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User Topic: Other Child
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CS laws are designed to ensure that children are cared for regardless of if a marriage ever existed.

Respectfully, MYOC&ME, I disagree. Every state is different; I speak from experience w/3 states and some knowledge from 2 other states. The language of the CS laws in these states directly assumes that the OC are the product of a M or at the very least a R. These laws assume that finances were merged, that the two parents had, at least for a time, lived under one roof. Most states - but not all - use what is called the "shared income system" which is based on the assumption that the 2 individuals who created the child lived under one roof and "shared income".

And yes, these laws do assume that the BW pays for (w/cold hard cash) 50% of the COM. This is said from the experience I am living now and the experiences that I have heard from others in my situation.

The courts specifically dismiss the SAHM in this situation; they do not recognize that being at home = bringing in no money. Nor do they recognize that the SAHM has been supported for years by the H. Instead, unless you file for D and get your paperwork in the system before the OW, as a SAHM you are not accounted for financially. At all.

As far as addressing the H's financial responsibility to the COM, the courts do throw them under the bus. When the OW has another child and the state is using the "shared income model", the OW's previous financial responsibility to the child is calculated and deducted from her "income" before CS for the OC is calculated, just as it is calculated when figuring out H's responsibility to the COM.

The problem I am pointing out is the "formula" that is used to calculate said deduction. There is no inclusion of the BW who is a SAHM. According to the CS laws right now the amount of CS the H "contributes" to the COM is calculated and cut in half - b/c the BW pays for half of the COM - according to the CS laws in these states. And that means the COM receive LESS than the OC. And the BW, if she is a SAHM or makes less than H, receives nothing.

As far as OC with special needs -- that is also calculated into the amount H pays. A % of all daycare and medical costs, on top of paying for health insurance, and let's not forget life insurance, is required of H. That percentage is calculated based on the "shared income model" -- which means that sometimes it is more than 50%. This means that if the OC has the same need for the same medications - H is responsible for 50% or more for the OC, but NOT for the COM. The ONLY money the court allows for the COM is the court's "calculated" figure that is then cut in half b/c of course the BW pays for half.

I hope I am making my point clearer. Example: if COM goes to hospital and there is a $2000 deductible -- BW is, in the eyes of the court, responsible for the entire amount. If OC goes to hospital and there is the same deductible -- H is responsible for X% -- whatever the court "calculated" was his "fair" share.

The very injustice you speak of, giving one child less and the other child more, is exactly what is happening here. But not to the OC -- to the COM and yes, the BW, if she is a SAHM or works but makes less than H.

This is a double standard. I am stating that if you are going to use this "formula" to calculate H's responsibility to the OC; you must use the same "formula" to calculate his responsibility to the COM and to his BW, particularly if she is a SAHM or makes less income than her H.

I appreciate your attempts to soothe feelings, MYOC&ME. Hopefully you understand the points I am making. You are right - this is a super painful situation. The injustice and berating that is served up to the BW is unbelievable.

My viewpoint is yes, the OC are innocent. Yes, my H should be financially responsible to them. But, one must also say, the COM are innocent. The BW is innocent. And H is financially responsible to them as well. You cannot talk about personal responsibility for him and not expect the same accountability for the OW. You cannot calculate the financials using one method for the OC and a different one for the COM. And like it or not, there has to be financial accountability to the BW. Regardless of divorce or reconciliation.

Blessings to all.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
MYOC&ME
♀ Member
Member # 10539
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, September 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every state is different; I speak from experience w/3 states and some knowledge from 2 other states. The language of the CS laws in these states directly assumes that the OC are the product of a M or at the very least a R.
Trust me when I say I too speak from experience from many states. I dont know what state you are speaking of specifically but the court dont care about your material responsibility ie..house car, private schools ect.. It assumes that those are luxuries where as food, cloth and shelter for a child is a minimal for sustainment of life. I dont think they care about how merged financially he was/was not with OW. They want the child created by the 2 individual cared for and the fact that they(MM&OW) created this child is in itself proof of a R even if only a sexual one.
The courts specifically dismiss the SAHM in this situation; they do not recognize that being at home = bringing in no money. Nor do they recognize that the SAHM has been supported for years by the H. Instead, unless you file for D and get your paperwork in the system before the OW, as a SAHM you are not accounted for financially.
SVS, I do believe that COM and the BS are innocent as is OC in these situations. It is a horrific situation. I think the problem that we see here is that OC cant be separate from the A. It truly is two different situations.
I envy woman that stay home and provide a consistent structure for their family. It is a selfless, honorable job.
However, in the scheme of survivability an adult SAHM can provide the minimal to care for him/herself if necessary. A child cannot. So if we must compare apples to oranges a child does not have choice, resources other than adults(ideally parents), or the ability to develop resources if necessary. I guess I and the court see them (OC) not so much as innocent but dependent, 100%, not by choice but by birth. OW and MM unfortunately made this choice and they are and should be held responsible.
BTW. the age of majority is 18 and in some states 23 if child is still in college. The exception is a mentally challenged child. That in itself prevents the court from considering you as H's dependent for the sake of reducing child support.

