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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, June 21st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

savory said:
"Yes, if something happens to you, the money your H gets from the life insurance and the 401K will be factored into his income. Also, in case something happens to him, your H needs a will that specifically deals with the life insurance as well as any other assets"

This is not true. I just happened to be at my attorney's office for something irrelevant to cs and asked him the exact same thing regarding something I have coming in with my other children.

An inheritance from the wife can not be factored into any child support. Her 401 K as well. His is a different story even if it is specified the oc gets nothing. If the child is of age to receive cs then the bio father's inheritance left to others and retirement will be used in child support.

Now if I mis-read that statement I apoligize for jumping in, but as the poster said go to an attorney and work it out. Regardless though if the bio parent dies and has children to support through cs then whatever SS or other benifits that the child maybe intitled to does not cover the cost of living or child support amount then the inhertance is subject to cs.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Over here somewhere
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, June 21st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with seeing a lawyer about what to do in case of H's death. We were told to take out a life insurance policy in an amount that would equal CS for the next 16 years or so--and that it is not required to leave anything else to OC in a will.

If H dies first, everything goes to the spouse, and she is not responsible for CS, as far as we understood. But the lawyer said it was wise to mention in the will that this child is being remember with the life insurance or whatever you decide. Otherwise, if OC is not mentioned, and COM are, apparently the child's mother can sue for part of the estate on the grounds that the H "forgot" one of his legal children.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, June 21st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I have heard that before about "forgetting" a legal child in the will. In my H's will he has set a designated amount for the OC in the event of his death and I will the be executor of the $$ till OC turns 25 or something like that.

It's amazing how this world and the legal system works. If our system would put more responsibility and more burden on these whores perhaps many of them would think twice about bringing a child into this world under these circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I believe in a woman's right to choose. But should she choose to bring a child into this world w/o the consent of the damn sperm donor than that liability and responsibility should be on freaken her!


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, June 21st (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who gets what (in the event of spousal death) and how the life insurance, 401K, and any other assets of the marriage are factored as income varies by state. We have consulted with three different attorneys in three different states. We were strongly advised by all to make a will and be very clear on our wishes. What you think might happen in court and what will actually occur can be very jarring and quite expensive. In my experience, even if the OW has no right to the money, the court would not necessarily see that until you have used your money proving her wrong, if you can. So, cross your t's and dot your i's - don't leave any kind of loophole. Get a lawyer. Put everything in writing. Don't count on the legal system to be fair. Even when the law seems to say one thing, that is not necessarily how the judge will rule. And you could spend alot of money trying to appeal his/her decision.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
monkeybiz
♀ Member
Member # 15072
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering if child support would ever be calculated based on both of our incomes instead of just my WH's? I'm in Texas. I'm currently a SAHM, but I plan to go back to work in the future.


me, BW - 38yr old former sahm
WH - 38 year old deadbead dad
married May 05
DD born July 06
DS born March 08
left him Dec 07
filed for D Oct 08

OW since Dec? 04
D-day May 07
OC borm July 07


Posts: 134 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: N Cal
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Child support varies from state to state. I would recommend googling "Texas Child support" and read up on what the different rules are for your state. From my understanding, in CA my income will never be factored into CS, but I still have my concerns about us filing our taxes jointly and also as a married couple if my income helps pay for our living expenses does that mean that he has more "disposable" income towards CS? And then of course when OUR baby is born, I trust that the CS would be adjusted to reflect that fact that he has to help support this COM also. What really stinks is that heaven forbid we should ever divorce...my child/children will always get less than OC. That one definitely stings!

Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
tricia01
♀ Member
Member # 7663
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok my rant o/c is now 18 months old never paid a penny have child support after him,he drinks most nights can never talk to him about this life is still shit


life will never be the same.

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: uk
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crazed -- please discuss with a lawyer who works with the CS system in your state. You may be able to work something out with regards to the money and your own child. The justice system is not always just -- do not trust that the CS would go down after your own child is born. It may not be altered at all. In my experience it is very difficult to modify CS once it has been established. Please speak with an attorney.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 27th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick update - the judge has agreed to reopen our case! Now we just have to show up with our proof of the lying and pray that the OW is seen for what she is. It is very intense and difficult right now. I haven't been able to get another job, H hasn't been able to find any other work and our financial situation is becoming very scary. All of this because the OW lied and the court gave her the benefit of the doubt. It will take years for us to climb out of this hole -- and we won't be able to climb if the judgment doesn't change.

