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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Support Through Prayer
mz_deelyte
♀ New Member
Member # 15644
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, September 9th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello all,

requestin special prayers and blessings today as my situation has done a 180 for the worse even more. and I find myself doin something i've never done in my life: question God. i've always accepted everything that happens as God's will but with all my new information, i just have the feeling of being kicked when I'm down. please pray for my baby as I will be nearing 9 months soon. please pray that I keep my relationship strong with God. please pray that I work on the malice and hate the I feel is building in my heart. I hope that each of u is finding ur strength through him each day.

[This message edited by mz_deelyte at 6:55 PM, September 9th (Sunday)]


Smiling faces tell lies....

Posts: 33 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: NC
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 12:58 PM, September 10th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mz, please take the best care you can of you & the baby...

I'd like to post a praise about WS & I being able to work together as a team instead of clashing like adversaries as we were.

And to ask for prayers for the house situation. We may be able to find out today or tomorrow about this one & are still working to get the new one which we'd love to get.


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
grievingwife
♀ New Member
Member # 14598
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, September 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I posted and I really don't post much anyway. I would ask for your prayers though. I'm not sure quite what I should do. My husband has always been one who engages people. Women think he's the neatest thing since sliced bread. They constantly tell me how WONDERFUL my husband is. He counsels them and directs them to scripture constantly. Mind you, this is how he's always been, even during the 10 yrs he was having an emotional affair with one of my closest friends. This affair was never consummated with intercourse, but it was sexual in nature. The boundaries of my H was no kissing, fondling or sex. But she took off her clothes on several occassions and had negligees on underneath or some other lingerie. Anyway, they also read Song of Solomon together after they danced together in the dark etc. I told him he had verbal sex if he read that book with her. ACK! Anyway, I can't even relate to how a man who fasts/prays/ reads his bible DAILY could carry on the way he did for as long as he did, but his actions regarding his interactions with women haven't changed. He believes God calls us to love and bear oneanother's burdens. So by involving himself in their personal lives...it's ok. He has access to women all day long in his work place. The ability to be alone with them behind closed doors is always there. We had agreed months ago that it was more appropriate to tell the women that he'd pray FOR them, but he wouldn't pray WITH them. Now he's forgotten that agreement. Should I be OK with his reaching out to women? What am I to think about God's calling us to love one another and bear one another's burdens? If I need to loosen up...please be honest. I believe he can be kind, but doesn't need to "connect" on that personal level. He's in the medical field with a holistic approach, so women's health issues can also be impacted by stresses in their lives. He feels it's part of his treatment protocol as well.

Any advice is welcome.

Blessings,
grieving wife


Posts: 20 | Registered: May 2007
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 2:54 AM, September 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is that sort of interaction with the women a necessary part of his job? I would have a very difficult time with it under the circumstances too. I'm not sure when your DDay was, but what work has he done in learning about & building appropriate boundaries?

Have you read any of Gary Neuman's work, particularly his book on Emotional Infidelity? I highly recommend that one for you both. You can read about it in the healing library:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/emotional_affairs.asp

The most important issue that should be addressed with him is why he felt it was ok to unilaterally change & in effect again break a promise to you by praying with these women instead of abiding by his vow to you not to. How did he rationalize that was ok yet again after breaking your heart to smithereens?

Why don't you start a thread about this in gen'l or recon forums? You'd get more responses that way.


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
tater
♀ Member
Member # 12272
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, September 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

grieving wife-this may not be the forum to do this, but IMO I think he has not only overstepped his moral boundaries, but professional boundaries as well if this is his job. Do his superiors know what he's done?

I will say a prayer for you.


Me: BS 40 (Yikes)
WH: 40 (LTA)
3 children 12, 7 and 5

Posts: 1125 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: emotional rollercoaster in the midwest
grievingwife
♀ New Member
Member # 14598
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The reason I came to this board was because it was a specific area of believers. I really don't want to seek the advice or counsel of the world.

He is self employed so he has no one to answer to. He can do as he sees fit.

We have an appt tomorrow afternoon with a counselor that our pastor recommended. I'm praying we can make some headway.

I have so much anger (rooted in hurt) that I feel there's a huge wall I'm building between us. I know from reading SI that all I'm feeling is normal and typical. I just wish this was all a bad dream. I can hardly believe my entire marriage was a sham. UGH! I can't even imagine what you ladies/men do when the affair was physical.

My DDay was over a year ago...and although we've had GREAT times (on occasion) since then....I find myself consistantly back in this same place. It's horrible.

Thanks for your prayers.

GrievingWife


Posts: 20 | Registered: May 2007
Maia
♀ Member
Member # 8268
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, September 16th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grieving.

adultery is always related to idolatry so the best thing to do is to pray for him concerning his idols.. that they be brought to light and removed from his life. thats the best way to pray.

the man is deceiving and being deceived and you call him on it. His body is not his own. It is yours.

We had agreed months ago that it was more appropriate to tell the women that he'd pray FOR them, but he wouldn't pray WITH them.

this is wise. A pastor I know, a godly man, even copies his wife on emails from female congregation members. The enemy is like a lion trying to see who he can devour, leaving a door open to temptation is idiotic.

Now he's forgotten that agreement.

this is a lie and a dodge. You need to confront this.


Should I be OK with his reaching out to women?