SVS, If you could change the CS guidelines how would it look?


Decided today that how I got here is less important that what I do here.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Eastcoast
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, September 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MYOC&ME -- I think you miss the point I am making. It has not been stated that the CS laws do or do not take into account a person's other financial responsibilities in life ... ie. a car, a house, clothing, etc..

Most states - but not all - use what is called the "shared income system" which is based on the assumption that the 2 individuals who created the child lived under one roof and "shared income".

Therefore, they are using that system to "create" the lifestyle the child became accustomed to -- assuming that the child was born into an intact family, with the two bio parents together.

It is a biiiiig stretch, imo, to call sleeping w/a MM and then choosing to have an OC a relationship. 12 years, dirty laundry, clipping coupons, going to family functions, work functions, moving when necessary, creating a home, cooking the food, possibly even having a job herself to help support the family, picking up dry cleaning, helping w/dear stepchild .... the list is endless, and I think states far more clearly what a R is.

Stating that the SAHM can provide even minimal financial support for themselves and 50% of the COM is ignorant. I have a degree and a decent resume. But I haven't been in the working world in ten years. I have yet to find a job. Remember, the court does not allow that my H should be providing a %, at least, for the daycare required for me to work. I can't go to your local fast food chain and make enough money to pay for daycare, let alone my "50%" of the COM's minimal needs -- you know, food, clothing, shelter. I do not qualify for any help from the state b/c I am Married and "we" make too much money.

The very injustice you speak of, giving one child less and the other child more, is exactly what is happening here. But not to the OC -- to the COM and yes, the BW, if she is a SAHM or works but makes less than H.

This is a double standard. I am stating that if you are going to use this "formula" to calculate H's responsibility to the OC; you must use the same "formula" to calculate his responsibility to the COM and to his BW, particularly if she is a SAHM or makes less income than her H.

I do not ask to be considered as dependent as a child is. I ask for the same formula to be followed for myself and our COM that is followed w/the OC.

Follow the shared income model for myself and my H and you would discover that he is in fact responsible for 100% of their financial needs. Use that to deduct a fair amount of money from his income for our COM. Do this before you start doing the shared income model for H and the OW -- someone he has never supported, never lived with, never had a R with. Then you will come up with a CS amount for the OC that is equitable to all involved, and is created out of a truth, not an assumption.

Not doing this creates an injustice to the COM -- innocent children themselves -- and a discrimination against women, who in this case are the BWs.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
MYOC&ME
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Member # 10539
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, September 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Therefore, they are using that system to "create" the lifestyle the child became accustomed to -- assuming that the child was born into an intact family, with the two bio parents together.
I am trying to understand you SVS, really I am. I think I have an odd advantage of "feeling as thought I was the betrayed party and the OW with an OC all rolled up in one F'ed up situation.

The court defines the child born in this situation accustomed living standard as that of his/her parents, because OC has not yet developed a standard. That is why CS is based on the share income of MM & OW, and really has nothing to do with cohabitation which is another type of financial support all together(spousal support) to which OW is not entitle to because she was not married to MM.

