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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners Of Sex Addicts
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I admit, I'm afriad of leaving him and regretting him, but at the same time I feel like a hypocrite because of the ultimatum I set over a month ago.

My H told to think back at the fact that he hadn't slipped up since March 20th this year. Still, he broke the contract and I set those conditions. All I'm thinking about now is the fact that I gave him another license to take advantage of me!!!!!


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I just talked with my H just now. I told him that even if him going to the Sex AA meetings will cut into his schedule, our marriage can no longer afford for him to put them off. Sex AA is free and it's better than no help.

He agreed to it. I pray that this helps our marriage.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
howcouldhe1
♀ Member
Member # 13210
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi mom

I think I'm in a similar situation to you, in that I told my H while we were trying to R after his A that if I found out that he'd ever cheated again that would be it. Six weeks ago I found all the porn sites he'd been visiting all though R and he admitted he'd actually gone to meet someone for sex. Then he told me he was an SA.

So now I'm conflicted. Should I make him leave, because after all that's what I'd told him. Or, if he really is a SA, don't I owe it to both of us to give him the chance to try to recover?

I'm still trying to work on this, but I'm thinking that maybe my boundaries need to change a little, to reflect what's happening in our lives. So that if he slips, I have other boundaries rather than just the all encompassing it's over.

<Sigh> It's all so confusing.


Me BS 54 FWH (BT) 52 M 22 years D Day 4/11/06 Over a year of trickle truths. March 08. D Day 2. Online porn and SA. Just when I thought we'd be ok, July 19 08. BT had accident. Severe brain damage, in persistent vegetative state. I lost him anyway.

Posts: 5488 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Kent UK
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

momofthree,
I'll be thinking of you too...

EO


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

momofthree2007 said
He keeps telling me he needs my help to fight his addiction.

Ok, you're completely stuck in a very unhealthy codependent cycle here. You should not be his accountability partner. It's not healthy for either one of you. It's okay to have monitoring software so that you're not blindsided, that's fine but the fact that you're having to confront him and make him accountable is not healthy.

He needs treatment. You wouldn't expect him to stop taking herion without treatment would you? You wouldn't expect him to stop drinking if he were an alcoholic without treatment would you? He needs to see a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) and he needs meetings. SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) is the best in my, my FWH(SA) and his CSAT's opinions. Their website is http://sa.org/

You and he can find a CSAT through this URL
http://www.iitap.com/find_csat.cfm

You should look for a CSAT for yourself too. You have to treat your codependency or your marriage and YOU will never heal.

You need to work on you. He needs to work on him. He has to take responsibility for his recovery. You cannot do it for him.

You should read "Mending a Shattered Heart" edited by Stefanie Carnes. It is an excellent book for spouses/partners of SA.

The best thing you can do for yourself, your SA and your marriage is for you to get into therapy for your codependency so that you can learn how to set healthy and workable boundaries and consequences for yourself. You keep threatening him and not following through and that's never going to work. Boundaries and consequences are the most important step for you right now. Please seek out a counselor who can help you start down the right path. If you want to save your marriage, this is your first step.

If you decide you want or need to leave him, that's perfectly reasonable and acceptable too but you'll still need therapy to heal from your experiences and to help you figure out how to not chose another addict partner.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

howcouldhe1,
Are you in counseling for your codependency? Is a professional helping you with setting boundaries and consequences?

Is your SA in treatment?

You both need to be before you make any major decisions. Your options will still be open when you figure it out. The advice to not make any major decisions too quickly is good advice that I see on this board a lot.

See my post above to momofthree2007 for the title of a book that I recommend to everyone. It's the best book for spouses/partners that I've seen so far in my 3 year journey.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7 yrs, thanks I just checked out SA, and I gave them my H's number. I don't know wether or not SAA, where he was going to is certified but they have a 12 step program too and they had a flexible schedule.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks I just checked out SA, and I gave them my H's number.

First off this is completely backwards! You need to give the SA number to your husband and he needs to make the call. He needs to take responsibility for his SA and get treatment. You are not his mother. You are not his keeper. This is not your job. It's fine that you did research and want to point him in the direction you'd like to see him go but HE has to GO THERE. You can't "drive" him there. Remember these words: "You didn't cause it. You cannot control it. You cannot cure it."

