My case was/is sealed. It can't be seen by the public at all. Only xmm and myself with photo id can go look at our file for my daughter.
In my state when it comes to paternity like this to protect the child its sealed. It's still public record, if that makes sense, but it's sealed to the public.
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
He told me. It resulted from a night that he doesn't remember. He didn't remember having sex. He went to sleep alone in a room and woke up later and left. Never knew.
DNA tests, and he is the father. Of a baby that is in between the ages of my sons.
I believed his story. Now I don't know if it true. I wonder if he totally knew what he was doing at the time.
I really have my doubts now that I know he cheated on me 4 other times that I know about.
Glad I left him. i don't have to worry about OC. I don't want my sons to know. Maybe they can know when the time is right.
Maybe he will be her dad since he lives 3000 miles away from his sons.
He went and visited her behind my back. We talked about it in counsling and the counsler said not to stir that pot yet. That the mother wasn't seeking child support or asking for him. And that it was too soon for me to figure out what we were going to do. And he was visiting her behind my back!!!
I'm so glad I left and I'm done. It will hurt me if he gets to be her dad, and his sons lost out on him.
That will hurt.
I haven't told anybody about OC. Only my counsler knows and me and him. And his mother. He told his mother against my wishes.
"Peace comes from mutual trust" -14th Dalai Lama
I'm so sorry you are here with us in this messed up boat but there are so many wonderful people here that have helped me loads! Take care of yourself and your sons.
I'm hoping that it's easier as OC grows--maybe get a video cam or whatever that technology is called where you can see the person you're calling through the computer--maybe avoid almost altogether talking to OW when OC's bigger--just see and talk to him. And maybe I can lurk in the background and talk to him as well!! That will be nice.
Been pretty quiet lately--and I enjoy that. When it's quiet on the OW/OC front, all I have to deal with is the LTA!!
Happy weekend everyone.
Hope it continues to go well. I'm thinking of you.
When he hung up I said that it was too bad he couldn't just say that--no response really from him--so I went on venting a bit about how ridiculous it was that he couldn't say that to her in the interest of her getting the info she wanted, he couldn't really join me in the criticism of her. I hate that--I want to hear from his lips how irrational and neurotic she is, but not much negative comes out, or at least not enough for me!!!
But we'll talk later about it, and continue in the ongoing struggle of how to deal with this awful situation. And daily life is getting easier after all this time--but guess I'll never really feel 100% again. Sucks.
Just keep communicating how you feel.
I too am glad I divorced my XH. He had a baby just this past June. We have two kids together and he still has not told them about their 1/2 sibling. He still never really told me about the OC, I found out on my own and confronted him, he didn't deny or aknowledge. I knew in my gut there was one and I finally did confirmed it. Although we are no longer together, it does still hurt. He used to tell me (when we were first dealing with DD#4) stuff like, "I don't want anymore kids, the two I have are enough" and "if I ever did want anymore kids, I'd want them to be with you so they'll have the same mother." Well that was all B.S. just like everything else that comes out of his mouth. I hurt and am angry mostly for my kids and the fact that he barely sees them (only 1 day a week) yet he may very well be spending the other 6 days with his OC. It's not fair to them that they get short changed because of his selfishness and immaturity. They didn't ask for this to happen. He never stopped to think of what this would do to them. I just don't understand people like this. Life itself is hard enough, why add to the complications by committing infidelity and even worse, creating an OC?!?!
At the mediation, she asked for a monetary settlement, and the mediator recommended H to accept that, since taking it further would result in more cost in legal fees, etc. WTH. What's the point in mediation if we have to pay to get rid of her and her BS stories just because it's cheaper to do so???? Mediator didn't even suggest OW to lower her requested settlement stating it's much lower than what she's used to seeing. WTH!!!! So much for the legal system working. FYI, OW quit working for H because he was supporting her at the time and continued to do so until OC was born anyways. Her story is bogus and her calculation was even wrong... but she insisted that's the final amount she was asking for.
