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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sexual Abuse Survivors/Spouses of SAB's
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 13th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so, tomorrow is ic again.

this time, i am actually almost looking forward to it.

on the downside, my c will be out of town next week, so i will have to wait two weeks for another apt.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
mel88
♀ Member
Member # 18862
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, July 14th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing what you learned with your IC, its. That's a really interesting way to look at things. I'm also seeing my IC today - I generally feel lots of relief after I go; the process of unburdening and learning to trust seems to suit me.

Hope today goes well for you.


"tous dans le jeu, yo. tous dans le jeu."
-Omar

Posts: 583 | Registered: Mar 2008
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks, mel.

i've been kind of avoiding thinking about this for the past few days, so i just winged it today, but it turned out good.

we talked about my niece for just a few minutes. we talked about managing the depression, and my increase in ad's. i did remember some more stuff, so we talked about that. we talked about whether i want or need to remember everything. we talked about "why". we talked about "putting it away" for a while, but making sure i come back to it later. that i need to spend time working through it, but i can do that when i decide to--if i start to think about it, i can tell myself, this is not a good time, but i will think about it...and basically schedule a time for it. i did this last year after learning about my h's a. it worked for me with that, so i think it will work for this. we talked some more about the parent-adult-child approach. as usual, i was pretty exhausted by the time it was over, but it was good.

now, it is almost 2 a.m. and i really should be in bed, but i can't make myself go.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, July 16th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so, my h knows a that i was sab as a child.

what he does not know yet is that there was more than one perpetrator. i didn't even remember the other one until recently, and more memories are coming back.

i am going to tell him this, but i can't seem to find my voice to do so.

he needs to know, so he will understand what i am dealing with, and why i am the way i am right now. he initiated sex last night, and i couldn't and started crying. i know he thinks it is A related, because this happened alot after dday, but it isn't that this time.

anyway, no real question. just getting it out.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 16th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so, i talked to him. he left for a trip today, so it was on the phone. not the best way, but it was easier than doing it in person.

he was, as i knew he would be, so understanding. he is there for me, ready to do whatever i need him to do. talk if i want, not talk if i don't want, just hold me, whatever.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, July 16th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i don't know how to do this.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, July 17th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its,

I don't know either, but it seems like you're making progress, keep at it.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, July 18th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Lonerider.

I am making progress, but I can see it is going to be a long hard road. I'm not sure I want to go down it, but I have already started, so I guess I'm going to.

I think the worst part is the new memories. I don't understand how I could not remember such awful things, but at the same time I understand it was my brain's way of protecting me.

My ic is on vacation next week, so I have to go two weeks instead of one. That really sucks. Now that I have started this thing, I want to move through it as quickly as I can.

I hope the rest of you are well.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This sucks.

Yeah.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
stunned-dad
Member
Member # 3488
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i don't know how to do this

It is a process not a sudden event.

It takes time and work but it can be accomplished.


BS-Me 47 WS-Wife 40 Kids-D13 S10
DD 11/20/02 Affair lasted 2 1/2 years. OM sexual predator 12+ prior affairs. Wife had suppressed sexual abuse/rape issues she hid.

Life gives us us sorrow so we can have something to measure happiness with.


Posts: 6152 | Registered: Feb 2004
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, stunned.

It is a process. And I don't know how to do that process.

However, I do have a great IC to help me with that.

I just have those moments, you know, where it just seems like too much and I just want it to be over.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like now.

I am just tired of working so hard to deal with so much.

I just wish I were done.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I will just go to bed now.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I haven't yet.

I sure wish this thread had more traffic.

Someone else told me about another site that deals with this, but I don't feel safe there, like I do here.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
stunned-dad
Member
Member # 3488
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two books I would recommend are Out Growing The Pain by Eliana Gil and The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz.

Out growing the pain is a simple read that talks about the emotions not the sexual abuse.

The Sexual Healing Journey helps not only the SAB but loved ones as well with the first part of each chapter and the final two or three pages each chapter for loved ones.


BS-Me 47 WS-Wife 40 Kids-D13 S10
DD 11/20/02 Affair lasted 2 1/2 years. OM sexual predator 12+ prior affairs. Wife had suppressed sexual abuse/rape issues she hid.

Life gives us us sorrow so we can have something to measure happiness with.


Posts: 6152 | Registered: Feb 2004
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I will look for both of those.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 28th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting ready for IC this afternoon.

Remembered another detail. Will be talking about that.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, July 28th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very, very tough session today. To the point C asked if I was okay to drive before I left.

But it was good, too, even though I feel pretty drained right now.

Now to process it...


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Infinity
♀ Member
Member # 5330
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, July 29th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm poking my head in here with a bit of trepidation. There are some things I need to start dealing with, but it's all very scary and overwhelming, and I have no real support system (this is not something anyone knows). Since it's tied to many of my infidelity issues at this point, I thought I might find some understanding here....


"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"

Posts: 267 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Canada
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, July 29th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome, Infinity.

You will definitely find support and understanding her. This thread can be kind of slow, though, so don't get discouraged.

(((((hugs)))))


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
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