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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Other Child
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, September 21st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust - I'm not sure what the law says in FL. My suggestion is that you speak to a lawyer - even in legal aid - or just go down to the court house yourselves and ask the clerks for help.

As far as the forgeries - no, the OW was never prosecuted. Neither were the two women who perjured themselves as "witnesses" to H's signature. Unfortunately, the OW did many different crimes (all ID theft related) across three states - it is complicated - she covered enough of her tracks to make it difficult for a DA to make a good case. That and she can get just about anyone to believe her lies - she is very convincing - a narcissistic sociopath I believe. We have had to document everything very carefully and are just beginning to get people to understand the real truth.

Personally, I wouldn't go to the hospital or make any contact whatsoever. I believe your H can file a paternity case himself, but I'm not sure that is advisable. As far as the OW signing your H's name to the birth certificate, the hospital is not supposed to allow that - but that doesn't mean they won't. Also, if she lies and says she is married to him - they won't necessarily ask for a marriage certificate. If you know what hospital she will be going to you can call them and ask their policy. Don't have to tell them your sitch. Just ask questions about how they handle this kind of sitch.

Hope this helps.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, September 21st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad- Thanks for the advice. H said that he won't go to the hospital if I am uncomfortable with it. The deal was that if he goes then I go too. I am still not really sure as to how she will be able to contact him when she goes into labor. Like I said, we have no phones, she doesn't know his family, if she sent him a letter by the time it would reach us she would have already been discharged (even though we live in the same city). She can't email him either because I promptly blocked her email address. So, hopefully since she has no way of contacting us, we won't hear from her until she files for CS. I was thinking the same thing about H filing for a paternity case, but then again I am not sure that would favor him in the end. I think the best thing to do is to just wait until she goes down to the courts first. That way H can say that he had no idea of her plans and contest to have a DNA test done. It may be possible that if he goes to courts first, then the Judge will automatically look at that as H taking responsibility for the child. H and I will just have to play it by ear.

For others on here, does anyone know if it is possible to get a restraining order? I am thinking of getting one if H is proven not the father. That way she cannot legally contact him anymore. If so, what type of evidence would I need to justify filing for the RO? Would I need some type of evidence to show harassment? If that is the case then I think I may be in trouble because I don't have any hard copy evidence. All I have is evidence based on word of mouth and that can be hard to prove.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
maggieann
♀ Member
Member # 11297
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, September 21st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question for those who have been through it: WS wants the kid to have his last name if it turns out to be his. He asked me if this a bad idea. Folks have said on here that by signing the birth certificate, the man is admitting paternity and could be held financially responsible despite a negative DNA test. Could the same thing happen by giving the baby his last name? I told him he could always change the name later. Advice?

Posts: 143 | Registered: Jul 2006
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, September 22nd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure how it works. OC was proven by DNA test to be my husbands and it was court ordered that the birth certificate show him as the father,but OW still uses her last name as OC last name. And my husband still pays support regardless of OC name.I wouldn't take a chance giving the child your husbands name until paternity is established,it would be easy enough to change the name to his after if the baby is his.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, September 22nd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK another question on child support hearings. My H and I are not in a financial place to where we can afford to hire a lawyer/attorney. So does that mean that during the hearing he has to represent himself? Or will the courst appoint him representation? If so, would we still have to pay a fee or something? I know each state has different laws on this. I was just wondering if anyone else had their state appoint them representation and if so, did you have to pay the state or that person anything?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, September 22nd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry no help here,we paid a fortune for a lawyer.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, September 22nd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust - go to the courthouse in your area and talk to a clerk. Tell them your H won't be able to afford a lawyer and that you need help/direction. Be very nice and lay it out there. They should be able to point you in the right direction.

maggieann -- my understanding is that the mother names the child. The last name does not automatically become the bio father's last name, unless the mother wants it. Any woman can give her child the name she wants to - including the surname. As far as your WS (? - I thought he was your boyfriend/fiancee) - if he puts his name down on the birth certificate it could be used against him, even if DNA proves the child isn't his.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
Dealan-de
♀ Member
Member # 13166
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, September 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

even if DNA proves the child isn't his.

That's not true in every state.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

RECOVERED


Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Texas
over&out
♀ Member
Member # 15779
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, September 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maggie - tell your hubby to leave his name off the birth certificate until paternity is back. His name can always be added. My son has my last name, not his fathers, which was my choice as his father made it clear he would never have contact. However, I was told during our court proceedings that if his dad wanted him to have his last name, I wouldn't really have a choice in the matter although I could have fought it. Not sure if all states are the same, but that is what happened in my case.

Dust - Can you and your SO work something out between all of you? I'm not sure of all the specifics in you case. My son's dad and I worked out custody, visitation, child support and medical expenses between ourselves. We then had to pay a small fee to have the paperwork drawn up by a lawyer and have it filed in cour.