This case is exactly why a lawyer is so necessary. I can't begin to describe how painful and emotionally draining this situation has become. We can't focus so much on the R, we have to focus on survival.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
monkeybiz
♀ Member
Member # 15072
Default  Posted: 3:26 AM, June 28th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out about H's A 5 weeks ago, even though I had a hunch something was going on for a while. Never did I imagine the A started before we even got married 2 years ago. This afternoon she started having contractions, 2 weeks before her due date. I assume she would be at the hospital by now. Just as I was finally starting to feel like we were going to be able to work through this, the reality really hit me hard. I've been in tears all evening and I couldn't even take care of my 1yr old D. The little angel knows mommy's sad... she crawled over to me, hugged me and started clicking her tongue - she knows it always makes me smile.

I left the house for a few hours. came back and saw on our PC that my H somehow got onto this site. I probably left the page open, or he clicked the link in the history. I also saw that he was researching a mini-getaway for 4th of July. Very confusing time to have a family trip. Last night was the first time we actually sat down and started talking about setting boundries. We have nothing lined up as of now and it really scares me. Up til today, I had all intentions of visiting the hospital with my H to see his baby. Now I don't think I can. I don't know when I will be ready, or if I will ever be.

[This message edited by monkeybiz at 3:34 AM, June 28th (Thursday)]


me, BW - 38yr old former sahm
WH - 38 year old deadbead dad
married May 05
DD born July 06
DS born March 08
left him Dec 07
filed for D Oct 08

OW since Dec? 04
D-day May 07
OC borm July 07


Posts: 134 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: N Cal
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, June 28th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry monkeybiz--I remember that night so well--it's awful. And so close to your d-day--a lot of emotional and intense upheaval.

Focus on you baby--she needs you! And makes you smile! You will get through this--and you don't have to make any decisions right this minute!

The best scenario would be visiting with your H, if you've decided on C with the OC. Next best would be no visit from either of you. Last is H visiting with you in the vicinity at least! This last is what we did, cuz H's OW is crazy--it's not ideal, but all that could be arranged at the time for us, and it worked out. Only good thing is that in a hospital, H and OW are not alone!

I hope he's not going to the birth--that would be soooo awful. I know some women whose H's have done that, and it takes months and months to get over that.

Good luck, breathe, and keep posting.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 30th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The judge reopened the CS case. We have a court date in just a few weeks.

H was just given a 30 day letter at work. This means they will fire him in 30 days. What they are really asking him to do is resign, now.

I have no job. OW is taking half of the money right now. I am beyond distraught.

How much more can I take?



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*hugs* soverysad...I hope that everything works out in your favor with all of this. I just found out that the OW's child is a boy...don't know why that disturbs me but it does. Maybe I'm worried that my husband will love a son more than us but I know that's ridiculous...he's already said that he could never love the child as his own under these circumstances and that he wishes she would give it to a good family that would take care of and love it and it would never have to know what an awful mistake "it" is. :(

Has anyone ever dreamed of being rich enough to pay the OW off?? I have dreams of winning the lottery and giving her a huge amount of money and telling her to f*ck off! That's terrible...I know.


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
misto1976
♀ Member
Member # 14803
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And another question...should I tell my FWH that I found out that the OC is a boy or just forget about it??


Me - FBS/FWS (EA) 31
Him - FBS/FWH 30
Three kids
DDay - Feb. 21, 2007
R - Feb. 23, 2007 Still working every day
OW - is a not going to invade my thoughts anymore :)

Posts: 218 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Texas
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Child support varies from state to state.

In Maryland support is based on my H's wages only my wages are not a factor.

As for the will my H had to name them in the will and then state they are not to receive anything.

Hope this helps.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
ABCSJ
♀ New Member
Member # 15201
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first post and I dont know what all the initials mean but I needed some place to talk. My H and I have been married 12 years. During those 12 years we have never had any big arguments and have always enjoyed doing things together with our 3 kids. My H is in the military and 9 years ago he was sent for a year in Korea. They dont have any structure there and all anyone does is drink. He was 19 at the time and 8 months into his tour he slept with the girl 2 doors down and on June 24th 2007 I found out about it. He told me he might have a 8 year old son. He doesnt know yet because she was sleeping with other guys as well. He has had contact with her about once every year or 18 months since then with updates on the OC. Usually they were emails, sometimes calls. She doesnt know where we live or our number but I am sure she could find out. The OW would update him by email, he would write or call back and ask if she needed any money or anything and then he wouldnt talk to her for another year. He is taking a paternity test sometime this week and withen the next two weeks we will know for sure one way or another. We will start MC next week since I had to wait for aproval through the military. The OW has never made any demands of him until now and that is that he see and get to know the OC. I am afraid that if he doesnt she will take us for all we have and she even has the power to get him put in jail due to military law if the child is his. He is willing to do anything in his power to work this out and I still love him. I dont want to know the OC and I dont want my children to know about him either. I asked my husband if he wants to but he says no he just feels like a sperm donor with no emotional attachment. I am just in shock and dont know where to go from here. I feel in limbo not knowing if the OC is his or not but chances are really good because there was more than one incident.