Absolutely not. His loyalty to you must supersede all other relationships besides his love for God. That is marriage.


What am I to think about God's calling us to love one another and bear one another's burdens?

Let him know he is not bearing YOUR burdens. And that his calling and duty to you must be fulfilled above all others. Also let him know he is to flee youthful lusts, and remind him that he is to drink water from his own well and women are to be subject to their own husbands. If they need prayer/counselling there are other women capable of such. And he does not need to be present with these people to pray. He can pray alone and bear their burdens. Does he also "lay hands on them?"

tell him he is like the man who sneaks into the lives of weak willed women who are always learning and never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. And that a servant of God is to be the husband of one wife.

He's in the medical field with a holistic approach, so women's health issues can also be impacted by stresses in their lives. He feels it's part of his treatment protocol as well.

you do not need to loosen up. You are not wrong and this man is terribly deceived and lying to himself as well as you. Call him on it, refuse to allow it, and if it does not stop, you take another with you. And then if it does not stop, you expose it to the entire church and your family. Do not REST until he stops. And truly repents.

do it in love though, not anger.

I'm praying for you right now.

[This message edited by Maia at 7:23 AM, September 16th (Sunday)]


We will miss you Unicornsearcher. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

Posts: 6152 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: I am a Bluegrass-American
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 2:23 PM, September 19th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Maia & think she stated things perfectly.

My praise report is that we've just been notified that we will be OUT of FORECLOSURE as soon as we get the paperwork in. YIPPPPEEEEE!!!!


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, September 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Grieving)))))

Thank you, Maia, for always knowing what to say.

Uni- Praise God for your good turn of events.

Praying for all on the board for everyone's hurts. Please lift us up and comfort us.

Hugs,
Heartbroken


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
Anjin
♂ Member
Member # 11594
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, September 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Praying for everyone.


Me: H 37 FWS
Her: W 34 BS
Married 11 years, Together 15
D-day April 17th 2006
Still hopeful for R
Psalm 51

Posts: 146 | Registered: Aug 2006
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just requesting on-going prayers. The anger is dissipating, bit by bit. But I just don't think I can ever trust fwh again, after the lies he's told me and the promises he's made that I now understand he never intended to keep, and was, in fact, lying even as he made them.

I just feel sad, and without any hope that this can ever be a truly loving and intimate marriage, no matter how 'nice' he's being.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
tater
♀ Member
Member # 12272
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, September 30th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saying a prayer Capri. I totally understand the struggle you are dealing w/.


Me: BS 40 (Yikes)
WH: 40 (LTA)
3 children 12, 7 and 5

Posts: 1125 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: emotional rollercoaster in the midwest
Anjin
♂ Member
Member # 11594
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, October 5th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Capri, tater ... praying for you guys. As well as everyone who has posted here.

Asking for continued prayers. Things are at an interesting point right now. Sorry for prolonged absences,but I am still praying for God's peace to all here, and to help everyone according to His will.


Me: H 37 FWS
Her: W 34 BS
Married 11 years, Together 15
D-day April 17th 2006
Still hopeful for R
Psalm 51

Posts: 146 | Registered: Aug 2006
FeelLikeDying
♀ Member
Member # 13404
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, October 10th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted for awhile - but still pray for everyone here. I ask for God's covering as we continue with our inner struggles.

Anjin - also praying for God's peace and healing!


Posts: 175 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Kentucky
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 11:34 AM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Capri, I understand completely where you are at but the past does not have to define the present much less the future. It will depend greatly on how repentant your WS truly is & how much effort is put into redefining what can be in a positive, healthy way. That helps the BS greatly be able to put the past into proper perspective & heal from the trauma of it all. I'm praying for that...

House Update: We're now about to submit offer no. 3 on the house we want. Geesh, what an experience!


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 9:51 PM, October 12th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, the 3d sales contract did get approved by all of us so now we move on to making it happen, which means emptying this house & SELLING it which will be quite a project.

Thanks for all your prayers guys!


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, October 13th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, Uni!!!!

We WON our law suit! Two years of waiting for this.... and we can breathe a bit easier financially. Not a sum to retire on, but it will tide us through the next several months until FWS can get another job.

Praying the list for everyone else here....

Heartbroken


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
vale
♀ Member
Member # 16607
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, October 14th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iīve had a terrible week. Itīs been two years since my huband left and yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I cannot recover. Pleaee prey for me.


Ya no te quiero, es cierto, pero cuanto te quise...
Pablo Neruda

Posts: 817 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: Mexico City
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartbroken, great news!

(((vale))) I'm sorry it's such a hard week. My prayers are with you and everyone.

I am also asking prayers here.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, October 18th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also wanted to request continued prayers here. I guess things are moving in a positive direction-- he has been doing daily dialogues with me (the Retrouvaille dialogues) for two weeks, and said last night he understands my fears of being lied to again and understands he needs to re-earn my trust and it will take time.

I am now so cynical, though, that I wonder whether he just found somewhere to tell him the right words to parrot, whether he means any of it, whether he'll slip right back into the 'friendship' with ow1 (or 3, who still works in the same place) because he's got it set up so he can do it without me ever knowing through the work e-mail.

And I don't believe I've been given the truth. He still wants to treat this as 'just friends' and he had NO IDEA this would hurt me!


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
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