As for SA and SAA, I would not stay with a sex addict who chose SAA. It is my deeply held belief that SAA (http://www.sexaa.org/) is not a good program. They are far too lenient and do not treat the core of the addiction.

They allow masturbation. It is my opinion that that is just plain stupid. If your SA is still masturbating he is NOT sober. Period. Would you tell an alcoholic it was okay to have one drink a day? Would you tell a herion addict that he couldn't shoot up but he could snort coke? Does that make any sense AT ALL?? It doesn't to me. It doesn't to my SA husband. It doesn't to his very good CSAT. It doesn't to SA (www.sa.org) Telling a sex addict that masturbating is okay is telling them that they don't need to be sober.

Copied and pasted from sa.org (bolding is mine)
What is a Sexaholic and What is Sexual Sobriety?

We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.

Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one's self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options. But we have found that acceptance of these facts is the key to a happy and joyous freedom we could otherwise never know.

This will and should discourage many inquirers who admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but who simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking. Until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who know they have no other option but to stop, and their own enlightened self-interest must tell them this.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrs, he told me he was going. I told him our marriage wouldn't work out if he didn't seek the help.

As for Sex AA, it was our former pastor who referred him there after his research the first time he tried to counsel him.



H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrs,
sex alcoholics anonymous is free right?


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

momofthree,
yes -- all the 12-step programs are free, though they sometimes ask for tiny contributions (a dollar or two...) to offset costs of pamphlets, etc. But it's voluntary if you can pay or not.
Good luck. And be good to yourself through all this...


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's what I thought since Sex Addicts Anonymous is free.

I guess since my H hasn't physically cheated since the last Dday almost a year ago, I've been willing to put up with this. He is doing better than he was then....

Just to clear something, porn is forbidden but if he slips up, I have little tolerance if he admits to it within 24 hours.

It's just that at this point I've realized that it's almost impossible for him to fight this battle alone and I know now that I can no longer stay with him if he insists on it.

You're all right, I can't fight this battle for him and I told him that over an hour ago. If he needs my help, he needs to help himself as well.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW, in my area sex aholics anonymous works alongside sex addicts anonymous, they had schedules for both meetings.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Shutup  Posted: 9:19 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need you all to give me an intervention!

There is a member here whom I believe is dealing with a classic SA partner. I'm not the only one who thinks it either, one of you contacted me via PM and asked me to read her posts and give her advice. So I did. She's in denial and won't listen to me. I keep swearing that I'm not going to keep trying to help her but I keep getting sucked back in because it just breaks my heart to see someone who is struggling but can't see the forest for the trees. Will you all please give me a solid 2x4 to the forehead so that I can stop trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want the help? Maybe the pain of the 2x4s will be more than the pain of knowing she won't accept the truth and the help that's out there for her and I'll finally step away from the keyboard!

ARGH!


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
pebbles
♀ Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did your best to help her and it is up to her to use the information you gave her.

I would suggest that you stop reading her posts.

Remember that it takes awhile to accept what has happened. If her WS is an SA she'll realize it someday because you know SA's don't stop until confronted somehow or hit bottom.


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks pebbles and thank you to everyone who PM'd me. It really helped.

This is falling under my codependency tendencies. I want to help whether she wants it or not. That's MY problem, not hers. I'm working on forcing myself to just not read her posts for now.


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, today my H went to a Sex Aholics Anonyous meeting. Like I said, here they're partnered with Sex Addicts Anonymous. I'm glad he ended going to Sex Aholics Anonymous, after what some of you told me. He carpooled with a member that lives accross the street from our apartment complex. At least since he's going with somebody this will help a great deal.

I don't feel too bad about going back on my word now. I should've never let him fight it on his own. Of course I'll try my best to give him consequences that I can follow through with. I did a lot of thinking yesterday and I can't continue babysitting him for the rest of our marriage. I have to give him consequences I intend to follow through with.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
SorrowHeart
♀ Member
Member # 18474
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long has your WS been a sex addict, have you known, & what are they doing to deal with that (SA, etc)?

