1. How long will you be apart & how often do you get to see each other?
I knew when we stared dating it was highly likely that he would travel a lot. In late May 2011 he went across country till late August. It was hard, but we video chatted a lot and saw each other once.
Next assignment was not far away and was 2 or 3 months. He came home all but 1 weekend.
Last year, until Dday, he was far away, 8 hours, and he came home most weekends.
Now he has been away for 3 weeks near where he was previously, and we saw each other this last week, and he plans to come at least every other week right now. This is a 3 week thing, and he SWEARS there will be no more after this, but 2 days before Dday he sad this too.
2. Where you LD when the affair happened?
Yes. Only one AP though.
3. Is being LD normal for you?
Yes and no. He considers where I live home but has to travel to stay in the US for immigration.
He was living here when we met and started dating, but we always knew LD was going to be a way of life.
4. Do you have kids?
Me yes, and my daughter sees him as her father.
5. Brief description of what brought you to SI?
WBF and I were planning on getting married in June, but then their was a problem. In July we were planning again, and then we broke up for a while. We only did not speak one day, I was dating other people (dating not kissing or anything else), and he went on a chat line and started dating a woman.
After we got back together he THEN started the A physically. He started acting like a different person, and I knew something was off. He told me in September he did not like the person he was becoming. The beginning of October he was still being weird about scheduling our wedding, then November after our anniversary he wanted to get married ASAP.
I had a dream the morning of Dday that he had an A and the OW came to the wedding. I then called his "friend" I had wondered why they talked so much and it was the OW. She confirmed that they had started dating in August, but had not seen each other in a "few months", had barely talked, and that she thought he was trying to get her to dump him for months.
He did not ask to R, but when we talked I decided to try. He is trying to regain my trust now, and had become overly transparent.
6. What would you say are the biggest barriars to reconciliation / recovery?
Him living away. 2 days before Dday he told me he was coming home, and we needed to talk, and then if I "still loved him" he would marry me and stay hime at least a year.
I understand he has to live away, but now with the A it is too hard for me.
He was gone the week after Dday, because he did not know if he could face me. Then he was here for 2 weeks, and spent a lot of time with me, and is gone again now for 3 weeks (last week I was there with him).
I he wants to change, but him being away is TOO hard. I see that he has started changing back to the Pre A and pre last contract person I fell in love with. But he is not making the time he needs to make either.
7. Would you say you had a good relationship pior to the cheating & what made it that way?
We stopped dating when he took the job before this. Yes he was home a lot, but to work. I wanted us time, he was working 7 days a week.
He had down time when he did not come home for the weekend. Which made me resent when he did things with his friends, or when he would spend time with them when he was here.
I could really care less about him spending time with friends. I care that he spends no quality time with me, and then spends time with them.
We fought a lot, because I was tired of not being married, and him, not spending enough time with me.
So my question is is it possible to R with one partner traveling? My WBF swears this is the last job away, but in his field that is highly unlikely. I do not want him to give up his dreams to be with me. But I REALLY need him home. IT was hard before the A, now I feel like each day is the last I can take.