[This message edited by stillhurting1 at 8:18 PM, April 19th (Thursday)]
How could I have lived with a liar and not known...
sorry you are in this position. Hope it turns out to be Mrs Palmer and her five daughters.
It sucks that we have to be so suspicious and always looking for clues
Both giving our best to R.
Working on me and moving forward
Still have my things packed, I guess it's going to stay that way.
WH has answered some of my questions, I wrote them out for him. I have asked twice for him to take a look, he did and answered. There are a lot of questions but I shouldn't have to keep reminding him, this really upsets me. I have been waiting 17 months I won't wait forever. This isn't a threat it's simply a fact.
A month later, pregnant from that ill-fated surprise weekend, I found it ALL in a devastating email from her that chronicled the A, their LUV, her pregnancy and abortion-- she was upset because she'd seen the webpage he'd put together when our beautiful twins were born. His reply back to that email? "I always thought we'd end up together but I can see I've screwed that up too."
So, here I am ten months out. Raging sometimes, calm sometimes, and this Friday I head back down to the town where it all split open.
I am still so pissed at him for being such a weak moron. I'm still afraid I'm in R because the idea of being by myself with 4 children under 7 is terrifying. Some days I know this is the man I'll be with until I die and others I don't think I can last the week.
Today I'm particularly pissed off about a ring he gave for Christmas during the A. He claims he was never going to leave me but gave her a RING (albeit, it was a shitty $30 ebay ring... but still!) And, you know what? I actually saw it on his account when he got it, but since he got me a 2ct diamond tennis bracelet the same Christmas, I decided he thought the ring was so ugly he'd sent it back.
I guess I'm also pissed off at being an idiot about the A that I KNEW was happening.
Anyway, H is out on a boat working hard and I'm here losing my mind a little... thanks for letting me vent.
But, really, R is going well.
Recovering each other and ourselves.
5 children: 8 mo, 2,4,4,9
"Love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and broken hallelujah"
What really hurt is that he has tried harder working it out with ow than he did with me and I guess she's the better person.
Reading through here reminds me of a group of friends I used to have who would get together every week for "sit and stitch" which we actually really called "sit and b---" It really does help to talk to someone who understands.
I am mostly going to just lurk, since I have been both BS and WS, and don't feel like I should intrude here much. My H is still working w/ his f EA partner, so I spend some time over on that thread.
Wishes for peace for all of us.
H-EA, d-day 1-06
W-PA, d-day 9-05
so both of us are WS & BS
working hard on R
"Sorry is looking backwards, worry is looking around, and faith is looking ahead"
I have decided if she asks, to tell her to ask WH.
How do you deal with knowing that your spouse implied, or literally said things like this and you are trying to reconcile? How do/have some of you addressed the situation?
My spouse and I haven't been to counseling---yet. I can't say I am dead on with how I was portrayed, but I think I am close. Although he came on home of his own volition and the act itself speaks volumes. I want to know why once he was exposed, why he didn't say, I love my wife.
He ran to her like a scared RAT the day I found out and cried on her shoulder that he was losing the best thing that ever happened to him. (Not her me). He was losing the love of his life.(Again me) Yea Right. She told him to go home and work it out. That was so moral of her.
I feel insulted that I was talked about during the affair, because he still had me on his mind while he was with her. That is so disgusting.
So I have a differenc perspective. I wish I hadn't been talked about.
Edited to add:
It was like he was trying to make me feel better that he didn't forget me while he was fucking her.
[This message edited by pebbles at 1:40 AM, June 7th (Thursday)]
I'm M to a psychotic serial cheater who turned all my hopes & dreams into a humiliating nightmare.
He still 'cannot remember anything', not willing to be truthful/transparent, and I kicked him out 9/06.
IC describes him as "classic bipolar" as he changes from bi to gay to straight to asexual; and then the Ground Hog Day drama loop back begins anew.
Anyway, getting all my ducks in a row for D as I will be 59 next month (Gosh, time has flown! ).
I was talking to a new potential male friend this evening.
This demonstrates that I am healing.
However, the residual negative effects of betrayal make me feel so suspicious/paranoid and I feel so damaged beyond redemption at this point in my life.
And, Life is SHORT.
I'm feeling very ho-hum about working through this again. Mainly because of the way he is relating to me (if I looked after myself more to look better for him....sending me a romatic letter as he bonks someone else).
He has become very selfish. I just don't want to go through R if he's going to go off and do it again. But I guess if I'd known he'd do it in the first place I wouldn't have married him.
Oh well. Here's hoping for something out of MC tomorrow.