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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, February 12th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Dust

My H had court ordered DNA tests.

It was done at the court house.

Everyone in our area that had court ordered DNA was there.

OW was there so were OC's.

H went first.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
hurtntoomuch
♀ New Member
Member # 8163
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, February 12th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust - H also went the same day as OW. She and OC went right after him. Results took about six weeks.

Posts: 45 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Massachusetts
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Test were done on FWH, OC and OW all within a couple of days of eachother. They were nice enough to make sure we weren't all at the testing facility at the same time though . Test results ame back in just over a month.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
kwash
Member
Member # 13957
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Met with lawyer yesterday and he advises that FWBF should agree to do a DNA test vs. requiring her to get a court order for him to do so. Lawyer said that they will get an order in any event so why not cooperate. I thought he would say to make them get an order. Did anyone get similar advice?

[This message edited by kwash at 11:46 AM, February 13th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2007
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK so, if h has his testing date march 25th, chances are she has hers in at least the same month, right? I don't think they will send them to the same place. She lives in kissimmee fl and we live in ocoee fl. The lab we go to is some place in ocoee, not sure where she goes to. Do they normally send everyone to the same place or do they send them to places closer to where they live? If thats the case then sending her to the same lab in ocoee will be very far for her. We live forty five minutes away from her, so why would they send her on a forty five minute drive to have swabs taken?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the most I am looking at is six weeks for the results?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust
My H had his results back in 5 weeks.

Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kwash I think your ws's attorney is being smart. It looks so much better to a judge if everyone is cooperating kwim?


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK ow just said her appointment was in May? But H has his in March. SO why would they put their sample testing dates so far away from each other? Doesn't that seem a little weird to have the father take his samples and then wait two months for the child and mother? Please someone tell me that I don't have to wait three weeks from May to find out. Please... that will drive me insane.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh also, I don't really believe what ow says 100 percent. So is there anyway that H can call the court tomorrow and ask them for when HER testing date is? Or will they not give him that information because it doesn't pertain directly to him?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please ignore the last couple of posts, she just told me her sample date was march 12th.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
kwash
Member
Member # 13957
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

marysway - thanks for your post. I think you're right - I think the lawyer is advising FWBF to be cooperative so that the authorities don't take a dim view of him. He actually said that sometimes the courts will enter an order for support without a DNA test if they think the putative father is being too difficult. I guess we just thought everything should be done by the books and that would mean getting an order for the test. Oh well, I guess agreeing to it might speed things up and get us out of limboland sooner.

Dust - I am in similar shoes and something I'm doing to help me deal with the 'suspense' is accept that the worst case scenario is the most likely outcome. I am telling myself that FWBF is the father and thinking about what that means rather than hoping for the best. That way if he isn't the father we can be relieved and happy, but if he is it won't come as such a shock. Good luck.


Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2007
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to send big hugs and lots of luck to all of you who don't know for sure yet if WH,WBF,WSO...is the father of OC in your situations. I know that not knowing can be torture! Good wishes for all of you for the outcome you most desire.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, February 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kwash When we went through it we made it an order but agreed before court (btw just so you know I'M FOW W/OC) between our attorney's. but he had to pay for it and it was cheaper to have a court order. we teted the same week different times though.
dust I bout freaked when nyou said almost 2 months later she would take the test. I'm glad you found out the correct date.
Sorry for they typo's..have a sick child on my lap along side my laptop.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just picked up OC for a 2 day visit. She's almost 5 and has hardly spent any time in our home. My kids think she's a novelty and can't get enough of her (just another playmate for them). I tend to see all the little things H lets her get by with that our kids don't. It makes me angry. It will be a hard couple of days for me, esp since H works 10 hour shifts on weekends and it will be me and 4 kids.

I totally see some HB going on tonight. I tend to get that way when there are reminders of the OW and this child...maybe just a way to prove he's still with me.

Wish me luck and the patience and understanding to deal with this.


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck green, it is hard when the OC come for visits. I too went thru this for 7 months before we were given custody of them and my H used to let them get away with things too because he felt guilty for not being in their lives full time.