Me - 29
Him - 30
Kids - 12, 10, 4
OC - 8
OW - 31
D-Day - June 24th, 2007
R - July 2007

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2007
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ABCSJ)))

Is the paternity test court ordered?

Has he been paying support?

Who is listed as the father on the birth certificate?

If the paterntity test is not court ordered then don't do it.

My H found out about OC's (twins when they were 13 years old.

OW's xhusband was listed as the father.

My H took DNA tests because he didn't believe he would be the biofather.

DNA proved my H is the biofather.

I would wait until the court orders the tests and go from there.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
ABCSJ
♀ New Member
Member # 15201
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The test is a home test and only we will be getting the results. Although OW doesnt know that. He isn't on the birth certificate as far as we know. OW says no anyway and OC has a different last name. OW isn't married and never has been. He hasn't been paying anything because she didn't want anything. We just need to know because I dont want to go off on her and then have her order a test through the military. I want to know now so that I can plan what has to be done before she knows. Forewarned is Forearmed.


Me - 29
Him - 30
Kids - 12, 10, 4
OC - 8
OW - 31
D-Day - June 24th, 2007
R - July 2007

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2007
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H voluntarily did the DNA testing. He just knew that if he was finding out about rhis after 14 years that there was no way he could be the biofather. WRONG.

After it was done he got a lawyer (he should have gotten the lawyer first.

The lawyer said if my H had not taken the DNA tests there was no way he would have been ordered to take them after so many years.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((misto)))) I can understand why knowing that it is a boy would disturb you. There is something about the "son" thing. The OW here had one of each. She named the boy after H - complete with the Jr. That hurts. H never thought the OC would be his. The OW was sleeping with a number of men and for a time, in the beginning of their A, was married. H feels nothing for the OC. Feels like he was duped into being a sperm donor. I told him - well, if you had kept it in your pants, it wouldn't matter, would it? I wish the OW would convert into a decent human being, meet a nice man, marry him, and let him adopt the OC. Then they could have a nice family and not know that their existence occurred from deceit and manipulation.

I don't think I would tell H about the sex of the OC. But, I don't know if I could keep it to myself either. Although, no DNA testing has been done, right? So why get too involved until you know for sure. Either way, it sucks for you Misto. I'm sorry. It was very difficult waiting to know for certain, and the aftermath has been heart wrenching.

H took the DNA test outside of court. He never should have. He should have waited for the court to order one. Then more of her lies would have come out earlier. Hindsight.

((((ABCSJ))))) Sorry you are here. But I'm glad you found SI. It has been very helpful to me. I had to delete my story b/c I am concerned that the psycho OW would find it. But, in a nutshell, the OW here forged H's signature on an acknowledgement of paternity for each child she had with him. She did this and then opened up several credit cards and a line of credit with H's social security number. She then ran up thousands of dollars in debt. When H found out and filed a police report, she told the cops that H was the father of the OC - this was months after she forged the AOPs. It has taken months to uncover all that she has done -- in the "name of the children". She even used H's social and the stolen credit cards to make a pediatrician believe they were married and that an insurance card was on the way. All this without telling H -- all to see what she could get away with. Sorry to go off - but I want you to know what some people are capable of. You don't know what this OW has done. Be careful.

H and I have been documenting everything. Even though the court didn't consider my income, they did say that our children were supported 50% by me. Me, a SAHM for 10 years! What that did was cut down the amount of support the court figured my H pays for our children. The children of our marriage. Go figure. On paper the OC are worth more money than ours. Also, the court ordered H to pay an exorbitant amount of "nanny" care so the OW can work. Now, we have discovered that the OC can go to daycare and the OW has a trust fund and doesn't need to work, but the onus is on H to prove this in court. To a judge's satisfaction. These are some of the pitfalls. Sorry if I scare you. Just want you to start documenting and understanding the CS laws in the state of jurisdiction over the OC.

We are in no contact with the OC right now. H did specify in the agreement that he might want visitation down the line. But right now, the focus is our marriage and reconciliation. We have children too - 3 together and H has a beautiful daughter from a previous marriage. She is like my own. She had to be told - she lives near the OW and is almost out of school. But I don't want our other children to know. Not until they are adults, if I can manage it. If H decides he wants to have contact with the OC, we will arrange it in their state without our children. The OW will not be present but I will. Frankly, I don't think that H will ever want to see them.

Sometimes the sorrow I feel is palpable. No matter which direction this goes children get hurt. Two selfish, deceitful idiots did this. Six children and one adult get sucker punched.



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