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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners Of Sex Addicts
jessjane
♀ Member
Member # 13981
Funny  Posted: 9:41 PM, February 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your reply, Eternaloptimist.

I actually can't believe the difference in quality of love and intimacy in our relationship between pre-D-day and now. It feels good, but I'm not ready to trust it fully just yet.

It is really nice to hear that you think you might have married your H had you known. I was hoping I wasn't crazy or totally out of my mind for considering that marriage could be a possibility someday. Provided, of course, that the healing continues in good course. Your response was really encouraging (but still very realistic, which is just the way I needed it to be.)

Thank-you.


Me: BS, 28 yrs.
Him: WS, recovering SA, 28 yrs.

I love him, but I love myself, my sanity, and my happiness more.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Canada
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you in that it's hard to completely let my guard down. It all feels better, richer, deeper...but once burned, twice shy. I still find myself "protecting" myself in a way. It's still hard to let go and just love him completely, like I did before. However, we've come a long way in 14 months -- and I see no indication that we won't continue to heal and deepen our relationship if we continue to stay connected and deal with issues as they arise. In a way, I'm learning to love in a healthier way, too. Though he was the one acting out, I had my own set of very unhealthy views of "love". To let go of my own need to be "perfect" in order to be loved is such a relief!


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How long has your WS been a sex addict, have you known, & what are they doing to deal with that (SA, etc)?

I think that he has been a sex addict most of his life. I didnít even realize that for a long time. Iíve known for a few years. We fight over it constantly and he promises to quit and never does. He used to stop for awhile but now he just tries to hide it. He honestly thinks deleting his browser history is going to keep me from finding out. That and hiding his extensive video collection. He isnít doing anything to fix it. He wonít admit to much of anything.

2. How does your SA act out & how much verifying do you do?

He looks at porn, chats with women online. Had a list of escorts in his wallet for eight months but says he never acted on them. Iím having trust issues with the whole escort thing. Not sure that I believe him.

I wonít say how I verify things in case he ever finds this board or figures out who I am but I do verify things and check up on him.

3. Has the SA had relapses / slips?

Iím not sure that he ever really quit.

4. Do you have kids?

Yes, boy(7) and girl(2)

5. Brief description of what brought you to SI?

I canít afford therapy so I went online to try and figure out what to do with all these emotions I have bottled up. He wonít talk about any of it. Gets furious when I bring it up. I found this site through Google.

6. What would you say are the biggest barriers to reconciliation / recovery?

He wonít stop, wonít hardly admit to anything, wonít admit that he has a problem.

7. Would you say you had a good relationship prior to the cheating & what made it that way?

He used to be my best friend before all this. I could talk to him about anything. This isnít my first marriage. Itís my second, his first. My first husband cheated on. We didnít have any kids so it was easy to just walk away. I thought that he was Mister Perfect. So did my whole family. My mom even told me she had him on this pedestal. It started when I was on bedrest during my pregnancy with my son. I thought for a long time that he had quit. Then it just went downhill from the time I found out he was still looking at the porn and eventually things just got worse. Now Iím not sure that things can even be fixed.

8. Current status?

Weíre still married, living together. Some days we get along great, other days we are at each others throat. I think that a lot of that is because I find stuff and start a fight. I want him to hurt like I am. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster and canít get off.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peridot,

Living through this must be hell. I was lucky (!!!) in the sense that I didn't even find out until my husband had already admitted to himself that he had the problem, and found himself a counsellor. He'd been "clean" for almost seven months before I found out a thing about it.
I hope you'll take care of yourself. A group for spouses of SA might give you strength and support. It must be very hard to stay focussed on you when you think he's still "active".


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Exclaimation  Posted: 12:19 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

peridot

Living with a SA who is not in recovery is toxic. It's toxic for you. It's toxic for your children. You're not doing anyone any favors by staying with someone who is not in recovery. That said, I can understand being trapped. Are you stuck? Are you financially dependent on him? What can you do to change that?