OW since Dec? 04
D-day May 07
OC borm July 07
We didn't go through the courts cuz OW is from Europe and has gone back there now. Our courts have no jurisdiction there, and we would have been screwed a different way. Makes visitations interesting, you can be sure of that!
I discovered my W A on july 2007, the same day our little girl became 5 months old. My W got pregnant 2 months after our wedding, which was a little strange because we continued taking the same precautions we did in our 7 years of pre-M relationship.
On some of the e-mails where I found out about the A, my W wrote things that suggested I was not the father of our child. On D-day I asked my W if there was any posibility that our child was not mine, to which she replied "yes, there is", in fact, she encouraged me to take a test because she thought I was going to take the baby away from her (she was completely foggy that day).
I'll have a parental test, but I'm very afraid, my whole world has been already destroyed by the horrible things my W did during those 2 years, and I don't think I'll survive finding out she is not my daughter.
What am I going to do if she is not mine?, I love her so much. I know I won't forgive my W, and I'll have to leave her, and if that happens I won't be able to see my baby girl, I won't be her father.
2 days ago, my baby girl started crying and my W asked me to go and change her diaper, she was very scared because she woke up and was alone, so while I was changing her she wouldn't stop crying, louder and louder, then my W came and asked me why she was crying, but did it in a way that suggested that I was mistreating her, she told me that because there was the doubt maybe I was being cruel to her. How could she say that to me?, I love my girl more that anybody in this world. Some minutes later my W realized how stupid was her comment, and has been apologizing since then, but the damage was already done.
Is just unbelievable how the woman I love and trusted so much destroyed our lives. I'm pretty sure she loves me too and that only make things worse for me.
[This message edited by i_lost_my_mind at 12:57 AM, October 24th (Wednesday)]
XWH died Dec. 2010
[This message edited by i_lost_my_mind at 10:26 PM, October 24th (Wednesday)]
You probably do need to get the test done, since it is a huge question mark hanging over your head. It won't go away, so it is probably best to get it over with the soonest you can.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am so sorry.
You do love that little girl and you are her daddy no matter what.
Even if it was an act he didn't remember, what was he doing going to sleep in that bedroom in his friends house? Maybe he shouldn't drink or smoke pot at all if he passes out and can't remember having sex? If that is the truth about how it happened.
UGH! I am still sickened by it all.
At least I don't have to deal with that betrayel in the same way now. Of course I always have to deal with it. Someday, somebody might reveal this to my sons. That freaks me out. I don't want them to know. Maybe they have the right to know. But gosh, I just don't want it.
Their father very well might build a relationship with his daughter, in which case they will know about it all.
If he really didn't participate willingly in the sex act. And she crawled in bed with him, then what is his responisiblity.
He feels like he should be her dad, but he just went ahead and visited her and all without consulting me.
I don't know what will happen with him and his daughter. But now I honestly don't care as much, and when his sons do find out, he can explain it to them. Someday maybe all my family will find out, and when that day comes all of this will be so far in the past that I won't be so ashamed of his actions anymore.
Thanks for the comments you all left me after my previous post. Thanks for listening to me.
Someday, somebody might reveal this to my sons.
I think that will happen someday, is inevitable. I've talked to my W about this, and how I think is better we tell her before another person does it (when she is old enough).
But what would happen then?, how will a girl react when she finds out her mom was screwing another man before, during and after she was conceived and born?
And what if she is not my biological daughter?, do we have to tell her too? what will she do? will she want to know her "real" dad?
I so sad to think that the most horrible consequences of the A haven't even started to appear yet.
the most horrible consequences of the A and OC scenarios not appearing yet hit home. We haven't told our adult kids about the A and OC, and I know it's inevitable, and I dread it more that I've ever dreaded anything. It will forever change the kids R with H, and it will impact their R with me. And it hurts beyond belief to think about it.
Ditto. I dread this too.