It is a biiiiig stretch, imo, to call sleeping w/a MM and then choosing to have an OC a relationship. 12 years, dirty laundry, clipping coupons, going to family functions, work functions, moving when necessary, creating a home, cooking the food, possibly even having a job herself to help support the family, picking up dry cleaning, helping w/dear stepchild .... the list is endless, and I think states far more clearly what a R is.
Again some misunderstanding. I am in no way saying that what OW have with MM is equivocal to the marriage he has with his wife. In the legal aspect of CS the only concern that the courts have is was there enough of a relationship to produce a child, and if there is an OC then the answer is yes.
Stating that the SAHM can provide even minimal financial support for themselves and 50% of the COM is ignorant.
First, I am far from ignorant and second that is not what I said. I stated that compare to OC in most cases an infant/toddler you have the ability to go out and earn/acquire financial or other means of support even if that only allow you to eat sleep and be safe from the elements. OC and many times COM can only rely on the adults in their immediate control.
Follow the shared income model for myself and my H and you would discover that he is in fact responsible for 100% of their financial needs. Use that to deduct a fair amount of money from his income for our COM. Do this before you start doing the shared income model for H and the OW -- someone he has never supported, never lived with, never had a R with. Then you will come up with a CS amount for the OC that is equitable to all involved, and is created out of a truth, not an assumption.
This is exactually what will NOT happen. I'm sorry but I dont remember the exact #of children involved here but I believe OW only have the OC and you and H have 3(?). I think BMC's OW has a total of about 6kids with three being by MM and there is only 3 COM of which I believe one is beyond CS age. I CS was amended to factor MM's other children into the equation it would have to also consider OW other children. So see this would benefit you and you family but further devastate a family like BCM's and if there was no COM the MM would pay even more for the one OC just because OW has other kids even thought they are not his responsibility.

SVS I am curious how OW in your case justified child care expense if she does not work outside the home. Also every state if you are in the US, has a childcare average for any give location. If the is a need for child care you(H) can get estimates from licensed providers(3or more recommended) in the county in which OW lives. This can be utilized as guide line for contribution to child care. Most Judges will find this acceptable. Nannies are a luxury and your H is not responsible for her luxeries


Decided today that how I got here is less important that what I do here.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Eastcoast
BMC0415
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Member # 14038
Shocked  Posted: 3:48 PM, September 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MYOC, for the point that you just made, that is one of the main reasons I do what I do.

When I first found out about these OC I wanted my H to go all legal and everything, but looking at the full picture, it would have devastated my family more than it already was.

The OW does have 6 kids total, but she gave the 1st away at birth and the other 2 live with their paternal grandmother. She does not contact have with them and does not pay the child support that she is ordered to pay for the 2.

I determined that if I spend 20-30% a month of my H income on these OC that would be feasible. So that is what I do and I keep the receipts. Right now this is works for me, so I take a deep breath and I call the OW when I want to pick up the kids, and I look in her face and I'm civil until I get home and want to throw up.

But seriously, this whole situation is so hard for every one. One act changes your life forever and you didn't even have control over it. It is a hard pill to swallow. But it is my pill.

As far as OC, I have come to care of them very much, but I will never be their mother. That hurts me alot and even though my H wishes I were their mother, I am not. What I do know is that when they think of me they will know that most of their first experiences were with me.

I took them bowling, to the pool, to the playground and we are going to the beach. They look forward to the weekly volleyball games up at my grandmothers every Sunday when they are with us. These are memories that they will never forget.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 3:51 PM, September 5th (Wednesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, September 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The shared income model is based on the two individuals' incomes. These incomes are "calculated" by taking each individual's paystub, removing taxes, sometimes the cost of health insurance, sometimes the cost of life insurance, the cost of any CS order already in place and then a nominal figure for the COM - a figure that is NOT calculated in the same manner that it is calculated for the OC- hence my problem.

On paper this means that the OC, according to the court, will receive more money than the COM. I know this b/c I live it and have the Guideline Calculation Sheet to prove it. If the OW in this case had other children, it would be figured in the same way - that she is responsible for 50% of their financial wellbeing and she would be able to deduct a nominal amount for them as well. And from the way she has behaved I've no doubt she would be screaming about the unfairness of that nominal amount as much as I am.

I cannot comment about BMC, b/c I do not know about the state she lives in and the laws there.

I stand by what I said earlier -- the only way to not throw the COM under the bus financially is to use the same formula that is used to calculate $$ for OC to calculate how much $$ goes to COM's support. Take out the $$ for the COM first, then calculate the OC $$. To do otherwise is hypocritical.

The OW in this case is a criminal. Literally, she is police report central - all of it white collar, not any of it successfully prosecuted. And I know that not all OWs are criminals. She is getting away w/having no job right now b/c of how she timed/played it. Directly after she started getting H's money, she quit. Then, you see, the onus is on us to bring this matter to court. She lives in another state. She has money to pay for a lawyer. We do not. There is a date looming in front of us and hopefully we will be able to resolve this matter.