You mentioned you can't afford therapy. You both need therapy. Is there any way you can make that happen? IF he wants help he needs to see a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) and you need counseling for your co-dependency (sometimes called co-addiction but I HATE that label)

You have to listen to your gut. YOU HAVE TO. I'm sure you're right about the escorts. He's endangering your LIFE having sex with other women and continuing to have sex with you. Many SAs don't worry about having safe sex. Mine didn't. I got lucky but many others are not so fortunate.

Staying with an un-recovering SA is putting your children at a very high risk. Your son is at risk for becoming a SA, your daughter for marrying one. This is a documented fact.

PM me anytime if you need to talk.
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7years --

You're a wise woman. I think I can learn a lot from you...


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Happy  Posted: 11:03 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eternaloptimist, Thanks! I sent you a PM.
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, February 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eternaloptimist, I am not sure if there is any women in real life but I know for a fact that he is chatting with women online. The hardest thing for me right now is trying to cope with the fact that he is not going to change. If he was, he would have done it already. I am just too tired anymore to fight about it. I just donít have it in me anymore.

7yrsbetrayed, I am a stay at home mom and also going to college. I still have about 5 years left. I was going to try and stay until I got out to see if things would improve but they have only gotten worse. I am trying to find a job because I am worried that he wonít pay child support when we split up. He wonít do therapy, well he will do marriage counseling but he wonít admit he is an addict. I told him that before we went to marriage counseling he needed to get help for himself and he wonít. There is no reason for marriage counseling if he wonít admit he has a problem. Iím very concerned with how this is affecting my kids. I have wanted to leave for awhile. Right before I found out that I was going to need a hysterectomy, I was going to get a job and then leave him. Now that I am starting to recover from that I have started looking and preparing. It may be hard, as my mom has told me over and over, but I feel that it is in my kids best interest.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Givup
New Member
Member # 18407
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, February 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi i'm new to this site & thank god there is somewhere i can get some support & sensible guidance. I think my partner is a sa yet am unsure. We have been together 2 years gm them most loving supportive relationship i have ever experienced although i did sense something unusual about him. If tended to enjoy the attention of other women & i often say him looking awkward. I couldn't put my finger on what it was. We would go dancing and when it was time to change partners if would be looking at his partner the way a teenager would, shy & infatuated. He told me that i was the 2nd woman if had had sex with and that his 1st sexual experience was at 28 & with his wife. With his awkward behaviour around women and the consideration that if had had sex with only 2 women, i concluded that his behaviour around other women was a result of inexperience & lack of sexual development. He said that if was in a sex less marriage & that if would get told off from his wife for getting an erection. If said that basically when he met me, if was a 40yo virgin. If said that if & i had sex more times in our 1st 3 months of being together than he's had in his life. I had a sense that if was attracted to my best friend as when we would be together if'd dismiss me & give her all of his undivided attention. I spoke to him about this & he said that if wasn't interested in her & that he would be more aware when we would see her. One year after our relationship commenced we were on a family holiday. We went to the beach with my daughter and i was sharing some vulnerable feelings i was experiencing in relation to my daughter who is disabled. During this if had his eyes all over the place following women around with his eyes & not giving me his full attention. I didn't say anything because i was considering that i may be dealing with a jealousy problem. The next day we were having dinner at a cafe with my children. As we were waiting for our food i noticed my partner looking at a blonde woman in revealing clothes. I didn't like it but as i said was considering that i had a jealousy problem. I began reading a work report when i noticed my partner's head moving from side to side & looked up at what if was looking at. If was following the blonde woman as she left the cafe. When there were obstacles to his vision of her, this made him move his head from side to side to get a better view. I turned to him & said " i'm not happy with the way you are looking at that woman. I feel disrespected & i'd prefer you to stop" with that he went into a rage saying "can't i look at a woman sideways" he then demanded that i go around the side of the coffee shop to discuss the matter. I refused explaining that my children were present & how it wouldn't be wise as he was so angry. As this was his first strong display of anger i became upset & shocked. I walked away from the cafe with my daughter & stood by my car. Within 20minutes he walked over to me & threw the car keys at me and stormed off saying he was going for a walk. I drove my children back to them motel & within an hour if was back demanding to speak with me. I listened to him for 15 minutes as he angrily expressed the injustice he felt. I began to respond & he stood up to walk away. I said to him that it was unfair of him not to hear how i felt & considering i had heard him for the past 15 minutes he should at least show me the same respect. He sat back down & i shared how i felt dissected by his looking & his response when i shared this with him. I continued to explain how