I discovered an email from the OW husband to my ex, describing his wife (who was in a mental ward at the time) as "quirky and shocking, and how that could be fun under the right circumstances". He wanted my ex to come visit her since she trusted him. I had never heard of these people before.

I guess he was a sex addict for about five or six years before we split, but I didn't know it at the time. After a big fight in August 2006, I found stuff on his computer because he had left in a huff without password protecting it. For some reason, his dating profile was on his hard drive, so I was able to read what he had written about wanting multiples, threesomes, dominance, etc. I also found pictures on his hard drive as well, that pegged him seeing at least one person in 2002. In an email that person sent to me, she asked why I didn't contact "all those other women" (I had also found her email and sent her a note).


2. How does your SA act out & how much verifying do you do?

He never stopped it at all, but tried to explain to me how "exploring his sexuality was important and made him feel alive". I guess I made him feel dead.

3. Has the SA had relapses / slips?

He never quit. Of course, I did everything wrong, like have lots of sex with him in the vain hope of winning him back. I do know the 180 would not have worked, because he was living it before I found out. When I found out, he professed to love me, and that it was "just sex". I wanted to believe him, and so went along with it at first, not saying anything when he would go away on trysts. I was obviously delusional, in denial and in shock. It started to really bother me the second time he went away. Then I started thinking I didn't go back to work so he could spend that money on other women/men/whoever.

4. Do you have kids?
Yes, three. My heart breaks for them; I hope they never find out because for sure that will mess their heads up.

5. Brief description of what brought you to SI?

I didn't know about it until recently, and it was too late by then. I was already nearly divorced. He is completely unrepentant, and thinks he is doing nothing wrong. He looks up to his open marriage friends as having the ideal marriage. Never mind that the Mrs there is mentally ill, and was probably sexually abused as a child. The pics I found showed her doing some very degrading stuff. No woman in her right mind would do the things she does.

6. What would you say are the biggest barriers to reconciliation / recovery?

If the other spouse won't admit there is a problem/addiction. My ex thinks there is nothing wrong with himself. I told his parents, but I don't think they want to believe me. Would that make them enablers?

7. Would you say you had a good relationship prior to the cheating & what made it that way?

Nope, our last five or six years of marriage were pretty bad, in retrospect. There was a feeling of distance, and I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't know why at the time. Whenever I mentioned my concerns to my ex, he would reassure me that everything was fine and not to worry.

Before that, we always had issues with him spending too much time on the computer (he's a techie by trade) and not enough with the family.

8. Current status?

Divorced, and getting better every day. I am trying not to focus on all that negative stuff, but move forward. There is nothing that can be done but move forward.

I am not the least bit interested in another relationship after this, and am discovering there is a whole world of single people out there. I am doing stuff I like to do, and like that I don't have to answer to anyone else right now.

It still hurts, but not as bad as it used to. Some days I wish he had just died before I found all this out, so that my memory of him would have been more favorable. And I would have been able to collect the insurance money, and not have to worry about finances ever again.


Living one day at a time.

Mom of three

DD: September 23, 2005

Divorced April 10/08


Posts: 163 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Alberta
McKlain
♀ New Member
Member # 19320
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sorrowheart))))
Welcome to SI
You will find here a very supportive community plus some great reading which, although you say it is 'too late' for your marriage, the library can help with your own recovery from what you have experienced.
Understanding your xWS is a critical part of your own healing process. So read, debrief, discuss.
Good luck on your journey, where ever it takes you.
Look after your self and your little ones :)


Me ~ 32 ~ BS ~
Him ~ 31 ~ WS ~ SA
Married ~ 3 years, together 5 years.
Children ~ 1 boy, 6 months
Discovered the infidelity ~ 15th March 2008. 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant.
Reconciling; one day at a time

Posts: 35 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Australia
innerstrength
♀ Member
Member # 19540
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, May 15th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long has your WS been a sex addict, have you known, & what are they doing to deal with that (SA, etc)?

Since he was a teenager. We have just made the "connection" and started doing research since our last DDay... SI has helped me immeasurably. He is in IC, we are starting MC next week and I will also be going to IC... There will be no stone left unturned...