Yes, we do have the state's guidelines on costs for quality and licensed daycare in the OW's state and county. And yes, this has all been brought to a judge's attention. Unfortunately the OW lied about one of the OC's medical condition, complete w/a forged letter from a doctor, and convinced the judge she had to have a nanny. She is, imo, the bottom of the barrel when it comes to OWs -- not that I think much of any of them - unless they are FOW and remorseful for the damage they caused.

Now, H has finally been able to get the medical records and should be heard on this matter in court. But the financial damage has been done. And I bet she won't even get a slap on the wrist. And what if he isn't heard? This will continue -- until somehow, in some way, she is held accountable for her actions.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
crazedNconfused
Member
Member # 11075
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 7th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Need to vent...R has been good, we've been happy. We typically pick up OC every other weekend and we have a great time with him. He was sick this week so OW couldn't take him to daycare so he come over to our house since my MIL and H are both self-employed. Fine...no big deal...he is sick and better she works than be on welfare. She took Mon off to take OC to MD office, went to work on Wed, then took Thurs off to run errands and pick up paperwork so OC can go to new daycare. Of course I got irritated and H didn't seem to like the point I was trying to make which was this. So she took the day off and still dropped OC off so that she could run errands...WHY? If she already took the day off why didn't she just keep OC with her? My problem is not with OC...my problem is that I am not here to convenience her life. I am not here to be her convenient baby-sitter. Of course H is going to say that well it was for OC its about the OC not about her. Well whatever...I don't see it that way. If she already took the day off she should have just kept OC with her while she was running errands. Cuz guess what?! When my baby gets here (in 3 weeks) and when he's sick...do I have the luxury of dropping him off somewhere so that I don't have to take time off work?? Probably not...will I have people to come by pick up my baby for 3-4 days at a time so I get time off? Probably NOT. She ultimately made the choice to have her OC...and I'll be damned if I'm gonna be here to make her life easier. We do more than she ever deserves.

Then he says I'm making a big deal out of nothing b/c he says its not like she's taking advantage of us...she need to run errands which were errands for OC. Then he proceeds to say that I still have a long way to go and that I dont have to be part of OC's life if I don't want to. Of course that pissed me off to no hell!! I have come a freakin long way...I have had to humble myself everytime I have to explain OC's existence and my decision to still be here...and now he's gonna throw OC in my face and make me feel like I come 2nd to OC...no way!

H can be a real bastard...if OW pushes him or expects something that he doesn't think is rite...he has no problems telling her that he doesn't have to see OC if she's gonna be difficult. Now if it comes to me and my hurt feelings or me wanting things a certain way...well I don't have to be part of OC's life and he could do it on his own? Is it just me or does it sound like a damn one-way street.

ARGHH...I am so mad! Makes me wonder why I chose to stay..makes me ask myself what I did to freakin deserve this. I had a pretty sad moment...I just got back from the store and in the check out stand I see pictures of these tall beautiful proportional models...and I asked myself..."hmm...if i looked like that...would he have cheated on me?" why did this have to happen to me? I don't know. :( bad day today..and right now...I hate him.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Texas
clv40
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Member # 14409
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, September 7th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel Crazed. It all goes back to how hard it really is to deal with this situation. It's just not fair and we feel like we never really win any decision we make with reference to our families, ourseles, our marriages and OC. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. (((hugs)))

Posts: 1370 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Florida
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, September 7th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you who found out about a supposed OC while the ow was still pregnant. How did you handle yourself during the month that she was due? The OW in my case is due next month and I am going insane. I've resorted to checking her myspace page again. This is after having weaned myself from it for the last four months. I'm also just constantly bitter and really feel like crying. So, why all this emotion now when I have dealt with it pretty well in the past couple of months? Talking to my H about it does help, but it doesn't fix the situation. That is what I really want. I just want closure. I want the truth from the OW and I know I won't get it. My H has been completely transparent with me from day one. So when he says something I know he is telling the truth. I just wish the doubt would go away. I wish that the DNA test will come back negative! With my luck it will probably end up positive. Ugh, I hate this. I hate waiting. But then again I am also scared to know. I just know that I will fall into another depression again if H turns out to be the father. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane is my one month old. If it weren't for him, I don't think I would have made it through the last nine months. Sorry, I didn't mean for this to turn into a semi venting post!


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, September 7th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((dust)))))))))

The waiting is sooo hard. I'm crossing my fingers that the DNA will come back negative. Meantime, kiss your baby.

Blessings.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
maggieann
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Member # 11297
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, September 7th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone done the prenatal paternity test?