We I let him know while they are here, they will be treated like my own children and I will not tolerate favoritism of any kind. It stopped after the 2nd visit and hopefully the same thing will work for you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC, I agree that OC will be treated like my children. I kept that in mind when she threatened to kill my 7 year old yesterday with a kitchen knife! UGH, she is so aggressive for a 4 year old girl.

I just took her back to OW. She broke out in a lovely rash that everyone thinks is chicken pox. I told OW she was going to take her to the Dr. This is the second time she has broken out like this in the past 5 weeks (the last time she wasn't with us), I want some answers. OW made the comment that she supposed she'd have to use my H's insurance since her caseworker hasn't put the OC back on Medicaid....ugh! If she had a real job she could afford that co-pay! I'm just wondering if the state is going to try to nail us with the medical bills because she choses to use the Medicaid (with no copay) over the insurance that we furnish. She could at least use the insurance and cover the co-pay with the Medicaid. I get the EOB's and in the 3 years she's been covered thru us OW has never once used our insurance card.

Of course I always get the blame with OC gets sick when she's with us. Never mind that there is an incubation period with childhood illnesses and she goes to 2 different preschools and a daycare. I get so tired of the crap.


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, February 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Green don't take the blame for the oc getting sick. Especially if she is in 3 daycares? Why so many? You know that different schools carry differernt children therefore the children carry different germs and she will get sick from the other kids.

As far as the rash goes she may have a skin conidition. My littest has exemia and it gets worse this time of year. I can't use any soaps with perfumes or chemicals in it. She uses the most expensive soap in the house. LOL.

I would check into that medical insurance. By what I've heard if a child can be and is covered by medical insurance than Medicaid won't cover them. It's money they should not have to spend when other chidren need it kwim?

NOW as far as the co-pays go well it varies from state to state. I and xh (and also xmm) each pay 50 50 co-pays other states go by the income ratio between the two parents.

I have nc w/xmm, but I can tell you that even with xh with my twins it can be so tiring dealing with the crap. Sometimes I just want to scream for it all to be over or for him to just move away so I don't have to deal with him and his gf. Hang in there.

As for that threat...that is very scary! I can't believe she did that to anyone let alone your son. If I caught one of my kids doing that they'd be sorry those words ever came out of there mouth who ever they said it too.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mary,
IN no way am I going to take the blame for OC getting sick. She did blame me fore OC getting a rash that caused her to miss work and have to pay a co-pay. I informed her that was part of being a parent and that since we do pay child support she is capable of paying a co-pay and since OC didn't have a fever she was completely able to take her back to work with her. We are suppose to pay 50/50 on non covered medical expenses, but have always agreed that since we carry and pay for the coverage that she is responsible.

OC attends a special ed preschool for developmental delays 3 hours a day, then goes to Headstart for another 3 hours and daycare from 2-6pm. OW hardly spends time with her at all.

The Dr claimed the spots were bug bites. That's funny because no one else in my house has them and I can't remember the last time I saw anything besides a freaking spider! I think it's an allergic reaction, possibly to our cats (I will break out with bumps...no nasal allergy to them, but skin irritations). I told OW this and told her that if she wants OC to spend any time with us she needs to get her on allergy medication, if not she shouldn't be here. The it was back to me "being mean" about not wanting OC with us...ugh!

OW also expects me to take her to a Dr's appointment next week. Long story short, her unborn baby has severe heart defects. I took her to one Dr's appointment so I could help her ask questions and explain what the Dr was talking about (my son has heart defects, this is an area I know a great deal about). I was being way nicer that I should have ever been expected to, but I felt that maybe this would help me heal from it all. Well OW now expects this from me. She isn't doing anything to make sure she makes the best possible decisions for that baby health wise, she's even considering letting it die (remember it's another MM's baby and he's already packed up and left her). I told her I want no part in it. That unless she grows the fuck up and puts that baby first, stops fucking married men and pulls her head out of her ass I'm not lifting a finger for her. UGH.

ON a good note...My H has started looking over this site and we've really opened up some communication. He's telling me things he's never shared before and hopefully we can avoid any type of EA situations down the road.


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by redvixen at 7:11 PM, February 21st (Thursday)]


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


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