Me: 33(FOW)My son: 1yr(OC)
Some actions,despite how wed wish to dismiss them,carry lasting consequences that cant be fixed by longing or the realization of the mistakes made. There is forgiveness, enough for all of us, but there is no forgetting

Posts: 187 | Registered: Aug 2007
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, September 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust- Lawyers are only assigned for criminal cases from what I was told. But check your state and see if there is a father's rights group or advice club that may help you with this.As far as the RO, I don't know about FL, but in MD I was able to go to Court website and print a brochure about obtaining an RO. It told me what evidence was needed and what to expect. I would check and see if they have something like that for FL.

Maggie-Ann- He just needs to make sure that he does not sign anything or admit paternity until it is established. That includes taking any pictures of him holding the baby. In MD one of the things they ask OW for evidence is if they any pictures with father and child and if they have anything in writing admitting paternity. As far as the last name, the mother can name the baby anything she wants. In MD you can change the baby's name up until they are 6 months old.

Check your state laws.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 10:04 PM, September 24th (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, September 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would love to shake OW until her fake hair falls out! I am so sick of this b****!

I went to pick up the OC for a visit this weekend. I told her I would get there about 7:30 pm. After getting the kids I found out that they were waiting on the porch for me since 3:30pm! She does not allow me in her nasty house.

I asked the OC if they had lights and they told me that they had candles. She has not had electricity since July if this is true. And the twins say that they are still not in school. AFter I brought them school supplies and had to convince these kids to go back home to their mother because they had to go to school. Since they are 4 it is not mandatory for them to be in school, but she has been telling them for months that they were going.

To top it off, she sends no underwear or socks for these OC for their visit. I keep extra at my house thank goodness. All she sent was winter clothes and it was 80 degrees this weekend. I had to go buy another set of outfits because they have lost weight again in a 2 week period. They were dirty and I had to give them a bath as soon as I got home. Their hair was so tangled, I gave them both a perm. I could not take them crying for 3 hours while my daughter tried to brush their hair.

No government agencies will do anything about her. We can't take the steps for custody right now. I wish I could just shake the hell out of her!

When I took them back last night, they did not want to get out of the car. She says Ms. B.. is coming to get you in 3 days its ok. A normal mother would be a little upset that her kids want to be with another woman instead of her. I had to stop my 16 yr. from telling her off. She really wanted to give it to the crack hoe b**** as she calls her.

I told my daughter she will get what is coming to her...someday.

I look at my brother and SIL struggling to have another baby after losing my 8 yr. nephew in a drowning last year, the only child they have been able to have. My sister, struggling for 10 yrs. to keep her 3 boys from having to go back to an abusive father that the courts keeping giving custody back to. And you got this B**** that could care less about these 3 innocent OC.

I just hate her!

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:48 PM, September 24th (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Dealan-de
♀ Member
Member # 13166
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, September 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A normal mother would be a little upset that her kids want to be with another woman instead of her.

My littles don't want to go to their bio-mom's house either.

Every time you get the children and there is something wrong - DOCUMENT! And every time you see that there is neglect going on - CALL CPS.

Whether CPS does anything or not is not the issue.

Call the police when you suspect neglect and file report an information report. Also ask that they do a welfare check on the children.

The more of a paper trail you can establish regarding the children's welfare or lack thereof, THE EASIER it will be to get custody of them (if you want it).


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

RECOVERED


Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Texas
LiveLuvLaph
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, September 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust-

A family member filed for cs against her child's father. The court first had to establish paternity (the child's dad was married at the time of the child's birth. She went to the court and filed. Because she was indigent at the time, the court waived the filing fee. The child's father was served with papers and had so many days to respond, I think it was about 3 weeks. He responded, but stalled on having the DNA done. I remember my family member telling me that the father had a limited amount of time which he could submit his dna sample for free. If he went past that court established deadline, he would have to pay $ for the test himself. Once everyones dna was submitted, it was about 3 or 4 weeks before the results came in. (This all occurred in the district 13 area of the Fl courts)

Once paternity was established, the court asked the parents if they had an agreement for support and visitation in place. The dad had agreed to seeing the child for a certain amount of time on the weekends and paying a specific amount of $ per month.

Within the past few months, the dad fell behind on support and was harassing the mom about more visitation, so the mom went back to court for ordered visitation and support. They both had to fill out an expense form. It's a standard form that the court uses to determine the amount of child support to be paid by both parents. Then both the mom and dad had to go to a court ordered parenting class that tells the court's guidelines for visitation for the child's age group. In a hearing before the judge recently, all the judge did was verify whether the forms were completed and the class attended. From there, the judge order mediation to establish future support/visitation. No court date has been set for that yet. If mediation fails, both parents will be back in front of the judge to figure the issue out.

Onto birth certificates in Fl, when I had my baby last year, my husband filled out the paper work. There is a section toward the bottom for the "dad' to sign if he isn't married to the mom. (My dh got red-faced when he realized that he didn't need to sign that area. )

Whatever your husband decides to do at OC's birth, do not let him sign the BC. I know 2 guys who have made that mistake and each ended up paying child support for a child that wasn't biologically his. It seems that if the court can't find a "daddy" to pin cs on, it will go after the man who happens to sign his name, even if it isn't his. Btw, the men I mention actually believed they were the bio dads when they signed. So, please, don't let him sign anything.

