & my cell records that I give him. At least I would have FINALLY told. B*L*E*S*S*I*N*G*S*


Me-BS 45 2nd M,
Him-WH 39 CITY DICK 1st M 2+yr.EA/PPA
1st WS Slept with
all of NORfOLK VA
Thank GOD in Live in
Virginia Beach :-}



Posts: 385 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Virginia Beach
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, September 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

surviving72f yes, I'd want to know if I was still M to him.I'd want to know a lot of things. When and how it started, who pursued whom first.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, September 11th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HB))))

Just saw your post in another forum and I am sending my thoughts and prayers your way!!

I would definitely go have those beers w/your buddy, and keep busy and away from him.


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, September 29th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you LL.I hope everyone on this thread is doing ok.
What about you? How're you doing?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
trying3
♀ New Member
Member # 21165
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, October 7th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I am here! :D I am new to all the forums but I am here!


Hayley and Audry's Mom

Posts: 17 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: California
Thistles
♀ Member
Member # 18970
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 7th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hurt789)))

I'd make sure that ring was pretty damn BIG.....


Me-BS-52
Him-FWS 51
M-25 yrs
D-Day Mar 26,2008
NC phone call Aug 2
Reconciling not working out
Had him move out 6-1-11
Divorce final 1/4/13

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Maryland
broknhearted
♀ Member
Member # 14806
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, October 17th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I have posted in just about every forum...so I didn't want to leave this one without my mark!
I joke because it is all I have left.
July 2005 - found out WH was involved with co-worker - EA/PA followed; many, many false R's....bringing me to today.
Last night, after a month of thought, I asked my WH to find another place to live. Calmly, without anger, after discovering yet another lie. This lie was for no apparent reason, although I know now that there are no lies told for no apparent reason. A month ago, I found 2nd secret cell phone and went balistic. Threw him out. Bag and Baggage, only to let him back three days later. I could never get comfortable with that decision, but IC said to think this time, before acting. So, I did. And, I am glad I did.
Anyway, I really don't know what else to do. I guess SI has always been there for me and I thought I would reach out. I don't know what is wrong with him and I think finally I do not care. This has been a long road for me and I think it is time for me to take a different road. I hope that I am strong enough to do what I know is right for me this time.


Will I ever be the same?

Posts: 164 | Registered: May 2007 | From: by the Falls...
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, October 17th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((broknhearted))))

Sending you strength and hope for your journey.

I am a firm believer that when we quite worrying about our WS and focus on ourselves, good things happen.

We might not always get what we want, but we get what we need.

Hang tough....

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
bjwiraden
♀ New Member
Member # 21422
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello ladies. I just have a question. I found out about my H affair two months ago. We've decided to stick it out and things have been pretty good. I don't know why but today is a rough day. Should it still hurt this bad? I have cried a lot today and I am wondering if I should tell him what is bothering me. I hate seeing him upset about it because he truly seems remorseful about everything. I just don't know what to do. Did I make the right decision in staying with him? I need some advice please. I just want the pain to go away. It still hurts so much.


Me: 24
Him: 27
Married 12/7/2002
Two beautiful boys
William 4
Isaiah 20 months


D-Day 9/5/2008
OW: 20 he went to her work and asked for her number. Told her we were separated for 8 months. Slept together after 2 weeks.
Dates were few sex w


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