i felt shocked & sacred with his reaction & had concerns as i had never seen him react this way gm the whole year of our relationship. I asked him whether that type of looking was a regular thing that he did. He responded, no. I then asked him whether he had desires for my best friend. He responded no. I told him that his reaction was making me wonder whether i didn't have a jealous problem & whether i was simply picking up on things. He said no again. I asked him if he had ever desired sex with another woman while being gm a relationship with me. He answered no. During conversations we had had in relation to his marriage he had confided that he & his wife never argued & how they never spoke about their issues & how he never felt loved or cared for by her. I explained how i have a firm belief that issues have to be addressed & how it is healthy. I also explained how unresolved issues create resentment & how dealing with issues make couples closer & through conflict each person can get their needs met. He appreciated that conversation & we agreed early gm the relationship that we would apply this to our relationship. After the coffee shop incident, i reminded him of this & said that honesty is the best policy & although one can be hurt by honesty, it can clear the air for any hidden resentments. I asked him again whether he has had desires for other women while with me. He swore on his death, the death of his children & parents that if hadn't. The next day we spoke again. I told him that i had a gut feeling that he wasn't being completely honest with me. After a few hours of discussion he told me that he looked on other women regularly behind my back. He explained that in an earlier conversation with me, i had revealed to him that once i'm in a relationship with someone i don't look on the opposite sex. He said that he didn't either & now mentioned that he knew that he did but didn't want to tell me through fear of me rejecting him. He then proceeded to tell me that he does it everywhere to all women of all ages & that he had hidden it from me. He then explained how in his marriage he had done it lots too & used to fantasize over his wife's best friend for many years & how he would masterbate over her. He said if used to follow women around the supermarket if he found them attractive & how he would go to the beach in his lunch break for sexual stimulation & would walk behind a woman in a g-string. He said that he would latter keep all the images in his head & masterbate over them latter. He admitted to thinking of what it would be like to have sex with my best friend while she was visiting once. He said that he didn't desire to have sex with her that he just thought of what it would be like. He said that his wife was obese & i was slim & my girlfriend's weight was in the middle & it was just a thought. He said that most of his life he compulsively masterbated & when he found out about porn became obsessed with it. He said that all he ever wanted in his marriage was a sexual relationship & his wife neglected him badly in this area. He said that instead of him confronting his wife about it, he turned to unhealthy behaviours which resulted in him feeling guilty & experiencing self hatred. All he ever wanted was sex with his wife & she didn't want to. His wife had been sexually abused by her partner in a previous relationship so he never pressured her for sex. He used porn & fantasizing as an alternative relationship. He said that all he wants is to love & be loved & to have a sex life. He said that i am the only one in his life who has really loved him. I asked him if during our relationship he still used fantasizing & porn. He said that he didn't as all of his needs were being met. I responded that i didn't see things that way as i loved him to death, we had loving sex nearly every night yet he was still perving. He explained that all of his behaviours stemmed from his low self esteem & his fear of rejection & his beliefs that he wasn't good enough for a relationship so instead of really being in one he would be on the outside & use the perving as that's all he was good enough for, just to look. He said that the love he felt from me overwhelmed him & he denied the reality of how good our relationship was & how what he had with me exceeded all of his fantasies & he denied this reality & rejected it in a way & concluded that he was only good enough to be on the outside & perve. My response to all of this was confusion & hurt. I felt that he had lied to me & had betrayed me by pretending to be someone else. I felt rejected & sacred that he could potentially be an unfaithful man. I expressed my feelings on this which sacred him into thinking that he was certainly going to be rejected. So he booked himself into counselling. After some sessions his counsellor wanted to see me. The counsellor said that he has concluded as to what is going on & indicted that i was jealous & insecure. I asked him how he had come to that conclusion & he revealed that my partner never looked at women. Explained to the counsellor that i had witnessed his looking & he had admitted it to me. The counsellor became angry with my partner & said that he didn't want to see me anymore & his work was with my partner. I again felt betrayed by my partner & my trust was being broken. I didn't know whether what my partner said to me was a true admission or whether he just said what he said to me to gain sympathy from me & what he told the counsellor was his truth. Has anybody ever experienced something similar. We have been together 1 year since my partner went to that counsellor & i just can't believe that my partner is being completely honest about whether there behaviours still occur today. I love this man very deeply but i'll be stuffed if i'm going to be with someone who has inappropriate behaviours. Life is too short. I'm concerned that his behaviours may still be happening & that they may be worse than he's let on. I find myself feeling crazy & not being able to decipher what is true & what isn't.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Australia
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, February 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peridot,