As far as restraining orders, if your husband isn't the dad and OW comes around you and your family, a RO can be requested.

If he is the father, then he will need to put the times/places of visitation in the court paper work. He'll have to provide his current ph# and address to OW, as well as she providing hers to him. However, she won't be able to come to your house whenever or call you whenever. The contact will have to pertain strictly to the OC's well-being. If she harasses you, then a RO can be requested.

i've posted another link. It's got the various forms that FL uses regarding family law. Like many of the wise ladies here have said, contact your local clerk of the court's office and explain the situation. They'll tell you the forms that need to be filed.

http://www.flcourts.org/gen_public/family/forms_rules/index.shtml

Go ahead and read through the site. The paternity forms are down at the bottom of the page that is from the "go directly to family forms " link.

I sure hope that this works out for you. You have so much to deal with. From one mom to another, please get your rest, eat healthy, take time for yourself, and enjoy your little one. This crap will pass, but your little one won't be a baby forever

(((big hugs)))

L3

ps: if the 1st link doesn't work, here is the home page link

http://www.flcourts.org/


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing is that OW lives in a different county. I think I was reading one of the forms and it said something about having the OW or the person who you are issuing the papers to, that they have to come to the county where the papers were issued. So if my H files the paternity papers here, then I am not sure if that means she has to come to our county for the hearing. Or maybe they could do it down at the main courthouse in downtown Orlando. Oh and H is not signing anything that the ow hands him. She has already tried that once and he did not fall for it. So that means he won't sign the bc. Then again, I am afraid that she could plagarize his signature. But that is highly unlikely.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
LiveLuvLaph
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust--
you understood the paper work correctly.

If your husband files the petition to determine paternity in your county, then she would have to come up to your county.


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now I am wondering if she will agree to the paternity test hearing. Especially since if H files then it will have to be held in our county.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
cghurt
♀ New Member
Member # 12503
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Dust...

I am also from Florida and going through a somewhat similiar situation. My husband had an affair with a married woman, she had a child who is now one year old. We did a private DNA test when the child was one month old. The mother and her husband allowed visitation, everyother weekend for the first eight months and then stopped them all of the sudden. We filed a paternity suit with the court but this was denied because the mother is married and her husband is presumed to be the legal father.

If your H wants his rights as the childs father, I would recommend he file a paternity suit asap. If the OW is not married the judge will more than likely order a DNA test and then once this comes back then the issue of visitation and CS will be discussed.

If you file the paternity suit in your county the mother will have to appear or may be held in contempt. She can however obtain a lawyer to try to get the venue changed to her county. If you don't mind me asking, where do you live? I am in Polk County.
Just a word of advice the judges in family court are very mother oriented...They take their word over everything else, which is so unfair.

If your H wants to talk to my H I can give you his information. He has been figting with the court system now since May. My H is also involved in a fathers rights group, fathers supporting fathers. They have a good support system and a lot of information to help in situations like this.

There is a group of attorneys, www.afordablelaw.com that might be able to help.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: florida
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had a quick question about lab results. Do they send a summary of the results directly to the house? Or will the send it to the judge in charge of the case first? The OW gets a copy as well, right? Also, I know this sounds stupid, but how do they state the establishment of paternity? Will it say something like so and so is 99.9% the biological father of this child or vice versa?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
cghurt
♀ New Member
Member # 12503
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust,

The DNA test we did was a private DNA test, not court ordered. They all read the same however.

They normally test the mother, alleged father and child. The child will have two numbers on the dna test, one will match the mother of course and the other one should match the father if he is infact the bio father. Go to my H's website, www.helpmeseemydaddy.com and he has his DNA test on there so you can get an idea of what it looks like.

I think if it is court ordered, the judge will get a copy, but not sure. Both parties to the lawsuit should receive a copy.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: florida
LiveLuvLaph
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust-

the OW will be required to submit the baby's as well as her dna if your husband files the paternity petition

as cghurt said, the OW could get the venue changed to her county

However, OW has stated he's the father so he has every right to take her to court to verify whether he actually is.

I've seen situations where the mothers didn't file for cs right away. Some waited for a few years. Once she did file and paternity was established, the court ordered back support. The fathers were then responsible for having to come up with substantial amounts of money---in the thousands--to pay the back support. The fathers wages were garnished and the IRS also took the married couples joint income tax returns to pay the back support.

I know moms who had to put their children in daycare and go get work to help pay support for the OC. If they hadn't, their partner would've ended up in jail for not paying. I have to sadly admit, some dads have signed their rights away to OC after they had a relationship with the child because they had family issues and difficulty meeting cs.

That's why I think the earlier you both know the paternity, the easier it will be on you, emotionally and financially, in the long run.


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
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