Posts: 143 | Registered: Jul 2006
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, September 7th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maggie- i wanted to do that. but the ow wouldn't agree to it.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
redvixen
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Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, September 9th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MaggieAnn - We wanted to do that, also, but the OW "is afraid of needles". Then she changed and said her boyfriend was willing to pay for it. Then she said he wouldn't. In August my H went with her to an ultrasound, which showed that she was farther along than she could be if it was my H's child. But she loves to tell everyone else that the ultrasound was wrong, and that it's my H's baby. My H told her that the only way he's going to do a DNA is by court order. We've got 4 months to go, I'm sure she'll still want the test then. This really sucks. I wish she'd just go away, already!!!


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anybody know how the courts know where to send court orders? I know that the ow will probably send a court order, but she doesn't know our address. So how will the courts know where to send everything to?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, September 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just like I looked the OW up on the internet and found her info, she could do the same to get your information. She could also use the state service to help her locate the father. Atleast that's what they do in MD.

If she knows the first and last name of your H, she could look up his info. If she knows the company he works for she could have him served there.

Unfortunately, when they are involved in the A they give up some personal info that can be used against them later.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:37 PM, September 11th (Tuesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, September 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC- I just realized that she could easily have looked up our address over the internet. I looked hers up using pipl.com and I also ran my H name through the system and sure enough our address came up. Darn, I was really hoping that she would have no way of contacting H with court orders! Luckily, the phone number given was our house phone which has been disconnected since November of last year and it did not have any new cell phone numbers on there. As far as I know, she does not know H's cell phone number.

[This message edited by dust to dust at 10:30 PM, September 12th (Wednesday)]


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, September 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if this is true in all states, but many times a court will make a judgement whether or not the person was actually served. Default judgement it is called. The OW put the wrong address on the papers for H and the court decided he had been served - even though he had not received them - the person at that address did.

Just an FYI.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
charlotte
♀ Member
Member # 3663
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, September 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything the court has sent to my H for the OC's has been hand delivered by the Sheriff's Dept. or has come by registered mail.

He is the only one who could sign for it if it came by registered mail.

The sheriff's dept. would only leave it with him no one else.


Posts: 3983 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: Maryland ES
maggieann
♀ Member
Member # 11297
Flame  Posted: 11:55 AM, September 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW said she would have the prenatal paternity test. i had my doubts about this ever coming to pass. most of what she says is straight bullshit that she has no intention of following through on. i knew if there was any doubt in her mind about the paternity, she would drag her feet on it. now that WSO has told her yes, go ahead and have it, she suddenly can't afford it.

that's funny because just a month ago she could afford to spend $2000 to buy plane tickets, a hotel room and football tickets to WSO's favorite team in their home town for their opening game when she was trying to win him back, even after he told her not to buy them (he didn't go). but she can't afford this. right. i fucking hate her.


Posts: 143 | Registered: Jul 2006
marysway
Member
Member # 5388
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, September 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The amino prenatal testing is very expensive and IMHO if not medically needed, I would not do it. If have to have an amio to begin with and both parties have the money or one is agreeing to pay why not. But beware I found out that not all states recognize that test since the child in the courts eyes is still a fetus and not born yet so it's not recognized. For piece of mind or knowing to get it over with and is medically needed I say go for it.

My xmm knew I had to have an amio and told me to have it done and I said sure I have to have the amio anyway mights as well get this over with and he did a no show to 2 appointments. The second appointment I told my doctor to go ahead and the do the testing he needed and be done with it and cancel the other testing send the lab techs home.
Nothing personal because I was going to do it, but if I would not have had to already need the amio I would not of done it and not because of not being 100% sure who the father was, but it's a risk to the baby.

I would stop all communications with her. Your husband is not obligated to talk to her and until a dna test is proven he is the father there is no reason to talk to her.

I know this time is hard and it's frustrating and she is not co-operating. Then do any give this person the time of day. Any communication with your husband is still feeding some type of need she has for him. Trust me NC is the best thing.
Unless your husband is willing to pay for this test or pay for some of it and her pay for some of it at this point you can force her, but once that baby is here she either shits or gets off the pot.
If she sues your husband the burden will be on him to prove paternity in other words the courts will make him pay for that test. It's much cheaper to go through the courts or with the swab the typical DNA test. So I guess what my long winded point is stop all communication with her. No need no obligation at this point. At some point she will have to put up or shut up. And if she harrasses you guys get a restraining order on her. Use this time to rebuild your marriage and heal.


Marysway

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

- M


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