It's a good idea to have a "plan" -- so that when you hit bottom, you're ready to leave. I don't believe that if he was ever going to change he would have changed by now. I think we all have our "bottom" at which point we either change or stay down. It sounds like perhaps he hasn't hit his bottom. Losing you might hasten that!

And Givup -- I don't know what to say re. your partner's behaviour. I think at the very least he has issues -- though I have no idea if they stray into SA territory. His lack of respect for you, his anger, his manipulation of his therapist/you aren't very good signs. Sounds like you've got your hands full with a disabled child but your head is clearly on straight. If he can't be completely candid with you, there's not much you can do except go on your gut feelings. As Ann Landers was so fond of asking: Are you better off with this guy? Or without him?


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
Givup
New Member
Member # 18407
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, February 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anybody know if there is a site similar to this for co-addicts. I have been brought up by a mother who had trouble with alcohol & infidelity. I was witness to much of her infidelity as i child & she convinced my Dad that i was imagining things so as he wouldn't believe any exposure i'd reveal about her affairs. I have had partners who have been unfaithful & believe that my current partner is triggering some past issues for me. I identify the co-addiction in myself & a strong need to control my partner to stop behaving in ways that trigger those past feelings. I need to take responsibility for my reactions. I also wonder whether my confusion in my current relationship is because it is reminding me of my past, yet feel unable to decipher what is my stuff & what is his. If anybody knows of a website such as this which deals with co-addicts i would appreciate the web address. Also, if there is anybody who is relating to my words i'd appreciate any comments. At present i feel low & confused & i want to take some responsibility instead of staying a victim.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Australia
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, February 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't someone post an online site for partners of SA? Or co-dependents? Sorry, I'm not very tech-savvy, but I think I recalled something...


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, February 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only other site that I know of is codeps.com and that is for spouses/partners who are with a SA.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
lilybelle1
♀ New Member
Member # 7534
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, February 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

best partner's resource:
http://www.recoverynation.com/index-2.html

Excellent resource. Support forums, coaching, Free workshop, for addicts and partners

[This message edited by lilybelle1 at 10:49 PM, February 28th (Thursday)]


Me-BS 52
H-WS 57 - Recovering SA/PA/AA
first of many D-Days 7/28/04
polygraph 6/07
AHA moment 10/07
3 OW

Posts: 21 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, March 8th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping this up in hopes that hurtinohio will come to us here for support.

On a personal note, my FWH and I are trying to establish physical intimacy. Last night we stayed in a local hotel where he was judging home made wine as part of an annual event. When we retired to our room, he felt somewhat obligated to have a go at attempting to make love. He seems to think he has to do this when we are staying in a hotel. I told him that there was no reason for that. There's no reason we cannot do it in our own home. He admitted he has this idea that the environment has to be different in order to make love. But he agreed with me that it's probably better to re-establish the intimacy in our own home. We have no kids at home any longer so this can happen anytime of the day.

He is so petrified to make love. As a sex addict, he has never had any understanding of the difference between lovemaking and sex. He has always been a terrible lover as a result. Our MC told us a long time ago that I have to teach this man how to make love. His 2nd wife had to do this and it worked. So I am going to do just that. I have been waiting for him to initiate it for some reason. It's not going to happen and I need to take control in this matter. I'll let y'all know how that works out.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
pleasew8
♀ Member
Member # 17776
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so difficult dealing with infidelity and sex addicts...because all the same rules don't apply.