2. How does your SA act out & how much verifying do you do?

He used porn, masturbation (a lot!), chatting online, meeting people he met online(ONS)...
I have been checking up on him since the first discovery... randomly, but whenever the "feeling" strikes me- I never ignore that voice in my head. He got smarter and got a different email and was deleting everything he looked at or did online... But he slipped up once and I caught on again.

3. Has the SA had relapses / slips?

Yes, that's why I'm here- Although in all fairness, I had never heard of SA and had I found this site back after the first DDay, we would have been getting professional help a looooong time ago- I thought it was something he would be able to consciously stay away from on his own, just by "wanting to". And I also was never jealous and thought porn and masturbation was "no big deal"... I would have thought differently if I had the right resources and info back then.

4. Do you have kids?

No, we want them eventually and had even been planning on getting pregnant by the end of the year, but now that this has been uncovered, we've got a lot of work to do before we bring anyone else into the mix.... He and I agree wholeheartedly on this one.

5. Brief description of what brought you to SI?

Internet chatting and cheating with men- discovered in 2005, but had been going on for a few years since he broke up with his last girlfriend... It was there before I even entered the picture. Continued on even after I entered the picture, even though he says that he was hoping since he found someone *so great*, he thought it would go away.
Fast forward through lots of hurt, crying, testing for STD's (he swears he was always "safe" but oh my god, I was hysterical)and we make it through about 2 years of no internet chatting... But the signs of the addiction were still there, unbeknownst to both of us...
Found suspicious pics of him on his email "sent items", confronted and found out about secret email address and also about EA/PA with OW for past 9 mos, who, along with her H is a close friend of ours
Also about close encounter with someone from craigslist who he agreed to meet, but said he drove right past the house and went to exercise instead to get his mind off of it. (His alibi checks out, I remember that day vividly- He went for a 20 mile bike ride- for the first time he had ridden his bike in over 3 years!)I just thought he had gotten really motivated to lose some weight! So here I am...

6. What would you say are the biggest barriers to reconciliation / recovery?

I am still so new to this, but I am hoping to face them head on with him and we have learned so much from what I have seen here already. I just pray that he can make it through this to get to the place where he can find peace inside himself... He has been tormented a long time. There are times that I feel that maybe we won't make it and that he'll keep slipping back into the addiction, but I have to have some hope right now...

7. Would you say you had a good relationship prior to the cheating & what made it that way?

We had a great relationship (I thought) in almost every aspect of our relationship except the bedroom- He would be hot or cold and we have real sexual intimacy problems that always bothered me. We would talk about my concerns, but we never had anywhere to go to figure out what was going on...
He had the hallmark signs of SA... He would also "pick fights" with me after he had done something, to make me yell and get upset with him- Almost like he was trying to get punished or justify what happened.
We had actually recently started counselling prior to DDay #2, because I was getting tired of feeling like something was wrong and I couldn't put my finger on it- He had become so sexually distant. Unfortunatly, he didn't feel safe enough to talk about it there, so we kind of "wasted" a few months, but he had been making a consistent effort with our relationship and it did seem "better" to me. But then I found out everything again and was crushed.

8. Current status?

We have officially agreed to R. I told him initially that I would give myself 30 days to decide if I was going to D or not... I thought it was a huge decision and wanted to give myself time to figure it out... I have a dry erase board on the fridge and I kept a countdown of days, so that I wouldn't forget... I've stopped changing the number now.
We still aren't wearing our rings- Those came off that night. I felt that the promises that had been made with them were broken and the no longer meant what they had before... They'll go back on when I feel like it, but I told him we have to have a "do-over" and only when he thinks he can REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME!

I'm taking this one day at a time- Hoping for the best, and scared to death of the worst-

Thank you all for being here and listening to my story.

[This message edited by innerstrength at 7:16 AM, May 15th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
Him: WS,SA
D-Day #1: 10/22/05
D-Day #2: 4/27/08
In R, LOTS of counseling this time!
I'm finding out day by day how strong I can be... I wish I never had to get to this self-discovery...

Posts: 189 | Registered: May 2008
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