Being the BS I have to look at is as a disease just like diabetes. Sometimes I think SA is just a cop out for our FWS. They did what they wanted to do, without any thought of us or our relationship.

I am just not feeling the empathy for SA today.

Can anyone help?


Pleasew8


Me - BS-47
Him - FWH - 46 admitted sex addict
married 23 years together 30yrs
childhood sweethearts (or so I thought)
Kids - 3 boys
20yrs, 19 yrs, 15 yrs
D-days- too many
both in IC and MC
R is a lot of work.
Trying to make a different rela

Posts: 100 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: New Jersey
pebbles
♀ Member
Member # 13870
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no empathy for my WH either.

No sympathy for his guilt and depression. I also think it is a cop out for bad behavior and bad choices.

He did not care that porn bothered me. Whether or not it's an addiction he never bothered to try to stop. He totally disregarded my feelings and expected me to accept what he was doing.

When I told him my sex drive was gone he went out and had an affair. Nice.

Now he says he wanted to go to marriage counseling a long time ago. I quit going to MC over a year ago because he is so good at manipulating the session to make it all about him.

He's in counseling for the SA so that's a good thing.

He starts rehab tomorrow for the drinking problem.

When he's done with that maybe I'll send him to cooking and cleaning classes so then he'll be perfect and maybe I'll decide to keep him around for awhile. Just kidding.


me: BS
Dday 7/23/05
This former rock has been blasted into a mound of pebbles.

Posts: 1283 | Registered: Mar 2007
Butterflie
♀ New Member
Member # 17202
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sex addicts. *sigh* I go back and forth on this one. Yeah, my H has been with all of my friends and all of his friend's wives. Sure he has no goals in life. Sure he told me he felt nothing when his children were born...he was just there because he "had to be".

I really do not understand how SEX can make someone think like that. How can looking at images of naked women MAKE you go to Yahoo and find someone who is somewhere between 15 and 60 and MAKE you go have unprotected sex at a public park?

I drink at home. I go to bars to drink. I drink at friend's house. But I sure as hell don't break into someone elses's house to steal their liquor. I sure as hell wouldn't steal all my friend's liquor behind their spouse's back!

I think it's BS that their "addiction tells" them what to do and they "can't help it".

Vent over! Thank you!!


Me (BS): 30
Him (WH): 30
3 little girls
Married 9 years, together 14
D-Day #1: 09/04/07
D-Day #2: 10/3/07

Posts: 24 | Registered: Nov 2007
Maia
♀ Member
Member # 8268
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh they can help it.

but healing and change are incremental.

when you're given over to acting out, change and growth that may actually be monumental for a person may be something as simple as choosing to walk away from masturbation that day. or that hour. And that may be a real victory. it may be a serious battle for them.

because what happens is the SA justifies what they're doing. They tell themselves it is okay, it is normal. And then they get to a point where the behavior is very much like OCD. It's compulsive.

NOT acting out feels wrong. Strange.

and the root of it is not sexual. it's fear. Anxiety. Not acting out makes the person totally afraid... fills them with serious discomfort. Actually being normal is painful.

It's a hard thing to relate to.

I understand that.

recoverynation.com

do some reading.

it will help.

many times an SA has to delve into some really disgusting things in order to heal. it is scary and they feel they cannot change. if they believe they are just BAD ... they will not. They have to have hope.

real love heals.

the images that pop into an SA's mind constantly are terrible. and that is where the real battle is.


[This message edited by Maia at 10:59 AM, March 14th (Friday)]


We will miss you Unicornsearcher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

Posts: 6152 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: I am a Bluegrass-American
Butterflie
♀ New Member
Member # 17202
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, March 14th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maia, thank you for responding. I have been a member, as is he, of RecoveryNation for 5 months now. He even pays for the counseling servicecs.

I can "intelectually understand" the problem. I just think it's ridiculous, on a emotional level.


Me (BS): 30
Him (WH): 30
3 little girls
Married 9 years, together 14
D-Day #1: 09/04/07
D-Day #2: 10/3/07

Posts: 24 | Registered: Nov 2007
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